Sweet Little Angel
by tpec1991
Summary: Post-New Moon - Three years after Edward left Bella he tries to go on with his life after leaving his heart behind. But what happens when he receives a strange visit with a special delivery that changes his life completely? Now Edward has to face a new challenge and realize his mistakes while struggling to find the love of his life before it's too late. Will he make it in time?
1. Chapter 1: My Never

**Hi guys! This is the first chapter of my new story, I'll be posting every ten days or so as One More Chance is my priority. I hope you join me in this journey too! I't going to be about 20 chapters so...**

**HERE WE GO!**

**SM owns everything.**

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**Sweet Little Angel**

Chapter 1: My Never

**"My Never" – Blue October**

Will you think of me, in time?  
It's never my luck, so never mind

I wanna say your name  
But the pain starts again  
It's never my luck, So never mind

I had a dream that you were with me  
It wasn't my fault  
You rolled me over, flipped me over  
A somersault  
And that doesn't happen to me  
I've never been here before  
I saw forever in my never  
And I stood outside her heaven

"_Edward, move."_

Carlisle's inner voice brings me to the present, and I realize I've been still for far too long. I stretch my arms a little in front of me, let out a bored sigh and move my untouched food around with my plastic fork. We are currently sitting in the lunchroom in the hospital Carlisle is working at in Anchorage, he works as a surgeon at the ER and I'm here as a volunteer.

"_Is everything alright, son?" _Carlisle asks, and even from his thoughts I can hear the concern and worry in them.

I ignore his question, he already knows the answer.

We've been in Alaska for three years… well, my family has been here for three years… I've just recently returned from South America a month ago. That's the reason why instead of passing as a high school boy as the rest of my siblings I'm working at the same hospital as Carlisle as a volunteer and pretending to be in my first year of med school. It was easier to explain I was Carlisle's younger brother than to explain why they suddenly decided to adopt another teenage boy, -I'm claiming to be twenty-two, which I do look like thanks to Alice's magic wardrobe and the fact that I never really looked seventeen- besides, I didn't want to go through high school again… meaningless people, meaningless subjects… I already knew everything and I needed something to occupy my mind with. Not that med school represents a challenge with my huge vampire brain and extensive memory but at least it would hold my attention a little bit.

It would keep my mind off of her for a few hours.

Three years…

Three years since I left her in those woods, three years without knowing anything about her, three years without seeing her beautiful brown eyes.

Sometimes it's almost impossible to restrain myself from peeking, it could be so easy. Just a quick search on the internet, a quick look at some database or I could just ask Alice. But I have to stay strong I did this for her… I promised her it would be as if I've never existed. I promised I would never interfere with her life again, that I would let her have her human happy life, as it should be no matter what it did to me she deserved to have a life.

A life without a monster.

"_He worries me… he's not getting better."_

I sigh at Carlisle's worry and he throws me an apologetic look, I shake my head and stand from the table we are sitting at.

"I'm going to get some air." I say under my breath so only Carlisle will hear me.

"_I'm sorry Edward… sometimes I can't help my thoughts."_

I step out of the hospital and cross the street walking into the woods, as soon as I'm out of sight I break into a run. That's the only thing that seemed to help nowadays, run.

Run away from everything, run away from the pain, the sorrow the regret. From everything that reminded me of her, from my family and their pity, I hate the pity, I did this to myself.

I ran faster.

But I did it for her, if there was a chance that we would work out with us staying together I would have stayed, god help me I would have never left. I wouldn't have lied to her, I wouldn't have hurt her but there wasn't. I could see what my sole existence was doing to her and she deserved better, she wasn't safe with me. Her birthday was proof enough that we couldn't be together, if it wasn't Jasper… then it would be me who would have killed her in the end. It was just a matter of time before I slip.

My mind was already made up before I brought her home after the party Alice had thrown her against her will… and I know she knew something was up, she had been nervous the whole drive, biting her lip until it almost bled. She kept glancing at me while I ignored her but then, she had to ask me for that birthday wish… and I couldn't resist. I couldn't deny her anything, especially when she begged me like that and with all the emotions that were swirling in my chest at the time, the fear and heartbreak of knowing that soon I would be gone… I broke. So I gave it to her… I gave her what she had wished for… in the end, it made everything worse.

I was an idiot… so reckless.

I hated myself so much.

I'm a monster, and not only the kind of monster who killed people. The kind of monster that hurt the people he loved, the kind of monster that makes them suffer and risk their life. And that's when I was a hundred percent sure I had to leave, if what happened with Jasper wasn't an incentive enough then this made it.

I was a monster, a real monster.

So I made all of us leave, against their wishes I made them all leave. Everyone but Rosalie tried to change my mind, even Jasper said he would stay away that it was his fault what had happened and that I shouldn't punish myself… but they didn't know the rest, they didn't know what I did to her. So I didn't listen to them and in the end they only agreed because Alice had said I wouldn't be able to stay away for long, she had said it was stupid and that eventually I would cave in, although that conviction weaved over the years.

I never came back to her.

I asked her to stop looking into her future and thankfully she did. Even if I was dying to know anything about her, it would be best if I didn't know if I didn't see her with another man, if I didn't see her moving on. It would hurt too much.

But I knew she was stubborn, so if in case I made sure she couldn't find me either. I took care of it, I erased all our records. We started new so she couldn't find me, although I knew she wouldn't try to I still did it, not after what I said to her and how I left her in the woods... I saw it in her eyes, how my words worked, how she believed me so easily, how I destroyed her.

"_I don't want you anymore."_

I shut my eyes closed and my fist impacted with the first thing available. A huge pine flew across the forest and I heard it crash and break another tree in the distance. I pulled at my hair in frustration and let out a loud cry.

I was so cruel… like I said, a real monster.

My mouth tasted foul just remembering those words I had said to her, her whimpers had been like knifes scarring my already dead heart to tiny pieces, her cries twisted my insides and her pleas almost brought me to my knees. I don't know how I gathered the strength not to crumble and beg her forgives for only saying those words.

The words that would haunt me forever.

As if I could ever not want her, as if I could ever not love her.

She was my angel.

I reached the top of a hill minutes later, with the Chugach Mountains far in the horizon, I sat on a rock and closed my eyes so I could see hers. They sparkled, they were bright… and then that light that had been there a second ago vanished. Replacing it with the face she had had that day… when I broke us.

_I miss you._

_I'm so sorry._

It makes me angry too… how could she have believed me so easily? After all the times I told her I loved her? After everything we went through? How those simple words could break her faith in me? It shouldn't surprise me after what I did to her on her birthday, she had said she was fine… but I wasn't stupid, I could see the pain I had caused her.

I had been so reckless I couldn't believe I had let my emotions get the best of me. Not with her… I should have been careful, but I had been lost in the moment, lost in her, I didn't want to think on what I was about to do to us… so I let go. We let go, it had been the best night of my existence in my hundred and so years… but then, hell fell on me.

I'm a monster.

My cell rings startling me, I check the ID and see Alice's name on the screen.

I ignore it.

I wonder what she decided to do with her life, she probably went back to Arizona, she loved the sun and the warmth there. Or she probably went to live with her mother in Florida, that would make more sense. She probably went to college for a major in English she was so smart and loved to read. I could see her taking a literature class, studying all her favorite authors and poets.

Three years.

She must have met someone by now.

That thought made me see red and my fingers dug into the huge rock under me. It was irrational I know, I should be happy for her but I couldn't control the jealous monster within me. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else touching her, kissing her, making her blush… helping her up when she tripped.

God, I miss her.

I missed her so much it hurt it shook me to the core of my bones. I missed her so much my dead heart constricted in pain every time I thought of her.

I miss her, I need her.

I love her.

My Bella, my angel.

_I miss your eyes… I miss your face, I miss everything, every feeling you woke on me, I was alive. You brought me back to life, you made make me feel like a real man for once instead of the monster I always knew I was._

Just a peek, just a small peek through her window wherever she is just to know she's doing fine… I won't talk to her she won't even know I was there… just… please…

NO!

I can't! I promised her I wouldn't interfere with her life anymore. She doesn't belong in my world, she's an angel and I'm just a soulless monster.

My cell rings again and I ignore it as I keep staring at the darkening sky. I can tell is getting late, god only knows how long I've been here sitting all by myself. I probably should have called Carlisle to ask him to excuse me at the hospital but he probably figured out I wouldn't come back as soon as I ran into the woods. He knew me so well.

I hung my head with my palms on my forehead and stared at the ground I caught a glimpse of a small purple flower and I slowly started tearing it apart with my fingers.

Sometimes I wonder if it would have been best if I hadn't even known her at all, but then… I wouldn't have saved her from Tyler's van and she wouldn't be here, and a world without her is pointless, at least my world. That's the only reason I'm still alive, -if that's what I am- because she's somewhere out there. Breathing and making someone's day… like her dad… yeah, she made her dad smile a lot… and her friends, she had her friends… she's probably still friends with Angela Weber even Jessica Stanley. Then, I think of all the moments we shared, our first kiss… the first time I hold her hand, our first date… our first ever. I wouldn't change that for anything in the world, no matter if the pain I feel now is a thousand times worse than the pain I felt when I was changed, I wouldn't trade those few months I had with her for anything. It was better than not knowing her at all.

_Do you think of me?_

_Do you cherish those moments too?_

My cell rings again getting the best of me and I let out a growl before taking it out of my pocket and answering with a hiss.

"What!" I spat.

"Edward?! Are you Ok?" A frantic Alice asks taking me by surprise.

"Uhm… yes, I'm fine why wouldn't I be?" My anger falters at her tone.

"It's just… I saw…"

"What Alice? What did you see?"

"Edward?" That was Carlisle "Where are you?"

"Came for a run, I told you. What's going on?"

"I need you to come home, _now_."

"I'm on my way." I said, already going as fast as my feet would let me "What's the matter?"

"Edward? Please don't do anything stupid." Alice cried taking the phone from Carlisle.

"What?! What are you talking about?"

"You disappeared… please Edward, I know it hurts but… don't do this to us! Think of Bella!"

I winced at the mention of her name.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on a sec… what are you talking about?" I say as I jump over a slope.

"You… you weren't going to Volterra?"

"Why in the hell would I want to go to Volterra?" I ask incredulous. "Alice, I won't provoke the Volturi, we have talked about this… I'm not stupid… that time with James was whole other different scenario."

"Well… then I don't understand… you… you disappeared…" She said confusedly.

"You still can't see me?"

"I don't know… it's all blurry… come home, now. Emmett and Jasper will meet you half way."

"I'm on my way." I say before I end the call.

What the hell?

Three minutes later I hear my brother's thoughts before I even smell them.

"_Edward…" _Jaspers sighs in relief_ "you gave us quite a scare, Esme thought you had decided to go to Italy." _

I rolled my eyes.

"It never crossed my mind, I swear. I don't know what's going on."

"_Where were you?" _He asked as he flanked my right.

"Around." I say as Emmett jumps to run to my left.

"_The hill again?"_

I ignore his question, he already knows the answer.

A few minutes later, my brothers and I jump into the back garden of our huge house at the limits of Anchorage and they all meet us there.

"Edward!" Esme's cries "You scared us! What has gotten into that big brain of yours?" She chastised me at the same time she throws her arms around me.

"I swear I don't know what's going on… I was just around."

"So you are not going to Volterra?" Alice asks looking even more confused when she realizes I'm telling the truth.

"I swear… what did you see Alice?"

"Nothing… I mean, you are there but you are not at the same time… I can't see you that clearly…" She explains with her eyes out of focus.

"Let's all go inside." Carlisle says calmly but I could feel his eyes studying me.

"_He seems to be saying the truth… I hope he is…"_

"Carlisle, I'm not going to Volterra."

It wouldn't be fair to her… I made her promise she wouldn't do anything reckless, I thought I would do the same.

"_Maybe Victoria is coming back…"_

"Victoria?" I turn to Jasper.

"It's a possibility… you killed her mate, maybe she's is seeking revenge?"

"No that's not it…" Alice whispers still looking into the future.

"Besides… it's seven of us against just her. She doesn't stand a chance." Emmett adds.

"But what other threat could be out there for him to disappear?" Esme musses worriedly.

"It's not that… I can see now he's not in danger but… agh! Don't know but this is giving me a headache… is that even possible with vampires?" Alice whines as Jaspers rubs her back soothingly.

"Alice… try to see further into the future… can you see him at all?" Carlisle inquires.

"I can see him… but only tiny bits… it's not him making this, something's changing. Someone or something's undecided."

"Keep a close eye… we need to know if he's in danger."

"Of course…" Alice answers slowly, her eyes studying me close.

"Maybe we should call the Denali's, if Edward is in danger it means we won't be enough to help him." Emmett interjects.

"Is not that… this is different, he is there… I just can't _see_ him."

"How do you know he'll be Ok if you can't see him?" Esme asks.

"Because I know… it's something else."

"So there's no threat?"

"No."

"Then why can't you see me?" I asked frustrated.

"I don't know!"

…

…

"Is… is _she_ in danger?" I ask with my heart on my throat.

"I don't know."

"_I'm afraid to look." _She thought in spite of herself.

"Look." I urge through greeted teeth.

"Edward… I'm sure she's fine."

"LOOK!" I yell and everyone startles at my sudden outburst.

Alice makes a pained face before closing her eyes and looking into the future and… there she is. Sitting on a rocking chair… looking out of a window, but I frown at what I see… she's pale, thinner than I remember… beautiful as ever but still she looks sick. Her eyes are hollowed and empty… the image breaks me and I fall to my knees.

"What? What did you see?" Esme asks desperately.

"She's alright… although, I think she's sick… she looks thin… and sad."

"But… she's alive, she's there right?" Esme asks with big eyes.

"Yes… she seems Ok…"

"Keep an eye on her." I hear myself say. "I… I want know if she'll be Ok." I say ignoring what I had been debating with myself earlier about peeking.

"Ok." Alice responds softly "But she is there so don't worry."

"Still."

And with that I go upstairs to my room, blocking all thoughts from my family.

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**I know the start is a little like One More Chance, but believe is going to be veeery different, for instance... Edward is a vampire ;)**

**Please let me know what you think!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	2. Chapter 2: Let It Go

**Hi guys! I'm so happy of how many of you joined me in this new journey! Here is chapter 2, I hope you liked it! Chapter 3 is almost done, hopefully I'll have it finished during the weekend!**

**SM owns everything!**

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Chapter 2: Let It Go

**"Let It Go" - Blue October**

Where do you go  
When the day is long?  
And where does your heart beat  
And who is wrong?

Why do I feel this way?  
Why do I kneel?  
How could I let it go?  
Why do I feel?  
Why do I feel?  
Why?

Follow me home  
Through the, the maze and on  
I'll show you the road  
That I led you the wrong way on

_Two weeks later…_

"Still nothing Alice?" I hear Carlisle ask my sister downstairs.

I've been trying to avoid their talk but there is not much I can do. Especially since my name is in everyone's thoughts.

"No. It's weird… he's there but not at the same time." She says softly.

"Tell us if anything changes."

It's been about two weeks since I disappeared from Alice's visions. I know I should be scared or concerned but I really don't care. If it's my time then it's my time, but according to Alice I'm not dying, she says something or someone is blocking her from seeing me which is strange since I'm not a shielder nor are any of member my family.

I roll on my back and stared out of the large window in to the dark forest.

I wish I could sleep.

It's almost dawn, the sun is about to rise and soon all of us will have to get ready for another tedious day. Alice and Jasper will go to Eagle River High School –where they pretend to be in senior year- and Rose, Emmett and I will drive to the University of Alaska and after my classes I'll join Carlisle at the hospital for my volunteering.

Emmett asked me once why I decided to volunteer at the hospital, since I don't really have to get any recommendations for the future, but I just shrug it off. I didn't want to burden him with my demons since the real reason why I'm volunteering, -apart from keeping my mind occupied and not think so much about her- was to try and make me feel better of myself. So every time I looked in the mirror I wouldn't see the monster I really was, to try and redeem myself from the sins of my past.

For all that I did to her.

"Edward, it's time to go." Emmett calls.

Where did the time go?

I run at vampire speed downstairs and take my coat, getting ready to head out - it's mid November so we must pretend we are cold because of the snow and chilling wind - as my siblings discuss the weekend plans.

"The Denali's are coming over this weekend, there's going to be a storm so we thought about a little baseball game." Emmett says in his always good spirits mood "What do you say Eddie? Are you in?" He turns to me.

"I'll think about it." I answer in a monotone voice.

"_Such a party pooper."_

"C'mon Edward, it's been years since we last played."

I flinch as I remember the last time we had played. It had been that time in… _Forks_, -I flinch again- the time we also met James and his clan.

Emmett notices the pain in my stance.

"_Sorry, didn't think about it." _He apologizes guiltily.

"It's Ok." I answer him.

"You know, there might not be a storm after all." Alice interjects "The weather channel got it wrong again, you should have asked _me_." She adds smugly.

"Awww c'mon!" Emmett complains. "I'm beyond bored here!"

"Maybe we can go hunting?" Jasper suggests wrapping his arm around Alice's tiny frame and I look away at the love display.

"Is not bear season." Emmett deadpans.

"We can discus something to do for the weekend later, but we have to hurry or we will be late, the roads are frozen so we have to respect the speed limits." Rose says seeing her own reflection over the glass window.

"My woman has spoken, let's go." Emmett pulls her by her hand.

We say goodbye at the porch steps and Alice and Jasper take Alice's new Porsche while the rest of us take my Volvo.

Half an hour later we park in the campus parking lot and with a last wave each of us part on our own way. My first class starts at nine so I have an hour to kill, I decide to go to the library as always and find something new and worthy to read.

I cross the campus, passing through the frozen football fields and go into the main building, going through the crowded hallways in my way and avoiding every type of contact with every human. I can smell the burning logs on the big chimney on the main floor of the library before I even enter, once I do I immediately feel the heat and take off my coat.

"Mr. Cullen!" The receptionist greets me with a smile, but on instinct she quickly averts her eyes.

_So yummy… ugh! I hate it he makes me so nervous…" _

"Uhmm… Hi… how do you do?" She stammers.

"_I can't even form a coherent sentence around him!"_

"Tiffany." I nod politely in acknowledgment and dart towards the classics instead of the new arrivals, better keep it friendly.

"_Ugh! He must think I'm a freaky library rat."_

I scan the shelves, which I don't know why I even bother as I know what I'm going to pick in the end. I take the worn book out, sat on the nearest chair and pick up where I left yesterday, losing myself in the old England and doomed love between Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff.

Time flies when you don't notice the world around you, and I'm surprised when the grandfather clock on the second floor announces two. I missed my classes but I don't care. With a sigh I close the book and return it to its place.

Time to go to the hospital.

This has basically been my days for the last couple of months since I returned, home-library-classes-hospital-home. I keep myself busy, no much time to let my mind wander. But the pain was still there and I needed a way to let it all out so it wouldn't eat me alive. So I started to play the piano at night, letting out all the pain and regret that was bottling inside of me, but stopped when I noticed how my haunted music affected everyone in the house, especially Jasper. So instead I started writing… and I wrote a lot.

I already have a drawer full of journals and notepads on my room, each journal and notepad full of my dark, haunting and painful thoughts. If someone were to read them I'm sure they'd declare me insane.

But like running, it's freeing. It doesn't make me feel better but it helps me to keep me sane. I don't re-read what I write, I'm sure it doesn't even make sense. There are just jumbled thoughts and whatever emotions that are going through my head at the moment printed on ink, a physical proof of the war going on inside of me.

I always keep a journal with me in my briefcase, just in case I need a moment to breathe and get it all out but I try to do that at night when I have free time and nobody would see me crumble. I hate the pity, that's why I keep myself busy during the day so no one would notice how I'm faring and let it go when I'm by myself in the solace of my room or at the hill.

Although there is one person who I can't fool, Jasper… hell I'm sure I'm not fooling anyone but at least I try, but Jasper is the only one who knows exactly how I feel and it makes everything worse because he already thinks it's his fault I left.

If he only knew the truth.

I'm a monster.

No matter how many times I get everything out, no matter how many times I've justified myself and tried to reason with myself why I did it… I'm still a monster.

I walk out of the library and head back to my car, Em and Rosalie are not waiting for me so I guess they must have ran home or lost themselves in the woods. I go straight to the hospital and take a deep encouraging breath to face the next few hours.

* * *

I'm behind Carlisle on my Volvo, we are almost back home when my phone vibrates on my pocket and I take it out to see the caller ID.

Tanya.

I ignore it.

I'm not in the mood for mindless chitchat and her subtle innuendo. She knows what I'm going through and she says she is just trying to be a friend to me but I know better. It has always been the same with her.

I'm so not looking for the weekend.

The phone vibrates again and I realize she is going to insist until I answer, if I turn off the phone she'll try the house.

"I'm not in the mood Tanya." I answer straight to the point.

"You are never on the mood Edward."

"Then why do you keep calling?"

She sighs.

"Edward… you worry me. What happened to you?" She asks in concern.

I don't answer.

"Just listen… come to live with us for a while… I'm sure we can take your mind out of things…"

"Tanya, please stop. I'm not going anywhere… I have my family."

"We are your family too. C'mon, Eleazar is tired of being the only male here… it will be fun."

"Tanya, I know what you want and I can't give you that."

"Because of the human?"

I flinch.

"Yes."

"C'mon Edward… if you were able to leave her she mustn't be that important, stop playing hard to get."

"You don't get it, and I'm not playing hard to get, I'm nothing you can get."

"Edward… please… just give me six months, I'm sure I'll make you forget her. Don't you want that? Don't you want to stop suffering? We could be happy."

Agh!

"Tanya… I love her, I can't forget her."

"She's just a human! You didn't even want to change her! How can you say you love her? You were going to lose her eventually."

I shut my eyes close and breathe, trying to regain my temper.

"Goodbye Tanya."

"No, Edwa-"

I shut the phone off.

I park next to Carlisle's Mercedes and immediately run to the woods without a word. I need time to think, I want to be alone.

"_Stay close."_ Carlisle says, still worried about Alice not seeing me.

"I'll be on the hill." I say to appease him.

Minutes later I'm on the hill, I sat on the same rock and opened my journal.

Will the pain ever end? I remember Carlisle telling me once that our kind never changed, that's why when something struck us it stays with us. Like Rosalie's pain for what happened to her just before her transformation, or Esme's desire to be a mother after what happened to her baby.

Will I ever be able to let her go?

I know the answer to that.

I'm damned to an endless existence full of pain.

She's what I've always wanted without knowing what I was looking for.

_I'm so sorry._

_I did it for you._

One peek… one tiny peek… I can't ask Alice, at least I have the excuse that she looked sick, maybe I can tell her I just wanted to know how's she?

NO!

Whatever it is… I'm sure she'll be fine, she's strong… it can just be a cold. Humans have that all the time.

But her eyes… she looked so sad.

I clutch my eyes close as a wave of pain assaults my insides, making me tremble and shake.

_I'm sorry… I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry._

_I love you._

She must hate me, I do. I shouldn't have given in, I should have been strong, and it only made everything worse later. But I had to leave, what happened later was proof enough that I didn't deserve her.

When I saw the bruises… I was petrified.

I hurt her… first physically and then emotionally, I don't know which one is worse.

I'm a monster.

I hurt the only thing that mattered in my life, it was the only thing that made sense.

_I love you…_

_I'm sorry._

* * *

It's almost dawn again… another painful and empty day without her.

I close my journal stand from the rock on the hill and ran back home. I go into the house through the kitchen and I hear everyone in the library. I struggle between secluding myself in my room or being in the background with them while Emmett and Jasper bicker about some video game they are playing, I don't want to keep worrying Esme.

With a heavy sigh I walk into the living room.

Emmett's on the floor and Alice is behind him making signs to Jasper on the couch about Emmett's next move. Rosalie is flipping through a magazine and Esme and Carlisle are cuddled together on the love seat.

I sat on the couch next to Jasper, he winces when he feels my mood.

"_I'm sorry dude."_

He apologizes, once again blaming himself about my decision.

I ignore him.

We spend the next couple of hours like this until it's almost time to go again. One by one everyone disappears to get ready for the day, and I'm in my room when I hear Alice's gasp and something crash.

"Oh god." She cries and like lighting we are all next to her in the kitchen.

"What is it?" Carlisle asks urgently, his eyes flickering to me but I know this is not about me… well, not only me.

"We disappeared." She whispers.

"What?!" Carlisle asks with bewildered eyes.

"I can't see us, any of us… something is blocking me."

"We are moving." Carlisle says firmly "There's obviously a threat and we need to escape."

We all nod, a ting of fear on everyone's faces and we all dart to our own rooms and start making arrangements.

What the hell is going on? I ask myself, truly worried for the first time.

"_The Volturi? But what have we done?" _Carlisle muses to himself.

"_Another clan." _Jasper thinks.

"_We've been discovered. Why didn't Edward or Alice see it coming earlier?" _Rosalie says frustrated. _"Maybe the Volturi found out about Bella knowing about us and now we are paying. I knew we couldn't trust her!"_

I growl at her.

"Leave her out of this!" I yell as I run into the study where she and Esme are buying plane tickets to Alberta.

"You know it's a possibility." She glares "She could have exposed us out of bitterness."

"You don't know her!" I almost throw myself at her but Emmett appears next to her. "She'd never do that!"

"How do you know that?!" She yells back.

"It wasn't Bella, I would have seen it. I don't know what's going on… something is blocking me but I know it has nothing to do with the Volturi… Bella didn't do it." Alice explains.

"Victoria." Jasper hisses. "Maybe she went to them."

"It's not the Volturi!" Alice screams again in frustration.

"Ok, let's keep calm…" Carlisle cuts us off "We'll continue with this when we get to Alberta, I already talked to Tanya they'll help us and meet us in our house there. Now we have to hurry and get out of here."

And with that we resume packing and arranging stuff while I ignore Rosalie yelling in her mind and Alice's attempts to see anything. It's almost nine, the plane leaves at six but we are leaving the house at two just in case whatever is looking for us finds us.

I'm packing my books when a vision hits Alice and I drop everything to the floor as the image penetrates on my brain and burns whatever that was left inside me.

"Alice?" I choke as I enter the living room where she is in a flash.

"I don't know… it just appeared." She whispers as she replays the image on her head.

"What's going on?" Esme asks as she comes into the living room too, the rest following her.

"Bella." Alice says softly, her eyes red with unshed tears.

Bella, my angel… she crying… no, she is bawling, pouring her guts out all alone in a strange room. She looks so fragile and broken it brings me to my knees in the middle of the floor.

"I need to go to her." I say.

"NO!" Rosalie shrieks. "Whatever is happening must be because of her, you can't risk all of us because of one meaningless human!"

Emmett must have seen my anger as he is suddenly in front of the stupid blond and Jasper grabs my shoulder trying to calm me.

"But she is not doing this!" Alice yells, wanting to help her friend too "We need to help her! Something is wrong with her!"

"You can see her so she is not dying, but you can't see us and I'm not risking Emmett for a human!"

I'm about to throw myself at her when we hear a car pulling on the drive way and we all freeze.

"_145… it must be here… Dammit could he live in a more remote place?"_

"Who is it?" Carlisle asks me.

"I don't know… Alice?"

"I can't see anything." She cries.

Jaspers runs to the window.

"It's a human… he has on a suit and a fancy coat."

"_Where is the file? Oh, here it is…" _The human mussed as he looks into his briefcase.

"I think he's from the government… or something like that… he's thinking about a file…" I say trying to read his mind but he is not thinking much.

"Dammit! We've been discovered!" Rosalie hisses.

"That can't be… we erased all our records from Forks… we started new." Jasper says instinctively standing next to Alice. "Carlisle, I'm sorry but we should kill him… he might expose us."

"We would not do such a thing." Carlisle berates him calmly. "He's an innocent soul, let's see what he wants first."

"_Mhmm… yes, Mr. Edward Cullen."_

"He's looking for me?" I frown and all eyes turn to me as we hear him approaching the front door.

"What should we do?" Esme asks concern for me in her voice.

"Let's wait we can't do anything right now." Carlisle says "Alice, stay alert…"

The doorbell rings.

"Everyone stay calm." Carlisle says again before he and Esme walk at human pace to the front door.

Carlisle takes a moment to compose himself before opening the door with a warm smile.

"Hello?" He greets the lanky man in front of him.

"Hello sir…" He stammers as his instincts kick in "I'm looking for a Mr. Edward Cullen?" He asks reading what looks like a legal paper in front of him. "Does he live here?"

"Yes," Carlisle answers "May I ask who's looking for him?"

"My name is Mark Jackson from social services…" WHAT?! "Is he home? I need to speak to him, it's really important."

That's not what I was expecting, if anything I thought he would be from the bank or… I don't know… what has social services to do with me?

"Sure, please come in." Carlisle says, his surprise well hidden in his features "Me and my family were about to go on a family trip, so excuse us for the mess. We are all in the living room."

"Well, then I must be lucky I catch you in time."

Carlisle and Esme walk into the room with the man behind them, his heartbeat increases exponentially as he finds himself in a room full of vampires, but his eyes stay on mine.

"Mr. Edward Cullen?" He asks and I nod, not knowing what else to do.

"_Huh… I figured."_

"Yes?" I ask politely.

"Well Mr. Cullen, you were really hard to find, we've been looking for you for weeks!"

"I'm a private person." I answer.

"I can see that, thankfully we were able to find you at last." He smiles and I'm about to rip his head off. "You live quiet far from civilization."

Enough with the small talk!

He must see the impatience on my face as he clears his throat and gets down to business.

"Excuse me the impertinence sir, but I'm here on behalf of your late brother's girlfriend."

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise, what the man just had said throwing us all out of balance.

"_What?" _ Everyone thinks at the same time.

"My brother?" I ask making a face in utter confusion.

"Yes, Anthony Masen? I'm sorry, I have under my knowledge that you lost contact with him after your adoption but as I said I'm here on behalf of his girlfriend…" he opens a manila envelope and reads another legal paper "a Miss Isabella Swan."

I choke on my breath at the mention of her name.

Again… _What the hell is going on?!_

All thoughts around me are as confused and stunned as mine.

"_Play along!"_ Alice yells at me as she tries to look into the future in vain. She still can't see us.

"Yes… uhmm… Anthony…" I stammer. "What about Bella?" I ask urgently.

Did something happen to her? Why would they come to me? What about her parents? And what the hell with this late brother thing!

"Uhmm sir, this is a delicate matter… I'll prefer if we do this alone?"

"_Poor guy… the package he has now on his shoulders… if he accepts of course."_

…

…

…

What is he talking about?

"Sir?"

"Oh, yes sorry…. Uhm yes but my… _other_ brother and his wife are staying." I say as everyone leaves the room, although is unnecessary but we have to keep appearances.

"Oh, you have another brother?" He asks re-reading the file.

"We were both adopted." Carlisle interjects. "We are not related by blood."

"Oh… that explains it then… well, as you wish… can I take a seat?" He gestures to the couch.

"Please." I say as Carlisle, Esme and I sit on the couch. "What's all this about?" I ask again, about to lose my patience. All I want to know is how my angel is.

He looks into the manila folder again and produces a picture, placing it in front of me and I'm frozen on the spot.

"This is Elizabeth."

* * *

**I don't know about you, but Daddyward is my favorite Edward.**

**"Sweet Little Angel" official banner is on my blog, go and see it! tpec1991 . blogspot . com**

**Till next time!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	3. Chapter 3: Hate Me

**Hi guys! So, I came to a decision... I'll be posting short chapters every four days or so as an exercise and because this will be an angsty ride and I don't want you to hate me too much!**

**So glad you are liking were this is going, a few more questions will be answered here!**

**Especial thanks to my awesome beta Cattinson for having this for me in mere hours! You are awesome!**

**SM own everything!**

* * *

Chapter 3: Hate Me

**Hate Me – "Blue October"**

There's a burning in my pride,

a nervous bleeding in my brain  
An ounce of peace is all I want for you,

Will you never call again?  
And will you never say that you loved me

just to put it in my face  
And will you never try to reach me,

it is I that wanted space

Hate me today.  
Hate me tomorrow.  
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.  
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

"_This is Elizabeth."_

Esme gasps next to me, Carlisle stiffens and the rest of the house is silent.

…

…

…

"Elizabeth?" I choke, unable to tear my stinging eyes away from the picture in front of me.

This is impossible.

"Elizabeth?" I hear Jasper ask from the kitchen where the rest of my family is. "Who's Elizabeth?"

"Yes, your niece…" Mark punctuated "She's Anthony's daughter, her mother can't take care of her anymore, and so she came to us and gave us your name. You are the only other relative she has left."

I can't talk.

I can't think.

So I'm not surprised when Carlisle asks what I'm afraid to ask instead of me.

"Why can't she take care of her?" He asks in a strange voice, and I can tell it's from the shock and incredulity too. It's so obvious who this girl is, but so unbelievable at the same time.

_It's impossible._

"Well, Miss Swan has been fighting cancer for a while…" I hear another gasp coming from the kitchen "she is in phase four and her only chance at surviving would be a transplant, but her blood type is rare so there's not much hope left for her."

"Cancer?" I breathe out finally looking up.

"Yes, she's getting weaker by the day and can't take care of the girl actually we took her from her about a couple of weeks ago when she came to us since she is barely able to take care of herself. The girl is now in Seattle with a foster family while we looked for you."

"How old is she?" Esme cries softly. _"She looks older than she should."_

"She's five…" Mark answers.

Five? I guessed that much when I saw the picture, but to have it confirmed? This makes even less sense to me, if this was true… if she was who I think… no… who I _know_ she is… she should be two… not five? But again, everything seemed impossible already.

"_Five… she looks five, she must grow fast… maybe that's why Bella made her pass by his niece…" _Carlisle thinks. _"But, how can this be happening?"_

"What about… the grandparents?" Carlisle asks next and I'm so grateful I asked them to stay, I couldn't do this… this… this was killing me. This is impossible, it can't be true… am I dead and didn't even noticed when it happened? Or have I finally lost it?

"Charles Swan died almost three years ago…" I look up again with a start "animal attack or something," Mark explains

I burry my face in my palms.

"Oh God!" Esme cried. _"Charlie died?!"_

"Yes, and Miss Swan cut ties with her mother because apparently she didn't want her to have the girl in the first place, she wanted her to abort her or give her in adoption since she was all alone but Miss Swan refused."

"What?" I ask bewildered.

"Yes, so you can see the delicacy of this, it is you… or the girl will go to an orphanage or luckily the foster family she is with will take her… but it's up to you, if you can take the package but we understand if you can't… uhmm…"

He looks into the manila folder again and takes out what looks like a letter and gives it to me.

"Miss Swan told me to give you this before you gave an answer." He explains.

I take it with shaking hands and stare at the envelope for a minute, afraid to read its contents.

I can't do this.

…

…

…

"Mr. Jackson, can I offer you something to drink?" Esme says then, probably wanting to give me some privacy and time.

"Sure." He says, and the three of them leave the room.

As soon as I'm out of sight I stand up and run at vampire speed out of the house.

"_You are such an asshole!" _Alice yells at me… and I know she has seen the picture. _"Come back here you idiot!"_

Elizabeth.

Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth.

She has my mother's name… and not just her name… she has her nose, her chin, her hair, her eyes.

My eyes.

Apart from the color, which is hers… she has my eyes.

I reach the hill and start pacing.

What did I do?

WHAT DID I DO!

"AGH!" I cry punching a big pine and sending it down the hill. I fall to my knees and grab my hair in frustration, wincing at the waves of pain crashing inside of me.

"What did I do?" I whisper to no one.

I'm scared of opening the letter, afraid to read all the hate, the regret and her loathe against me. How could I be so cruel? How could I leave her after… after that night?

I'm a monster.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I take it crushing it with one hand.

I deserve this I deserve all the pain, all her anger and her harsh words. I can't believe how I messed everything up I can't believe how I continue to hurt her…

I can't believe I left.

I should have stayed.

Cancer… my angel, she's dying.

I sat on the rock again, and stare at the crumpled letter in my hands.

The envelope is sealed so I know no one read it before.

I can't do this, but I have to.

With shaking fingers… I tear it open and my eyes sting with unshed tears when I see her handwriting. Her scent is faint… but still there, and strong enough to make my throat burn.

_Edward, _

_If you are reading this letter it means you know about Elizabeth by now. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry to burden you and for any trouble this might bring you, but I had no other option, I tried to find a way to let them find you without compromising you and what I came up with sounded best. I'll understand if it's risking, but I beg you Edward… don't leave her on her own. She needs you more than you could ever imagine, she's __growing fast__ and needs someone like you, not only because of who you are to her but because of __what__ you are. I know I can't say much, the only thing I'll say is that she is so wonderful… she's so much like __you__, in everything… it's amazing. She is also scared, she doesn't know much about the world and in someone else's hands she could be in danger. I tried to find you, god that's the only thing I've been doing since day one, and when I learned about my sickness, I tried harder, I didn't want to come to you this way but I had no other option, I'm running out of time._

_She knows about you, I know it will be hard at first, she doesn't know you and I taught her to be careful with strangers. __She's special__, please Edward… don't leave her on her own. I know you told me you needed your distractions that day in the forest, but I know you. I know you have a heart, and I know you'll do this, if not for me for her. Even if you don't think so I know you are a good person and I know you must hate yourself right now for leaving, but I don't blame you. I understand your reasons I didn't belong with you so I hold nothing against you. I have no regrets, you gave me the best thing I could ever ask for, if it wasn't for Elizabeth… I'm sure I would have been dead by now. She gave me strength and joy and a reason to continue after Charlie's death. I owe her a lot._

_I don't hate you, as god is my witness I can't hate you. I'm not gonna lie, you hurt me, and I suffered a lot when you were gone and I'm mad at you for just leaving like that but I can't hate you. I never belonged with you and I understand that, and now that they found you I'm ready to go and forget everything. Please don't come looking for me, I'm not looking for an apology here, and I left Forks years ago and now I'm leaving Seattle. I want to be on my own for a while, I want to be in peace, the last years have been full of pain as of joy but I'm exhausted and I don't want you or Lizzie to look at me like this. It's for the best, please respect my wishes and don't have Alice looking for me, you are not the only one good at hiding anyway._

_Believe me, it hurts to let go of her, it hurts more than my darkest night but is for the best. I don't want her to remember me sick I want her to remember me happy. Please, as a last favor… tell her how much I love her every day, and that I miss her. That she'll always be in my heart and if I had a choice I would never leave her. That she is my sun and I'll always think of her. _

_She can't sleep without her favorite blanket, so make sure she has it every night, she calls it "Blankie". Her favorite movie is Shrek and she loves apples in thin slices. I think that's all you need to know, the rest you'll figure it out and I know you'll do great, you are great at everything you do and I have faith in you. Lizzie is everything to me please take good care of her._

_I'm struggling to find a good way to end this letter, as saying just goodbye to you is not enough and there are so many things I wish I could say but I'm afraid I'll never end. I guess I can only resume it in this way._

_I love you. No matter what I always will, our time together was the second best thing that ever happened to me, especially that night as it gave me the best thing that ever happened in my life, and no matter how it ended I don't regret it. So don't worry about me, you don't have to feel guilty about anything._

_My heart is shaped in a little 5 year old girl._

_Look after my heart I've left it with you._

_Forever yours,_

_Bella._

This is worse… this is a thousand times worse than what I expected.

Elizabeth…

I close my eyes, and the only thing I can see is the beautiful face of this sweet little angel from the picture smiling at me.

It kills me.

The pain I feel is a thousand times worse than my change.

How could I ever walk out on them?

Sure, I didn't know about her but… I walked out on Bella the very next day.

My mind was made up after her birthday party incident, and when she asked me for her only birthday wish from me… I had faltered, I wasn't sure I could leave. She was my everything so I thought we could try, maybe we could get through it all. I had hoped for everything to turn out alright, and it did… at first… but then, I saw the bruises and I had no other choice. I had to leave or I'd end up killing her at some point.

I left her a few hours later, when she came home from school.

"_I don't want you anymore." _I had said, only a few hours after we made love for the first time.

As I said, I'm a monster.

I don't deserve them…

Elizabeth…

I failed her too.

"_Please Edward… don't leave her on her own."_

But she needs me, I'll think about what I did later… right now… she needs me. Bella trusted me with her.

And as crazy as it sounds… I think I need her more.

It's incredible, I still can't wrap my head around the idea, I still think I'm dreaming and I don't know how I feel about it. I just know I need her with me, I'm scared to death and I don't know what I'm getting myself into, but I need that little girl.

I don't know how to call what I'm feeling, it's as if suddenly I needed oxygen to live and she was my only source. I need to see her I need to know that she's real.

With that last thought in my mind, I stand up and I run back to the house.

I check my watch and I realized I've been out for half an hour, I hope Marks is not gone yet and I run faster.

Two minutes later I walk into the living room, everyone is there and I ignore their angry yells and questions on their minds.

"I'll do it." I tell Mark as soon as he sees me and he smiles at me.

"I was hoping you'd say that Mr. Cullen. Now, I need to talk to you privately so we can make arrangements."

My family stands up, and they all leave the room. Well all but Alice, she throws me deadly glare before she follows the rest of them.

As soon as we are as alone as we could be, I start with my questions.

"Tell me about her." I beg.

"Well, I've only seen her a few times… but from what I can tell she is very shy I don't think I've ever heard her speak."

I frown… well… she is supposed to be _two_… she shouldn't be able to talk yet… but Bella said she grows fast? Is that why she looks like a five year old then?

"Yes, and she was really close to Miss Swan… god, when they said goodbye it was really heartbreaking… she wouldn't stop crying."

I'm not able to hide the pain on my face when I see the scene playing in his mind, I almost let out a sob but I hold it.

"Where is Bella?" I say in a strangled voice.

"I don't know sir, she sold her apartment after we found you… she made sure we had you and then disappeared."

I burry my faces in my palms to hide whatever emotions are playing on it.

"_Please respect my wishes."_

What should I do?

"You really have no idea where she went?" I ask hopefully.

Maybe Carlisle can treat her maybe we could find a better doctor… maybe… maybe… I can save her.

"I'm sorry sir, I don't."

"What about a phone number?" I ask then.

"I'm sorry I'm not allowed to give you personal information."

"Why not?" I ask, but I already picked the number from his mind.

"Rules and Miss Swan also requested for privacy."

Damn it!

"What type of cancer does she have?"

"Leukemia, she needs a bone marrow transplant."

Leukemia?

Oh god.

"What are the odds?" I ask in a whisper.

"The doctor's say three months, maybe less… the only hope she has is a transplant but even then, it's not very likely she'll survive it. Besides… with Miss Swan's blood type the chances of a transplant happening are very low."

I shut my eyes close and place my forehead in my palms, trying to fight the waves of pain storming my heart.

"Can I talk to her?"

"I'm sorry sir, she requested to be left alone… she didn't want us to give you any personal information."

Of course not, not matter what that letter says she must loathe me… she must had finally realized the monster I was.

"Where's the girl?" I whisper cried.

"As I said she's with a foster family in Seattle," He says slowly "we might be able to bring her in two days. If that's not too soon for you?"

I shake my head.

"Can't she be on a plane tonight? I'll pay for it." I urge.

"Sorry Sir," He smiles sadly "But, there's still protocol we must follow and it's late. You'll have her here on Friday morning, I promise."

I nod, not able to form more sentences.

"Good, now I need you to sign a few things… you'll officially be her tutor so you'll have all says on her living and education. I know you are young Mr. Cullen so we really admire you taking responsibility of the child. And you have a nice family, I'm sure they'll help you."

"Thank you." That's all I can say.

We go through some paper work and when everything is signed. When he is about to leave he suddenly shifts awkwardly on his seat, and I try to compose my face when I read what he is about to say.

"You might expect a call… as soon as Miss Swan passes away… she already took care of everything so you won't have to worry about funerals… and you know… the rest."

My eyes sting with unshed tears again, and I'm about to lose it again. Thankfully, Esme and Alice walk in. Distracting Mark with questions about the girl, and I take the time to compose myself.

She can't die… no, she can't.

Without Mark noticing, I take out the file with Bella's medical record and memorize her doctor's name and the hospital where she had been treated, and then I quickly scan the next page with her address in Seattle. Before Mark is finished with his first sentence I place the papers back on the folder.

"She was wearing a Hello Kitty shirt when I met her… so I guess she'd like that."

"Hello Kitty." Esme nods "Do you know anything else?"

"Mhmm, not really… she doesn't talk much… and according to Mrs. Anderson she hasn't been eating much either so I don't know what she would like to eat either. I know she likes fruits though, I saw Miss Swan giving her apples once."

"_So she eats." _Carlisle thinks from the kitchen_ "and grows fast… I wonder what else is different."_

"_Poor Elizabeth… she must be suffering… Damn you Edward! I never knew you'd do something like that!" _Alice berates me then and I so do not want Mark to leave.

"Well, I gotta go… I have plane to catch back to Seattle. I'll call you tomorrow morning Mr. Cullen with all the details about Friday."

"Thank you Mr. Jackson."

"Thank _you_ Sir, the girl really needs a family… you are the only thing she's got."

My insides shrink in pain again.

"I walk you to the door." Esme says trying to compose her voice.

When Marks is gone, the house is silent until we can't hear his car anymore.

Then I'm thrown against the wall and I fall to the floor with a loud bang.

"YOU FUCKED MY SISTER AND THEN DUMPED HER?!" Emmett hollers as I try to push him off of me but instead he punches me square in the face "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

"Emmett!" Carlisle yells as I finally manage to push Emmett off of me and he crashes against the window, breaking it and falling in the backyard.

"STOP! NOW!" Esme cries as Jasper takes a hold on me and uses his power to calm me and Emmett and Carlisle grabs Emmett before he can strike again.

"I used to pity you! But now? You deserve all the pain! How could you?!" Emmett says angrily.

"Is none of your fucking business!" I yell back.

"It is if you mistreat a woman! Especially my sister!" He says, his thoughts going back to Rosalie's change.

"It wasn't like that! And I'm not discussing this with you!"

"Edward, how could you be so cruel." Alice cries harshly while Rosalie seethes next to her calling me all kinds of names in different languages.

"I'm sorry! I-I… you wouldn't understand…"

"Everyone calm down now… it's not the time or your place to ask for answers, it's been a shock for all of us but we are a family and Edward needs us. Elizabeth will be here in two days, so we must prepare." Carlisle says with his never ending patience and compassion.

Two days.

And finally, I lose it.

I fall on my knees and a let out a strangled sob. Jaspers runs out of the room and Esme comes to kneel in front of me, enveloping me in a motherly hug.

"_It'll be Ok Edward… it'll be Ok." _Esme cries even on her mind.

"I'm so sorry." I apologize, for what? I have no idea. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"Is Ok Edward… I'm not judging, we won't judge." She glares at my other siblings. "We'll help you figure things out."

"I-I ha-have-e a a-" I cry, not able to finish the sentence, it's still so surreal.

"I know… and she's so beautiful." She hugs me harder, soothing my back with her hand. "Such a miracle."

"I don't know if I can do this… I'm scared…" I tell her against her shoulder.

"We'll help you Edward… you are not alone in this… that little girl is going to be so loved, but you have to put yourself together… you have two days."

Two days.

"I don't want to fail her again."

"You won't, I know you are strong and you are going to be what she needs, and right know… she… she needs her _father_, she's about to lose her mommy and you need to be there for her."

"But… I don't want her to lose her mommy… I-I don't want to lose her!" I cry out "I can save her."

"Honey, I don't think she wants to be saved…" Esme says sadly.

That's what I was afraid to hear, I knew I would eventually lose her forever. But never in my darkest thoughts would I have thought it would be so soon, I thought I would have about 70 years to get used to the idea, and then I would follow her.

But I can't.

Elizabeth.

"But… she wanted me to change her before… why wouldn't she now?"

"I don't know… but if she wanted to, she would have requested it… but you heard what Mr. Jackson said… she wants to be left alone."

But… I can save her, my angel… we can be together again, she said she loved me… in her letter, isn't it enough anymore? Or were those just words so I wouldn't feel bad? Knowing her, she'll put everyone else above her. I hurt her, so is not a surprise she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore… I wanted her to forget me, that was the plan when I told her those horrid words in the forest, did I finally succeed? But even if she doesn't loves me anymore I can still save her. If she wants it I'll give her immortality, she deserves to see Elizabeth grow up, she deserves more… did she finally realize what losing her soul meant and that's why she doesn't want to be changed?

Please… my angel…

I don't want to lose her, I'm so selfish.

"What do I do?" I ask, not having a clue of what to do.

Esme pulls away and stares at me with sad eyes and a small smile.

"Well, first of all… I think there's a guest room we need to redecorate."

* * *

**Damn Edward you really messed up! What do you think he should do? Should he look for Bella? Why Bella doesn't want to be found?**

**So, Elizabeth is Renesmee I just changed the name because of the plot not because I have something against the name Renesmee. Besides I always thought it would have been nice to call E and B's daughter after Edward's real mother.**

**I was amazed by all your theories, some of you even suggested Bella was in a mental hospital! Poor Bella, she did went through a lot this past years!**

**Next chap we'll have Lizzie finally coming into the story!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! I really want to know what you guys think!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	4. Chapter 4: Quiet Mind

**I know! I said I'll update every four days but as you read on OMC's chapter 35 my life is a roller coaster right now!**

**Anyways... here it is!**

**Thank you sooo much for your review! I'm so glad so many people is giving my vamp story a try!**

**Special thanks to Lisopera for pre-reading and Cattinson for her awesome betta skills!**

**SM own everything!**

* * *

Chapter 4: A Quiet Mind

**"A Quiet Mind" – Blue October**

Give me strength to be kind... To combine  
All the good things in life that were so hard to find  
But I have and I won't let them go like I do with my friends

Still bearing voices... From front... From behind  
They're the reasons I choose... When to live... How to die  
When to cast... When to reel  
When to buy... When to steal  
When to fiend for the friends that taught me  
Being inappropriate will

"Are you Ok?"

…

…

…

"You think she'll like it?" I ask instead, he knows how I feel.

"I think so… it's pink so… girl's like pink, right?" Jasper says and I continue staring at nothing in particular.

…

…

…

"I'm sorry Edward…"

"Stop… this is all my fault."

"If I hadn't lost it… you wouldn't have left, and Bella would be here with… with your dau-"

"Stop." I cut him off again.

I close my eyes in an attempt to sooth the ever present pain which becomes a thousand times worse every time someone mentions them, Jasper feels it and tries to help me.

"Don't do it, I deserve the pain." I spat when I sense the calming waves.

"Then stop blaming yourself, I mean… what you did was wrong but… it was still my fault you left…"

"No it wasn't… what you did was expected… natural even, we are what we are but what I did? That was cruel… you acted on instinct and I deliberately took a decision, I shouldn't have left like that."

…

…

…

"Can I ask what happened that night? If it wasn't me… then why did you left?"

"You already know the answer… I'm a monster… she didn't belong with me." I say, hating myself as always.

"But she was your mate, wh-" He starts, but I stop him again.

"Jasper, I know you mean well but I want to be alone." I say dismissing him. I don't want to talk to anyone, much less about that night as I'm ashamed of myself.

"_I'm sorry… I know the rest are mad but… if you need someone…"_

I nod.

"Thanks, but I don't deserve anyone's compassion."

He left me alone after that.

I step into the room and look around me. Esme, Alice and Rosalie did a beautiful job with it, but I'm still afraid she won't like it.

I'm afraid she won't like me, I'm afraid of everything… I'm at a loss of what to do. I never thought I'd find myself in this situation, I'm confused, I don't know how to feel about her, I mean… I'm curious about her obviously and I know there's this pull, this feeling of need I feel to see her to see this little miracle but that doesn't take the fear away. I fear of failing, of disappointing her… sometimes I don't know if I can do this without her… also, I know it's not fair.

My angel should be here too.

Alice isn't talking to me, and Emmet is not better. He apologized afterwards for reacting the way he did, but I know he's still disappointed in me. Everyone is disappointed in me I hear it on their thoughts. Rosalie is not even attempting to hide them from me, and even though her thoughts are the harsher ones calling me names in different languages, they are vague as she immediately immersed herself at the task of preparing the house for Elizabeth's arrival. The whole house has been a ruckus since Mark left, coming and going with things, special deliveries were made with special payments for immediate shipping. At some point Rosalie and Alice broke into a serious fight over some headboard and curtains and Carlisle had to intervene so they wouldn't rip their heads off.

As for me?

I watched from afar.

Esme tried to engage me in some of the decisions but I told her it was fine. Besides I knew my requests would be ignored and I didn't want to ruin Rose's and Alice's fun and I was still struggling with the idea… of accepting what was happening. I couldn't concentrate on shades of pink and fluffy pillows in different sizes. Everything was happening so fast it was so surreal.

Elizabeth.

I couldn't even think of the D word, much less that she was… mine.

I don't deserve her.

What did I do?

Apart from brooding, I also did some research. While Carlisle researched on human-vampire hybrid children to explain her fast growing and to know more about her I called Bella's hospital and even talked to her doctor but of course they didn't know anything about her location, he did explained me her sickness in detail and I hung into every word he said. He said the reason behind her sickness was more likely because of the serious case of anemia she suffered a while ago, which weakened her blood cells. When I heard this I racked my brain for reasons while Bella would stop eating, and at coming up with nothing broke Esme's dinner table in frustration. Then I tried her realtor but he didn't even know Bella was sick, much less about her whereabouts. I hacked into her bank account too, only to find out her last withdrawal had been about three weeks ago in Seattle and that she had emptied her account, so I couldn't trace her by her account records either.

It was as if the earth had swallowed her full.

Alice had been trying to see her future too, but she has the same vision as the one she had weeks ago. She is in the same room, it's not a hospital but there's nothing in it to tell us where she might be, she doesn't go out or anything… she only cries. Yesterday Alice showed me the visions too many times on purpose, as a punishment but she stopped when Jasper couldn't handle it anymore.

I sit in the middle of the floor and pull at my hair, angry at myself.

How could I ever leave her after that night? I turned into one of the monsters I had killed all those years ago when I went on my own before coming back to Carlisle. Of course I didn't force her, but I still hurt her and then… I disappeared. Like a heartless player, like the coward I really was, she said I was her hero that I was more like an angel than a demon I wanted to believe her so bad sometimes I felt like I did, until that night.

I'm so torn, that night had been the best of my existence… but it also turned into my own personal hell. I wanted to cherish those memories but how could with what I did afterwards?

When I saw the bruises my world shattered, after Jasper's incident I had thought this was my last chance, the only and last proof that I could give her as close to a normal life as possible, I was grasping at anything so I could have a reason to stay but it all backfired. She couldn't even walk for a couple of hours afterwards, and it broke me when I saw my hands printed on her body. She had said time after time that she was Ok, that it wasn't as bad as it seemed, but I knew her. She was the perfect martyr, always willing to inflict pain on herself instead of making others suffer. That's when I knew I couldn't be with her, I was dangerous and she was the most innocent and perfect creature created by god, I couldn't claim her. So I made my decision and left, I told her I didn't want her anymore. The blackest blasphemy ever told.

"Edward." Carlisle calls from downstairs "It's time to go."

My spine stiffens.

This is it.

It's 6 p.m. when I park on the closest spot available to the entrance at the Ted Stevens International Airport on Anchorage. I asked only Esme and Carlisle to come with me as I didn't want to overwhelm Elizabeth. I didn't know her so I don't know how she'll react to us but I knew she was shy. Besides, I wasn't sure how much Bella told her of our kind if she even did, her letter said she knew about me but I didn't know if that only meant who I was or also _what_ I was and if she knew what I was I feared she would be scared of too many vampires.

Rosalie had protested for being left behind with the others, but I was firm in this one so after a lot of arguing with Carlisle on my side they all stayed home.

Esme, Carlisle and I walk into the airport and headed for the waiting area in Terminal C. The plane just landed so it won't be long before she's here. Esme and Carlisle take a seat nearby and I start pacing to control my nerves, I'm so grateful for their support even though I know I don't deserve it. If Elizabeth freaks out… at least I'm sure Esme will be able to soothe her.

Damn it, I didn't even get her a gift. Is that something I should have thought about?

"_Edward, relax… it would be fine."_ Carlisle thinks encouragingly. _"Maybe Jasper should have come too."_

I try to find Mark's thoughts through the people in the airport, and I spot him almost instantly, they are still on the airplane about to get off and he's helping Elizabeth with her sweater and when I focus my attention on her, all breath leaves me.

She is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen.

Even more than her mother, and that's definitely something.

"They are here." I say under my breath and my parents stand up, coming to a stop on either side of me.

I keep looking, trying to find her thoughts, having this urge to know how she is, if she is Ok, what she is thinking but I frown when I find nothing. I try harder but after a few minutes I give up, realizing what's going on and letting out a humorless laugh.

"What is it?" Carlisle asks frowning.

"I can't read her mind." I say, my voice breaking at the end.

She has my looks, but she is also a lot like her mother apparently. This new piece of information brings back memories of the first time I saw her at the lunch room in Forks High. I remember how this was what started all… my curiosity for the silent human. My insides shrink when I remember her asking me if something was wrong with her, when she discovered I read minds that time I saved her at Port Angeles.

"_She must have inherited that from Bella… oh god… poor Bella. I can't believe what's happening to her." _Esme thinks painfully.

"Here they come." Carlisle says, and I stiffen again with my heart on my throat.

I look up, eager to see her with my own eyes and this pull I had felt when I saw her picture increments a tenfold. I look around until I finally spot Mark, but the crowd blocks her from my view. Then, as if in some sort of a cliché movie, the crowd parts as if it was the red sea and I finally see her.

Oh god.

She is even more beautiful in person, she is tiny and even though she looks tired her eyes are wide taking in her surroundings and as soon as I see her eyes I see the awareness, the intelligence behind them. They are so beautiful, the exact same color as my angel, her tiny right hand is clutching a white torn blanket against her chest, as if depending on it for dear life and that's how I know she is scared.

"_She looks a lot like Edward's mother." _Carlisle thinks remembering my mother's lasts minutes on this world. _"She has a heartbeat, -although a little quicker than a normal human- that means blood runs into her system… and she eats…" _The doctor in Carlisle starts to analyze her.

"Oh my." Esme cries. _"This is such a miracle…" _Esme starts naming all the similarities between her and me. The hair, her face, her lips… everything.

My heart is about to come out of my chest, begging me to go to her and protect her from everything. But I can't move… I'm frozen on the spot at seeing this miracle only a few feet away from me, she still seems more of a vision than reality. How something this perfect be mine? But then I remember she's also Bella's so that makes better sense.

Finally, Mark spots us and approaches us taking Elizabeth's hand.

When they finally come to a stop in front of us, there is utter silence and I can't for the life of me take my eyes off of her. She stares at me curiously, and I can't for dear life figure out what she is thinking. She is serious, her eyes wide but giving nothing away…

"Elizabeth… this is Edward, he is your uncle." Mark introduces us but she doesn't say anything. "Say hi."

She clutches her blanket tighter.

"I told you she's shy." Mark explains looking up at us, and Esme sensing my distress and inability to do anything takes action.

She kneels on the floor in front her taking her attention and smiles warmly at her.

"Hi Lizzie…" Esme says softly "I know you like to be called that, am I right?"

Elizabeth's eyes flicker to me once, as if not knowing what to do before nodding slowly.

"You are so beautiful sweetie... I'm so glad you are coming to live with us, I hope you like your new room." Esme continues trying to make her feel at ease but Elizabeth just continues to stare at her curiously, as if trying to solve a puzzle.

"She is tired," Mark says then and Esme stands up "We had a long trip… Elizabeth, you are going to be Ok now, as I told you your uncle is going to take care of you from now on… I'll keep in touch with him to see how you are doing, all right? You have nothing to fear little one." Mark turns to us "Mrs. Anderson told me she had been having nightmares…"

"Nightmares?" I talk for the first time and Elizabeth's eyes shot to me.

"Yes, I think she used to sleep with her mom… so."

I have a hard time swallowing, if I had been able to cry I know I would.

"Anyway, I have a plane to catch back so this is it… good luck Mr. Cullen and we'll keep in touch."

"Thanks Mark… for everything and please…" I take out a letter from the pocket inside my jacket. "If by any chance you see her…" I whisper "or talk to her… can you give her this?" I plead.

Mark looks at me sympathetically.

"Sure Mr. Cullen… I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you."

And with that he turns around and walks back into the Terminal.

I look down again, and find her still staring at me and the pull is back full force. Slowly, I kneel down to her eye level and we stare into each others' eyes. There is something in them, that I can point out but tells me that she is more special than what Bella let on.

She is not afraid anymore, and I can also see the recognition… I feel it too, as if some invisible strength is pulling us together and that early feeling of protecting this little girl comes back. And it's here and now… that I know I would give my life for her. I can't explain it but I just know that I'll do anything for her.

Her eyes, bring me as much joy as pain as by seeing them I see hers… and I've missed her eyes so much I'm glad to see them again but also it's a reminder that she is no here.

She blinks, breaking the contact and I find my voice again.

"Hi." I say in a whisper.

She tightens the grip on her _blankie_, I'm glad Bella told me about her security blanket.

"You know who I am?" I ask her softly.

After a minute, she nods slowly.

…

…

…

Ok.

"I'm never… ever going to let anything happen to you, Ok?"

I hear Esme sniff on the background.

"I swear." I add and her eyes water slightly, a single drop falls down her cheek and my fingers itch to clear it away but I fear of scaring her. I fear my cold touch might scare her or even worse that I hurt her. She seems so delicate and fragile, like glass covered in silk. She continues to stare at me and nods two seconds later.

I try to hide my frown, why isn't she talking? Mark said he have never heard her speak… but, she is supposed to be two years old but she looks older, maybe her brain didn't developed that fast? No, that can't be it… I can see it in her eyes she knows what's going on.

I feel Carlisle kneel next to me too.

"Hi Lizzie, I'm Carlisle…" He smiles warmly at her but she's still mute. Adrenaline races through my body, realizing she might be ill or something.

"Elizabeth, are you feeling Ok? Does something hurt? Are you hungry?" I ask, trying to figure out why she is not saying anything.

Then, if my heart had been beating I surely would have had a heart attack. Her chin quivers, she shut her eyes close and starts crying. I step back, fearing to upset her more but dying to do something to appease her. I frantically look at Esme and she immediately takes her in her arms, soothing her.

"Shh… it's Ok sweeties… you are Ok…" Esme coos.

My hands shake, I can't stand her cries they rip at my already scarred heart. I've not been with her for more than two minutes and I already made her cry.

I'm an idiot.

"She must be tired, maybe we should go." Esme suggests.

I nod, take her small suitcase and we walk back to the car with Elizabeth in Esme's arms while I keep my distance.

* * *

All the drive back home, Elizabeth cried on Esme's shoulder and I felt so helpless. When we arrive home, we immediately take her inside to protect her from the cold. My siblings are waiting for us in the living room with welcoming gifts but before the say anything Carlisle motions them to be quiet and Esme hurries to the third floor to her new room with Elizabeth still bawling on her arms, her face hidden in her neck. I follow them still keeping my distance and hearing the worried thoughts of my siblings about Elizabeth's cries.

"What happened?" Alice asks softly.

"I don't know, she hasn't said anything… Edward asked her if she was Ok because she was so quiet and she just started crying." Carlisle explains.

"Poor thing, she must be missing her mommy." Alice cries _"Damn you Edward! How could you leave her! You idiot!" _Alice thinks on the verge of tears if that was possible.

Tell me something I don't know, I think to myself.

Esme sits on Elizabeth's new bed still cooing trying to calm her.

"Jasper." I say desperately from outside of her room and Jasper works his gift from the living room downstairs. Minutes later, Elizabeth is fast asleep in Esme's arms and I finally enter the room.

Esme is tenderly caressing her face and my hands twitch wishing I could do the same.

"She is so beautiful…" Esme says without looking up "you are truly blessed."

"I made her cry." I whisper brokenly.

"No you didn't, it wasn't your fault you did nothing wrong. She is just overwhelmed, we are strangers to her." She whispers back, so not to wake her up.

…

…

…

"Esme, I don't know how to do this… I… I never even entertained the idea of… of becoming a… you know…" I stutter.

"A dad?" Esme finally looks up to me with a sad smile. "No one is born knowing how to be a dad, not even humans know, it's something that comes naturally."

…

…

…

"What if I mess up?"

"You will mess up, you are not perfect Edward but if you are afraid to fail her then by not even trying you already did… she is truly a miracle, don't let this opportunity pass."

"But, I'm afraid to even touch her…" I say, remembering Bella's bruises.

"Don't be… she's amazing, she is warmer than humans by the way."

"She is?" I ask a little amazed, kneeling next to them.

"Yeah," Esme smiles looking down at her again. "You want to hold her?"

I immediately stand up taking a step back.

"No, I don't want to wake her up." I lie and of course she doesn't believe me.

Esme kisses her forehead and traces her finger along Elizabeth's cheek.

"You'll figure everything out… I know it… you are the most caring person I've ever known, the most careful and patient… you'll be an amazing dad."

I swallow hard.

…

…

…

"She thinks the same… in her letter."

"Bella?"

I nod.

"What are you going to do about her?"

I grimace at the scorching pain, and I hear Jasper leave the house again.

"I don't know… she asked me not to look for her, but I can't… I-I need to talk to her, she doesn't deserve this… I-I want… I know it's hypocritical of me to say this but I can't lose her… I know it took me years to figure this out but… I can't let her die, if she asks me now… I would give her immortality in a heartbeat, but I understand if she doesn't want to become like me."

"Why wouldn't she want to? She wanted it before…"

"Maybe she finally realized the mons-"

"Don't even finish that sentence." She hisses and I shut up feeling chastised. "Look at your daughter… do you really think a monster would make something this wonderful?"

"What do I do then? What if she doesn't want to see me?"

"I can't tell you what to do, you are old enough to make your own decisions" She gives me a knowing look "and all of us will respect that."

Elizabeth trembles in Esme's arms and I'm immediately out of the room and taking a blanket from the white closet in the hallway, not even a second has passed and I'm back wrapping the blanket around her.

She smells delicious, but not tempting to vampires… there's something too sweet in it and I'm glad to know she wouldn't be in that kind of threat.

"Why do you think she's not speaking?" Esme asks.

"Bella…" I force myself to say her name "said she taught her to be careful with strangers… that she was special, I can't think of why but maybe there's something to it. Or maybe she just likes to keep to herself."

"_Just like her father." _Esme thinks and I can't help but smile at her.

Elizabeth moves again in Esme's arms so we decide to leave her alone and rest. Esme lays her down on her new bed and I tell her to make sure she is warm enough.

Once we make sure she is comfortable we leave her room and walk at a human pace downstairs.

"Did you change her into pajamas?" Rosalie asks as we enter the room.

"No, we didn't want to wake her." Esme says.

"But, wha-"

"Rosalie, leave it alone. She is Ok." Esme tells her using her no bullshit tone and Rosalie scowls to the floor.

…

…

…

"I'll go hunting." I say, feeling emotionally drained ad wanting to be alone to… _figure things out_.

* * *

I run through the darkness until I reach the hill, when I finally get there I sit on my usual spot and look up at sky. It's a clear night and the stars are bright, like tiny diamonds in a dark sea.

_Please Angel… where are you? _I think helplessly.

_Are you star gazing too?_

_Are you feeling Ok? Does it hurt?_

_I'm sorry._

I close my eyes to see hers, and this time instead of forming into her sad eyes when I left her that day, they form into a smaller set of eyes.

Elizabeth's eyes.

How much does that set of eyes have endured? Watching her mom die slowly… suffering alone? Going through chemotherapies, injections, surgeries… who take care of her while Bella recovered? Who fed her? Who looked after her?

Where is my angel?!

So many questions! I'm torn between run to Seattle to look for her and staying to make sure Elizabeth is Ok. I can't leave her, it pains me to even think of it… what is this feeling? This raw need I have for this little girl? Is it like the mate bond? But with… with daughters?

Daughter…

I have a daughter… and she is so perfect.

I start imagining what would have been like if I hadn't left. If I had stayed and helped her through everything, would she be like me by now? Probably, we would be together so she would still want it. How stupid I was, my angel is all alone now and I have only me to blame. Then, I remember how Elizabeth had cried tonight probably missing her too.

She must feel so alone too.

What am I doing? Why am I here? What if she wakes up and needs something? What if she is not warm enough?

Like lighting, I run back to the house. It's almost dawn now and I'm fighting the sun as I run through the woods. Ten minutes later I jump into the lawn at the back of the house and listen.

She's up.

I walk into the living room where I can hear her heart beat coming from and see Alice sitting next to her on the couch combing her hair, their backs to me. Alice has changed her into a new outfit and I see Jasper in the corner, keeping her calm.

"_She woke up crying an hour ago." _He explains me.

I nod in acknowledgment feeling like crap.

I stand there, just watching her through Alice's eyes and I notice she has her blankie with her and that she is silently playing with the corner of it. Then Rosalie walks into the room with a plate with an omelet and places it on the coffee table in front of her and a glass of juice.

Elizabeth frowns.

"You don't like this sweetie?" Rose asks softly caressing her cheek but Elizabeth shrugs. Then Rosalie tries to feed her on her mouth, but as soon as she brings the fork near her… Elizabeth starts bawling again.

Then there is a commotion in the house, Esme comes flying into the room -worried about something happening to her- as Rosalie takes her into her arms trying to sooth her, Carlisle stands in the doorway not knowing what to do and even Jasper's gift is not enough to calm her.

"It's Ok sweetie… we can give you something else… are you Ok?" Rosalie coos but that only makes matters worse as Elizabeth starts screaming.

There's a burning in my chest, I can't stand her cries, I can't… I need to do something, then as if in instinct I run to stand in front of Rose.

"Give her to me." I urge.

"She's is fine… go back to your hill." She spats.

"I said _give her to me_." I say through gritted teeth losing my patience with her as Elizabeth screams torment my soul.

"You are scaring her!" Rosalie says taking a step back and my anger flares when I read her mind.

"She is _my daughter_ not yours, now give her to me before I rip your head off." I threaten.

She must have seen the truth behind my words as a ting of fear flashes her eyes before she releases her to me. I cradle her against my chest, and even though her cries are still ripping at my heart I instantly feel better. I walk back to the kitchen at a human pace –not wanting to upset her more- placing her on my hip and with one hand I start cutting an apple in thin slices. When I'm done I put them in a bowl and sit on one of the stools with her on my lap.

"Shh… it's Ok," I caress her back soothingly "shhh don't cry… here, you want apples instead?" I say softly holding the bowl in front of her.

She nods, still whimpering as her tiny hand grabs a slice and brings it to her mouth. She reclines her head on my chest and starts chewing it. I wrap my arms around her instinctively bringing her close to my chest and kiss the top of her head breathing her a little, as soon as her scent invades my lungs the pain lessens a little.

We sit like that for a few minutes until she finishes her apples, when she is done I walk back into the living room with her hiding her face on my neck still whimpering a little.

"Jasper…" I whisper, asking him for help and the room suddenly feels calmer. I sit on the couch and she grabs at my shirt before falling into a deep slumber.

Everyone is quiet, and I take advantage to finally look at her properly.

I'm amazed again by her beauty, I don't know… but there's something about her that tugs at my heart and by everyone's thoughts… I can tell I'm not the only one. Maybe that's one of her traits… Bella said she was special.

Esme was right… she is warm.

I trace the pad of my thumb over her cheek, marveling at the softness. Her skin is pale, almost translucent but with some glow, I can't really describe it. I continue to stare at her, and memories of all the times I watched Bella sleep flood my mind. She may look like me, but I have a feeling her personality is all Bella.

"Edward…" I look up to see Alice handing me a blanket.

It's the first time she has talked to me in days.

"Thanks." I say taking it from her and wrapping it around Elizabeth.

One by one, my family leaves the room until it's just Alice, Elizabeth and I.

She watches us and I read on her mind the amazement at seeing us together. She also thinks the resemblance is uncanny and is wondering how this could even be possible.

"She is beautiful." She says softly.

"I know…" I say not taking my eyes out of my daughter.

…

…

…

"Have you seen anything new recently?" I ask then tentatively and she shakes her head.

"The same… she is in a blue room. But I don't know where… she is being careful not to give anything away." Alice cries.

…

…

…

I close my eyes, and rest my forehead against Elizabeth's.

"I'm sorry." I tell her softly "I'm so sorry."

* * *

**Awww! Poor Elizabeth! and poor Edward he is so confused and heart broken!**

**Where is Bella? What's up with Lizzie?**

**I'll try to post during the weekend! PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	5. Chapter 5: From Where You Are

**Hello! Sorry for the delays in both of my stories, but this couple of months have been a nightmare in real life, between work, school, and a little of bad luck spell I had for a few days... I wasn't in the right state of mind to right lol!**

**Also, I wanted to warn you... this story might get too angsty at some point and probably a little sad but I promise a HEA, you had your doubts on OMC and I still managed to give you your HEA so don't lose faith in me!**

**Anyways, here it is!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 5: From Where You Are

"**From Where You Are" – Lifehouse**

So far away from where you are  
Standing underneath the stars  
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased  
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face  
I miss all the little things  
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me  
Yeah, I miss you  
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart  
I see the shadows of your face  
Just know that wherever you are  
Yeah, I miss you  
And I wish you were here

"_I'm sorry." I tell her softly "I'm so sorry."_

I kiss her forehead and go back to watching her sleep as Alice quietly leaves the room too. I stand up and walk to a human pace upstairs to her room so she would be more comfortable instead of being in my cold hard arms and I lay us together in her bed as I refuse to let go of her. The pull and need to make sure she is Ok kept me from leaving her.

I play with a few strands of her hair as I hear her light snores and even breathing.

She really looked like an angel, so sweet and innocent and beautiful. I brush her hair away from her face, marveling at everything she is. She is my daughter, as impossible as it might seem, she is mine… and hers… the product of our love no matter the circumstances.

So it's while I'm watching Elizabeth sleep in my arms, that I finally understand the pull I had for her. It was more than just a connection, it was way more than that.

I loved her.

The realization makes some warmth spread slowly through my chest warming my cold heart. She was my daughter, a true miracle and I would go back to my change a thousand times for her if I had to. I would give my life for her, I had known her for two days and I've never heard her speak but I could almost feel my heart beating again every time I saw her sweet face and lovely eyes.

It was as if instead of dividing my heart in two it had expanded, big enough to love both of them. Elizabeth was my life, Bella was my soul… Elizabeth was this little angel sent to me from heaven, meant to save us and it was because of this that I had come to the conclusion that no matter what Bella had asked for in her letter, I was going to find her. She didn't deserve this, and even if she didn't want to be with me I was going to save her if she'd let me, she deserved to see our daughter grow, she deserved to be surrounded with people that truly cared for her. My little angel needed her mommy, and almost two days ago when I met her I had vowed to her that I wasn't going to let anything hurt her and her mother's death would surely hurt her.

I can't let that happen.

I'm going to find her… whatever it takes.

* * *

_Two weeks later…_

Elizabeth is fast asleep on her bed in her room I can hear her even breathing while I help Carlisle research more on human and vampire hybrids in his study. She's fast growing –subtle to human eyes but worrisome for other reasons- we can also tell she's weakening at an alarming rate and that's scaring the hell out of me the most. She mostly eats apples and Esme has managed to make her eat full meals two times a day but somehow it doesn't seem enough. She is paler and the glow on her skin is fading, she's sleeping more and Carlisle fears she's coming down with something, Jasper says she is depressed and that maybe that's the reason she is not eating but that something else is bugging her too but he can't point out what.

I'm desperate, I don't know what to do… she is still not speaking and is always staring at me expectantly as if I should know what to do, and because I don't know what to do I always end up messing things and making her cry. Like the other day, Esme had put a plate with food in front of her and I had noticed her frown so I took the plate away and asked her what she wanted instead as she didn't seem to like the steak Esme had prepared for her. Rosalie had argued she needed protein and we ended up in a fight which scared the hell out of her and of course ended up crying, which sent me on an emotional breakdown too.

Carlisle says it must be the father-daughter bond thing, I don't know but the only thing I know is that when she is in pain, I'm in pain too and I can't stand her cries. They rip at me it's as if I'm suffocating which is a strange feeling since I don't need air. Whatever it is, it has me emotionally drained and moody. I need to help her, but I don't how. Carlisle tried to make her some blood tests to see if she was sick, but what a surprise when we found out her skin is impenetrable so Carlisle couldn't draw her blood and we have no reference to know how her pressures is since her heartbeat is not normal like humans, it's quicker.

Of course, between throwing tantrums by myself and searching in old legends and ancient books for any kind of information regarding Elizabeth, I've been looking for my angel as well. I tried her phone, the one I picked out from Mark's mind but it's off. I tried her old house in Forks too but a new family lives there. She sold the house three years ago after Charlie's death, I don't have to think hard to know why she must had needed the money for. After that, there is no record of her whereabouts until almost two years ago when she bought her little apartment in Seattle when she started her treatment and things get stranger after that with every new piece of information I find.

Elizabeth's birth certificate says she was born on December 5th 2007, I get why the year is different so she would pass as a 5 year old but if the date is real, that means Elizabeth was born a little more than three months after I left… is that possible? Well, by now I shouldn't be surprised. I had punched a hole through the wall when I had pictured my pregnant angel all by her own in what must had been a difficult pregnancy.

But what bugs me the most is that where the hell Bella was during this time? There's no clue or trace about her whereabouts. Charlie died a couple of weeks after I left, Bella sold the house immediately but where did she go? Who helped her? She didn't give birth in the hospital in Forks either, as well of any other hospitals in the towns nearby. Which I'm glad since doctors would have immediately noticed something different in Elizabeth and maybe put her in danger. But where did she go? Was she safe?

_Angel, please… where are you?_

I'm afraid to ask Elizabeth if she knows where her mom is, I don't want to upset her again. I'm torn, I'm torn between shaking the answers out of her and the urge to protect her from any pain.

So this is the only thing I've been doing these past weeks… research, research, research, look, look, look. I even sent Emmet and Alice out to Seattle last week -as I didn't dare to part from Elizabeth- in search of her but came out empty handed, they even went to Forks but once Bella sold her house years ago she never came back.

I tried Rene too, of course she didn't know it was me and I'm sure she wouldn't even recognize my voice as I had only met her that time after James when Bella was in the hospital. Rene had no idea of the whereabouts of her daughter either, it made me so angry. This woman had tried to convince Bella to kill my child, and now… I'm sure she doesn't even know she was sick. I heard a little bit of guilt on her voice about not hearing from her daughter in years and I know I'm no one to judge but still it made me mad she had given her back to her own daughter when she needed her the most.

I hear Elizabeth stir, and as I was used by now I was out of my seat before I heard her cries. I entered her room and sat next to her on her bed, gently waking her up.

"Shh… shh… it's Ok… it's Ok… just a nightmare…" I caressed her cheek until finally she opened her teary eyes. Her chin was quivering and I immediately lay next to her cradling her against my chest as she let her tears fall freely, immediately I felt my chest lose is tightness as she also calmed down. I heard Rose and Esme pace outside the door and I quietly told them to leave us alone.

"_Tell me if you need anything." Esme thought._

"_I'll make her breakfast." Rosalie thought to herself. "Wonder if I can make pancakes this time."_

Elizabeth hiccupped and I kissed her forehead before meeting her eyes.

"Are you better now?" I ask softly but she only stares back at me, expectantly.

…

…

…

It's at time like this, when I wonder how much she is aware of. Does she know why she is here? Does she know what I am?

"Wonder what's going through that pretty head of yours." I tell her softly.

She blinks away her tears.

"I wish I could read your mind you know?… so I knew how to make things better." I whispered brushing her hair away from her face and she looked down.

It made me sad every time she avoided my gaze, I knew she was still unsure about me and I knew this was as new to her as to me but I wish she trusted me enough to be herself around me, and more importantly to tell me what was bugging her, what her nightmares were about, to maybe answer some questions… but I still had to win her trust. To her I was just a random guy, a stranger.

"You can talk to me you know?" I whisper "I know you can talk… I see it in your eyes…" I insist, tracing my index finger down her perfect nose.

…

…

…

Nothing.

"Elizabeth…" I started to say but she frowned and I chuckled softly "Sorry, _Lizzie_…" she had made clear last week she preferred Lizzie "you can trust me… I-I'm your fa-father... I'm here to protect you… tell me what you need angel… I don't want you to suffer."

Her eyes watered again so I kiss her tears away.

"Don't cry little angel… I don't want you to cry…" I tell her honestly "I just want you to be happy, I want to only see you smile… I'm so-orry for everything you've been through… I'm sorry… but please tell me what you want." I cried desperately as more tears fell down her eyes. "You want your mommy?" My voice broke at referring to Bella as mommy. "Is that why you are sad?" I ask, trying to get a glimpse at her thoughts.

She nods, shutting her eyes closed and I bring her closer to my chest, rocking us on her bed.

"So help me baby… I want her here too… you know where she is?" I ask, giving up to my own desires at finding her too.

She shook her head crying harder and I closed my eyes at the waves of pain. I sense Jasper's help, but it wasn't enough.

_Angel… where are you._

_I miss you._

_We need you. Please._

* * *

My siblings are out to school, and only Esme and I are in the house with Elizabeth as she sleeps. She woke up four times during the night so she must be tired even though it's almost noon, therefore after she woke up crying this morning she went back to sleep.

I dropped out of college and quitted at the clinic, not having time to keep up the façade, Elizabeth was my priority and I have every intention at keeping an eye close 24/7 especially since she doesn't seem to be getting better. That and that I know I'm running out of time… Mark said three months, and two weeks have passed already and I still had found nothing on Bella.

I'm hacking into every hospital in Seattle for any trace of her, checking if she got herself checked in on some other hospital when my phone rings. Thinking it might be Carlisle with news I answer without looking.

"Hello."

"Hi Edward." Tanya says softly and I suppress a groan.

"I'm busy."

"I know, Carlisle called… he told us everything after cancelling our plans two weeks ago, are you Ok?"

"I'm fine." I say looking back to my laptop.

"I was just calling to see if you needed anything, we are still amazed by the news…"

"Yeah, it was a shock for everyone."

"I can imagine… I'm here Edward, as a friend if you need me."

"Thank you Tanya, that's very kind of you but I don't need your help."

"Are you sure? I'd love to help you Edward, I know it must be hard what you are going through."

"Yes, ehmm listen I gotta go Lizzie is waking up." I lied not wanting to be held up longer and discuss my feelings with Tanya. Time was precious to me now, something I never thought possible since I literally had all the time in the world.

"Sure… see you this weekend then." She said a little disappointed.

"What?" I ask in surprise.

"Oh, didn't you know? We are coming this Friday, we want to meet your daughter… Laurent is pretty interested since he knew Bella."

I wince at the mention of her name, but as my mind registered what she said something tugs at my mind, call it instinct but I'm suddenly wary.

"Laurent is still with you?"

"Yes, he and Irina are official now… he's a nice guy."

"I guess… anyway feed before you come here, she doesn't smell like human but blood still runs through her system and I don't want to risk her." I insist.

"Of course Edward, we mean no harm to your daughter… god, it's really weird to say that."

"I know… Ok, I really have to go now Tanya."

"Alright, I'll leave you alone… seriously, call if you need anything."

"Thanks."

And with that I hung up.

I take in an unnecessary breath.

I'm not sure about the Denali's coming, I know they mean no harm but Lizzie is already having a hard time adjusting with everything I don't want to throw more people into the mix. I can tell she is warming up a little towards Emmet I caught her smile the other night when Emmet was having a tantrum about Jasper beating him at some chess game.

I stand up from the desk deciding I need some distractions before going back to hack into dozens of databases at the same time. Esme is upstairs going through some recipes with apples for Lizzie and I walk into the living room where my grand piano is. I sit on the bench and start a soft melody that has been playing in my head, but since I'm not in the mood to compose I switch to more familiar stuff. It's not long before I'm playing my angel's lullaby.

Suddenly I hear light footsteps and I don't have to turn around to know who it is. I'm so attuned to her heartbeat I know I can hear it from a great distance. She comes to a stop behind me, and I continue with my composition. When I'm done I take an encouraging breath and turn to her.

"Hi." I say smiling a little, she is wearing her pink pajamas and holding her blankie with both hands, her hair a complete chaos.

She looks so cute.

"Are you hungry?" I ask her and she shakes her head, then I see her eyes scan the grand piano.

"You like music?" I inquire, curious as ever and trying to find something more about her and she nods. Making me wonder what type of music she likes, I could play forever if it meant she was happy.

"You want me to play again?" I ask and she nods a little too eagerly before sitting on the floor by the door making me chuckle.

"Don't you prefer to sit in a more comfortable place?" She shakes her head and I see a small glint in her eyes, as if she is hiding something amusing to her.

"Ok." I say "Do you have any preference?" she immediately points at me. "You want the lullaby I was playing before?" She nods frantically and my heart swells, I haven't seen her eyes this bright since she got here. "Ok." I say before turning back around and start again with the piece.

As I start to play the familiar melody, I hear her heart rate quicken. I look at her through the reflection in the window in alarm and for the first time she seems at ease, she even has a faraway look. When I'm done with the piece a few minutes later, I'm suddenly startled to see her sitting on the floor next to me instead at by the door where she had been. I didn't hear her move, much less notice her.

I look at her strangely and she just stares back at me with her bright knowing eyes.

"When did you move?" I ask but she just shrugs.

I'm about to ask something else, but in that moment Esme walks into the room with a bowl with oatmeal, Elizabeth makes a face and my interest spikes.

"You don't like oatmeal either?" I ask and she shakes her head at me hopefully.

"What do you like honey?" Esme caresses her face "We can't keep throwing food away… maybe you can come with us to the grocery store and show us what you like?"

She shakes her head and takes a spoonful of oatmeal.

I watch her curiously as she chews and swallows her food, and if she doesn't like it I can't really blame her. That stuff smells disgusting but Carlisle suggested it so she could win some of her strength back. When she's done she looks back at the piano longingly.

"You want me to play again?" I offer and she looks at me hopefully. I smile warmly at her and scoot over in my seat motioning her to sit next to me. Slowly she stands up, clutching her blanket with both hands and I help her up.

"You want me to play something new?" I say going through all the happy songs I know in my head but she shakes her head.

I hear my siblings arrive in the background but I ignore them.

"So, the same one?"

She nods.

"Alright." I say before starting my angel's lullaby again.

It hurts to play this song since it makes me think of her, but at the same time it makes me happy that Lizzie seems to like it and relax when she hears it. So no matter how much it hurts me, I'll keep playing until she asks me to stop.

Anything for my little angel.

"Did she eat already?" Rosalie asks as soon as she steps into the house and I hear Esme stop her from coming to look for Lizzie.

"Yes, she is with Edward… let them be for a while she'll be fine." She answers gently.

"What is she wearing? It's cold outside, humans get cold easily… let me go grab her a blanket or something." She insists.

I understand where Rosalie is coming from, and I'm grateful for her concern and her worry about Lizzie, but somehow having someone else trying to play the mother role for Elizabeth doesn't sit well with me. I'm really grateful for her help, but Alice has been as helpful and she is not pretending to be someone she is not. Lizzie had her mother, and no one would ever take her place. I need Rosalie to know this but I don't want to start another fight again right now.

"Rosalie…" Esme warns "Let them be alone for a while… and she has her blankie so I'm sure she is fine. Besides, I know Edward won't let her be cold. He can do it alone."

"I'm turning on the heater just in case."

I hear Lizzie huff quietly and I turned to her amused by her unusual gesture.

"Am I boring you?" I ask and her eyes shot back to me "Want us to do something else?"

She thinks for a moment before she stands up and walks back to the stairs, I follow her quietly until we reach her room. She goes into her small backpack by the foot of her bed, the one she had with her when we picked her up at the airport and produces a DVD and hands it to me.

Shrek.

"You want to watch this?"

She nods frantically.

"Alright princess." I kiss her forehead and carry her on my hip walking downstairs at a human pace, we all have been careful about our speed in front of her not wanting to scare her with our abilities. Although I'm sure that by now she must know I read minds, she's is too smart and perhaps Bella told her anyway.

I walk into the living room and sit her in the middle of the couch before kneeling in front of the TV and setting everything up, when I'm done I press play and go back to sit next to her just as Emmet walks into the room.

"What are we watching?" He asks happily as her throws himself into the single couch.

"Shrek." I answer as the movie starts.

"I freaking love that movie!" He booms and Lizzie smiles a little. "You like it too Izzybizzy?" He turns to my daughter with a wide smile and Lizzie nods.

"Awesome, I knew I liked you for a reason!" he says good naturedly "I bet you are more fun than your old man."

I roll my eyes at him.

"I'll be back in a moment." I say standing up to look for my laptop so I can continue with my search. I run into Alice on the hallway while she is carrying a basket with hair supplies and a dress in her other hand.

"She is not a doll you know?" I tease and she smiles.

"She is a Cullen, and as every Cullen she must be dressed to the nines!"

"Can't you wait till she finishes her movie? She is so peaceful right now." I plead.

She frowns.

"Alright… I guess I can wait a little."

She went to put the things next to Elizabeth before placing her silver comb on top of the stuff before going back upstairs. Elizabeth frowns when she sees all the stuff Alice has brought and I chuckle quietly before I go back to Carlisle's study for my laptop leaving Emmet and Lizzie alone in the living room for a minute. When I'm back I go into the kitchen, cut and apple in thin slices and go to sit back next to Lizzie handing her the bowl with her snack.

I try to concentrate on my research, but Emmet's laughs through the movie are hard to ignore, but all the extra effort is worth it when I see Lizzie smile a little every now and then. At some point Jasper and Rosalie join us in the living room so I put the laptop on the floor and relax, trying to enjoy the family time and trying to learn more about my daughter.

I feel my heart about to come out of my chest when Lizzie moves to rest her head on my lap. The gesture making me so happy and warm in the inside, she is obviously still wary about us but it makes me so happy she starting to feel comfortable around me.

You would think she'll use her blankie to cover herself, but I've never seen her actually do it. She is always just holding it, most of the time with both hands like now, hugging it to her chest. I wonder what that is about.

My thoughts are cut short when a new vision hits Alice making her gasp on the second floor. I tense and Lizzie senses it looking up at me as the rest of my siblings.

Bella is throwing up on the floor in what looks like a bathroom, barely making it to the toilet. Her hair is so thin and lifeless in a messy pony tail, her cries becoming louder with every heave.

"Alice." I choke out.

"_I'm sorry… I still can't tell where she is." _She cries.

I look away, not wanting Lizzie to see my face and thankfully Rosalie calls for her attention.

"Lizzie, sweetie are you comfortable? Do you need a pillow?"

My daughter shakes her head, and I see her staring back at me through the reflection of the windows.

She tugs at my shirt and I look down to see her staring questioningly at me.

Can she feel my pain too as I feel hers?

I trace my fingers down her soft hair and her eyes water again.

"It's Ok." I try to reassure her but I know she can see the lie in my eyes. "Watch your movie." She frowns before pulling away from me and turning her eyes back to the TV screen, I sigh and open my laptop again.

Bella is getting worse and I fear I won't have those three months… well, two and a half months now. She was throwing up, probably in reaction to her medicine and it pains me to see her go through it all on her own. Why is she refusing our help? If she doesn't want me near then I'm sure Alice or Esme will be more than willing to help her.

She is so stubborn!

After a while, the movie is over and as soon as the credits are rolling Alice walks into the room.

"Lizzie, time to get you ready for the day!" Alice sings happily and Lizzie stiffens next to me.

"Alice, is this really necessary? She is not going out anyways." I say sensing her distress.

"Shut up now… let's start with your hair sunshine…" Alice goes to look into the basket she left on the living room with her stuff when I had gone for my laptop. Then she frowns confusingly "Hey, where is my comb?" She asks.

"You comb?" Jasper enters into the room.

"Yes, my silver comb I'm sure I left it here…"

"Maybe you left it in your room." He suggests.

"No, I'm sure I put it on top… Emmet! Where did you hid it?!" Alice glares but Emmet just looked at her confusedly.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not funny! Where's my comb?!"

"I swear I don't know what you are talking about!" He says defensively.

"You are paying for this! It's my favorite comb!"

Alice stomps out of the room angrily with Jasper following her. Then I feel Lizzie tug at my shirt again, when I look back at her she points at the TV screen.

"You want to watch it again?" I ask incredulous and she nods. "Alright." I say, doing what she asked for.

"Elizabeth, it's a little past noon… maybe you can try to eat something again?" Rosalie begs worriedly _"She is looking paler by the minute."_

"Aunt Rosalie is right… I'll put the movie again but only if you try something to eat." I bargain, Lizzie seems to think for a moment before nodding and Rose runs to the kitchen to make some chicken soup.

* * *

**Where is Alice's comb? Where the heck Bella was when she was pregnant? Why isn't Lizzie talking?**

**Can't wait to hear your thoughts!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	6. Chapter 6: Shattered

**Sorry for the delays on both of my stories, but RL is hard with finals and work. Anyway here it is and is a little bit longer, I hope you don't mind ;)**

**I loved your theories, but of course I won't say who got it wrong and who guessed right! And thank you sooom much for all your love and reviews! I'm glad you are loving this fic as much as I love writing it!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 6: Shattered

"**Shattered" – Trading Yesterday**

As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading  
Illusions of the sunlight  
And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting  
Love gone for so long

This day's ending is the proof of time killing all the faith I know  
Knowing that faith is all I hold

And I've lost who I am  
And I can't understand  
Why my heart is so broken  
Rejecting your love  
Without love gone wrong  
Life, less words, carry on

But i know, all i know  
Is that the ends beginning

Who I am from the start  
Take me home to my heart  
Let me go, and I will run  
I will not be silenced

All this time spent in vain  
Wasted years, wasted gain  
All is lost, hope remains  
And this war's not over

"Nothing?"

"We'll find her Edward." Carlisle says patiently.

"It's been three weeks! Mark said three months! Maybe less! Which means if I'm lucky she has nine weeks left!"

I bang my fist on the table breaking a big chunk. Now I understood why Alice had changed all the furniture in Carlisle's office to less valuable stuff.

"You have to remain positive son we are all doing the best we can… Alice and Jasper are going to Seattle again on Monday."

I start pacing around Carlisle's study.

"What if I can't find her in time? What if I fail her again? I deserve the pain, but Elizabeth doesn't… She can't lose her mother!" I yell angrily.

Why does she have to pay for my mistakes?!

"Edward, why don't you take a break? We'll keep se-"

"I can't take a freaking break! I don't need one and there is no time for it."

"I know son, but all this worry will make you insane… and you haven't hunted since Elizabeth got here."

"I'm fine." I sit back in the chair in front of Carlisle's desk ignoring the burn on my throat. "Did you already check Tacoma? Where's the list of hospitals from Auburn?"

With a sigh he hands me the list.

Where the hell is my angel?

I've looked everywhere, we have gone through all the hospitals in Washington, Arizona and Florida twice already… but by what we have seen from Alice's vision when Bella looks out of her window, -which is the only thing she does besides crying or sleep- it's cloudy, so our guess is that she still is in Washington. From what we got, we can also tell she is in a small town but that's it. No Street names, no ads, nothing. She is being so careful of every decision she makes it's driving Alice insane, especially because since Elizabeth arrived into our lives she can't see our future either which makes it even more difficult to know if we are on the right path.

We have also talked about how Alice didn't see Bella being pregnant, and our conclusion was that apart from the fact that I asked Alice not to look into Bella's future it was because of Elizabeth. Alice can't see Elizabeth, and Elizabeth being part of Bella's life was made it impossible for Alice to even have a snippet like the one she saw before Elizabeth got here. We think it was when Elizabeth was taken away from Bella when Alice finally saw her, hence the crying. The minute Lizzie wasn't in Bella's life Alice could see her again, so that's why Alice hadn't seen anything before that, same as when Mark located me I disappeared too.

Timid steps make me lose focus, and I look up to see Lizzie pop her head into the study.

"Are you Ok princess?" I ask standing up from my seat and kneeling in front of her.

She gives me a tiny nod as she rubs her eyes with her blankie and stiffens a yawn. It's ten in the morning, and she has just woken up. It's worrying me so much all this sleeping, she is getting weaker and eating less. Yesterday she had thrown up the only meal –besides apples- she had had.

I touch her forehead and noticed her temperature has lowered, she is not as warm and her cheeks are drained from any color.

I take her in my arms and stand up holding her, she rests her head on my shoulder as I sooth her back.

"Lizzie, please tell me what's wrong?" I beg swaying from side to side.

Everyone skipped school today, Jasper and Emmet are currently on the library researching more on vampire and human hybrids to find out what's wrong with Elizabeth, but so far hadn't found out anything that can help us. Most of it doesn't even make sense as they are nothing like her, the description they mostly find is about little demons ripping their way out from their mother's wombs, killing them in the process and then slaughtering whole towns. Much like the Vampire babies the Volturi prohibited all those years ago.

Rosalie comes into the room holding a bowl with vegetables, but as soon as she tries to feed her in her mouth Lizzie starts bawling.

"I told you to back off!"

I've noticed the past couple of days that Lizzie hates to be babied, she doesn't like to be fed by the mouth, or having someone watching over her 24/7.

And I think she hates dresses too.

She is all Bella.

"Edward, she needs to eat. Look at her she is paler today." Rosalie tries to reason with me.

"I know that, but she has had it rough and is under so much stress. What she needs right now is to be calm, I'll feed her latter."

Rosalie glares but I catch a glimpse of guilt in her mind before she hides it and walks out of the room. Carlisle following her to give me some space with my daughter.

"Shh… it's Ok, I've got you."

I go and sit on the single couch with her still resting her head on my shoulder crying quietly. When she has calmed down I talk again.

"Better?" I whisper but she tightens her hold on my neck and I kiss her head.

When she finally stops crying I pull her back a little to see her face.

"Are you Ok now?"

She nods.

…

…

…

"Lizzie, tell me what to do… I only want the best for you… I won't ever hurt you… please tell me angel what can I do to make things better?" I dry her tears with the sleeves of my sweater.

She thinks for a moment before pointing to the floor.

"You want us to go downstairs?"

She nods.

I stand up and follow her directions until she leads me to my piano.

"You want me to play for you again?" I ask with a small smile, thrilled that she shares my taste with music. "Alright, I guess I know which one you want." I say with a sad smile.

I sit on the bench with her in my lap and start the soft sweet melody that always haunts me. I feel Lizzie relax into my chest reclining her head over my silent heart. She watches my fingers as they fly around the keys, and I notice she is watching intently with her brows furrowing a little as if she is giving them her whole attention.

"You want me to teach you?" I ask, feeling warmth spread over my chest.

She looks up at me and nods with a shy smile I kiss her forehead and take her tiny hands. I notice she stiffens for a fraction of a second before relaxing. So I continue and show her the first notes. It takes her a few tries to get the tempo right, but eventually she gets the hang of the prelude.

"You are a natural." I compliment her and she smiles, for the first time she smiles a real smile, teeth and all and I feel like my heart would explode.

Esme grabs a camera from upstairs and without Lizzie noticing runs into the room and snaps a picture. Her eyes are red and I know if it had been possible she would be crying. After taking another picture she runs back upstairs.

"_Well done honey."_

I smile to myself.

I kiss the top of her head inhaling her scent, it always seems to calm me and forget about everything else. Well, not everything as Bella is always there but… it makes me feel more positive and with more purpose. It's like a reminder that everything happens for a reason, for some reason a god I wasn't sure I believed in before blessed me with this little angel… for some reason he sent her to me. And for some reason, she is still out there… and I'm going to find her.

For my daughter, I'm going to bring her mom back.

We hear a van round the corner to our driveway, the man driving muttering about how hidden the house is.

"Alice, you're delivery is here." I tell her.

She had ordered a few dresses for Lizzie last week.

"I know." She says before standing up from the floor on her room where she had been flipping over a magazine.

The delivery man parks the van in the drive way and opens the back taking a box and then walking towards the front porch. Alice pass us in the way and opens the door before the man had a chance to ring the bell.

"Hi!" Alice smiles brightly and the man is taken aback a little. A normal reaction for humans whenever they see us.

"Uhh… mhmm" _She is hot! _"I'm looking for a Miss Alice Cullen?"

"That would be me!" She says taking the box.

Then, the wind changes its direction and I'm suddenly assaulted by the man's scent, my muscles stiffen and my mouth waters with venom. Lizzie turns into a block of ice, probably sensing my change of posture and looks directly to the floor. I hold my breath until Alice finally closes the door.

"Sorry." She says as she notices my black eyes. _"You should hunt today, before the Denali's get here tonight."_

"You know how long they'll stay?"

"No, they haven't decided yet."

Lizzie pats my chest and I look down at her.

"What angel?" I smile at her ignoring my thirst.

She points at the piano again.

"Again?" I chuckle and she nods. "You like this song don't you?" She nods again.

I wrap my arms around her and kiss her cheek.

"You want me to tell you a little story?" I whisper against her ear and she waits for me to continue, her eyes bright with excitement.

"I wrote that song a few years ago… I wrote it for you mother."

Her eyes water before she nods and I frown.

"You knew that?" I ask truly amazed. "How?"

Her face falls, and I can literally feel her pain.

"Lizzie… h-have you heard this song before?" I choke out.

…

…

…

"Lizzie?"

She nods.

…

…

…

"How?"

Did Bella find the CD under the floor boards in her old room?

"Did Bella play a CD for you?"

She shakes her head.

…

…

…

"Did… Did she sing it for you-u?" My voice cracks at the end.

Her eyes seem so far away, like she is remembering something and I can tell this is hard on her so I stop questioning her. But my curiosity is anything but appeased.

"I love you." I tell her, and it doesn't escape my mind that it's the first time I've said this aloud.

She looks up to me, her eyes watering again but there is something in them… hope?

"I love you, of course I do… how couldn't I? And I'm sorry… I'm so sorry for not being there, for everything but I promise you, I _swear _to you… I'll never let anybody hurt you, I'll protect you… I'll never leave you… you are my little angel."

She bits her lip as more tears fall down her cheeks, and the sight is so painful as it reminds me so much of Bella. I kiss her tears away and she clutches at my shirt crying quietly.

"I know you want your mom," I start swaying us lightly "and that you are used to her taking care of you… but you can trust me too. Tell me what you need, I'll give you anything… and I'm doing everything I can to bring your mom back too…" I cry.

Her cries turn into sobs, so I stand up and take us to her room. I lay us down on her bed and I let her cry until she falls asleep again.

It kills me to see her suffer, but I also know she has to let it out. I won't pressure her into talking, I still don't know what the issue about her not talking is but she must have her reasons, and I want her to trust me. And since she won't talk, I let her let everything out with her tears. I stay with her in her room as she falls asleep again, and it's a first she doesn't wake up crying every two hours so I don't even go out of her room when the Denali's arrive around nine.

"Where is Edward?" Tanya asks as she kisses Esme's cheek.

"He is with Lizzie she's asleep so he is watching over her… she hasn't been feeling well."

"Aww, how cute… I never pictured him as the father type, isn't it amazing?"

"Yes, well… you'd be surprised then, it's as if he was born for the role." Esme says proudly.

"How is the girl?" Carmen asks "Tell us about her."

"She is amazing, so beautiful… according to Carlisle she is the living image of Edward's mother."

"I want to meet her… Edward, can I come upstairs?" Tanya asks but I remain quiet, not wanting to wake up Lizzie and thankfully Alice senses my hesitation but Rosalie beats her to it.

"She is asleep, she needs her rest." She says coolly and Tanya is taken aback by her sudden coldness.

"Why don't you wait until Lizzie wakes up? It's just that she is finally sleeping a few hours on a row." Alice interferes.

"Alice is right Tanya, besides we don't want to overwhelm the girl." Kate agrees.

"Alright, I guess we can wait… I brought her presents though."

I almost laugh when I see the presents she got. I know my daughter enough by now to foresee her reaction. Besides, even if she wasn't special what kind of five year old would want to play with blocks and stuffed things even I know are for toddlers?

"That's so nice of you Tanya, I'm sure Lizzie would like them." Carlisle says politely and I hear Rosalie huff.

"Tell us more about her?" Irina inquires curiously.

Lizzie stirs in my arms letting out a little sigh.

"I think you are about to find out yourself." Alice answers hearing Lizzie move on the mattress and as if on cue she opens her eyes.

"Hi sleeping beauty." I tell her softly and she smiles at me.

"Awww." I hear Tanya, Kate and Irina say in unison and I want to roll my eyes at them.

"You slept well?"

She nods.

"I'm glad." I kiss her forehead and she yawns covering her mouth with her hand "Listen… there are a few friends downstairs that want to meet you… would that be Ok?"

She frowns a little before grabbing my shirt.

"Don't worry I'll be with you the whole time Ok? They are like family and are so excited to meet you." I nuzzle her cheek and she smiles in return. "So, what do you say?"

She finally nods and I stand up with her on my hip.

"Alright, do you want your blankie?" I ask, knowing it would make her feel more comfortable. She nods eagerly and I take it from the bed handing it to her. "Here we go." I say, more to the vampires downstairs than to her.

I walk out of her room and towards the stairs, I feel her heart beat quicken but not much so I try not to worry. Before taking the stairs I turn to her.

"If it's too much just pat my shoulder and we'll come back upstairs Ok?"

She nods again and I smile at her, glad she trusts me a little with this.

"_He is so great with her, wonder why she is not speaking though." _Tanya thinks.

"_I wonder if she looks like the human." _That would be Laurent, and I'm instantly wary… there's something about him… I don't know but I got the feeling he's trying too hard not to think about something.

Then we come into view, and there a lot of gasps going on at the same time.

"Oh god Edward, she is so perfect!" Carmen brings her hand to her chest.

I smile proudly.

That she is.

"I know… Lizzie, this is Carmen… and that's her husband Eleazar." I point out.

Eleazar gives her a small wave and Lizzie stares at them curiously, neither of the Denali's coming any closer not wanting to scare her and I'm glad for them giving her space.

"Hola preciosa." Carmen smiles warmly. "Un milagro, un verdadero milagro."

Lizzie surprises me by waving back shyly and I hold her tighter in reassurance.

"Thanks Carmen." I say "And these are Tanya and her sisters Kate and Irina… and that's Laurent."

"Hi Lizzie, wow Edward… I'm seeing it but it's still hard to believe it." Tanya says, her eyes solely Lizzie.

"I know, she is something else."

"Can I hold her?"

Lizzie stiffens.

"Sorry, but no. She is still getting used to everything and is wary of strangers."

I feel her relax instantly.

"Oh, ok then… maybe later."

I say nothing, not compromising Lizzie.

"Lizzie," Tanya says then. "I hope we can be good friends, I've known your dad for so long."

"Tanya." I warn, knowing where her thoughts are going.

"Stay out of my head." She says playfully and I hear Rosalie hiss lowly. "Anyway, Lizzie I've got a few surprises for you… wanna see them?"

Lizzie looks up to me, as if asking permission and I nod encouraging her.

"You want to see what _aunt _Tanya got for you?" I ask her and she nods. "Want me to put you on the floor?" She shakes her head, clutching the collar of my shirt. "Ok, I'll go with you."

Tanya brings forward a suitcase and places it on the floor, kneeling to open the zipper. I kneel in front of her, sitting Lizzie on my knee. She still has yet to let go of my shirt.

When Tanya opens the case we see it's full of toys.

Lizzie watches the inside of the suitcase curiously before –to my family's amusement- cocking an eyebrow to Tanya.

And I can't help but laugh out loud.

Did she really just do that?

"That was awesome." Emmett booms.

"What's the matter?" Tanya says confused.

"Tanya, Lizzie might be three but she is more developed than a normal human… she looks like five but we think her brain is even more developed than that too." Carlisle explains trying not to laugh.

"Oh." Tanya says a little disappointed.

"I made a puzzle with her the other day." Rosalie says smugly. "And she can read."

"Well, maybe next time we visit I can bring something more appropriate for such a smart girl."

Tanya reaches out to touch Lizzie's cheek but Lizzie dodges her freaking out. I quickly stand up –with Lizzie still in my arms- taking a few steps back.

"Tanya, she doesn't like to be touched." I try my best not to growl.

"Sorry, I-I just wa-"

Then I hear Eleazar hum pensively and I immediately turn him.

"What was that?" I ask curiously, forgetting all about Tanya.

"Sorry, but… I was trying to read her… but she is blocking me."

Then I remember Eleazar's gift and frown.

"What do you mean?"

"Carlisle said you can't read her mind… so I was trying to figure out if she had any gift or deduce why but… she is blocking me. I guess… that's her gift?" He says cocking his head to the side.

I look down at Lizzie curiously, she is playing with the corner of her blankie now ignoring the audience.

"But… she is human, I mean she is special and slightly different in some ways but blood runs through her veins, she grows and I couldn't read Bella's mind either… do you consider that as a gift too?"

He shrugs.

"I don't know… I've never met her so I can't tell, but if it works while Bella is human… I can only imagine the possibilities if she was one of us." He muses but I'm not thinking about that right now.

Right now, I'm staring at my daughter with my mind full with theories.

Could it be?

I shake my head.

No, Bella couldn't have pulled it off and she looked healthy when she got here.

Carlisle shares a look with me, and I read on his mind he had come up with the same theory as I only to reject it as I did.

But I'm still curious.

"Why do you think she is blocking you?"

"Probably because of the same reason you can't read her mind. When I was with the Volturi, we divided gifts into groups. You know gifts are never the same but we are still able to categorize them. If your daughter is gifted –which is a possibility since she is part of you too- and it's not just a trait of what she is… I'll say she was a shield."

"But Jasper can feel her." I say.

"But I can't see her." Alice says back, her tone brightening now that there's an explanation.

"I think, it's has more to do with her mind…" Eleazar begins "she is protected. Jasper's gift is physical, you feel what he wants to make you feel… but the way you, Alice and my gift works it is through the mind. Alice sees the future according to our decisions on our head, you hear minds and my gift works much like yours…"

"But Alice can see Bella." Esme adds.

"But she is human, and as I said a gift never works the same way. She might have gotten it from her mother but it works in different ways."

"A shield!" I say amazed "Of course." Everybody stares at my daughter, some with curiosity others with wonder. She looks up feeling our looks and lifts her face to me patting my shoulder anxiously.

"Enough for today?" I ask her and she nods frantically. "Alright, I'm taking her back upstairs I think she still needs to rest."

"But hasn't she just woken up?" Laurent asks in his thick French accent.

"Yes, but she hasn't been feeling well lately so… see you guys later."

I take Lizzie back upstairs to her room where I lay her back on her bed.

"Better?"

She nods.

"I know you don't like to be touched or have people fussing over you… and that's Ok, so just tell me when everything is becoming too much, I don't want you to go through anything you are not comfortable with."

She bits her lower lip before nodding.

A shield, that would explain a lot… and now I'm sure that's the reason Alice didn't foresee Bella's pregnancy. I wonder if Bella figured it out too, and that's why she told me she was special besides the obvious.

"Alright, so how do you feel? You slept all afternoon but are you tired?"

She shakes her head.

"What do you want to do then?"

She thinks for a moment before pointing at her backpack next her dresser. I stand up and go to pick it up for her. I sit back next to her as I place it between us. She opens the zipper and produces a DVD case.

I chuckle.

"Again?" She nods with a tiny smile.

I look around and realize there is no TV in her room.

"Ok, just give me a moment I'll be right back."

I stand up and walk out of her room closing the door behind me. As soon as I'm out of sight I run at vampire speed downstairs.

"Emmet, can you help me install the flat screen in the game room in Lizzie's room?"

"Sure." He says immediately disappearing into the hallway.

When he is gone I go into the kitchen and cut a piece of the apple pie Esme made today and place the plate on a tray, then I cut an apple in thin slices putting them on a Shrek bowl Emmet got her at a kid's store near campus. Next I open the fridge and pour some apple juice on a cup adding a straw.

"You are very dedicated." Tanya says coming into the kitchen.

"Well, she is everything I have for now."

"Have you found anything about the human?"

"No."

"I'm sorry…"

She is being sincere, she knows how much she meant to me but I can also notice the hope behind her words. I stop what I'm doing and look up to her.

"Tanya, even if I can't find her in time… Lizzie is the only thing I'm dedicating my existence to… I'm sorry but I want to be clear on that, I love you as a sister you are family to me but that's it. There's never going to be anything between us."

"You can't blame me for thinking about it… I've been alone for so long, I've always been attracted to you and now seeing you with your daughter you are quiet a catch." She winks trying to lighten the moment.

I give her a tight lip smile.

"Thanks, but Lizzie comes first. She is the only thing worthy I have in my life and I don't want to fail her."

"I understand that." She says a little disappointed.

"Thanks."

And with that, I take the tray with me and walk back upstairs to Lizzie's room. I run into Emmett on the way and he tells me everything is ready.

"Thank you."

"Anything for Mini-Bell."

I stop in my tracks and turn to him.

"What did you just call her?" I ask curiously.

"Mini-Bell, she might look like you but you can't deny she is all Bella."

He was right, her gestures her temperament… her behavior… she was just like my angel.

"Yeah, you are right." I say feeling the pain wash over me again.

…

…

…

"I hate what you did, but I love my sister and I want her to be happy. I know you are what makes her happy but you were so arrogant thinking you knew better and even though you don't deserve her, that's the real reason I'm helping you find her." I look down, ashamed as always for what I did and Emmett continues. "She deserves to be happy and have a chance to see your daughter grow, and Lizzie clearly needs you so that's the only reason why I didn't rip your head off too. They need you now more than ever so don't fuck up this time." He says seriously.

"If anything happens to Lizzie, you have my permission to turn me into shreds and then set them on fire." I vow.

"I'll remember that."

With a last nod I run the rest of the way to my daughter's room.

I open the door to her room and she is exactly where I left her, sitting in the middle of her bed. Her face brightens when she sees the tray.

"Hungry?" I ask and she nods eagerly.

I place the tray next to her on the bedside table and she immediately goes for the juice while I set the DVD ready. Emmett had removed one of the paintings Alice had hung on the wall in front of the bed and welded the flat screen instead.

I pressed play and went to lie back next to her. Five minutes into the movie she had offered me from her apples, making me melt inside but I had explained her that I was on a special diet. So after finishing her pie she had cuddled next to me and we both watched Shrek together. It took me by surprise when by some point during the movie she had giggled aloud, sending the whole house into full shock as we had never heard her utter any sound besides her cries.

"Did she just?" Rosalie asked aloud.

"Oh god… that was amazing!" Esme said happily.

It had been the most beautiful sound, so sweet and adorable. If I could I know I would've cried.

It was strange I wouldn't have thought little girls would be into ogres. Of course the movie was funny, but she had seen it so many times already it was bound to get old. But apparently not, it still captured her whole attention.

"You like this movie don't you?" I asked her, curious as ever and she nodded happily "Wonder why…" I mused but she only cuddled closer to me.

For a moment I feared my cold body would bother her, but she didn't seemed to mind the least. So I tried not to worry and enjoy this little moment I was having with her.

A few minutes later, when the movie was about to end she fell asleep. So I turned the TV off and quietly walked out of her room. It was while she slept that I got into serious searching, always with a part of my brain checking on Lizzie's breathing to know if she was Ok.

I walk into Carlisle's study and I'm not surprised he is not alone. Tanya, Kate, Eleazar, Alice and Jasper are there too with computers and books all over the place.

"They are helping us with our search Tanya and Kate are going over legends while the rest of us keep scanning Washington." Carlisle explained what I already knew, and I also know why they are doing this.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it but Carlisle I still can wait a few days." I say but when I'm about to sit Alice moves the chair away.

"You need to hunt, now. What use would you be for Bella and Lizzie if you are all weak and insane with thirst? We'll keep searching, now get out."

"Alice is right Edward Lizzie will be fine we'll take care of her. Do it now that she will sleep for a few hours." Esme says coming into the study and I suppress a groan.

I think for a moment, torn about leaving her with so many new strangers but they were right. The burn in my throat was making me more irritating than I already was.

"Ok, but call me if she wakes up. I won't go far I'll be here before dawn."

"I promise, now go."

I go upstairs to my room and take my phone, and in a last minute decision my journal thinking maybe I could go to the hill for a while to vent. Before jumping out I step into my daughter's room to check on her one last time. She is breathing evenly and warm enough so I'm finally able to leave with my mind at ease.

I run through the forest, searching whatever I can find. It doesn't take long before I'm able to trace a few elks to the south, I ran faster as my mouth flows with venom. I strike for the male and as soon as my sharp teeth cut the fur blood starts pouring into my mouth. Warmth spreads from my throat down my chest and until it reaches my toes, I close my eyes reveling with the feeling as the warmth reaches every end of my body.

When I'm done I throw the body away and follow the rest of the herd. I plan on feeding as much as I can so I don't have to leave again for as much as I can. After my fourth elk, I go to the hill for a little before I go home. It's still about an hour before dawn so I still have time.

When I reach the hill I sit on the usual rock, and take out my journal. With Lizzie now in my life and my never ending search for Bella it's been a while since I wrote.

What am I going to do if I can't find her in time? What would I tell Lizzie? When she grows up and asks questions… what am I going to tell her? She would hate me with no doubt if she knew the truth. That I left them, that I was so stubborn, so stupid I couldn't see the bigger picture. That Bella loved me, that she was ready and willing to be with us forever but I took that away from her because of my stupidity, because of my arrogance, because as always I made decisions that weren't supposed to be mine. If Bella dies… it would be my fault.

Bella, angel… where are you? I'm so sorry… I can't lose you. Remember when I said I was a demon? A monster? You are the only good thing in my life besides our daughter… you make me want to be a better person for you… I thought that was what I was doing when I left… you were this beautiful innocent creature, I hated myself for making you want to be like me. But the truth is, no matter what you are you'll always be my angel. The little sunray in my dark world, hell… my entire sun. My midnight sun… I'm so sorry, you have no idea.

_Please come back… I don't know who needs you the most, our beautiful daughter or me. I'm nothing without you, I need you. I love you._

I close my journal and stare at the view in front of me. The sun is coming up, my skin sparkling with the small sunrays. It makes me think of Lizzie's impenetrable skin, she already has a glow but I wonder if the sun affects her too.

Lizzie.

Shit.

I look at my watch and see it's almost seven, so I turn around and run as fast as my legs can take me back to the house.

Damn it, where did the time go?

I fly through the woods fighting against the sun, the closer I get the more anxious. Esme didn't call so I guess everything is fine but I still would hate it if she had woken up and I wasn't there.

Then I hear the frantic thoughts of my family and almost fall mid run. Then I hear her, and I finally know what a heart attack feels like.

I run, faster than ever with my head boiling in anger, for the first time ever I'm glad of being a vampire because of the speed.

Finally after the longest two minutes ever I jump into the house's lawn.

"Give her to me!"

"No!" Rosalie growls.

"I told you! She was fine with me!" Tanya says frantically. "Shh… Lizzie come to me sweetie."

"I told you she hates to be fed by the mouth!" Rosalie hollers back.

"She was fine!" Tanya cries.

"No! She was making faces!"

"Give her to me!" Tanya pleads "She is scared!"

"She doesn't want you!"

"That's not true! We were fine until you came! Give her to me!"

"You are not her mother!"

"Neither are you!" I growl as I walk into the living room where Rosalie is holding a terrified and crying Lizzie.

I immediately take Lizzie from Rosalie and by now she knows better than to argue with me. Lizzie wraps her arms around my neck in a tight hold as her tiny shoulders sag as she sobs.

"Shh… shhh… I'm sorry, I'm sorry I was gone… I'm here." I kiss the top of her head. Then I turn with a murderous glare to the women in front of me, the rest of the family are in shock or at a loss of what to do around the living room.

"Let me get this straight once and for all," I hiss "Neither of you are or will ever be her mother, is that clear?"

"Ed-" Rosalie starts but I cut her off.

"Elizabeth has a mother! Her name is Isabella and she'll be back. My daughter is not a toy for you to play with!"

"Edward, I just wanted to-"

"Rosalie," I cut her off again "I'm thankful for your help but you need to know the limits. You don't take decisions or have any say regarding _my daughter_. And the same goes for you Tanya and you better get rid of those ideas in your mind, I'm not looking for a mother for Lizzie nor for a partner either… as I said Lizzie has her mother and no one will ever take her place, is that clear?"

"Yes." She says softly.

"Good, now I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave or I'll go. Elizabeth is already vulnerable as she is and I won't have her involved with more madness." I say soothing her back.

"But Edward…" Tanya insisted and I turned to Carlisle for help.

"I'm sorry Tanya, but Edward is right. Lizzie is having a hard time already adjusting to us, I think it's best if you leave."

"Of course," Kate agreed "We are so sorry we shouldn't have ambushed you like this."

"Yes, if you want we can still help to look for Bella from home, we want to help." Carmen added, staring sadly at Lizzie who was still crying her guts out, chocking on her own breath.

"Thank you, we'll appreciate any help we can get." Carlisle answered for me as I tried to soothe my terrified daughter.

Ten minutes later, I was back in Lizzie's room and the Denali's were gone. Lizzie had fallen asleep again, and I was starting to get anxious with how much she has been sleeping, with all the crying and her stress she should be tired but it was becoming too much.

When I'm sure she is Ok I come out of her room and follow my family's voices downstairs to the kitchen.

"You promised you would call when she woke up." I say as soon as I enter the kitchen and Esme looks at me guiltily.

"I'm sorry, but she was fine… she was kind of playing with Tanya and Carmen, she was ok until Rose came with her breakfast and Tanya tried to feed her. I was going to call you then but you returned before I had the chance."

Then I turned to Rosalie who just glared back.

"Stop trying to fill a place that doesn't belong to you… Bella will be back, sh-"

"And what if she doesn't? What if she is already dead?"

Jasper grabs me just as I am about to launch myself at her and Emmett gets in the middle.

"Shut up!"

"It's a possibility, Edward you have to understand that Elizabeth needs a mother figure… I'm not stealing anything from anyone. I'm just trying to help her, she wants a mother and I want someone to take care of."

"You are right, she needs a mother figure but you are not it! She needs someone warm and caring, you are just selfish and coldhearted!"

"That's not true." She glared.

"She wants Bella, she wants her real mother and if you want to be in her good graces to fulfill that wish of yours then I suggest you to stop forcing yourself on her! She is not stupid, she knows what you are doing and she doesn't like it!"

"She was fine with me until Tanya came along!"

"Put yourself on her shoes for a freaking second! She has known nothing but Bella her entire life! This is new for her! She is in a strange place, full with strange people, she doesn't even trust me, the last thing she needs is someone replacing the only thing she knows."

"I just wanted to make her feel wanted, at home." Rosalie's voice shakes.

"Rosalie, you can't fool me." I say tapping my head. "I know you see this as an opportunity to fulfill your motherhood wish but not at the expense of my daughter."

"But Edward, she needs a moth-"

"I don't care! And I forbid you to think of her as yours, she is not! Bella is the one who should have the chance to be her mother she _is _her mother so I suggest you to come to terms with that are we clear?"

She was hurt, I know but I didn't care. Lizzie came first and if she wasn't comfortable with Rose's behavior I wasn't going to do nothing about it.

"You can be as nurturing and caring as you want, but you won't make decisions for her. If she doesn't want to do something you can't force her to, that's not your place. Instead of shoving things into her mouth every five minutes or making her do stuff, ask her first if she wants it or if she would prefer something else."

"She needs to eat healthy." She muttered.

"It doesn't matter, it's making no difference anyway so at least let her enjoy things she wants and eats without throwing up!"

"That happened just once!"

"It doesn't matter, I'm warning you. Stop it or we'll leave."

She was finally quiet and I closed my eyes to calm myself.

"Carlisle, did you find anything?" I ask after a moment still with my eyes closed pinching the bridge of my nose.

"We have a lead."

I look up immediately.

"What?" I ask my voice full of hope and Carlisle turns to Jasper.

"I was finally able to hack into the Social Services system" Jasper says then getting my full attention "I picked out her current number, it's different from the one you got from Mark when he was here… it's a cell phone with Washington's code area, we tried it but it was off though."

"And how is this of help if she has it off?"

"At least we narrowed it a bit she_ is_ in Washington so we can cross Arizona and Florida off of the list for sure."

"Could you see where she got that phone from?"

"Yes, a store in Seattle near the apartment she and Lizzie used to live in… about a couple of days before Lizzie got here."

"But she said she was leaving Seattle, and Alice says she is in a small town." Esme adds.

"Yes, which makes us think she is in a small town nearby judging by Alice's vision. Alice and I are going tonight we will try to track her." Jasper answers.

I sighed, I wanted to go too. I needed to go but I couldn't leave Lizzie alone for so long, especially not after today. I had an inner battle, but I know if Bella had been here she would have told me to stay and take care of our daughter.

"Please, find her."

"We'll try Edward." Alice said softly.

I turn around, my mind impossibly exhausted and drained. What if Rosalie was right? What if… No, I would have received the call from the hospital like Mark said. I run upstairs to Carlisle's study to catch up on what they had done and try the number Jasper found once more but as he told me it was off.

Where are you angel?

Two hours later I'm so frustrated, desperate and helpless I can't concentrate anymore. I feel as if a bomb is ticking over my head and waiting to explode at any second. I'm failing them both, if Bella dies… I would never forgive myself but if something happens to Lizzie? I would burn myself alive.

I walk out of the study, I need to think clearly. I sit on my piano and take out Bella's letter from my pocket. I re-read it again trying to make some sense of it, she says she is special –I knew that the moment I saw her- and that she is like me –that's obvious, but I would have said she looks more like my mother- but then I reread that again, remembering what Eleazar said about her gift. Did Bella know about it?

I let out a sigh and turn on the bench, starting my angel's lullaby.

It's useless, I guess there are some answers I'll never get unless I see her again.

Will I find her in time?

Light footsteps bring me out of my musings, and I turn around to see my little angel standing in the middle of the room. She is holding her blankie tightly between her hands and I can tell she is nervous.

"They are gone sweetie." I say opening my arms to her but she doesn't come forward. Instead she stares at me with big eyes and I'm afraid she'll start crying again. "Are you Ok little angel? Do you want me to play for you?"

…

…

…

"Lizzie? Are you Ok?"

…

…

…

"I'm thirsty."

The whole house comes to a stop.

…

…

…

"Wha-at?" I ask stunned.

I'm too awed and shocked to move or say anything but I do notice that Rosalie has just entered the kitchen and is currently pouring her a glass with milk.

Lizzie makes a face and looks around to see if we are alone, as alone as we could be since I know we have my whole family's attention now. Then she turns back to me and I see the fear but determination in her eyes. She walks straight to me and stand on her toes before losing her hold on her blankie and placing her little hand on my cheek.

* * *

***Gasp***

**So she _was _thirsty, poor lizzie suffering because of her thirst and afraid to come out of her shell. Hopefully Edward will finally take her out of her misery!**

**What did you think about the Denalis? What about Tanya wanting to play mommy for Lizzie? And what's up with Laurent?**

**Please leave me some love!**

****"Hola preciosa" = Hi beautiful.

"Un milagro, un verdadero milagro." = A miracle, a true miracle.

**OMC will be update in a couple of days! **

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	7. Chapter 7: Why

**Hello guys! Sorry with the HUGE delay but I wanted to finish One More Chance before continuing with this story, the good is about to start and I want to dedicate it my whole attention to this story!**

**This chapter was supposed to be chapter 7 and 8, but because I know I have kept you waiting long enough I decided to join them and make then a long chapter. Also I decided to post long chapters once a week instead of short chapters every four days, since now that I have the plot complete in my head this could turn into a 100 chapters and I don't want that. So weekly updates!**

**I'm already working in chapter 8 so you'll have it next week! Expect a teaser on the Fictionators and my blog!**

**SM owns everything!**

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Chapter 7: Why

"**Why" – Secondhand Serenade**  
The buttons on my phone are worn thin  
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.  
But I've broken all my promises to you  
I've broken all my promises to you.

Why do you do this to me?  
Why do you do this so easily?  
You make it hard to smile because  
You make it hard to breathe  
Why do you do this to me?

A phrasing that's a single tear,  
Is harder than I ever feared  
And you were left feeling so alone.  
Because these days aren't easy  
Like they have been once before  
These days aren't easy anymore

_**November 30th**_

My vision is replaced by the image of Lizzie alone in the woods, she is running… at lightning speed.

_She strikes and sinks her little white pearls into a deer's throat. When she is done drying the animal, a distinct whistle is heard through the forest and Lizzie starts running again. The vision changes and suddenly she is jumping into Bella's arms. Bella kisses her cheek before taking out a tissue and cleaning Lizzie's mouth of blood._

The vision ends and I'm suddenly staring into my daughters brown eyes again.

I'm shocked. I can't even form a sentence.

"What was that?" I ask her in awe.

She takes my hand and my vision changes again.

_Bella asking Lizzie about what she wants for dinner and Lizzie touching her cheek back. Bella telling Lizzie not to use her gift with strangers. Bella in a mall telling Lizzie to be quiet and if she wants something to touch her. Bella telling her she was special so she had to be careful with her gift around people._

"Oh." I say finally understanding and then I start to laugh and Lizzie stares at me amused.

_Of course!_

Of course! Bella said it in her letter!

"_She needs you more than you could ever imagine, she's__growing fast__and needs someone like you, not only because of who you are to her but because of__what__you are. I know I can't say much, the only thing I'll say is that she is so wonderful… she's so much like__you__, in everything… it's amazing."_

I was too preoccupied with Bella's sickness and accepting the idea that I had a daughter to read between the lines.

"Edward?" Carlisle asks coming cautiously into the room with Esme by his side. Rosalie is back from the kitchen too holding a glass of milk. The rest of the family are hovering in the hallway curiously "What is it?"

I look back at Lizzie she is biting her lip probably worrying if she did the right thing telling me.

"She… she wants blood." I smile at my daughter and she finally relaxes when she sees I understand.

Carlisle raises his eyebrows in surprise and someone gasps.

"Really?" He asks incredulous and I nod still awed. "How do you know?"

I look down at Lizzie and kiss her forehead.

"You want to show him? With your special talent?"

Her eyes widen and I take her onto my lap and kiss her ear.

"It's Ok, you are safe here." I tell her understanding she had been cautious because of what Bella told her.

"Special talent?" Alice asks "What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure what it is… its better if she shows you."

Alice walks forward and kneels in front of Lizzie.

"Alright, show me mini-bell." She smiles sweetly at her.

Lizzie looks up to me as if asking permission and I nod at her telling her she is Ok again.

"It's Ok, you can trust Alice." I encourage her.

After deciding for a couple of seconds, slowly she brings her hand up and touches Alice's cheek. Alice gasps and her eyes un-focus, pretty much like when she has a vision. I read the vision through Alice she was showing her how she and Bella communicate. Two seconds later Alice squeals making Lizzie jump in my lap.

"You are gifted!" She claps excitedly.

One by one Lizzie showed them what them gift was about, she was a little reluctant with Rose but agreed nonetheless. I wanted to cheer when she showed Rosalie images of her and Bella doing things together, like Bella brushing her hair or Bella feeding her as a baby, and both of them playing with her dolls. It was clearly a statement.

When she was done the whole family was staring at her in wonder so she turned in my lap and buried her face in my chest hating the attention. I rub my hand on her back soothing her.

"Wow, it's the exact opposite of what you do." Carlisle says amazed "You can _read_ minds, but she _shows _you hers."

"I know it's amazing." I smile at my daughter, she ducks her head and blushes a little. It saddens me how the action reminds me of my angel, but her lack of color makes me snap out of it.

I know what she needs now.

Oh god, I had entertained the idea when Eleazar discussed the possibility of her being a shield, but I had thrown it away remembering she had been eating and enjoyed apples and knowing Bella wouldn't be capable of getting her blood. Now it was so obvious, wonder how Bella managed while she was a baby though. But I'll ask my questions later, now I needed to quench my daughter's thirst. Poor thing must be in pain, damn it! How stupid of me! I was so angry at myself now, of course she drank blood it was only natural.

"I'll take her hunting now," I said standing up with her on my arms "Are you Ok with that or do you want me to bring you something here?" I asked her, she wasn't feeling well after all and I didn't want to overexert her.

She touched my face

"_Yes."_

I kissed her cheek. Of course she wouldn't want to show weakness, she is Bella's daughter after all. It was amazing how much she was like her. Emmet was right, she was all Bella and I loved her more because of that. She was a part of her too, it made her more special.

Angel, I miss you.

"Out it is then, you need a coat? Are you cold?" I asked worriedly.

She nodded and Rosalie immediately brought her a jacket and a pair of boots.

"Alright, let's go before it gets dark." I said after Rose was done helping her into the jacket and boots.

I walked out of the house and my family followed us until the porch, then I broke into a jog until I reached the woods at human pace. When we were out of sight and earshot I set her on the floor and kneeled in front of her in the middle of the forest.

"I'm sorry for not understanding what you needed. I didn't know can you forgive me?" I asked her and she nodded.

"Thank you, so… you are fast?"

She nodded again.

"Alright," I smiled widely at her "show me what you got."

Her eyes widened before a big smile spread over her gorgeous face and then she was gone. I laughed and ran after her, she was fast, very fast considering she hasn't been fed in probably over a month –crap, no wonder she cried a lot- but I could easily catch up with her I guessed when she got older she would rival me in speed.

She smiled when she ran, so beautiful. She must enjoy finally being able to be out of the house and exercise. Of course she would be sick of being inside the house all day for three weeks now. I could feel her joy within me, her excitement and exhilaration from the run. The same feeling I had when I did it too, we both enjoyed the speed.

I loved that, finally we had something in common besides the looks.

Two minutes later I noticed she started to lose speed, probably getting tired since she still had yet to feed. So I ran past her, snatching her up and throwing her on my back. She squealed and that's when I really ran.

"Hold on tight!" Her grip on my neck tightened and I grabbed her legs on the sides of my torso and I ran even faster. She laughed as the wind hit her face and made her hair fly all over.

"You like speed don't you?!" I shouted over the noise of the wind and she placed her hand on my cheek.

_Lizzie running through the woods chasing fawns, rabbits and squirrels. Bella whistling that distinct melody for her and Lizzie going back to her, showing her what she had seen._

The image was so beautiful I wanted to cry, I literally swallowed as sob. I asked her to show me again and she did. Seeing them together was quite a sight, it was clear Lizzie _loved _Bella it was as if she was her world. I couldn't believe this was happening, I couldn't believe because of my stupid choices Lizzie and Bella didn't have this anymore. I could also see it in Bella's eyes, the devotion she had to our daughter, and it was easy to see her world was solely her. It was so beautifully heart wrenching.

God, angel where are you?

Running with Lizzie like this brought back tons of memories. I remembered the first time I took her for a run like this, when I confessed my love for her and she said the words back. How she had fainted afterwards and then I kissed her for the first time. I took in a shaky breath to control myself.

I'm going to find her.

Shortly after I caught the scent of a herd and slowed to a walking pace. Grabbed Lizzie around her waist and pulled her to my front. Her cheeks were flushed from the wind and I kissed her cold nose. I came to a stop in the middle of a small clearing and put her on the ground, then kneeled in front of her.

"So I gather you like deer," I said and she nodded "What else?"

She touched my cheek.

"_Momma says only deer and rabbits."_

I frowned.

"Why is that?"

She shrugged.

"_I'm not strong enough."_

"So you are fast but not strong?"

She nodded.

"How about hearing? Can you hear from very far away?"

She nodded.

"_That's how momma knew I didn't go far, she called me and I came back every time."_

She replayed the scene where Bella whistled and I understood what it had meant.

Her behavior around the house now made perfect sense, she heard everything we said. We needed to be careful now.

"Alright, we'll talk about that later…" I traced my finger along her throat "It hurts in here right?"

She let out a small whimper and nodded frantically with big eyes.

"_Very much."_

Crap, I was an idiot.

"Can you smell the herd a few miles away?"

She nodded swallowing.

"Ok, would you like that or do you prefer me getting you something else?"

Her eyes were wide and I chuckled.

"Did your momma tell you about what I eat?"

She nodded.

"Ok, so you know I hunt too… pretty much like you so I can tell you there's more than deer and rabbits." Poor thing, that was like having a salad for humans "You can have deer but there are a lot other animals you can have that have a better taste and would satisfy your thirst better, like… bears, lynxes and mountain lions." She gasped "I know sounds scary but you don't have to fear… I can get those for you."

"_But… wouldn't you be hurt?" _She asked worriedly and I smiled at her.

"Does that worry you?"

She nodded.

"Why?"

She shrugged.

I looked around me and an idea came to mind, I gave her a sad smile as I remembered when I did this about four years ago. I moved at vampire speed to the edge of the clearing and ripped a two foot thick branch from the trunk of a spruce. I heard her gasp and I looked at her to see if she had gotten scared of me, but she only stared at me wide eyed and with her mouth shaped in a small o, then I threw the branch across the clearing. She saw it fly and crash against a pine tree, shaking the trunk and breaking it in half. She gasped and stared back at me.

I walked back to her at human pace so she would see I meant no harm and sat in front of her on the ground. She only stared at me with her mouth agape and I chuckled without humor. I had gotten the same response out of her mother.

"I won't hurt you, I wouldn't dream of it. You and I are very similar," I placed a lock of her hair behind her ear "but you are still half human. I'm strong, very strong but you don't have to fear me. I'll use that strength to protect you and take care of you." I took a rock that lay next to us and smashed it with one fist "I can take a bear or a lion with one hand and my eyes closed so you don't have to fear for me either. I only want you to be happy and healthy."

"What if they have teeth?" She asked in a small voice and I smiled, glad that she had used it for me.

Her question surprised the hell out of me though, of all the other things she should worry about. She was definitely Bella's daughter.

"My skin like yours is impenetrable, they can't harm me."

She stared at my arms curiously before gracing my forearm with her tiny fingers.

"_Really? I'm not weird then?"_

I chuckled.

"You are nothing but perfect," I kissed her cheek "and I swear nothing is going to happen to me, so what do you say about me getting you a bear instead of those stinky deer?" I made a face and she giggled. "You can still have them if you like to chase them but I promise you, carnivores taste better" I said in mock seriousness "especially the mountain lion." I winked at her.

"Ok." She blushed.

"Alright, now all we have to do is track one."

I placed her in my back again and took off towards the south almost reaching Canada, it didn't took long before I found a lost bear who had yet to hibernate. I left Lizzie on the top of a tree just in case another animal came by while I tracked the bear. I wasn't ready to let her watch me hunt.

"Stay here." I told her seriously.

I was back on the ground in my hunches and I could feel the venom flow around my mouth, instincts taking in, my nostrils flared and I followed the scent.

I found the grizzly bear near a river, probably trying to catch some fish to feed in the freezing water. I didn't want to waste time in the chase my little angel was in pain so I strike without thinking, breaking the bear's neck with my hands. He didn't even have time to utter a noise.

I carried the beast back to where I left Lizzie and put it on the floor at the bottom of the tree. She didn't even asked permission or think about it. She jumped from the tree and immediately buried her teeth on the bear's throat. I sat by her and watched as she feed like there was no tomorrow. My heart shrank when I realized in how much pain she must had been for her to cling so desperately onto the bear's body.

When she was done she sat back down and let out and content sigh. I could already see the color returning back to her cheeks and the glow of her skin. She had blood around her lips and some on her pajama shirt I guessed I had to teach her how to feed without making a mess like Emmett, too. I couldn't wait, finally there was something I could do without messing up. This was me, this was my world and she was a part of it. For the first time I didn't think being a monster would be so bad. I could teach her all I know, how to defend herself and provide for her in the way only someone like me can, it made me feel good, like now my existence had a purpose and I was turned into this for something. I used my sleeve to clean up her face and she smiled shyly before blushing.

She has your blush too, angel.

"It's alright," I chuckled "You should see Emmett when he comes back from a hunting trip, he likes to play with his food" I shook my head amused "Better?" I ask after finishing cleaning her face and she nods. "Good, you want something else? I could probably find you a wolf or a lynx."

Soon all animals would hide from the cold and snow and they will be harder to find, Alaska wasn't the best place in the winter –I was actually surprised it hadn't snowed yet- and I didn't want to bring Lizzie out in this weather and run miles to Canada and back so I made a mental note to ask Carlisle if we could move south soon. I knew he would say yes and if he doesn't then I would take Lizzie with me to Washing by myself. Actually I liked the idea, Lizzie will be in a warmer place with a lot of wild animals around for her to feed and I could look for Bella myself.

"_I'm good, thank you."_

I kissed the top of her head.

"You are welcome, but are you sure?"

She nodded.

"Alright, let go back home then. I'm sure Alice is more than ready to change you out of those pajamas." I teased and she did a face which reminded me of something.

"You hid Aunt Alice's comb didn't you?" I smirked at her so she wouldn't think I was mad.

She blushed and I chuckled.

"I knew it, show me." I told her, looking for any excuse for her to share her gift with me and learn more about her. She smiled and she touched my cheek.

_As soon as Alice is out of the room, Lizzie turns to see if Emmett was distracted enough, when she thought it was safe she quickly snatches the comb and hides it by burying it under the dirt in one of Esme's plants in the library. All in less than two seconds._

I laughed out loud when the vision finished. She was so smart no wonder Alice couldn't track it.

"It's Ok, I won't tell her… if she finds it she will probably still think it was Emmett." I wiggled my eyebrows at her and she giggled.

It was so good to hear her laugh, and now seeing her getting healthy by the minute I felt like I could finally breathe. I felt the tightness in my chest lose its hold on me. She was going to be Ok, I could see it already. Now I only had to worry about her fast growing, but I would put that aside for now until we found Bella, now that she was healthy I could focus solely on finding my angel.

The temperature was dropping fast, so I took off my sweater and put it over her. She obviously was drowning in it but she didn't care, she looked cute though, I could only see her boots under the hem so I ripped it from the sides and made a knot around her waist freeing her legs, then we ran back home and I followed close behind her letting her lead. I wanted to see how she moved through the forest, if she could find the way back home by herself, which she did by following our scent. Before we reached a large branch, I ran past her and took her by her armpits taking her with me as I jumped over it fearing she wouldn't make it and fall, once I touched the ground again she smiled in thanks and I let her free again.

We reached the house just before the sun started to settle almost everyone was outside waiting for us and smiled when they saw the obvious changes in her. Her color was back full on, her hair shinier and her skin smooth and perfect. She was really breathtaking, even more when she smiled. Although that smile she had wore when we ran was now gone. She still had yet to feel comfortable around everyone.

"God Lizzie, look at your pajamas!" Esme laughed and I saw Alice's hands twitch, obviously wanting to put her hands on her as soon as possible and fix her attire. "You look much better though… did you have a good time outside? It must have been refreshing."

Lizzie nodded.

"She does look better," Rosalie smiled "now let's get you inside, it's getting cold and it'll probably snow tonight."

"No it won't," Alice said "Jesus people can you please stop watching the weather channel?!"

"Still, the temperature is dropping… c'mon Lizzie." Rosalie extended her hand to her to take but Lizzie turned around and held her arms up for me.

I smirked at Rose and took Lizzie in my arms.

* * *

Rosalie and Alice were bathing Lizzie upstairs in her bathroom while Carlisle, Emmett and I hacked into databases in the living room. Jasper was getting everything ready for their trip to Seattle tonight. They were going to try and track Bella in the cities nearby by foot and break into Mark's house and Social Services for information if they didn't have any luck.

I had nine weeks left, give or take two. Depending if we were lucky or not, also Lizzie's birthday would be in five days, she would be three and Esme was preparing something along with Rosalie. We thought it would be a good way of distracting Lizzie and make her feel more welcome.

"So Lizzie, you wanna tell us what your dad and you did today?" Alice asked Lizzie as she dried her with a pink towel.

Lizzie timidly touched Alice's cheek and showed her how we had run together. She was still shy around my family but I guess she was trying since I told her she could trust them.

"That seems like fun." Alice smiled "You like running?"

Lizzie nodded.

"Me too." Rosalie said and I rolled my eyes. Could she be any more obvious?

"Well, I'll go and throw this downstairs I'll be back in a moment" Alice said taking the bloodstained clothes.

She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, put the pajamas on the sink and set them on fire. If anyone found blood stained little girl pajamas I had no doubt the feds would be breaking our door not too long after.

Alice waited until the clothes burned and then opened the faucet to put off the fire. She was about to get them out when her hands froze and a vision hit her.

It was Bella she was throwing up again and shook with pain. But that wasn't the most terrifying thing about it.

All her hair was gone.

Alice gasped and looked at me straight in the eye from the kitchen.

She was nothing like my angel, her skin was sickening looking, she was bones and skin, large shadows under her eyes, no hair, and no color in her cheeks, nothing. She had a purple robe around her small frame and over her pajamas.

I didn't have to read Alice's mind to know what she was thinking, we definitely didn't have nine weeks.

"What is it?" Jasper asked coming to stand next to his wife.

"It's Bella," She whispered knowing now that Lizzie could hear us "she's getting worse."

"I need to find her, now. I'm coming with you." I choked on the verge of tears. Metaphorically, of course.

"You can't leave Lizzie alone, not now she is starting to trust you. Emmett can come with us too and help track her." Alice whispered to me.

"I'll talk to her I can explain it to her as best as I can." I whispered back with a pleading voice.

"Edward, you can't do that to her. I know it's hard but I love Bella too and we'll do our hardest to find her."

I rested my face in my hands and pulled at my hair in frustration and pain. I hated this inner battle between choosing, obviously my priority was Elizabeth but it was hard to just step aside and let Alice do the dirty job. I felt myself useless behind the computer we hadn't found anything to go on besides Bella's number which was off.

"Just… find her Alice, please." I begged.

"I'll try my best."

She walked back upstairs to dry Lizzie's hair and I was left alone with Carlisle since Emmett had gone upstairs to get ready to go too.

I need to find her, I have to find her. I have no other options, I have to. Lizzie needs her mother, I told myself but we all know I needed her just as much.

_Angel, please turn on the phone. Give me one minute, just one minute to explain to you. One minute to hear my offer, please._

"Carlisle, I need to ask you something." I said in a hoarse voice.

"Yes, son?" He looked up from the computer on his lap.

"Can we move back to Washington? The winter is harsh here and I want Lizzie to be able to feed properly without having to go too far away in the snow, also… it would be easier to find Bella if we are there."

Carlisle thought for a moment.

"We just left forks three years ago, we can't risk running into someone we know… much less with Lizzie, we don't know who might have seen her before and she grows fast." I hung my head in resignation, he was right we can't risk exposure if it was only me I wouldn't care but I'm not putting Lizzie in danger. "But I agree with you on the hunting trips. What do you think about Canada? We haven't been to Alberta in over fifty years…and,is closer to Washington."

Thank god.

"Yes, Alberta would be perfect." I said with renewed hope "Would you be Ok then? You don't mind moving."

He shook his head.

"I entertained the idea this afternoon when you were out with Lizzie thinking the same… Esme and Rosalie agreed immediately, the others wouldn't mind. We all love Lizzie and want the best for her and for you too of course, we are a family Edward… we support each other."

"Thank you." I said a little choked up.

"So should I start making arrangements?" Esme asked coming into the living room as the rest of the house awaited for Carlisle's answer.

Carlisle looked at her before returning to me.

"We are moving to Alberta."

* * *

_**2 weeks later - December 14**__**th**_

"What did Alice say?"

"She and Emmett are going back to King, they'll try Seattle again."

I sighed.

It's been two weeks since Alice, Emmett and Jasper left. They divided, Emmett was searching West, Jasper was currently up North and Alice center state. She was trying the cities near Seattle while Emmett and Jasper searched across the state. Rosalie and Esme where going to join them if they didn't find anything in two days.

These past two weeks have been hell we are currently in our house in Alberta in the middle of nowhere. We moved a week ago, and it's been hell because I know how all these changes are upsetting Elizabeth, she wonders what's going on, she senses my distress and she's closing into herself again. I should pay her more attention, I know and it's killing me to see her like this but I have no time! We have seven weeks left if we go by the doctor's diagnosis but Alice says we have less. I know we have less. I saw her in the vision, Alice told me the other night she is starting to fade too, that she can't see her that clearly anymore. That sent me into hysterics of course thankfully Lizzie wasn't around for that. Esme and Rose had taken her into town so she could get out of the house and take a break from the madness.

Carlisle is not working either, he and I are constantly on two computers at a time and making phone calls to see if she had been admitted yet to any hospital from the one hundred and seven hospitals in Washington. We stopped looking at clinics since it would be more likely for her to go to a hospital where they would treat her better. We are also hacking into hotels, motels and real state agencies to see if she had rented a place. Then there is the health insurance, we are trying to see if Bella had bought any medicines lately and where. But she really stocked up before she left Seattle I had to admit she was good at hiding.

Damn it!

"How is this possible? How could she disappear like that?! How come there's no trace of her anywhere?! Is she using a fake name?!"

"Probably, she did want to be found after all." Carlisle says frowning.

"If she is under a fake name then we have zero chances to find her this way."

"You have to remain positive son, and we have no other choice but to go with what we've got."

"But… we have looked everywhere! There's no trace, nothing!"

"Keep hacking into hospitals, we don't know when she will be admitted."

I sat back down and got into work.

I heard light footsteps and lifted my face to find Lizzie by the door.

"I can't play the piano right now!" I snapped, and regretted it as soon as the words slip.

Her eyes grew wider, her chin quivered and she was gone.

Carlisle glared and Rosalie ran past us after her, smacking me on the way.

Damn it!

"Esme, can you please take my place?" I sighed.

"Sure," she said appearing in the library "You need to take a break too, take her out. It's not a request." She said pointedly.

"I'm sorry." I said feeling like crap, it wasn't her fault. She was in this mess because of me too and she must be feeling so lonely now. I had barely paid her attention this week. Snapping at her surely won't help the situation, and she should be my priority Bella told me to take care of her. She comes first, I hated this inner battle.

I walked up the stairs until the third floor where her room was between mine and the music room. Rosalie was there with her, she was crying as Rose comforted her. If she was letting Rose comfort her, then things were really bad.

"Your dad is just under a lot of stress." Rosalie explained. "He didn't mean to be so harsh." She kissed the top of her head and Lizzie touched her hand.

"_He doesn't like me."_

Crap, good job Edward.

It hurt that she still wouldn't call me dad, or daddy… she referred to me as _He, _she would call everyone by their names but me? I was _He._

"Sure he does, he is your _dad… _your _dad_ loves you." I was taken aback by Rosalie's help. I guess she could be selfless when she wanted to.

"_I want momma."_

Me too angel.

I knocked on the door.

"Rose, would you give us a minute please?"

Rose looked up but Lizzie buried her face in her pillow.

"Sure." She kissed Lizzie's head and stood up from the bed, walked towards me and smacked my head again.

"Ow!"

"Make it right." She hissed before leaving us alone.

"Bitch." I muttered under my breath and she flipped me off.

Lizzie laid on her bed with her back to me she was clutching her blankie and a doll I gave her for her birthday tight to her chest. It broke me that we couldn't celebrate her birthday properly but between moving and looking for Bella it wasn't the right time. We did give her a cake and presents but that was it. I promised her we would celebrate her as soon as things calmed down.

Tentatively I walked into her room and sat next to her.

"Lizzie?" I caressed her hair.

Nothing.

"Lizzie, can you look at me? Please?"

Again, nothing.

I sighed.

Great, again good job Edward.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you like that." I told her but she didn't respond.

I passed my fingers through her hair, playing with the strands falling from her messy ponytail.

"I really am sorry… it's just, I'm under a lot of pressure right now. You understand, right?"

"I want momma." She whimpered and my heart shattered in tiny pieces.

I bit my lip to prevent me from screaming. Her pain was my pain too and I couldn't stand it, especially when you added my own pain. I laid down next to her and hugged her to me, needing her more than I thought. She was the only thing holding me together at this time.

"I want her too… I'm doing everything I can to bring her back." I kissed her head "But I have no excuse for snapping at you like that. I'm sorry can I make it up to you? What do you want us to do today?"

She didn't say anything, she just cried quietly.

"Want me to play piano for you?"

She shook her head.

"I want momma!" She cried.

"I know angel, I'm trying…"

She continued to cry quietly and I racked my brain thinking of something to appease her.

"What if we go into town for a while? Huh? I can get you hot chocolate, you liked it the other day with Esme and Rosalie, remember?"

She nodded.

"So what do you say? You want one?"

Nothing.

"Lizzie? You want one?" I poked her side and she stifled a giggle.

"With marshmallows and icing?" She looked up shyly at me with big eyes and I cleared her tears with her blankie.

"With marshmallows and icing." I smiled at her.

"Ok."

I strapped Lizzie into her car seat in the back of my Volvo, just for appearances and drove off. It was snowing, the trees and sidewalks covered in a thick layer with snow. We lived about 30 minutes from town, of course fifteen for us with our love for speed.

I slowed down as soon as I neared the town and parked in front of a coffee shop. I took Lizzie out and held her hand as we walked into the warm establishment. I got her, her hot beverage with pink marshmallows, sprinkles and extra icing. It looked disgusting, too much sugar but that made her happy. The girl at the cashier smiled at us as she gave it to her.

"You want anything else? A cookie?" I asked Lizzie and she pointed to a peanut butter cookie on the display, the cashier got it for her and wrapped it in foil paper.

"That'll be seven dollars and thirty six cents." I gave the girl the money and she looked back at me. "She is so adorable, you are a great brother." She smiled looking between us.

"She is actually my daughter."

I didn't care if people thought I was too young to have a daughter, they would think I had her in high school which technically I did. I wasn't ashamed of her, I was proud and as long as I could play it off I was going to tell everybody she was my daughter. I knew in a few years I won't be able to do that in public, even with Alice's magic the best I could do was 25. Besides, I wanted Lizzie to hear it too. I'm her dad and I loved her and I wanted her with me. I wanted her to trust me.

"Oh, sorry," She stammered "well she is really pretty she looks a lot like you."

"She has her mother's eyes."

"You must have been so young," The cashier said "if you don't mind me asking… how old are you?"

I shook my head.

"Twenty two, now if you excuse us."

"Oh yeah, sorry… have a good day!"

I carried Lizzie and placed her on my hip taking the cup for her. I thought about taking a walk in the park but it was still snowing so I sat us in a booth in the corner of the small coffee shop.

I sat with her in my lap and placed the cup on the table, she unwrapped her cookie and nibbled at it as she waited for the beverage to cool off a little and looked around curiously.

"I'm sorry I don't take you out too often, I know what it's like to not being able to go out." I told her "I promise I'll do better."

She looked down, as if she didn't believe me.

…

…

…

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, wanting to break the ice.

She nodded.

"Why do you prefer to use your gift? Don't you like talking?"

She shrugged and touched my hand discretely for onlookers, she was so smart.

"_Momma said I don't speak like other children, so I had to be careful."_

"I got that," Her vocabulary and fluency was like an adult's so I understood Bella's reasoning quickly "but what about when we are in the house? There are no strangers in there."

"_I don't like people thinking I'm weird."_

I frowned.

"You are not weird, you are perfect."

Silly girl, she didn't see herself clearly. She was amazing.

She looked up at me and touched my cheek.

_Children playing in a playground, running at human speed and Lizzie by her own playing with a doll._

"_Momma why can't I play with them?"_

"_You can baby, but what if you slip and expose yourself… you have to be careful. I'm sorry I can't teach those things."_

_Lizzie by her own on a swing, a girl sits on the swing next to her._

"_Why are you alone?_

_Lizzie shrugs._

"_Hello?"_

_Lizzie ignores her._

"_You can't talk?"_

_Lizzie shakes her head._

"_Then why don't you?"_

_Lizzie shrugs._

"_Freak." And the girl goes off running._

I glared at the vision.

Stupid girl, my little angel was perfect.

Is this what Bella thought of me when I called myself a monster? To me Lizzie is perfect and beautiful, special… I don't mind her drinking blood, its part of who she is. Bella used to tell me the same thing it was funny to see it with another perspective.

"You want to play with other kids around your age?"

She nodded.

"And Bella couldn't teach you the limits." I stated and she nodded again.

"Alright, we can fix that. I'll teach you to act like a human it's easy, we do it all the time. We can practice as soon as the winter passes, I promise. Is there anything else you want?"

She shook her head.

I kissed her cheek.

"Lizzie, listen to me. The differences you have from other children are just that. Differences, but that doesn't make you weird or a freak. Is part of what you are and you are special and amazing, you are better than those kids."

"You don't think I'm a freak? I'm not like you or momma." She whispered.

I chuckled.

"Of course not, but just because you are different doesn't mean you are less. Think about all the things you can do and all those other kids can't, it's not a bad thing being what you are. You are unique not a freak."

"_You think so?"_

"Yes, and I love you because of it. You are part of me and part of your momma, that's what makes you special and so amazing."

She smiled shyly.

"Alright, now I'm sure you have questions too. I know I'm still a stranger to you, but I was hoping we could change that. I want you to trust me like you trust momma, I'm here for you. You can ask me anything you want when you are ready Ok?"

…

…

…

"Can I ask you something now?"

"Shoot."

"Is momma going to die?"

I closed my eyes.

Damn it, why couldn't she ask something like my favorite color?

"I don't know." I decided to be honest.

"If you find her, can you save her?"

…

…

"Probably, if she lets me."

"How?"

I didn't feel comfortable telling her this, I didn't want to disappoint her if we did find Bella but she wouldn't let me bit her.

"Why so curious?"

"Because…" She seemed to struggle with something.

…

…

"What is it?" I frowned when I saw her distress "Lizzie, you can tell me anything."

…

…

…

"Maybe Uncle Jacob can help us."

I stiffened as renewed hope washed down on me.

"Uncle Jacob? Who's Uncle Jacob?" I turned her so we could be face to face.

Who's Jacob?! Why didn't she say anything before?!

Lizzie touched my cheek.

_A tanned man drops a dead elk next to a toddler Lizzie and she quickly sinks her teeth in the animal's throat, Bella hugs him._

"_Thank you, Jake."_

_An older Lizzie playing ball with Jacob and another young man. Both are tall and built._

_Jacob telling Lizzie a bed time story._

_Jacob and Bella talking in the kitchen._

Billy Black's son, I thought recognizing him from the prom.

"He is momma's friend."

Why would Jacob hunt for them? What did he know? Did he believe in the legends now? Why would he help the offspring of a cold one?

"Who was the other man?"

"Seth, Sue's son… he is really funny." She smiled.

"Why didn't you tell me about them before?"

"Momma told me not to." She frowned looking down.

"Lizzie," I grabbed her by her shoulders "I need you to tell me everything Bella told you not to." I urged.

"But, what if she gets mad?"

"Then you blame me, Lizzie… god, this might help us find her. Don't you want to find your momma."

She looked down, she looked like would cry any minute now. She nodded to herself and looked back at me.

"Jacob lives in La Push, but he is always alone… we have friends there… momma takes me to La Push so I can feed. She has another friend there… Emily, she sometimes takes care of me. We lived there before Seattle."

Oh god! Thank you! Thank you!

"What are the names of momma's friends?"

"Uncle Jacob, Seth, Sue, Emily and Leah… but I don't like Leah she is mean to momma. I like Seth a lot he is her brother and plays with me a lot."

I grab my phone and dial Carlisle's number.

"_Edward? Is everything Ok?"_

"We need to go to Forks, La Push to be exact. Now."

"_What? Why?"_

"Remember Billy Black? Ephraim's son?"

"_Yes?"_

"He has a son, Jacob… Lizzie says he might help. He is friends with Bella."

"_You can't take Lizzie with you, someone might see her and you have to be cautious too. No one from Forks can see you either, you'll have to hide in the woods, and the house is not habitable right now for Lizzie."_

Damn it. I'll have to go by myself then.

Ugh! I hated this!

"If I leave tonight I could be back tomorrow," I said looking down at Lizzie who was drinking from his beverage "I just need to talk to him it'll be quick, maybe he knows where she is and can also answer some questions regarding Lizzie."

Luckily Bella might even be in La Push.

"_Alright, you go tonight and I'll call Emmett to go back to Forks and track Bella in the area near La Push. You'll have to call Jacob anyway before getting there and meet in a neutral place. We still have the treaty."_

"I know can you get me his number while I get home? We should be there in twenty minutes."

"_Consider it done, see you then."_

I hung up and looked down to find Lizzie looking up at me questioningly.

"_You are leaving?"_

"Just for one day, I'll be back tomorrow night."

"_Can't I go with you?"_

I shook my head sadly.

"Is not safe for you, I'll be back soon I promise."

"_You'll find momma?"_

"I hope so."

As soon as Lizzie was done with her hot chocolate and cookie, I put her mittens back on and we head outside. Holding her hand I walk us back to my car and open back door sitting her in her car seat. She makes a face and I tell her that it's part of acting human. So that does it for her, I kiss her forehead and close the door. I sat behind the wheel and turn the car on, pull out of the parking spot and head home. Now that we are safe from onlookers and noisy people I ask more questions.

"Tell me more about Jacob."

"Momma told me he hunted for me when I was in her tummy, he is always with momma. They are best friends."

I tried not to dwell too much in the "He is always with momma" part, remembering the kid having a crush on Bella.

"He hunted for you?"

"Yes."

That would explain how Bella provided for her at first then.

"Tell me about La Push, you liked it there?" I asked starting lightly.

"Yes, but momma wouldn't take us to the village. Only to the beach when it was lonely. Seth would take me there too, he played with me while Uncle Jake and momma talked grown up's stuff."

I glared at the road in front of me.

"Where did you live?"

"In a little cabin in the woods, it was near Emily and Sam's house. I had my own room but I preferred to sleep with momma."

"Who's Sam?"

"Emily's husband."

"Tell me more about Emily."

"She's momma's friend, they cooked together for Jacob and Seth's friends. But I didn't see them often, momma said it wasn't safe."

I frowned, why wouldn't they be safe? Were they trouble? Now I was even more worried.

"Why weren't th-"

I cut short when I heard a familiar inner voice in the distance. I was turned into a block of ice for a second before flooring the gas pedal.

Fuck!

No! No no no no no no!

This couldn't be happening, not with Lizzie here.

I looked in my rearview mirror and saw Lizzie's eyes on me. They were curious and worried.

Shit!

I took my phone out and dialed Rose.

"_Edward?"_

I talked at vampire speed, hopefully Lizzie wouldn't understand.

"Rosalie, I'm on the 22 back to the house I need you and Carlisle to come and meet me as fast as possible."

"_We're on our way, what's the matter?"_

I scanned the woods in front of me until I saw a glint of red hair far away between the trees.

"Victoria." I hissed.

* * *

***gasps***

**Run Edward run!**

**So we have Victoria, what does she want? Do you think Bella is at La Push? If not where? What do you think about Jacob and his troublesome friends? Why does Bella doesn't want Lizzie near them? WHERE IS BELLA?!**

**Aww Lizzie is talking! And Edward gets to show her a side of his life! Maybe he wont hate himself so much now. And poor Lizzie, she thinks she is weird because she didn't knew no one like her until daddy!**

**Please REVIEW! I need to know what you think!**

**Feliz Navidad!**

**tpec**


	8. Chapter 8: Missing You

**Hello my beautiful readers! As promised I'm back with my weekly updates, let's hope I can keep up!**

**Thank you sooooo much for all your reviews! I'm so happy so many of you are liking my story and I have a lot of fun reading your theories, guesses and thoughts. I know some of you are mad at Edward, hell I am too! Let's see how he manages to get himself out of this one this time!**

**Photos and other stuff will soon be on my blog.**

**Enjoy!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 8: Missing You

"**Missing You" – Tyler Hilton**

Everytime I think of you  
I always catch my breath  
And I'm still standing here  
And you're miles away  
And I'm wondering why you left  
And there's a storm that's raging  
Through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles  
And it always makes me smile  
I spend my time just thinking about you  
And it's almost driving me wild

But it's my heart that's breaking  
Down this long distance line tonight

There's a message in the wires  
And I'm sending you a signal tonight  
You don't know how desperate I've become  
And it looks like I'm losing this fight

"_Victoria."_

Rosalie hisses.

"I'll see you in two minutes."

I shut the phone off and abruptly stopped the car on the side of the road. Turn in my seat, rip Lizzie's belt off and take her in my arms. Not a second has passed before I'm out and running in Rose's direction through the woods.

I can feel and hear Victoria behind me she is trying to reach us. I hold Lizzie tighter against my chest and will my legs to take us faster.

She comes closer and I growl when I'm able to listen to her thoughts properly. Her thoughts made my whole body shake with rage when I listen what she was really after.

"Never." I growl holding Lizzie even tighter but without crushing her. She was frightened, looking around wide eyed into the forest, not having a clue of what was going on.

How did she find us so soon? We've just got here! Why was she after her and not me? And most importantly how did she find out about her?! Why would she want to kill her and not me? She was innocent from everything that happened that night with James!

But it didn't matter, it won't happen. She will never touch her.

"_So you do care for this one, huh? Unlike your little pet?"_

I hissed under my breath.

"_Payback time."_

Just then I finally hear Rose and Carlisle ahead of us, a minute later we come to an abrupt stop and I hand Rosalie a terrified and wailing Lizzie. She immediately turns around and runs back towards the house, I nod at Carlisle and we head back towards Victoria. When she sees us approach she stops dead in her tracks, hisses, her red eyes burning with hate and runs in the opposite direction.

Carlisle and I don't stop, we chase her.

"She wants Lizzie!" I yell at Carlisle.

"That won't happen!"

Victoria jumps over a wide breach and two seconds later we are doing the same thing. She is running south towards Calgary, if she reaches the city before we get to her we will lose her. It's daytime, too crowded and we won't be able to follow her at vampire speed. And because of the snow it won't be easy to follow her scent either.

"She is heading towards Calgary!"

"We can't chase her there!" Carlisle tells me what I already knew, making sure I won't do anything stupid.

We continue our chase until something comes to mind.

Was she alone?

Damn it!

"We need to head back!"

"Why?!"

"We don't know if she's alone!"

"I'll go back you have better chance at catching her!"

With that Carlisle stops and heads back towards Rosalie.

I continue my chase, getting closer and closer. I use a branch to lift me up in the air and jump from tree to tree using my strength as an advantage. I'm almost over her and use another branch to launch myself at her. My arms wrap around her body and we fall down a hill. She kicks me in the gut with her elbow shoving me backwards but I don't give in as we continue to roll down the hill. So she uses her strength to roll us over in another direction against a giant rock and knocks my head against the hard stone. I'm out of it for a second and she takes the opportunity to set herself free. But I'm quickly after her again.

Minutes later, we reach Calgary and Victoria losses herself into the crowd pulling up the hood of her jacket and hiding her hands in her pockets. I can still see her but I can't chase her anymore, I don't have anything to cover my face with, the sun is breaking through the light clouds and there are too many witnesses. I could care less about them but I knew the Volturi would be all over our asses if I made a mess in broad day light. If it were only for me I wouldn't care but now I have Lizzie to think about.

Damn it!

"If you come near her again, I'll shred you slowly to pieces, dismember every inch of you and then burn you. Understood?" I threatened, knowing she could hear me.

"_Let's see."_

Resigned that she had escaped and knowing that she won't come back anytime soon now that we were alert of her intentions I head back home and pick up the Volvo on the way.

When I reach the car I call Rose.

"_Edward?"_

"Are you alright? Is Lizzie safe?"

"_Yes, we are home and Carlisle just got here… did you get her?"_

"No, I almost got her but she escaped." I cursed. "How's Lizzie?"

"_Scared, Esme is now trying to calm her but she keeps asking for you."_

"Put her on the phone."

After some shuffling I heard my little angel's whimper.

"_Hello?"_

"Lizzie, are you Ok?"

"_No," _She sobbed_ "Where are you?"_

"I'm on my way home. Try to be calm angel I promised you, remember? I won't let anything hurt you."

"_I wa-nt mo-omm-a!"_

I closed my eyes and swallowed, then floored the gas pedal.

"I'm almost home, you are safe angel."

"_No! I want momma!"_

I heard shuffling again and then Carlisle was on the phone.

"_She is in hysterics, hurry."_

Damn it! Why couldn't Rose have gone to Seattle instead of Jasper?

"I'm almost there," I said frustrated, the road had never seemed so long "Carlisle… how did she find us? Am I reading too much into this or is it coincidence she attacked when half of us were in another country?"

"_I don't know what to think, but we'll discuss this tonight when Lizzie is asleep. I'll call Alice right now."_

"Why didn't Alice warn us?"

"_She can't see Lizzie, remember? Besides, she is busy looking for Bella, of course something would slip."_

I sighed.

"Alright, I'll see you in five."

The timing had been too perfect, something was off. How did she find out about Lizzie? How did she know we were alone and most of us were gone? Had she been watching us for long from afar? Is that how she found out about Lizzie? With one glance she would know she was related to me. Then I remembered her words.

"_So you do care for this one, huh? Unlike your little pet?"_

Bella.

Had she found her? Oh god! Had she done something to her?! No, Alice would have seen it but… She thought I didn't care for Bella? So she decided to go after Lizzie? But by the way she said it… she knew I had left Bella, so she must had been close to her. If she had seen Bella and Alice didn't see it… it must had been before Lizzie got here, she must have found out about Lizzie if she had been spying on her and put two and two together.

My body went cold and rigid thinking about them being unprotected and Victoria being close. What was strange was why didn't she attack them before? They had been alone and vulnerable. Did she also know I didn't know about Lizzie? Is that why she waited till I found out?

God! So many questions!

How could I ever think Bella would be safe without me? I knew Victoria was out there, I tried to track her just to make sure she wouldn't go after Bella but I never found her. I thought she had run away and wouldn't dare to come back, I underestimated her feelings for James, she had meant nothing to him so I thought it would be the same for her so I gave up and went to South America.

I was so stupid, of course she wouldn't give up James had her wrapped around his finger, she loved him of course she would seek revenge. If someone hurt Bella or Lizzie I wouldn't rest either until I got mine. Now, I had more things to worry about, if Victoria was back she wouldn't rest until she got her revenge and she knew now exactly how to hurt me. I killed the thing that mattered the most to her so obviously she'd do the same to me.

She won't go after Bella because she thinks I don't care about her, she thinks she was like a pet to me because I left her, but now…

"_So you do care for this one, huh? Unlike your little pet?"_

She knows Lizzie is my weakness.

Now I had this urge to get home, I needed to see her. My little angel, I'll rather burn in hell than have something happen to her. I had been too preoccupied finding Bella I have been neglecting Lizzie, god… I can't even… I couldn't even start to explain the pain I'd feel if I lost Bella, it would be too much but if I lost Lizzie? That would literally kill me, she is the only thing I'm proud of, the only worthy thing I've ever done in my life. She is so perfect and beautiful and amazing… a miracle, the most important thing in my life and I made a promise to Bella, she begged me to take care of her and I promised I'd do everything in my power to make sure that Lizzie will have a happy life, protected and safe. And I had done none of that.

Lizzie, I had become so used to her. Of our mornings together, every time she woke up she would ask me to play for her, then we would watch movies and sometimes I'd take her for a run. I had taken it all for granted and I couldn't imagine not having her in my life anymore, those were our moments. Even if she was still wary and unsure of me I lived for those moments were she would just be herself around me. When she was at ease.

I can't believe I had neglected us from those moments these past few days, since we came to Alberta I felt as if I had this big ass bomb over my head waiting for it to explode on my face. I could almost hear the clock taking my time away. Every time the phone rang the house would go quiet, everyone was afraid of answering and it being the hospital with the news about Bella's death.

Seven weeks.

Alice says five.

_Angel, please hang on… you can't leave me._

I'm trying to learn how to be a parent, but it's so hard when I have Bella to worry about on the other side. My priority is Lizzie but with so little time left… for the first time in my life time is gold, I have to make the most of it. But then again, I remember the fear I felt when I heard Victoria. Not fear for me but fear at losing my little angel, and I finally understood the lousy job I was doing balancing stuff. I need Bella, but Lizzie needs me too. She is not Ok with all the changes in her life and now she is in danger too. I can't let my guard down, I have to start thinking with my head and stop acting with my heart. I can't lose focus.

Two minutes later I park my car in front of the house, not bothering with the garage. I'm out of my car and run at vampire speed into the house. I could hear the crying from miles away. I run to the living room where I know they all are the metal curtains had been drawn in all the windows surrounding the house, protecting us from outsiders and giving us privacy.

As soon as Lizzie sees me in the living room, she jumps from Esme's lap and runs to me at vampire speed. I pick her up mid run and hug her to me breathing her in.

She is safe.

Bur she is also a mess, crying and shaking it tears at me.

"Shh… it's Ok, you are safe." I kiss her head "You are safe."

I pull away to see her face properly, brushing a few strands of hair away from her face. I needed to see her.

"Are you Ok, angel? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"I want momma!"

I hug her to me again so she wouldn't see the pain in my face.

"I know, I'm so sorry…"

"MOMMAAA!" She screamed agonizingly and I almost fell on my knees.

"_Why don't you take her to her room? She might feel safer there."_

I nod at Esme, turn on my heel and walk at human pace upstairs to her room. Once there I lay us down and hold her as she cries on my chest and I try to sooth her as best as I can. As best as I can because to her, I'm still a stranger, to her I'm just the man who is supposed to be her father but had failed miserably at it. Making her doubt me and up until this morning only managing to scare her away when she was finally warming up to me.

"I'm sorry, but you are safe now… she won't hurt you I promise. I love you, I'm so sorry."

After what felt like years, she finally fell asleep. Carefully not to wake her up, I disentangle myself from her and walk downstairs to Carlisle's study were the rest are.

"What did Alice say?" I ask Carlisle knowing he had called her while I was consoling Lizzie.

"She said she was sorry, and that she'll try to keep an eye on Victoria from now on."

I nod.

"How did she find us so quickly? We've just got here?"

"I don't know, but she has no chance. She is outnumbered and we just won't let her." Carlisle said firmly.

"I agree." Rose said. "But I'm also with Edward, the timing was perfect… you think she has been watching us?"

"I don't know but from now we have to be more careful, and when Lizzie is out we'll go out in pairs with her."

"I can't leave her," I said then "I have to take her with me to Washington. I'm not leaving her, not after this and I need to meet Jacob face to face."

"We understand, and Alice guessed as much so she went back to Forks with Jasper and Emmett went to Kent instead. She rented a hotel suite for all of you in Port Angeles and I already got you tickets for tomorrow morning, she'll meet you there."

"Thank you."

I hated this, more instability for Lizzie but I can't leave her. I can't, I promised her I'd do better and with what just happened it will only drive me mad with worry and I needed to be focused when I talked to Jacob. Also, I hoped Lizzie being in familiar territory will calm her after what happened today.

* * *

The next morning, Carlisle drove us to the airport in Calgary. She had cried when I had strapped her alone in the back seat so I sat next to her instead of the passenger seat next to Carlisle. It also made me feel better, knowing I was next to her in case something happened.

We reached the city and I scanned the streets, looking for any signs of Victoria. Carlisle did the same while Lizzie looked around nervously.

We reached the airport and after thanking Carlisle, I carried Lizzie with my right arm and our bag with my left and disappeared inside.

"_Where are we going?"_ She touched my cheek still looking around.

"Forks, I need to talk with Jacob."

Her eyes widened.

"We are seeing Uncle Jacob?" She asked excitedly and I smiled sadly at her.

"Yes, are you happy about it?"

She nodded furiously.

I wish she could be as excited for me.

"Are you hungry?" I asked changing the topic but she shook her head.

"If you want or need anything just tell me."

She nodded, staring at the people around us.

We documented our only bag and got our tickets, then headed towards the terminal. When we reached the gate we sat and I noticed her bouncing her leg.

"Are you Ok?"

She nodded.

"Are you sure?"

Shyly she touched my arm.

"_I need to pee." _She blushed.

"Oh." I chuckled, looked around until I spotted the restroom a few feet away. I took her hand and walked us there. I wasn't about to take my eyes off of her, so I kept walking with my little angel about to enter the establishment with her but just when I was about to open the door she went rigid and stopped walking.

"What's the matter?"

"I can't go in there." She whispered horrified with wide eyes.

"Why not?" I frowned.

"It's the boys restroom!" She pointed at the logo.

I looked at the logo and then back at her.

"So?" I asked confused.

"I'm a girl!" She said aghast.

Oh.

"Well, I can't go in there either," I pointed towards the other door "I'm a grown up man, you are a girl so it's Ok. C'mon."

"No." She said stubbornly and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Lizzie, its Ok I'll be there with you." I begged.

"But, I'm a girl!" She stomped her foot and I wanted to cry and laugh with amusement, she was like a little kitty.

God, angel she is so much like you.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Alright, but be quick."

She smiled and nodded.

Of course with my luck, the bathroom was almost full. The women stared at me with wide eyes and amusement as I entered one of them even gasped and I knew if I could I would have blushed. But as soon as they saw Lizzie they understood and smiled warmly at me which didn't help with my invisible blush.

She handed me her blankie, doll and backpack and rushed into the nearest stall closing the door behind her. I reclined on the sink and stared down avoiding curious eyes, concentrating on the torn blanket in my hands.

"_Wonder if she's his daughter… they are obviously related."_

"_Damn it! I forgot my ipod!"_

"_Where's the mother? Why is he in here?"_

"_Fuck, I got my period."_

"_I still have one more hour till the plane leaves…"_

"_He's hot, she must be his sister… or niece he is not wearing a ring."_

"_Where are my tampax?"_

This was so far away from my comfort zone.

"Lizzie? Are you done?" I asked nervously.

"No talking when I'm peeing!"

JESUS!

The woman next to me chuckled and I returned to inspecting the old quilt. I could tell it was old but still soft, I examined it closely and then something in the corner caught my eyes, I smoothed away the wrinkles and read the gold cursive sewed letters.

_IMS_

My angel's initials, it must have been hers when she was a child. How couldn't I notice it before?

Finally I heard the toilet flush, so I straightened up. Lizzie came out and I held her up so she could reach the sink and wash her hands. When she was done she took her stuff back and I hold her hand as we walked out of the restroom.

On the way back to the gate, I kept thinking about her blankie and realized I knew so little of my own daughter. I knew a lot about her personality but I had no idea what she liked besides apples and Shrek, I hadn't known her blankie used to be Bella's for god's sake. I didn't even know her favorite color, Rosalie probably knew more than me.

The plane was delayed 30 minutes so what better moment than the present to start I thought to myself. I wanted to know my daughter I promised her I'd do better, so I walked us to a little Italian café next to the gate while I wracked my head with topics to talk to her about but couldn't find one. I had been spending almost a hundred years with old vampires I didn't have any clue of what kind of things kids were into. I decided to start with something easy and familiar.

"Your blankie is pretty." I commented as I sat us in a private booth.

She nodded.

Sure, something easy.

"Who gave it to you?" I probed.

"Momma." She said playing with the corner.

"Was it hers?"

She nodded again. God, I wish I could just read her mind. She was driving me crazy with curiosity.

"Who gave it to her?"

"Her dad when she was little."

Charlie.

My poor angel I can't believe all she has been through alone. I would never forgive myself for leaving.

"Did she tell you a lot about Charlie?" I asked softly.

She nodded.

"She says he liked fishing."

I chuckled.

"I know."

"You knew him?" She looked up at me curiously.

"I did," He hated me "He was a nice man he loved your mom a lot."

She looked down again.

"Momma misses him. When she is scared she talks to him when she thinks I'm sleeping."

"Bella is scared?"

She nods looking sadly at her little purple boots.

"Do you know what she is scared of?" I asked barely above a whisper, not really wanting to know. I was afraid of the answer.

"She was scared of leaving me alone." She said quietly, still playing with her blankie. "But now she is sad, she cried when I left. I miss her too."

I passed my hand through my face and pulled at my hair. This pain… this pain was too much.

_I need to find you angel._

"What about you? Are you scared of something too?"

She nodded.

"What are you scared off?" I'll do anything to make her scares go away.

…

…

She touched my hand.

_Victoria growling while chasing us. Victoria catching us and taking Lizzie away._

"Victoria?" I tried not to growl her name.

She looked up at me.

"You know her?" She asked with wide eyes.

"I know who she is, but don't worry she won't touch you. I won't let her hurt you."

"Can she hurt you?"

"Not physically."

She nodded.

…

…

…

"Is there something else you are scared of?"

She thought for a second.

"Wolves." She muttered.

"Wolves?"

A shiver ran down her body giving her goose bumps.

"Why?" I frowned, did Bella tell her the old Red Riding Hood story and got scared?

"I saw one once, it was very big… like a horse" she trembled again "But Uncle Jacob and Seth arrived in time, Seth said Uncle Jacob would deal with him and told us to go."

My frown deepened.

"Can you show me?" I said worriedly, stretching my hand out to her. Had they been in danger?

She placed her hand over mine.

_A big wolf growling at Bella and a toddler Lizzie, Lizzie crying terrified in Bella's shoulder. Jacob and Seth stepping in._

"_PAUL!" Jacob screamed "Calm down!"_

"_Bella get inside, we'll deal with him." Seth said softly "It's Ok, he's just new at this."_

I swallowed as soon as the vision ended.

Werewolves?

WEREWOLVES?!

Bella's been hanging around with werewolves?!

Oh my god! This is… damn it! She _is_ a danger magnet! First Victoria and now _newly_ phased werewolves?! Seriously? Is someone trying to give me a goddamn heart attack?!

No wonder Bella said Jacob's friends weren't safe, but god why would she be near them in the first place then? Young unstable werewolves?! What the hell was she thinking? Werewolves and not only that, _young_ werewolves?! They are dangerous, unstable and unpredictable, if she knew that why would she go to La Push?

Then, it occurred to me that this must be the reason why Victoria didn't attack them. Bella went to live at La Push shortly after I left, into wolves' cave that would be reason enough for Victoria to stay away. But, had Bella known about Victoria's threat then? No, if she had known she would have warned me in her letter.

I had tons of questions I only hoped Jacob would answer them. But knowing now that he probably was a werewolf too, it will probably be harder than I thought.

"Are you Ok?" Lizzie's voice brought me back to the moment.

"Yes, yes… sorry. I was… shocked."

"It's Ok, he didn't hurt us." She looked at me worriedly and I kissed her forehead.

"Lizzie," I looked at her seriously "who are Jacob and Seth's friends? The ones you told me momma said they weren't safe. Do you remember?"

She nodded.

"How many are they?" I said hiding the worry and fear I felt inside of me.

"There are five of them… but I only know Sam's name, Emily's husband. I think one of them is Embry, but I'm not sure which one he is."

Holy…

Seven young werewolves running loose around my reasons for existing, putting them in danger just by being near them while I wallowed alone in a dumpster in South America. God, I never thought I could hate myself even more. I couldn't believe the danger I had put them into.

"_Are you mad?"_ She noticed my glare.

"What? No! Of course not…" My gaze softened "it's just, I worry about you." I caressed her hair "I don't want you to be scared."

"Are you scared of something, too?" She asked quietly.

…

…

"I'm only scared of losing you or your mom."

"_Why?"_

I stared at her incredulously, hadn't I told her enough? But then again, I had told Bella the same thing a thousand times and her faith in me broke so easily. It just took a few words, one lie.

_I don't want you anymore._

I sighed.

I guessed words weren't enough I had to show her too. I stared at my daughter, once again marveling at the miracle in front of me. I had a daughter, as impossible as that sounded.

"Elizabeth…" I mused "You have a beautiful name."

She looked at me as if I was crazy, I might as well be. Then I realized I wasn't answering her question.

"Did you know my mother's name was Elizabeth too?"

Her eyes widened for a second and she shook her head.

"You look so much like her…" I placed a lock of her hair behind her ear. "But you have your mother's eyes."

"_Esme is not your mom?"_

It was my turn to shake my head.

"She is not my real mom, but I love her as if she was. My real mom died years ago, same as my father."

She looked down, a frown between her eyebrows.

"Were you sad?" She asked quietly.

"Yes."

"_Were they sick?"_

I knew where this was going.

"Yes, I was sick too but Carlisle saved me."

"How?"

…

…

"He turned me into what I am." I said, a little nervous for some reason. We had never discussed what I was we had never said the word.

…

…

"But… weren't you happy? That you were saved."

"Not at first." I decided to be honest, it was only fair.

"Why?"

"Because I felt lonely."

"You were alone?" Her brows furrowed with worry and I smiled sadly at her pulling her into my lap.

"Not really, I had my adoptive parents and sisters. But I _felt _lonely… I was so sad, always by my own." I said softly remembering all the years I spent by myself, in my room with my music and my inner thoughts, away from my own family not standing to be near them with so much happiness around them while I couldn't feel it.

"For years… I struggled… with, accepting what I was. I hated everything, the world, the people… everything reminded me of what I thought I'd never have, what I didn't deserve because of what I was."

"You preferred you weren't saved?"

"Yes…" I said carefully "But guess what?"

"What?"

"One day, what I thought it would be another boring tedious day… I met someone who turned my world upside down. Someone who made me question everything that I thought I knew, my views, my beliefs. Someone who saw beyond of what I was."

"Who?"

"You mother."

Her eyes watered.

"See, I was mad that day… I thought I was mad because Jasper had been difficult during lunch at our old school in Forks, I worried he would do something that would expose us."

I remembered that day so clearly, how I had looked for any excuse to tune out Jasper, and decided to look for the new human. Who was on almost every thought of the student body, but I couldn't hear her. So I had to _look _at her.

"But the truth is, I was mad at my own life, I thought it wasn't worth it. But then, I saw your mom… and everything changed."

"What changed?"

"Life was worth it again."

…

…

I took her tiny hand and traced the pad of my thumb over her knuckles. Her skin was so smooth, porcelain like. Not as pale as mine but almost, I used to think my skin was repulsive, but when I saw hers… so much like mine, even the thought was abhorrent.

"Lizzie, I loved your mother with all I had… I _love_ her with all I have, she made me see the world with different eyes, she…" I took a breath to keep my voice from shaking with emotion "she saved me, she gave me so many things… she made me look at myself in a different light and… made me love life… and the most important thing, she keeps saving me, she gave me you."

She looked up at me with questioning eyes.

"In my world… _our _world, we don't expect much from life. Nothing ever changes, some of us say we are damned, I used to think that too until I met you."

"_Me? Why?"_

I smiled sadly at her, she was so innocent.

"Because you are part of me, part of _my_ world and still you are so perfect, so good and innocent, there's no evil in you. How could I hate something so pure?"

I looked into her beautiful chocolate eyes, the same ones that captured me that day on the lunch room.

"You might not understand a word of what I'm saying but… it gives me hope, that there was a reason for everything that happened to me before, all the struggle… what I've become, you are a miracle… a sweet little angel."

She blushed and looked down, staring at our hands.

"I know I hadn't done a good job. But I'm new at this… and I'm trying, not just because I promised your mom but because I want to, too. I want to be a good dad for you, you deserve it."

I used my finger to lift her face so she could see m when I told her this. She needed to believe me and I hoped she could see the truth in my eyes.

"I don't know half of what I'm doing but I'm trying, I want you to trust me. It would be easier if you help me and tell when I mess up. I won't be mad… like yesterday… I shouldn't have yelled at you."

I gave her a sad smile.

"Next time you can ask Emmett to punch me for you." I winked and she giggled softly between her tears, lightening the mood.

"But in all seriousness, I want to do better." I cleared her tears with her blankie "My wish is that at some point you'll be comfortable enough to call me dad… but I understand if you are not ready, you barely know me."

I said the words even though they killed me, I wanted that so much. To hear her call me dad… there weren't enough words to describe the need.

"I barely know you but in spite of that… I love you, you are my daughter and I love you, I really do. It's so simple, I just do. And being your dad… that's the greatest thing life has given me."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you or your mother but I'm grateful for whatever it was that I did. I love you, if something happened to you I don't know what I would do… that's why losing you it's my greatest fear."

She looked down, absorbing what I just told her and I cradled her against my chest.

"I'm sorry about your mommy." She finally said, surprising the hell out of me again and I felt my eyes sting. She was so good.

"It's Ok it was a long time ago." I kissed her hair.

"_I don't want anything happening to you either."_

"Nothing will happen to me."

As long as you are Ok.

After that, Lizzie quieted and remained like that until we boarded the plane. I asked her if she preferred the window seat and she nodded, sitting in the wide first class seat. She looked around curiously, staring at what everyone was doing around her absorbing it all. I noticed she was a curious girl, always looking around I guessed it was a reaction to having been so sheltered all this years. Being around people was new to her.

One hour later we landed on Seattle, we took off from the plane and picked up our luggage at baggage claim, after that we headed out to where Alice and Jasper would be waiting for us. I heard them before we spotted them Alice was sitting on a bench near the entrance. She smiled broadly as soon as she saw us and stood up to meet us halfway while Jasper waited in the rental car.

"Lizzie! How are you sweetie? Did you have a good flight?" She asked excitedly.

Lizzie nodded.

"That's great! You are going to love Port Angeles, have you been there before?"

She shook her head.

"That's Ok your dad will surely take you for a ride before we go tomorrow."

"Of course" I kissed her head and looked up to my sister "Hello to you too Alice." I deadpanned.

"Hi!" She smiled ignoring my tone and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Have you heard anything from Emmett?" I asked not being able to hold myself any longer.

"No, sorry."

I nodded and we started our walk towards the car.

"_I was going to call you and tell you about the wolves stench near La Push when I received your text."_

I nodded subtly. After my conversation with Lizzie, I had fired a text message to everyone explaining everything so they would be on alert.

"_Werewolves, I can't believe she had been near them all this time! First Victoria and then werewolves… Edward was right, she is a magnet for danger. Leave it to Bella, everyone else will be better off when the vampires left town, but she had to start hanging out with the first monsters she could find. Wasn't she supposed to stay out of trouble?!"_

Alice ranted to herself.

"_This complicates things, Edward. If Bella is in La Push we won't be able to get to her without breaking the treaty." _I know I have been worrying about the same thing the whole flight_ "Of course with Lizzie here I can't see how things will go."_

"Hey man." I greeted Jasper as we exited the airport and he nodded.

"_She is nervous." _He told me.

I looked down to Lizzie, I was holding her hand while we walked and I noticed her biting her lip.

_You used to bit your lip too angel._

I handed Jasper our bag and I kneeled in front of her.

"What's the matter?" I asked her but she shook her head.

"We'll go and pay for the parking ticket." Jasper said pulling Alice with him and we were left alone.

"Are you Ok?" I asked her again.

"Why are we here?"

"We are looking for momma." I thought that was obvious?

"But, are you leaving me here?"

"God no! Of course not, why would you think that?"

She shrugged.

"Lizzie, I told you… I love you I won't ever leave you, Ok? Can you believe me?"

She looked down, playing with her blankie again.

"Lizzie? Do you believe me?"

"You love mommy."

"Yes I do, what's that got to do with anything?"

"Then… why did you left her?"

…

…

…

"I guess I deserve that." I said in a broken whisper.

Alice arrived then with her rental car and I looked down at my little angel.

"We'll continue this conversation tonight." I kissed her forehead.

Once we arrived to a Motel at the limits of Port Angeles, Alice took Lizzie to change her into her more comfortable clothes and I took the opportunity to call Jacob. I walked out of the Motel and into the woods across the road, out of earshot and took out my phone. Dialing the number Carlisle had given me this morning.

It rang about four times and I was about to hang up when a grave voice answered.

"Hello?" The man said, I guessed it belonged to Billy Black.

"Hello, good afternoon I was looking for Jacob Black?"

"Who is this?"

"Edward Cullen."

There was a long pause, confirming it was Billy. Of course he knew who I was.

"Hang on." The voice said ice cold.

…

…

…

"This should be good." A younger voice answered not long after, it was still grave but younger.

"Hello Jacob, how are you this afternoon?" I said politely.

"I have no time for pleasantries. What do you want?" He spat and I tried to control my temper. I wanted to do this as civilized as possible.

"I need to talk to you, it's important."

"Speak."

"Not over the phone, I'm in Washington. Can we meet?"

He thought for a moment before agreeing.

"Meet me in the field about ten miles west from the river, you know the place?"

"I do. How much time do you need?" I asked.

"An hour."

"Thank you, Jacob."

"Whatever, but if you are looking for her you are wasting your time. She is not here."

I tried to hide my disappointment.

"I guessed that much."

…

…

"Is _she_ here?" his tone changed, it was softer now.

"Lizzie?"

…

…

"Yeah, how is she?"

"She's… adjusting."

"Is she coming too?"

"No."

I wouldn't risk her like that, we didn't know how this conversation will turn and if it got heated which I know it would I didn't want Lizzie there.

"I figured."

"I'm bringing my brother with me maybe you should bring Seth too. If you want to phase I have no problem with that."

He paused, obviously not expecting me to know that much and confirming him being a wolf too.

"I'm not afraid of you, leech." He said harshly.

I tried not to chuckle, he sounded like a petulant child.

"I'm not looking for a fight Jacob I'm just bringing a peace maker of sorts."

"Whatever," He scoffed "see you in an hour."

With that he hung up.

I went back to our room and found Lizzie and Alice sitting on the bed with their backs to me. I almost choked on my own breath when I saw what Alice was showing Lizzie.

It was a photo album, from our last months in Forks, the short months I had with Bella. She must have gone to the old house while she was here.

"And this is your mom and I in Port Angeles. I took her shopping, she hated it." Alice made a face and Lizzie giggled. "She only wanted to go back to your dad."

"You were friends?" She asked in surprise.

"Yes! Your mom was my best friend we did a lot of stuff together."

"Like what?" She looked up curiously at her.

"I liked to dress her, but like you she hated it but put up with me because she knew it made me happy." She said pointedly but still playful and Lizzie looked down at the album with a slight blush.

"Who's that?"

"That'll be Jessica and Angela, but we don't like Jessica, she wasn't a nice person." Alice said in mock seriousness and Lizzie chuckled.

"And who's that?" I glared at the picture she pointed at.

"That'll be Mike Newton, your dad and he were so close… thick as thieves!"

Jasper laughed out loud from his place in front of the TV and I snorted.

Lizzie looked up to me curiously.

"We don't like that guy either." I told her sitting down next to her and pulling her on my lap.

"_Did you call him?"_

I nodded subtly as Lizzie continued to watch the photo album.

"_How long?"_

I lifted one finger over Lizzie's head, signaling one hour.

"I have this photo." Lizzie said then, getting back our attention and I looked down at the photo she was referring to and my eyes stung again.

It was the picture Alice took of Bella and me at her birthday party, I guessed Bella reprinted it after I hid hers. I had erased them from her computer but I guessed she must have still had them in her memory stick.

"You do?" I asked her in a thick voice.

"Yes, it's in my backpack… you want to see it?" She asked me shyly.

"Of course" I answered eagerly and turned around to grab her backpack for her.

She opened the zipper and produced a plastic green box, full of stickers and glitter. Alice stood up and without words asked Jasper to follow her outside.

"Green is your favorite color, right?" I asked curiously and she nodded with a small smile. "Shrek?" I guessed and she smiled wider, glad I understand. "You surely are one of a kind." I kissed her cheek and she blushed.

After a moment Lizzie opened the box, and I gasped at all its contents. She didn't only have one photo she had tons and not only that. She had a copy of her birth certificate, a list with names… my name, my family's names and numbers, our numbers from Forks, my old number. There were also pictures of me and Bella from prom and high school, a small notebook and drawings obviously made by her. I saw it all as she rummaged its contents looking for the photo.

"This is my treasure's chest." She explained.

"It's so pretty." I said in wonder.

"Momma helped me decorate it. She drew the lion."

"The lion?"

She nodded.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

_God, angel… where are you?_

"Here it is." She said giving me the picture and I smiled sadly at it.

"Can you show me more?"

She nodded excitedly and looked back into the box. Then took out another photo.

"This is our cabin in La Push… see that window?"

I nodded, not being able to talk.

"That's me and momma's room… you can't see it but behind that tree, Seth made me a swing with a tire. He painted it green."

"That was nice of him."

She nodded.

"He is my best friend he says I'm his best friend too."

I frowned, what kind of teenage boy would be best friends with a little girl?

Lizzie took out another photo, making me gasp again. It was of her as a toddler, crawling inside of what I assumed was the cabin, but that's not what made me gasp, what made me gasp was Bella. She was so skinny skin and bones. I knew she didn't find out about her sickness until a year after I left so that couldn't be the reason. Then I remembered what her doctor had said… He said the reason behind her sickness was because of the serious case of anemia she suffered a while ago, which weakened her blood cells.

Why did Bella have anemia? Did she stop eating? Didn't she have money for food? No, she sold the house, she had money she even bought a place in Seattle. God, so many questions!

I looked at my watch, half an hour to see Jacob.

Lizzie kept showing me her photos, and I immediately understood why it was her treasure's chest. It held so many precious memories to her. She had pictures with Bella, Jacob and Seth, there was also another one with who I assumed was Emily. Then there where pictures of her favorite places in La Push which she explained why she liked them. My favorite ones where the ones from her as a baby, she was so beautiful… I can't believe I missed all that. The only vampire in the world to ever conceive a child and here I lost all the important stuff… the milestones, her firsts. I was so incredibly stupid, I shouldn't have left, not only because of missing out on Lizzie but because now I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. I shouldn't have done this to us I shouldn't have spoken for her.

"Edward," Alice came into the room "It's time."

* * *

**I know, I know I am horrible! But I promise to update as soon as I can!**

**So, what do you guys think? How is Edward doing now? Poor Lizzie was so scared! And now she thinks Edward wants to get rid of her! What will happen now? Do you think Jake and Edward will get into a fight? So we know Bella is not in La Push... WHERE IS BELLA?!**

**Please let me know what you think! I need your reviews to inspire me! They are almost as good as Daddyward kissing your nose!**

**Feliz Año Nuevo! (Happy New Year!)**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	9. Chapter 9: When You Were Gone

**Phew! Done!**

**Thank you soooo much for all your reviews! They are amazing and keep me going! I came up with this plot before OMC but didn't have the guts to write a vamp story, especially a spin off from the original since I had to be real to the SM world. I'm so blown away by your response! Thank You Thank you Thank You!**

**WARNING!: As I said in a previous chapter, this story is about to get too angsty, but I promise a HEA! It'll be hard at some point but I promise to hold your hand through it and I won't kept you waiting long for updates!.**

**ANSWERS!: Someone said she was confused with timelines and ages. Edward left a little more than three years ago now, Lizzie is three years old but looks like five. Edward is still claiming to be 22 and Carlisle's brother instead of adoptive son.**

**Special thank to my beta Cattinson for breaking her own record and having this for me in no time, I also wanna thank my prereader Lisopera for being my rock and being so amazing. This story would be the same without them!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 9: Like A Knife

**"When You Were Gone" – Avril Lavinge**

I always needed time on my own  
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried  
And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
And the bed where you lie  
is made up on your side

When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
And make it OK  
I miss you

Jasper and I are waiting at the clearing Alice is a few miles away in the car waiting with Lizzie. I refused to be too far away from her so that's why she is close enough that I could hear Alice's thoughts and she could hear us but far away enough from the wolves and Lizzie's hearing range for my peace of mind. Because Alice is with Lizzie though, she can't see how the talk will go.

I can already hear Jacob's thoughts, he is not with Seth though Sam's with him and I frown at that. By Lizzie's memories I thought they were closer, but then again he is just a boy, so maybe that's why Jacob didn't let him come. I don't really care, I'm just here for answers and I hope Jacob will give them to me.

Two minutes later, Jacob and Sam step out of the woods in human form, they walk towards us with arrogance pouring out of them, chin up and flexing their muscles.

Jasper snorts.

"_Kids these days."_

I stifle a laugh which makes Sam glare at me, but I'm not paying attention to him, my attention is solely on Jacob, trying to get as much from his thoughts as I can. I gather he is the leader of the pack, which was obvious since his grandfather used to be the leader too. Sam was beta, which also explained why he was here instead of Seth.

They stop several feet away from us and eye us, measuring. Jacob looks around looking for any signs of Lizzie and Sam just eyes our form.

"_I could easily take'em both."_ I ignore Sam's thoughts.

"Hello Jacob, Sam… thanks for coming."

"What do you want?" Jacob asks his tone rude.

"I have a few questions I was hoping you could answer them."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because I know you love Lizzie, and this is for her too."

…

…

…

"How did you find out about me? Bella told her not to say anything, did you suck it out of her?" He glared, his accusations making me see red and I felt the calming waves from Jasper.

"No," I seethed "I would never harm her, she told me about you on her own."

"Why are you here?" That would be Sam, obviously he was more in control of himself. He was older, he seemed more mature.

"I'm looking for Bella I wanted to know if you knew where she was."

Jacob spoke again.

"Why would you care? You left her, she doesn't need you."

"That's my own business."

"Well, we don't know she just left… and even if I knew I wouldn't tell you."

He was telling the truth, he had no idea where she had gone. He didn't even know she had contacted child services to look for me until Bella left leaving a letter for him. He was angry because of that, thinking Bella should have left Lizzie with him in La Push where she would be safer.

I wanted to scoff at that, but I knew that would only make matters worse and I needed him. He was my only hope at finding Bella and to figure out a few pieces of this gigantic puzzle.

"Jacob, I know you have no reason to trust me but please… if you have any idea where she might be tell us. For Lizzie's sake."

"Don't bring her into this!" He growled "You have no right to speak for her! You left them! Don't say you care about her now cause I won't believe it for a second you leech! I don't even know how Bella could trust you with her!"

I flinched when his mind filled with memories about Bella, just a few days after I left. She was a ghost, no talking, no eating, motionless. Then his mind changed with a pregnant Bella, crying and in pain –physically and emotionally- I choked on my breath when I saw all the bruises around her stomach, she was skin and bones. A woman –Sue- hovering over her, making her drink what I instantly knew it was blood, Lizzie's comment about Jacob hunting for her when she was in Bella's tummy making sense now.

"Stop." I said above a whisper.

"Why? You deserve to know what you did, if you care so much." He spat. "Both of them almost died because of you!"

"Stop." Jasper hissed with a murderous glare. "We are all here because of Lizzie it won't make things better if you end up killing each other."

Jacob turned around and laughed sarcastically.

"You talk as if you cared about her."

"Of course I do!" I growled "That's why I'm here you mongrel! Don't you see?!"

"Then where were you all these years?!"

"I didn't know about her!"

"And what about Bella?! Why now?! Just because she is dying?! You want to get rid of the guilt?! Do you even have a conscience?!"

"I said is none of your goddamn business!" I hollered, and I don't know what they saw in my expression but it made them take a step back but they recovered themselves quickly.

"What happened between Bella and I is none of your business," I continued with a deadly voice "and I'm here because I care! Because I _do_ love my daughter, I want to know what happened all the years I was gone I want to know why _you _a dog would care for _my daughter_. I want to know why Bella got anemia I want to know why Bella came here from all places! I want to know why Lizzie doesn't know about werewolves, why Bella would let her be near _you and_ _Seth_ but not near the rest of them!"

Jacob pulled at his hair with trembling hands.

"Jacob, calm down." Sam put a hand on Jacob's shoulders since he was shaking with rage and about to phase. Jasper used his gift and Jacob glared at him, but he was calmer now and released his hair.

"_I guess this is the empath."_

"You asked a lot of questions. We'll answer the ones we can." Sam said, using his rude tone again "Which one you want to know first."

"Why did Bella come to La Push?"

"To protect the child from the bloodsucker that killed Charlie."

Jasper and I gasped.

"What?" Jasper asked for me, as I still was processing it.

Jacob and Sam shared a look.

Jacob didn't trust his judgment right now, that's also why he had asked Sam to come since the whole situation was too close to him and didn't want to be blinded by hate and act on instinct for Lizzie's sake.

Sam nodded for Jacob to continue, he could tell us but it was Jacob's story to tell.

…

…

…

Jacob sighed.

"Two weeks after you left, Charlie came to me for help." Jacob started and I followed the story through his mind too as he remembered that day.

"He said he didn't know what to do with Bella and asked me to get her out of the house to distract her. When we came back, I smelled the vampire from miles away. I phased and warned the others since I couldn't leave Bella alone. Seth was the closest but he only got a glimpse before he threw himself into the ocean."

He shared the memory from Seth's mind, the vampire in question was covered by a hood.

"We only know it was male."

Charlie was killed by a vampire? Oh god, and Bella had been close… if Jacob hadn't taken her out of the house…. Oh no, no no no no no. Damn it!

"_Take it easy Edward, you can't freak out right now." _Jasper put his hand on my back.

Charlie was killed by one of us… and we weren't there to protect him. Lord, Bella must hate me so much, I wouldn't blame her. My kind killed her father, and I wasn't there.

I wasn't there for her either.

"What happened next?" I asked.

"Bella saw me phase, so I had to tell her the truth about what I was… I tried to convince her to come to live at La Push but she refused at first, something about memories. She was in a bad state, dealing with a lot and I feared she would do something stupid so I stayed close."

I gasped in horror when he remembered getting to Bella in time before she threw herself from a cliff.

"A week later she found she was pregnant, that same night another vampire came to forks, but I was at Bella's house this time so I went after him. He bit me so I was paralyzed" He grunted "the rest of the pack came just in time and chased him but he still managed to escape. After that Bella finally agreed to come to La Push for the sake of the baby."

I didn't say anything for a while, trying to process everything that had been said. Two vampires had been in Forks, I saw the nomad Jacob had seen through his memories. The second one, you could tell by his clothes he was a nomad alright and I didn't recognize him, I had never seen him before, he was blonde and red eyed.

I continued to stay silent, absorbing it all and Jacob continued with his story.

"Bella became weak, too weak. Just a few weeks later she looked like five months into her pregnancy. The baby was killing her, we talked her into get it rid of it but she refused adamantly."

"It wouldn't really matter since she was too weak to oppose but Leah stopped us, she understood her need to protect the child and even thought she didn't like Bella sided with her and didn't let any of us do something about it to save her," I was awed "Seth sided with her too-" He stopped mid thought and said something else "He's her brother so there wasn't much we could do about it."

I was drained, all my angel had to go through with strangers and all alone because I had been so stupid and arrogant to think I knew better. What I thought had been me being selfness had actually been the most selfish thing I ever did. Doing what I thought made me a better person, what I thought it was best for everyone but I never stopped to think about her. I only did what _I _thought was best, not caring to stop and ask her, not caring about the consequences. I wanted to be the hero, the good guy and it all backfired.

"What happened next?" I asked, I could hardly believe what I was hearing.

"The pack found out about the horrific pregnancy and wanted to kill the baby," I growled seeing that by doing that they wouldn't only kill the baby but my angel too since she refused to let them do it in good terms "since it was killing Bella we thought it was a monster like you, we needed to protect the tribe."

"And why didn't you?" I hissed.

Of course I was glad they didn't for whatever reason, but it still made me see red they had thought about it.

"It was a chaos, Sam had been the leader then, since I refused to take the place at first, but I had promised Charlie to take care of Bella the very same day he died so I took the lead of the pack an ordered them to stay away from her until the baby was born, then they could do whatever they wanted with it since at the moment I thought of it as a demon too. Sue and Emily took care of her during the pregnancy," He showed me more painful memories about it.

My angel so weak and malnourished, barely breathing, thin hair, pronounced cheeks… it shattered me.

"It was killing her, the baby started breaking her bones it was too strong for her and she couldn't eat anything… that was the worst part, she was weakening, and we thought she wouldn't make it but she still refused to get rid of it."

As Jacob told me all this I could see and feel the pain in his voice as he remembered. The frustration he had gone through, wanting to help Bella but not being able to.

"I was about to order Sue to induce an abortion, I didn't care if Bella hated me for it later, I had to save her. But Leah, Emily and Seth wouldn't let us, I couldn't go against Leah and Sam couldn't go against Emily."

All this new information brought even more questions and I couldn't decide which one to ask first so I just told Jacob to go on.

"Soon we realized what Bella needed" His mind went back to him hunting and squeezing blood out of animals for Bella to drink "and it made her feel better, eventually she made it. I hunted for Lizzie, until she was able to do it by herself but Bella wouldn't let her go on her own, fearing she would run into another nomad so I would follow her without her noticing."

"Did the nomads come back?"

He shook his head.

"What about a female redhead?"

His frown deepened.

"No, just those two."

I kept thinking, replaying the images in my head and then something else dawned on me.

"The pregnancy was the reason behind the anemia." I stated and Jacob just stared at me, confirming what I was thinking of.

As always, it was my fault. I had abandoned her, I didn't take care of her, and because of me she was sick. Because of me she is dying now, I knew I would end up killing her at the end.

"When did she find out about the Leukemia?" I asked with a broken voice.

"About six months after Lizzie's birth."

"How?"

"It started with headaches, then with dizziness, she fainted once and that's when she finally agreed to see a doctor."

"And they moved to Seattle." I worked with the puzzle.

"She lived there during the week, and would come to La Push on the weekends so Lizzie could feed. One of us was usually near her, hiding in the woods even in Seattle, just in case there was another Vampire wandering around."

I thought about it, and realized all the things Bella had to do on her own for our child while being sick and I wasn't there to make things easier. To care for them in every way they needed, I knew getting answers would make me feel worse than I already was but this was beyond what I imagined.

"Lizzie told me Bella would keep them to themselves, even in La Push. Why is that?"

"To protect Lizzie, and our secret too. The tribe doesn't know about the wolves –we prefer it that way- much less about vampires," He cursed the last word "some of them know about the legends but they are just old stories to them."

I nodded for him to go on.

"Lizzie was growing by the minute back then they would notice something was off. Not that it mattered, we wouldn't expose you because of the treaty but we were still careful, no one ever knows."

"Either way, it wasn't safe so she never took her to Forks either, people knew you and even if I don't like it I have to admit she looks just like you. It would only raise questions and Bella would go to great lengths to protect your secret, too. She didn't tell me why exactly but she told me it was something about some vampires in Italy."

The Volturi, I remembered when I had told her about them on her birthday. When we were watching Romeo and Juliet on her old couch before her party, I was glad she remembered that. I shuddered just thinking about Aro knowing about Lizzie. He loved to collect uniqueness and it would be so easy for him to kill Bella claiming she was a human who knew our secret and taking Lizzie with them after slaughtering the wolves.

"She was right. It would have been a death sentence for all of you." He rolled his eyes "But what about the rest of the pack? Why wouldn't she let her be near them either if they already knew about her?"

He scoffed.

"Bella doesn't trust them to be around Lizzie."

"Because of what happened with Paul." I guessed.

He glared.

"How do you know about that?"

"Lizzie showed me."

He shut his eyes close, controlling his anger and Jasper helped him. He snapped his head at him.

"I don't need your help!" Jasper stopped. "That was an accident Paul was still learning to control himself."

"He still put my daughter in danger." I glared.

He growled.

"Look who's talking! If it wasn't for of us, neither Bella nor Lizzie would be here! _Your kind _was the real threat here and you left them to fend them on their own!"

He got a point, and even thought it pained me to admit it he was right. He saved them, I should be thankful. I dragged my hand over my face and pulled at my hair. You have to keep it Edward.

"But of course, it shouldn't surprise me you are just a cold hearted leech! Just stone, a demon, you can't feel, you can't love! I don't even know why I'm here in the first place!"

"You don't know me."

"I don't have to! You actions spoke for yourself!"

I winced.

"Why doesn't Lizzie know about the wolf thing?" Jasper asked changing the topic for my sake and helped me control my emotions again, I couldn't break down now.

Jacob looked pained but hid it quickly.

"After the Paul incident, Lizzie was terrified so Bella didn't tell her for her peace of mind."

"So Bella asked them to stay away?" Jasper continued.

"Yes."

"But she let you and Seth stay… why?" Thank god Jasper was here, with all Jacob just said I couldn't think in anything else than myself hatred and my blame.

"She trusted me, Seth… it's a long story." He started to think about something else.

That caught my attention and brought me back.

"What are you hiding?" I spoke again.

He looked to the ground and started thinking about Emily's dinner for tonight.

Why did Bella tell him I read minds?!

"Not yet, I will tell you later," He scoffed "I really have no choice the kid's been a pain in the ass." He muttered the last.

Something was wrong, very wrong.

Seth, Seth, Seth. I knew he had to be a key for something…

Why would Bella let the youngest wolf near our daughter? Why would Seth side with Bella? Leah I could gather why from Jacob's thoughts, -she was a wolf so she couldn't have kids unless she stopped phasing- Jacob, her imprint couldn't stop phasing since he was the leader and had to protect the tribe and she didn't want to grow older than him, she was already two years older than him.

But why Seth?

Then I remembered something else, and I could literally hear my mind working fast.

"You said the pack would wait until Lizzie was born to attack, why didn't the pack kill Lizzie?" I said in a lethal voice.

And Sam slipped.

Jasper grabbed me before I could launch myself at them, I heard clothes ripping and suddenly I had two wolves growling at me.

"Easy!" Jasper shouted "Edward, what's the matter?!"

"She is three years old!" I seethed.

"_He didn't really have a choice!" _Jacob shouted at me through his mind _"It's not like you think."_

Alice, who I had forgotten about, was at the ready to run with Lizzie if a fight broke.

"He imprinted on my daughter?!"

Jasper and Alice hissed.

"_Yes! And that's what saved her life!" _That floored me _"Even if I hadn't allowed it, they would do what they needed to do to protect the tribe, a wolf can't kill other's imprint, it's our ultimate law!" _Jacob snarled.

I saw on his mind how at first no one could explain the need of Seth to be near Bella while she was pregnant. The urge to protect them, he just said it felt wrong to kill an innocent and thought his job as a wolf was to protect. That's why he protected Bella and the baby too. It wasn't until Bella had Lizzie and he saw her that it all made sense.

"Jacob! Calm down bro." A young voice suddenly said, -breaking our glare contest- and we all turned to our right to see a boy jogging towards us.

Seth.

In my rage I didn't hear him approach.

"It's Ok, I'll handle this." He said in a soothing voice, Jasper didn't let me go fearing I would launch myself at the kid.

Because that's what he was. A kid with muscles.

Jacob growled, telling him to go away but Seth ignored him, standing in front of me.

"Hello, I'm Seth Clearwater." He introduced himself politely with a smile, but still warded and stretching his hand towards me - I felt like biting it off but Jasper's arms were still around me- and I could only growl at him. I should have brought Rosalie with me, I thought with regret. She would have kept the other two busy while I beheaded the pup.

Who was this kid? Who did he think he was claiming my daughter because of some stupid wolf spell?!

When Seth saw I wasn't bulging he lowered his hand and turned to Jacob.

"I brought new clothes I left them by the river. I was on my wolf form in case you phased" He said sheepishly, admitting he had been spying. "and things went wrong. It's Ok guys go and change while I talk to Edward."

Who gave him permission to say my name?

"It's Mr. Cullen to you, dog."

Seth looked reprimanded and I kind of _almost _felt bad, he was tall and big but still had a boyish face.

"_Sam, stay with him." _Jacob ordered and then he was gone.

When Jacob disappeared, Jasper let me go and even though he glared at Seth too he stayed by my side with his hand on my shoulder.

"Mr. Cullen," Seth started and Jasper hid his smirk, I heard Alice giggle in the distance "as I said, my name is Seth… you can call me Seth… or, hum whatever you prefer" He stammered, in other circumstances it would have made me smirk but I was too enraged "I'm sorry we couldn't meet on better circumstances."

"Oh, for the love of!" I turned and started pacing "Cut the act, what do you want? You want my daughter, huh? Because that's not going to happen! She is _mine!_"

"I know! It's not what you think Edw-Mr. Cullen… I swear it's not like that. Let me explain, if it was like that you really think Bella would have let me be near her? Even Leah –my own sister- would have shredded me."

"This conversation is over, and you are not coming near her." I hissed turning around ready to leave.

"Do you care about your daughter or not?" He got a little agitated and he made me stop on my track and whirl around.

"Who the hell are you to question me, flea bag?!"

"I'm just saying you shouldn't come to conclusions so quickly, for your daughter's sake… you said you were here for her after all, didn't you?"

I sneered.

…

…

…

"Speak." I didn't even know why I was allowing this.

Seth took a deep sigh.

"As Jacob said, I really didn't have a choice… and is not entirely like the legends. Yes, some wolves fall for their imprint, when the time is right like Sam and Emily… like Jacob and Leah but it's not only about that."

I was actually relieved when I learned about Jacob imprinting, somewhere on the back of my mind I had thought he was in love with my angel, hence his overprotection. Maybe that's why Leah doesn't like Bella too.

"Then what is it about?" I spat with rage, I saw Jacob enter the clearing and Sam disappeared into the forest but didn't phase back, staying like that to communicate with the rest of the pack.

"When we imprint on someone, it's as if our world revolves around our imprint, we'll do anything for them, _be anything_ for them… whatever they need, and that's what we become. If she needs a playmate, a brother or like in Quil's case a nanny," He joked awkwardly and my glared deepened "Oh sorry, Edward" I snarled "Mr. Cullen… uhm I guess I should have explained, Quil imprinted on Emily's niece, she is two."

"And this is better because?" I asked, not following, but at the same time I refused to follow. I refused to have my daughter tied to a mongrel.

Seth sighed.

"Mr. Cullen, I know she is young and I swear to you, I only see her as that, as a little girl as if she was my little sister… for god's sake she _is only _three. I'm not a perv," He backtracked when I growled "I mean you know… I didn't, I _don't_ _see _her like that."

"What about when she gets older, huh? Would you force her to you?" I seethed and Jasper grabbed my shoulder again, calming me.

"Oh god no! I'll never force myself on her, I know it might, uhm… you know _lead _to that but I'm not thinking about it right now. I just want her to be happy I won't ever force her to something she doesn't want."

He took a long breath.

"I know it might be different since she is not wholly human and I don't know how things will work out so if she decides she doesn't want me that way… I'll understand, I'll step away and be what she needs me to be… her brother, best friend… whatever she wants. I just want her to be happy I swear I'll never hurt her."

"You are staying away from her then."

His eyes widened and I saw the pain in them, good.

"No! Please, Mr. Cullen… don't do this, it's not only me… the imprinting thing is both ways… I'll do it if it's what's best for her, I understand I'm might not be perfect for her."

His mind went back to Sam and Emily and I gasped in horror at the scene, Sam phasing in front of Emily, hurting her in the process.

"It's not like that anymore," He assured me hurriedly "I'm in control of myself now and… Lizzie needs me too. Maybe she doesn't know it but she not only depressed for Bella. She misses me too."

"Why hasn't she said anything then?" I raised an eyebrow.

"She doesn't know about the imprint, she doesn't even know I'm a wolf because I know she is cared of them. At some point she'll have to know but I won't tell her until she is ready."

"And what do you suggest? Leaving her here alone with you? Are you crazy?!"

"No! I never thought you'll agree to that. So I came up with something… if you agree of course."

"Leah won't let you." Jacob interjected.

"Shut up Jacob," Seth glared at him before turning back to me "See Ed-Mr. Cullen…" He caught himself in time "I've been thinking about the uhm… the possibility of maybe coming with you?"

"What?!" Jasper and I screeched.

"I wouldn't live with you of course," He made a face "god the smell would fry my-"

"Not helping yourself kid." Jasper stopped him before he could finish his sentence.

"Oh god, sorry, yeah… I didn't mean it like that you smell uhm… good, too sweet, uhm sorry." Jacob rolled his eyes and chuckled in spite of himself, I would do the same if I wasn't too angry.

"Get to the point fido." I said getting desperate.

"Oh yeah, uhmm, I would stay in the woods… I can live there, I don't mind… I can hunt and I don't get cold… I can clean myself in a river and be near Lizzie to protect her."

"You think I can't?" I challenged and his eyes widened.

I had to admit this was fun.

"No! Of course you can! I just… I need to _know_ she is safe… see her once in a while, with you there of course and then go back into the woods… she doesn't have to know I'm there."

That caught me off guard.

…

…

…

"You'd do that?" I asked incredulous "We live in the middle of nowhere in Alberta, it's freezing there."

He nodded eagerly, hope in his eyes.

"This is stupid, you are not going anywhere. Leah will have my head if I let you! You are just seventeen, Seth! You are too young to die!"

"Shut up, Jacob! This doesn't concern you or Leah." He scowled.

"I'm your leader." Jacob growled.

"So you are going to force me!" Seth stood to his full height and Jacob winced. Seth probably hit a sore spot. "Are you that leader?!"

The kid had balls.

Apparently Jacob had had issues accepting becoming a wolf, he had refused to be the leader until Bella became sick and did it only to protect her.

"Besides who says I'm dying! I would stay away from them, I'll keep to myself they won't have any reason to kill me… Bella said they are not like the red eyed ones, god she trusted them with her own daughter!"

"You know, Bella has the worst survival instincts. I wouldn't be so trustworthy if I were you." I warned.

"Agreed." Jacob muttered.

"She also said you will say that." He answered back at me and my jaw dropped.

She had known I would come here? She had so much faith in me, she knew I'd come here sooner or later looking for answers… did she knew I would also be looking for her? No wonder he didn't tell Jacob were she was going.

"_Edward, I'm coming with Lizzie." _Alice warned me _"She is wondering why you are not coming back and she is getting worried."_

"Tell Sam to go." I turned to Jacob and he glared.

"Why?" He asked suspiciously.

"Alice is coming with Lizzie," His face changed immediately.

Sam left but didn't go too far.

Moments later, Alice came trotting into the clearing with Lizzie on her arms. As soon as she saw our company her eyes changed and a wide smile lighted her gorgeous face.

"SETH!" She beamed.

Crap.

Lizzie jumped from Alice's arms and ran towards Seth, Seth opened his arms for her and I fought the urge to get in the way –well Jasper stopped me, to be honest-. She seemed so happy, I've never seen her this happy. Alice and Jasper noticed it too.

Lizzie jumped into Seth's arms and he twirled her around kissing her cheek.

"What's up sweet girl?!"

I wanted to gag at the scene. My hands twitched to take my daughter away from his meaty hands and run away to a far, far, far away land.

And that's when I knew I was jealous.

"If she wants a puppy so much I can always get her a Chihuahua." I snorted and Jasper stifled a laugh.

"Uncle Jacob!" Lizzie finally spotted Jacob.

"How are you gorgeous?" Jacob beamed at her taking her in his arms and kissed her cheek while I bit my tongue to not lash at him in front of Lizzie.

"Good!"

"Are you sure?" Jacob probed, getting protective and Lizzie nodded. "Are you treated good? Are you well fed?"

Who the hell does he think he is? Of course she is well fed, and we are not torturing her for god sakes! Ok, I admit I haven't done an excellent job at keeping my temper in control around her but I'll never harm her and I'm still learning.

Lizzie nodded again.

"He," She pointed at me "hunts for me, he got me a mountain lion the other day. It's my favorite!" She said excitedly.

I smiled warmly at her she told me it had been her favorite so far.

Jacob tried to hide his scowl, angry with himself for not thinking about it before.

"_Don't all animals taste the same? It's just blood."_

He thought about the deer and elks he had hunted for her when she was younger and wondered what the difference was.

"Carnivores taste more like humans because of their hunting habits." I explained and he looked green for a second there.

Lizzie got down from Jacob's arms and danced towards me, I took her in my arms feeling the tension leave me as I finally had her safe in my arms. Now it was Jacob's turn to glare.

_Mine, dog. _I glared back.

"This is Seth, and that's Jacob." She explained me with a wide smile and I smiled back at her.

"I know princess." I kissed her head –great, now she stinks like a wet dog- making Jacob took a step towards us, he looked like he was about to lose it, but Seth stopped him.

"So, how's life in Alberta?" Seth asked her, trying to distract her from the tension emanating between Jacob and me. "Do you like it?"

"Yes! He," She pointed at me again "takes me running very far, and plays momma's song for me every day!" I smiled warmly at her, glad she liked those moments too. They were my favorites. "And Uncle Emmett gets me lots of Shrek's stuff too!"

"_Great, they are trying to buy her." _Jacob thought scornfully and I glared at him again.

"That's awesome!" Seth said enthusiastically and Lizzie beamed at him. I've never seen all her teeth before.

I closed my eyes and looked at the sky. I knew I didn't have a choice, I've read a lot about wolves back then when we did the treaty, I knew how the imprinting thing worked. I knew what the distance would do to Lizzie, I didn't need her more depressed than what she already was. Then I remembered the look she had when she had talked to me about Seth, how she had stared longingly at the picture of the two of them.

"Lizzie, do you mind going with Seth and Jasper to play for a while? I hear some fawns over there." I pointed on the direction opposite from where Sam was hiding "I need to talk with Aunt Alice and Uncle Jacob." She nodded eagerly and jumped from my arms to the ground and took off with Seth and Jasper following close behind.

"You have no choice… you'll have to let him come." Alice said sympathetically as soon as they were out of view.

"Can't we work something else out? Like visits?"

"Edward," Alice sighed "Don't tell me you didn't see the look in her face. You can't do that to her."

I groaned.

"Damn it!" I turned to Jacob "What would this mean? Would he come alone or will someone else come?"

"He'll have to go alone," Jacob said hating the idea "I can't go with him, I have to stay with the pack and the tribe so Leah can't go either, the only ones that may agree to play nanny have imprints here, too. Maybe Paul or Embry could go but I don't trust them to behave themselves. Of course I'll ask him to phase every couple of hours to know he is Ok." He said pointedly.

"It might be good," Alice added "he can help distracting Lizzie while you look for Bella."

"You already know everything, why are you still looking for her?" Jacob asked suspiciously.

I know if I told him about my offer to change Bella he would flip, so I avoided his question.

"As I said, it's none of your business."

He glared back.

"Leave her alone, leech. She already has had enough and she doesn't need to put up with more of your bullshit."

I ignored him and turned to Alice.

"Make the arrangements, buy Seth a ticket but make sure he is in the back of the plane. I can't stand the smell."

And I want him as far away as possible from Lizzie.

"_So I'm coming?" _Seth thought excitedly from deep in the woods.

"Yes," I told everyone "but the dog stays out of the house."

* * *

"Where are we going?" Lizzie asked as I buckled her in her seat.

"I want to show you around. Aside from this afternoon you've been in a hotel all day." I explained and she smiled brightly at me. "I'm teaching you to act human too."

She smiled brighter and I kissed her nose before closing the door.

After making arrangements with Seth and Jacob, it was decided Seth would join us at the airport tomorrow night so he would come with us. Seth had said it wasn't necessary that he could run but Alice didn't let him. Insisting it would be child abuse or something like that. I didn't really care, he could do whatever he wanted as long as he stayed away from me.

When everything was settled, we told Lizzie the news. She was ecstatic to put it poorly. Then we returned to the hotel and stayed there the whole day, I noticed Lizzie was getting bored, she had gone through Alice's album a thousand times already and I decided to take a break from looking for Bella and took her out as Jasper took my place and helped Alice.

So that's why I was taking her for a ride around the small city, after a while I parked near the harbor and decided to take her by foot now. I knew she must be getting claustrophobic, she was like me. She liked to be outdoors.

I walked around the car and unbuckled her, then placed her on the ground and took her hand. I looked around and watched a few people walking around the harbor too, so I decided to start with the lesson.

"First thing you have to know," I started after a couple passed us by "you can't move too fast around people. No matter if you think they are not looking, like when you did at first in the house. You never know if you are safe, there could always be cameras or someone hiding."

She nodded as we started to walk down the harbor it was twilight the sun had just settled.

"When someone asks you something, you have to talk like your age. I know you are smarter and have a vast vocabulary like a ten year old but you still look five."

"_How do I do that?"_

"Replace some words talk slowly… like you have trouble with your tongue."

"_How?"_

I thought for a moment.

"Use the wrong article… or mix past and present tenses. Like you don't know which one is present and which one is past. Also, use simple words for describing things."

She nodded taking it all.

"And most importantly, don't ever use your gift with other people… no matter if they are like us only use it with people we trust. Like your uncles and aunts but that's it."

I didn't want the Volturi to know about her, much less about her gift. It would be too precious for Aro.

"_Why?"_

"Because… you are special, too prized and someone might want to take you away." I tried to be as honest as possible without scaring her.

Her eyes were wide.

"_Like the vampire with the red hair?"_

"Yes." I answered "But don't worry, I won't let anyone take you." I took her in my arms again and placed her on my hip. "I love you, and I'll always protect you, Ok?" I kissed her temple and she reclined her head on my shoulder.

"Where are we?" She asked softly after a few minutes.

"Port Angeles."

"_It's pretty,"_ she looked around, watching the twinkle lights on the lamps and tiny stores near the harbor. _"Has momma been here too?"_

I smiled at the same time my heart sank.

"Yes," I hold her tighter "we actually had our first date here."

She looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Really?" She asked awed.

"Yes, you want me to show you where?"

She nodded eagerly.

Two minutes later we were in front of "La Bella Italia" I figured since we were already here to be thorough and I walked into the restaurant.

"Good evening, Sir." The hostess greeted us "How can I help you?"

"Table for two."

"Great! Follow me this way."

She started to turn around but I stopped her before he could take a step.

"Uhm sorry, would it be too much trouble if you gave us the booth in the back?" I said pointing to the table Bella and I had shared so long ago.

"Oh, no of course not. Let me take you there."

Once we were seated, the hostess asked us for something to drink. I ordered apple juice for Lizzie and water for me.

"Alright, your waiter will be back with your drinks in a second." And with that she disappeared.

"So, what do you think?" I asked Lizzie and she whipped her hear at me, her boucles dancing around her face. She had been looking around in awe.

"It's very pretty." She said softly.

She was sitting in front of me, her legs bouncing down the table.

"Can I ask you something?"

She nodded.

…

…

"Did your mom ever tell you about me?" I asked nervously.

She looked down.

"Yes." She mumbled.

"Like what?"

She shrugged.

"Whatever I asked."

"What did you ask?"

"How were you… and…" She hesitated.

…

…

"And what? Lizzie, you can trust me." I reminded her.

She was about to say something but the waiter came with our drinks.

"Hi! My name is… Oh my god! It's Edward Cullen!"

I looked up and I wanted to kill myself. I had been to immersed on Lizzie I didn't hear _her _coming.

"Hello, Jessica." I said as politely as I could.

"Oh my god, it's been years! You look good, haven't changed much."

"_Still hot as ever."_

I wanted to hurl.

"You either." I said although she had gained a little weight.

"I'll take that as a compliment," She smiled widely "I'm at U-Dub now but since I'm on holiday break I'm using my free time to earn some extra cash." She filled me in as if I cared.

"Good." I said no spurring her on.

"So, how are you? What are you doing here? I never thought I'd see you again!"

"I had some business to attend to."

"Oh my god! I can't believe it's you! We should totally hang out, what are you doing later?"

I could see Lizzie scowling at her, and I knew she recognized her from the photo album.

"Sorry," I pointed at Lizzie "I have plans."

"Oh, and who is this?!" She said finally noticing Lizzie.

"She is my niece, my brother's daughter." I said going with Bella's idea.

"Oh! She is so adorable! She looks so much like you! I didn't know you had a real brother… What about tomorrow? When are you leaving? Where do you live anyway?"

"I'm hungry." Lizzie spoke then.

"Oh yes! I'm sorry here are your drinks and the menu." She said handing us two menus and she stood there waiting for my answer.

"Uhm, could you give us a moment please?" I said pointedly and she blushed.

"Oh, yes sorry."

When she was gone I looked back at Lizzie.

"What's with the face?" I chuckled scooting to sit next to her in the booth.

"I don't like her." She mumbled.

"Me either," I winked and took her menu. "When we are in a restaurant," I started quietly "since you are supposed to be five, you aren't supposed to be able to read yet so I'll have to tell you what's on the menu aloud."

She smiled glad I remembered the purpose of this outing.

I told her what the restaurant had, and she made faces at a few things making me laugh. When I was done she still didn't know what to have.

"_What did momma had?" _She asked touching my hand when she didn't know what to pick.

"Mushroom ravioli." I answered automatically.

"_Then I'll have that too."_ She smiled brightly and I twirled one of her pigtails with my finger.

When Jessica returned I placed Lizzie's order and told her that was it before she could start conversation again. When she was gone I looked back at Lizzie.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked in a small voice.

"Sure, whatever you want."

"_Would you promise to answer?"_

…

…

"I'll answer as best as I can."

She seemed to think about it and figured it would be the best she could get.

"Why don't you like Uncle Jacob?"

I didn't expect that but damn, she was very observant. I couldn't answer her that unless I told her about wolves.

"It's… complicated, it has to do with what we are." I lowered my voice "Jacob and I are… different, that's why we don't like each other. I'll explain when you are older."

She nodded accepting my answers.

"Would you answer my question now?" I asked, remembering her of my previous question.

She was quiet for a second.

"_I don't think you'll like it."_

"Why not?"

"_Because… you'll be mad."_

"Just tell me Lizzie." I encouraged her. "I won't be mad, I promise."

What did she possibly want to know about me.

"It's about what you are." She said above a whisper.

I looked around, thinking. This wasn't the best place for that conversation.

"Would you tell me later?"

She thought for a moment before nodding.

Just then, Jessica came back with Lizzie's food. She smelled her food and smiled a sweet smile, and I watched her with one of my own eat her pasta.

"Is it good?" I asked making a face and she chuckled making one of her own.

"Not really," she made another face "but momma didn't like it when I wasted food."

That was so Bella.

"You don't have to eat it if you don't want. We can have it to go and give it to someone from the street."

She shook her head.

"_It's not that bad."_

I sneered at her playfully.

"You are a bad liar, you know?"

She blushed.

"_Ok, it sucks." _

I laughed out loud and she joined me with a giggle.

_God angel, she is amazing. She is so much like you._

"What about dessert then? They have apple pie."

She nodded eagerly.

I called Jessica and told her to put the ravioli to go and to bring us a piece of apple pie along with the check.

Jessica brought Lizzie her dessert and the check at the same time. I ignored the card with her cell phone and threw a fifty into the little carpet. Then I returned to my little angel and watched her with amusement as she devoured her pie.

"What else do you like besides apples?"

"Chocolate."

"I'm talking about real food." I chuckled.

She shrugged.

"Lasagna I guess… and chicken soup. Spaghetti is fine too."

I can make those, I remember watching Bella make lasagna once for Charlie. It didn't seem too complicated.

"And what _don't_ you like."

She made a face.

"_Fish, it stinks."_

"I agree." I chuckled again.

"Can I ask you something now?"

"Shoot." I said.

"_How can you read minds? Why can't you read mine? Or mommas? And what's a shield?"_

I laughed again.

"That's a lot of questions, I'll tell you what. We'll play twenty questions, you'll ask me one and I'll answer, then I'll ask you one and you'll do the same."

"Ok, can I go first?" She asked excitedly and I wanted cry out of happiness.

"Of course, ladies first."

"What's like to read minds? How do you do it? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere?" She whispered with bright eyes.

"Hmm…" I pondered, remembering what I had told Bella when she asked me the same questions "It's like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's like a buzz of voices in the background… until I can focus on one voice, what they are thinking becomes clear, and I can't hear anyone anywhere. I have to be close, just a few miles but the more familiar someone's voice is, the farther away I can hear them."

"Oh, how far?"

"My turn," I smirked and she pouted. "Ok, just this one. I could hear Alice today while she was with you, but had she moved a few feet farther away I wouldn't have."

She smiled pleased and it was my turn.

"What did your mom and you used to do together?"

She smiled sadly.

"_I liked watching her cook, and she read to me a lot. I liked that, sometimes I'd read to her too and we also listened to a lot of music together. We also took a lot of walks together she liked to walk into the forest. My favorite place was the meadow it was so beautiful, full of flowers. She would read while I caught butterflies."_

I stared at her while I big fat knot formed in my throat, my eyes were beginning to sting too.

"Can you show me?" I asked thickly and she nodded.

As soon as my vision was replaced by Lizzie's thoughts, the emotions that hit me were too many and hard to describe.

It was my meadow, _our _meadow.

Bella had taken her there? I couldn't believe it… I was shocked but at the same time it didn't surprise me. Only Bella would do that, take our daughter to a place so special to us.

The vision ended and Lizzie stared at me with worried eyes.

"Are you Ok?" She asked tentatively.

"Yes," I masked my face quickly, "I'm sorry… I'm ok. Your turn." I changed the topic.

She thought for a moment, coming up with a question while she took another bite from her pie. I saw her eyes light up when she came up with something.

"What's your favorite color?" She asked shyly. I loved when she used her voice.

"Brown."

"Brown?" She scrunched her nose "Why?"

"It's the color of your eyes." I said simply and she blushed. "What's your favorite song?"

"_The one you wrote for momma."_

"Besides that one." My heart melted.

"_Hmm… I'm yours by Jason Mraz."_ She smiled brightly and I had to smile back.

"That's a good song, why's your favorite?" I asked curiously, always wanted to know more about her. It was fascinating how much her mind worked like Bella, she always surprised me. She was so mature for her age too.

"_It reminds me of momma she always listened to it while she cooked."_

"She did?" I smiled in wonder, imaging Bella cooking for our daughter, probably stumbling, dancing and singing to that song.

"_Yes, my turn."_ She said quickly "What's _your _favorite song?" she chimed.

"I've got you under my skin, by Frank Sinatra."

"_I've never heard it."_ She frowned.

"I have it at home I'll play the record for you."

"_Why is it your favorite?" _She tilted her head curiously.

"It reminds me of your mother, too." She looked down.

…

…

…

"I miss her." She said, suddenly sad.

"Me, too."

She started biting her lip her sad face was killing me. It was Ok if I was sad, but she should never be sad. She had such a beautiful smile.

"My turn." I tried to distract her "What's something you really wish you could do."

She thought for a moment.

"I want to take ballet lessons."

"Really?" I asked in surprise "Why?"

She touched my hand.

_Bella and Lizzie walking next to a Ballet Studio. Bella and Lizzie stopping to watch for a few minutes._

"_I used to dance you know?" Bella smiled down at Lizzie "I sucked at it." She made a funny face and Lizzie giggled._

"Every time momma had to see her doctor…" she started softly "we always passed next to a ballet studio, she told me she used to do ballet when she was little but didn't like to be in the spotlight. She said she wished she would have gotten over it… I want to do it for her."

I swallowed, hard.

Just, breathe.

"We… we can arrange something, as soon as we get back to Alberta we can find a school for you. I don't see a problem with it, I'm sure Alice can help you prepare for that."

Her eyes widened.

"_Really? You'd do that?"_ her eyes watered a little.

"Of course, I want you to be happy Lizzie. I'll do anything for you."

She smiled at me.

"Thanks." She blushed a little. "My turn."

I nodded for her to go on.

"_Why do your eyes change color?"_

I smiled ruefully.

"When I'm… hungry" I give her a meaningful look "our eyes change color, they become black… when we feed they go back to gold. That's also how you know if one of us is thirsty."

"Oh… why mine don't change like yours?" She frowned worriedly.

"Because they are too beautiful it will be a shame." I nuzzled her cheek and she giggled. "Are you done with your pie?"

She nodded.

"Alright," I stood from the booth "Let's go then."

I took her hand and we walked out of the restaurant, I spied an old lady next to a dump and gave her the food. Then I walked us back towards the harbor and the car.

Once I buckled her I took the driver's seat and started the car. I drove slowly back to the hotel, enjoying my time with her. She had finally opened up a little more to me and I was going over our dinner in my head contently.

And then I remembered my first question.

"It's later now," I told her. "Can you tell me now what you asked mom about me?"

…

…

…

"Yes," she said cautiously "but I need to ask you something first."

"What is it?"

…

…

…

"Why do you hate being a vampire?"

* * *

**Damn! There's no escaping that one daddyward!**

**So, what do you think? What did you think about Jacob? Was he too mean or too soft? So Seth did imprinted on Lizzie! Some of you were right! I think Edward is finally going to get some greys! Lol!**

**So, a few questions were answered, the most important one remains unanswered... WHERE IS BELLA?! **

**What did you think about Edward and Lizzie's little game? Do you have any question you'd like them to ask each other? LET ME KNOW!**

**Please review! Your encouragements and love it's what keeps me inspired!**

**Since I'm on SLA mode right now, OMC's epilogue is taking a little while but I promise you'll have it next week!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	10. Chapter 10: Like A Knife

**Remember when I said this story would be 20 chapters long? Yeah, what the heck was I thinking? This story would be at least 35 chapters long maybe a bit more. I hope you don't mind ;)**

**SPOILER/WARNING: Some of you expressed your concern about Bella losing her hair. Don't worry, I won't say much but as I said please trust me... I won't have Bella rocking a bald head for eternity ;)**

**I'm soo happy all of you took Seth's imprinting news so well! I was nervous about it! Glad you liked the little twist!**

**Special thanks to Cattinson for her Betta skills and Lisopera for prereading, without you this story wouldn't be the same!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 10: Like A Knife

"**Like A Knife" – Secondhand Serenade**  
Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain  
And no matter where I go it's always pouring all the same.  
These streets are filled with memories  
Both perfect and in pain  
And all I wanna do is love you  
But I'm the only one to blame.

'Cause today, you walked out of my life  
'Cause today, your words felt like a knife  
I'm not living this life.

But what do I know, if you're leaving  
All you did was stop the bleeding.  
But these scars will stay forever,  
These scars will stay forever  
And these words have no meaning  
If we cannot find the feeling  
That we held on to together  
Try your hardest to remember

Stay with me,  
Or watch me bleed,  
I need you just to breathe.

_**December 15**__**th**__** – 4 weeks and 6 days left.**_

"_Why do you hate being a vampire?"_

…

…

…

"What did you _really_ ask mom?" I say in a strange voice.

It took her too many seconds to respond.

"Why did you leave?"

I frowned.

"And what does that have to do with what you asked mom?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know, it just does." She said quietly.

"I don't understand."

I saw through the rearview mirror that she was biting her lip and playing with her blankie again.

"Mom said you left because you needed to be what you were, but… the other day you told me you didn't like what you were… so I don't understand."

"That's what momma told you?" I asked softly.

She nodded looking up at me, her eyes locking with mine through the mirror.

I didn't say anything at first looking back at the road avoiding her gaze, wrapping my head around it all. What did I answer to that? The truth? Which question should I answer first? Would she be afraid? Scared? I didn't want to scare her away. Would she hate me now? I couldn't lie to her, she was smart –so smart beyond her years- and would eventually know the truth, but should I paint it or should I be completely honest?

"Elizabeth, what do you know about… _me_?"

I had such a hard time saying the word aloud in front of her.

"You are a vampire." The word didn't sound so bad coming from her lips, unlike when I said it, it sounded like a curse even in my mind.

"What else?"

"You drink blood… like me."

I nodded for her to go on.

"But Momma also said you were different, that you weren't like in the movies… that you were good."

"But, what about you? What do _you_ think of me?" I asked her with my heart on my throat.

"I think she is right." She said without hesitation.

"Why?" I was astounded.

She really thought that? Or was she afraid I'd be mad? Was she editing what she really thought? Was she scared? Would she scream?

"I think you are good… because you take care of me, you hunt for me and… when I'm scared you are there… but I also think you are sad."

I chuckled without humor, her answer taking me off guard. She was very observant.

"I _am_ sad." I smiled sadly at the road.

"Why? Is it because of me?" She said worriedly.

"It is," she gasped "but not in the way you are thinking…" I hurried to say, and her panicked expression faded a little "I'm sad because… because I wasn't there for you before." I finished with a knot on my throat.

Her eyebrows furrowed.

"I don't understand."

I passed the motel and continued my way on the 101.

How do I talk to her about this? I wasn't prepared for this conversation but at the same time I knew I'd never be. I was scared of her reaction, terrified she would saw me for the monster I really was and wouldn't want me to be near her.

The sense of déjà vu wasn't lost on me.

"Elizabeth, remember when I told you that my kind didn't expect much of life?"

She nodded.

"Well, I certainly didn't expect you… I didn't even let myself wish I'd have something remotely close… you ask me why I hate being what I am… and that's why."

"I still don't understand." Her frown deepened.

"My kind… we are frozen where we are, we don't move forward… we have to hide and our instincts make us do things we don't want to do… it's a hard life…" I swallowed "we are… damned."

"Why are you damned?"

…

…

"Well, Carlisle disagrees but… I don't think we have souls," I said looking at her for any signs of panic or fear "what we are it's the exact opposite of good. We… we are designed to-to _kill_… that's wh-why I thought I d-didn't deserve anything good in my life… why I didn't even wish for it no matter how much I wanted it."

…

…

"What did you want?" She whispered, her eyes bored into mine through the reflection of the mirror.

"Before I met your mother, I thought my… existence would be the same forever… alone, no moving forward… then I met her."

"In the lunch room." She said with a soft smile, and I was glad she remembered our previous conversation.

"Yes, your mom was so good to me, she was like an angel and I couldn't believe she'd choose to be with someone like me… it was a dream come true. It was _her, _she was what I wanted, to have a real _life_ with _her_. Then I'd see the truth of what I was and I didn't want that for her, I didn't want to tie someone like her to someone like me. That's why I left."

She was quiet, thinking over my words. I knew this was a heavy conversation, but I knew she understand on some degree and she needed to know the truth. As much as I feared her to know me, at the same time I wanted her to. She needed to know me, she needed to know everything so she would understand and probably, finally accept me as her father. If she knew why I left them, why I did what I did.

"But, I still don't understand why you are sad. Momma said you wanted to be you."

I shook my head sadly.

"That's what I told her… so she would let go. But the truth is that I only wanted her, I didn't need the rest."

"So you lied?" She tilted her head to the side in confusion.

…

…

"Yes…" my voice cracked "and I regret it, so much."

"Why?"

"Because… it was all for nothing. I left because I thought I was always putting her in danger, because I thought it was best for her but the truth is… she was already a danger magnet," I said thinking about the wolves, vampires and illnesses surrounding her "and it makes me sad all the pain was for nothing, in the end… it made matters worse and now that I met you… I regret it even more."

"You do?" She whimpered.

"Yes, I missed out on you. I hated being what I was because I thought I couldn't give Bella the good things about life… love, family, safety, happiness… and it turns out I was wrong. That's why I am sad."

She didn't say anything at first, and I started to panic. Would she finally hate me too, learning what I did? Would she demand me to take her to Jacob?

"What are you thinking?" I asked as calm as I could, desperation and anxiety getting the best of me.

"I think…" she started to say and I stared at her closely through the rearview mirror, then she looked up to me "I think you are wrong, and momma's right."

I locked my eyes with her.

"What?" I gasped.

"You did what you thought it was good." She said simply. "You are good."

"It's not about what I do, it's about what I am." I contradicted her.

She shook her head stubbornly.

"It doesn't matter what you are."

My grip on the wheel tightened.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" I gritted out.

Of course it matters!

"But, if a human killed someone… would that make him a good person then?"

"No." I said in confusion, why would she say that?

"But he is _human,_ if what you say is true then what he did wouldn't matter because of that."

I was speechless.

"But… but he killed someone, of course it would matter then." I said.

"Do you kill people?"

"I did before."

"The bad ones." She added.

How much did she know?! Did Bella talked to her openly about me? About Vampires?

…

…

…

"I think you are good, momma's right." She nodded to herself with a tone of finality and looked out of the window.

"It doesn't bother you? What I am?" I was incredulous.

She shook her head.

"It's not your fault."

We were quiet after that, and I kept thinking about her words.

I couldn't believe it, she didn't think I was bad? In fact… she thought the opposite. For a second, this new knowledge made me so happy I couldn't put it into words. She didn't care what I was? But then, she was Bella's daughter, she wouldn't think ill of anyone. Besides she lived with Bella, of course she would fill her head with good things about me in spite of what I did to her.

Bella had years to brainwash her, to prepare her so she wouldn't be scared when she'd come to live with us, when she entered our world which meant she knew she wouldn't survive the cancer. Unless I turned her but of course she didn't want that. It made me wonder if she had actually given up before her treatment, she did have been looking for me for a while even before she contacted social services when the doctor gave her a life time.

"Why do you think you don't have a soul?" Lizzie interrupted my thoughts and I looked at her again through the mirror. "What's a soul anyway?"

I frowned, deep in thought.

"A soul…" I mused "I don't think there's really a description for it but it's like… the essence of a person after they are gone… what makes them really immortal, what goes to heaven or hell."

"Why do you think you don't have one?"

"Because I'm not a creature of god." I avoided her eyes. Why would she ask that? If I had any hope she wouldn't see me as a monster, it shattered now.

"Were you always like this?" She tilted her head to the other side.

"No, I told you Carlisle turned me when I was sick."

"So you were human before?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't ask for this."

"No."

"Who made you first?"

I stared at the black road in front of us, thinking about my answer.

"Him, I suppose."

"So He took your soul away?" She was confused.

"I guess."

She thought for a few seconds before looking back at me.

"Do you think He is good?" Her little frown was still there.

"Yes."

"If he is good, then why would he take your soul away over something you had no control over?"

I stiffened.

Then I looked straight into her eyes through the mirror with disbelief.

Who was this girl?

Did Carlisle or Bella give her a script or something? But then again neither of them had ever said something like it. I was awed and… I don't know. I didn't know what to think, I would have never thought a little three year old would leave me speechless. It made me wonder how much aware of the world she was, how her mind worked and what her real capacities where. She barely talks, but when she does… it blows my mind away.

"That's silly," She shook her head "I still think momma's right." She looked out of the window again.

I still couldn't speak.

Or think.

"Where are we?"

It took about two seconds before her words registered into my brain.

"Forks." I answered a little too late.

_Why would he take your soul away over something you had no control over?_

_It's not your fault._

"Why are we here?"

"I wanted to show you something."

_I think you are wrong, and momma's right._

Was Bella right?

Did I have a soul after all?

I park behind an old abandoned building on the outskirts of Forks. Get out of the car and go to open the door for her, unbuckle the belt and pick her in my arms. I'd let her run but knowing there had been vampires in the area, and not knowing where Victoria was I decide to take her with me. I place her on my back and take off.

Two minutes later I stop and help Lizzie onto the floor. She looks around the dark forest and steps closer hiding behind my leg and grabbing my hand.

"Do you trust me?" I look down at her with an amused smile.

She nods.

"And what do I always tell you?" I smirk.

She thinks for a moment before blushing.

"_That you won't let anyone hurt me."_

"Exactly." I smile widely glad she remembered "So you don't have to fear."

I pick her up and place her on my hip anyway, -knowing it'll make her feel better- and kiss her cheek.

"_Where are we?"_ She is still looking around nervously.

"You'll see, I just wanted to make sure no one was home."

"Home?"

"Your momma's old home."

She gasps and I chuckle walking down the trail, seconds later we are in Bella's old back yard. I can't hear anyone inside so I place Lizzie on my back again and climb up the tree and open the window to Bella's old bedroom before jumping in with a swift motion. I haven't done this in years, and the action brought back millions of beautiful memories of all the times I had snuck in and spent the night with her, taking care of her and watching her sleep. Those memories as beautiful as they were still rip at me knowing what I had turned my back on. What I had so stupidly walked out of.

Once inside I put Lizzie back on the floor, she doesn't let go of my hand and I look around.

What used to be Bella's room is now a TV room. It pains me that there is no trace of what used to be my angels room, although when I look closer I can see they never painted the walls. That makes it a bit easier to come to terms with it all but not enough.

"This used to be your momma's room," I explain and Lizzie looks around curiously "her bed used to be over there, and her desk was there instead of that couch."

"Really?" She smiled at me.

"Yes."

"_Tell me more."_

I sit on the floor and I pull her to sit in my lap wrapping my arms around her, I close my eyes and try to imagine I'm once again on the same room, recalling the old feeling of home, imaging her scent and warmth surrounding me. I open my eyes again and stare at the wall in front of us.

"She had her dresser over there on top of it she'd have her books, brushes and a CD player." I start softly, a small smile playing on my lips "Then, next to her bed was her bedside table with more books, in that corner was her rocking chair. She always had clothes hanging over it, it would drive Alice crazy." I remembered fondly.

"_She still does it."_ She chuckled.

"She does?" I smiled down in awe at her.

She nodded and touched my cheek showing me. My face fell when it was in fact the same rocking chair. The same rocking chair I had sat on so many times watching her sleep. I guess she kept some of her old furniture in the small cabin.

"_What color was it?"_ She looked at the walls.

"Actually, it's the same… the new owners didn't change it, same for the curtains." I noticed.

"_Can we look around?"_

"Sure."

I stood up and gave her a tour of the house, showing her every corner.

I almost fell on my knees when we entered the kitchen though, as that was the only room –besides the new breakfast table- that remained the same. The cabinets where the same yellow Rene had painted them years ago, -Bella had explained me she had done it to bring some sunshine into the house- the checkered floor was the same one and even the stove and fridge were the same old monstrosities. If I let my imagination go wild, I could picture and listen to Bella over the stove, making dinner while Charlie read the newspaper on the breakfast table drinking Vitamin R.

"_It's a pretty house."_

Lizzie walked into the kitchen, pulling me by my hand.

"It is." I whispered with a knot on my throat as I stared at the new breakfast table. It seemed so out of place, not at all like Charlie's old table with different chairs.

Charlie, I couldn't stop the guilt that weighted so heavy in my shoulders. If I had been here he would still be around… probably fast asleep in the living room with the TV on an old baseball rerun. I realized his death would always be on my conscience.

I wished Seth had seen the nomad's face when he had run after him before he jumped into the ocean so then I could hunt him down and avenge him. It's the least he deserves, he had loved Bella so much… he had been a wonderful father towards her. I could only wish I could be half as good as him for Lizzie.

Suddenly I heard the owners of the house approach on their car, they were talking about the movie they had just seen in Port Angeles.

I guessed our time was up.

"Lizzie, time to go." I took her just as they rounded the corner into the street.

"_So soon?" _She had a sad face.

"I'm sorry, the owners are here."

I walked us back upstairs and waited till they got into the house so they wouldn't see us go out from the window in Bella's room which faced the street.

It was a young couple, and they stayed in the car chatting about nonsense so I sat us back on the floor waiting for them to come into the house. That's when I noticed they never changed the floorboards either.

I wonder…

My fingers stroked the wood lazily, until I found the dent. I pressed my fingers in the exact spot and the board popped open.

And there they were.

Lizzie gasped as I took out the Ziploc bag.

"What's that?" She asked in awe.

"Your mother's 18th birthday presents." I whispered before blowing off the dust.

There they were all, the plane tickets, the CD, the photos…

"Why did she leave them here?" She asked puzzled.

I couldn't tell her the truth, it was too much. So instead I asked her something else.

"You want them? You can have them if you want momma's song is on the CD."

"Really?" She gave me a bright smile.

"Really." I handed her the bag.

When the couple finally made it into the house, I took Lizzie with me and jumped out of the window.

_Angel, please… let me find you._

* * *

_**December 16**__**th**__** – 4 weeks and 5 days left.**_

"But this dress is so pretty!" Alice whined. "It's pink and has ribbons!"

Lizzie shook her head and threw herself on the bed.

"C'mon Lizzie, if you wear it I won't change you again until we go to the airport."

Lizzie ignored her and pressed replay on her new walkman.

Yeah, who knew they still sold those? Apparently they still do in small towns. Last night while Lizzie was asleep, Jasper and I had gone out to see if we could track Bella around Forks and Port Angeles. On our way back I had passed next to this music store and saw it. Now she had been attached to the thing all morning listening to Bella's CD. If I couldn't play for her this morning at least she had the CD now so she wouldn't go without hearing it, ever.

I lifted my eyes from the laptop in my lap.

"Leave her alone Alice, she is perfectly happy in her pajamas. We are not even going out till afternoon anyway."

She huffed and stomped out of the room towards Jasper who was on the couch.

"Fine."

Lizzie beamed and came to sit next to me on the opposite couch, snuggling to my side. I kissed her head and wrapped my arm around her.

"Jasper, would you mind changing the channel, please?"

Jasper was watching the news, and I didn't want Lizzie to listen about a couple of dead bodies found in Seattle in a dumpster.

"Sorry." He said changing it to the History Channel.

Lizzie laid her head on my stomach and closed her eyes listening to her music while I worked on my laptop and stroked her hair at the same time.

Last night had meant a lot for us, I feel as if I had connected with her on a whole new level. We had got to know each other a little more, she knew about me, my beliefs, my side of the story and she had accepted me. It meant a lot to me, although I was still holding my breath, expecting she would go running down the hills screaming in fright any second now. But she hadn't so far and it gave me hope that maybe, I could do this after all.

When we arrived at the motel after Bella's house, after Alice helped her into her pajamas she had put Bella's CD, tickets and photos in her treasure's chest. If I could I knew I would have cried, alas my eyes only stung with the unshed tears as she fell asleep on my chest before I left.

And now here we were, snuggling together on the couch. It made me so happy to see that she was finally reaching out to me. That she was getting comfortable around me and more importantly, that she trusted me.

"What are we doing today?" Lizzie looked up at me.

"We could play dress up if you want." Alice smiled too innocently from her place on Jasper's lap and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Why don't you play with uncle Jasper instead?" Lizzie asked innocently.

"Because she already does it every two hours." Jasper muttered. _"I still have 26 minutes until she changes my clothes again. Maybe I can convince her to wait until this documentary is over."_

"You can play with my doll if you want." Lizzie offered pointing towards the doll I gave her for her birthday. "It has another dress, it's pink."

"It's not the same." Alice pouted and Lizzie frowned, feeling bad.

"Stop it, Alice." I looked down at my still frowning angel "You want to go for a run?"

"YES!" She jumped to a sitting position with a big smile that brought one of my own.

"Oh! I have the perfect outfit for a run!" Alice cheered running back into the room.

I laughed out loud at Lizzie's face.

Lizzie and I were running through the woods, throwing snow balls at each other once in a while. I could hear Jasper and Alice way behind us I had asked them to come but to maintain their distance. I had been reckless last night, but I had also wanted privacy with my daughter. But now, I couldn't risk her anymore not with Victoria out there and now that I knew about vampires being in Forks, I didn't want any curious eyes near my daughter. We never knew their true nature.

When I noticed Lizzie loosing speed –probably getting tired- I ran passed her, picked her up with my hands and throwing her in the air. She let out a squeal before I caught her and threw her over my back. She got a hold on my neck and I pressed my right hand over hers to make sure she wouldn't let go, then took one of her legs with my other hand, keeping it around my torso and picked up speed again.

"Faster! Faster!" She laughed and I could only comply.

I headed north, I thought I was running without specific direction but it didn't take long before I realized where I was really going. Soon, I passed the final trees and the sun blinded me for a second.

And there we were.

Even if it was covered with a nice layer of snow it was still as breathtaking as in the summer. It looked like a winter fairy tale, the snow glistening with the light sunrays, snowflakes floating aimlessly around us and ice cones decorating the trees circling the small meadow, sparkling like crystal chandeliers against the bright light, sending rainbows everywhere.

With a gasp Lizzie jumped from by back and ran into the middle of the clearing with a wide smile.

"You know the place!" She cheered excitedly while I stayed hidden in the shadows.

I observed with relief how her skin reacted with the sun. It didn't sparkle like mine, thank god. It only had a subtle glow, something human eyes wouldn't be able to see. She wouldn't be damned to stay indoors on a sunny day. I was happy about that, she could enjoy the summer and warm shinny days as she is supposed to.

"Dad? What are you doing over there?"

My eyes snapped open and my brain stopped functioning.

"Dad? Are you ok?"

Her lips kept moving, but only one word would register.

"Dad?"

She had said it again. I didn't imagine it.

"Dad, can you hear me?" she took a step closer towards me.

I didn't imagined it, right?

"Did you just call me dad?" I breathed, still in shock.

"Oh… uhm, I thought you wanted me too?" She was confused now and… sad?

"Of course I do!" I hurried to say "I just… I want you to want to, not because you think I want to."

"Oh," she blushed "well… I want to." My eyes stung with unshed tears. "Is it Ok?"

"Nothing would make me happier." My voice shook with emotion and my chest filled with love and devotion when I saw her shy smile.

She looked around the meadow again, and then her gaze fell upon me again.

"Uhm… Dad?" My heart did a flippy thing "Do you wanna make snow angels with me?" She asked shyly.

I chuckled without humor.

"I'll be with you in a moment."

She nodded and threw herself on the ground, spreading her arms and legs and moving them up and down. Then she jumped back on her feet and stepped away to look at her creation.

It warmed my heart, her mind was what I assumed one of an eight year old but she was still a three year old on the inside. Playful, curious about the world, the most innocent thing excited her. Everything was new, simple and wonderful to her.

Truth to her years, she also was insecure, shy and constantly needed reassurance as any child would. She still needed someone to look out for her, someone to show her everything the world has to offer for someone like her. I remembered our first run, when I had come to a similar conclusion. That as crazy as it sounded, she needed someone like me.

She turned back at me with a big smile and pointed to the ground.

"Look! Come and see!" She said excitedly.

"Alright," I said worriedly "but please… don't be scared. I won't hurt you."

She frowned, not understanding what I meant.

With a resigned sigh, I took a nervous step into the light. I looked at her carefully as her eyes almost came out of her sockets. I cringed and closed my eyes as I waited for her scream.

…

…

"You sparkle." She breathed after an endless second and I opened my eyes to look at her curious and awed ones.

"Uhm, yeah?"

She kept staring at me, not saying a word then took a step forward and I took one backwards, expecting her scream but it never came.

Why was she so calm about it?

"Aren't you scared?" I asked in disbelief.

She shook her head.

"Doesn't it freak you out?"

"Why?"

"Because… my skin, it's different."

Repulsive.

"Mine too." She took off her mitten and extended her arm towards me, showing me the obvious.

There it was, the faint glow. Invisible for humans but still, different… like me.

"Why does your skin sparkle more than mine?" I laughed incredulously at her little pout.

Is this what was really bothering her?

"I don't know, angel."

This was incredible.

Letting out a sigh of relief, I walked towards her to the middle of the clearing and sat on the ground so I could be at her eye level. Lightly, she traced her little warm fingers over my cheek, her face a mix of curiosity and wonder. I closed my eyes as her finger traced my nose and then my eyebrows.

"Your skin is pretty." She whispered and I chuckled again, I couldn't believe she was actually saying that. "It reminds me of my treasure's chest." That made break in laugher.

"Do I look green to you?!" I said between guffaws. She was so amusing.

"No!" She giggled "It's because of all the glitter!"

Oh, god.

I could hear Jasper and Alice laughing in the distance too.

"Well, no matter how cute you are I won't let you glue stickers on me." I poked her tummy.

"_What about your piano? It looks so boring all white." _She grimaced.

My piano?

"You know, I would have to love you so much to let you do something as heinous as that." I made a face of my own and her face fell.

I pulled her onto my lap and pampered her face with kisses.

"Of course I'll let you do anything you want to my beloved piano." I kissed her cheek "If it makes you happy you can even paint it green." I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

I hope she knew I was joking about the last one.

"OH MY GOD CAN I?!" She beamed up at me.

"You want to paint my piano green?" I squeaked, trying to hide my panicked expression.

"Yes! Oh, please can I?! please?!" She pleaded with big excited eyes.

…

…

"Ok." I forced my smile, because… how could I say no to those eyes? Really, you'd have to be heartless, mine wouldn't be alive but I still had one at least.

"Thank you daddy!" She threw herself at me and kissed my cheek. "You are going to love it I swear!"

And I forgot all about my precious piano.

* * *

"_Can I ask you something?"_

"20 questions again?" I chuckled.

We were lying in the middle of the clearing, as I watched the clear sky and she played with my fingers lying next to me in the snow, my skin still amusing her.

I closed my eyes and took a deep sigh. It was so good to be out, even though I couldn't shut off completely as my mind kept going out to Carlisle.

"_Can I go first?"_

"Of course."

I kept messaging him every ten minutes to see if he had found something. Jasper had just gone to Seattle again, since we were already here and Emmett had just left King and was going north again. Rosalie and Esme were going to join him tomorrow morning since Alice and Jasper were going back to Alberta with me. Jasper was coming because I needed him around Seth in case something happened and we needed his gift and Alice was coming too because we were going to try to make plans again and I needed her to see if she could see something based on them.

Speaking of Seth, I had only told Carlisle and Esme about him. I didn't want Rosalie to throw a fit and if Lizzie was there when she found out about him at least she would try to behave. Not that I cared if she punched the dog but I worried it would upset Lizzie. Anyway, if she found out now a dog would be taking more of Lizzie's attention I knew my cell phone wouldn't stop ringing, and I couldn't turn it off right now or break it when I was waiting for any signs of my angel.

In a few words, Rosalie will be green with envy.

Maybe it was a good thing Seth was coming after all.

"_What's you favorite animal?"_

I smiled to myself.

"The mountain lion."

"_Mine too!"_

"I know," I chuckled "my turn. Why don't you like dresses?"

"_Because I can't run with them or play in the ground."_

I guessed that much.

"_Who taught you to play the piano?"_

"My real mom did, I think when I was six maybe seven."

"You miss her?" She rolled to face me.

"Not really, it was a long time ago. I barely remember her."

"_Why?"_

"Wasn't it my turn?"

She shrugged innocently and I smiled at her.

"When we change, most of our human memories fade. They became mostly a blur."

"_Oh."_

"What's your most precious memory?" I changed the subject.

"_I have a lot."_

"Top five?"

She thought for a moment then touched my hand again.

_Bella singing Lizzie her lullaby on Bella's rocking chair._

_Edward teaching Lizzie to play Bella's lullaby._

_Seth teaching Lizzie how to swim in the river and Bella clapping in the background._

I scowled at that particular memory.

_Bella and Lizzie taking a walk down the beach in La Push, Bella telling her about Edward._

_Edward and Lizzie at "La Bella Italia"_

"Those are your precious memories." I commented when she was done.

"_Which ones are yours?"_

I looked at her beautiful brown eyes as I thought about it.

"When you called me dad would be my first," She smiled her gorgeous smile "When I met your mom, then it would be when I heard your laugh for the first time while we watched Shrek…" between those it would be Bella's and I first kiss and that night but I don't think those would be appropriate. "When I brought your mom here for the first time and when you and I went for our first hunt together."

"_I like the last one too."_

I sat up and brought her to my lap again.

"When your mom and you would talk about me… what would she say?"

"_She said you were beautiful." _She giggled.

I rolled my eyes, only Bella.

"You are far more beautiful," I kissed her forehead "what else?" I asked in wonder.

"_That you saved her a lot of times. You are a hero." _She smiled and I wanted to roll my eyes again.

"She saved _me_."

"_That you were good at everything."_

"I don't know about that." I scoffed in disbelief.

She stared at me for a whole minute before she rolled onto her back and looked back at the sky.

"You are Shrek." She thought aloud. _"I get it now."_

"Excuse me?" I was amused again.

"Shrek doesn't like himself either… he thinks he's a monster, but he's still a hero." She mused with her sweet chiming voice.

My amusement was gone, and it was replaced by something else I couldn't decipher.

"Who introduced you to Shrek?"

"Momma."

Of course.

"_I get it now."_

"What do you get?" I watched her curiously as I waited for her answer, while holding my breath. What had she come up to?

"The end." She whispered to herself.

"Lizzie? Care to explain?"

"It's doesn't matter to her what he is because he is good. Momma says she saw who he is instead of what he was… I didn't understand at first, but I think I do now." She turned her head to me and I stared into her big awed eyes.

"You think I'm Shrek?" I asked.

She looked back at the sky, a small smile on her lips.

"She becomes like him, she gives up everything for him." She whispers to herself again, her eyes filling with something I can't describe but there's wonder and hope in them. I was about to ask her to clarify, to beg her what the hell she was thinking about now when Alice interrupted me.

"_Edward, I'm sorry but we have to head back now or we will lose the flight." _Alice thought.

I sighed.

"Lizzie, it's time to go." I murmured.

She snaps out of her dreamy look.

"But, you didn't do your snow angel?" She frowned at me.

I stretched my arms and legs and moved them up and down, after repeating the motion a few times we stood up and watched our creation. Two angels lay on the ground, one larger than the other. I smiled to myself, the irony not lost in me.

I heard the snap of a camera and I turned to see Alice smiling brightly at us.

"Beautiful." She said.

* * *

The plane descended in Calgary around 7:00 pm, after following the standard procedures we were now waiting for our things at the luggage claim. Seth was standing several feet away from us as he didn't have any luggage to pick up. He just brought a knapsack with a few changes of clothes, a sleeping bag and a tent on a hiker's backpack. Safe to say he traveled lightly, not wanting to cause any trouble.

He took his word seriously about living in the woods. I wondered how long he'd last, although after reading his, Sam and Jacob's mind I knew there would be little they wouldn't do for their imprints.

I didn't get to meet Leah –not that I wanted to-, but by his and Jacob's thoughts while we were at the airport in Seattle, I had a rerun from her tantrum when Seth had told her and Sue the news. She had lashed, screamed and thrown things at both of them. Calling Seth crazy, stupid and reckless but when Seth had asked her if she wouldn't do the same for Jacob she didn't have an answer, Sue just looked away in resignation. Leah had wanted to come and protect her little brother but Jacob didn't let her, he had to use his alpha power on her something he hated. Besides she wouldn't have been able to even if Jacob had allowed it, because Jacob had to stay in La Push with the pack and as the tribe's leader and she could simply not leave her imprint behind.

When we finally got our luggage I took it with one hand and carried Lizzie with the other, then headed out of the airport and towards Carlisle who had come to pick us up while Esme and Rose kept searching and getting ready to leave tomorrow and join Emmet in Seattle.

"Carlisle." I nodded at him as soon as I saw him.

"Hello Edward," he smiled fondly at my daughter who was about to crash in my arms. "Hi Lizzie, tired from the trip?"

She could only nod and close her eyes resting her head on my shoulder. That was when Carlisle turned to Seth who stood awkwardly a few feet behind us.

"You must be Seth." Carlisle took two steps towards him and stretched out his hand "I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle." Seth took his hand, a little stunned. The hairs on his forearm standing with the sudden coldness of Carlisle's skin.

"Hi." Seth stammered and Carlisle smiled warmly.

"I'm really grateful you were able to join us, since I wanted to thank you personally on behalf of my whole family for everything you did for Lizzie and Bella."

"Uhmm, Ok?" Seth was as stunned as me.

Why was Carlisle so calm about having a wolf so close to him?

"I wanted you to know, I consider Bella a daughter therefore I see Lizzie as my… granddaughter?" He chuckled and Seth smiled relaxing a little "So believe me when I say we will be forever in debt with you and your brothers."

"It was really nothing, Bella's like a big sister to me so…" he shrugged "I'm just happy they are Ok."

"We all agree on that. Now, let's go home I'm sure Lizzie misses her bed."

We walked towards Carlisle's car Jasper turned towards Seth and asked him for his things. I still didn't trust Seth controlling himself and being packed in the same car for a couple of hours with four vampires would have had him on edge. So I told Jasper to show him the way home instead, Seth had agreed immediately pretty much relieved not having to go through it all too. No matter how much Bella had told him to trust us it was still instinctual for him to be wary of us.

After we had put all the luggages in the trunk we all went our respective ways. Alice got in the passenger's seat of Carlisle's car and I got in the back with my daughter, then Jasper and Seth walked out of the parking lot.

After studying him for a whole good goddamn hour during the flight by reading his mind thoroughly, I found out he was actually a good kid, his only flaw being too naïve. Which depending on the situation it could be both a good thing and a bad thing. But aside from that he was a normal teenager, easygoing, loyal and happy, which made it harder for me to hate him so it made me want to hate him even more.

But no matter how good of a kid he was, he was still dangerous. He could easily lose his control over something stupid and harm Lizzie –imprint or not-, that's why I needed to be careful and stand my ground about him keeping his distance and to be honest, I still wasn't ready to share Lizzie.

We had just started to connect and I had already missed so much time with her –the first three years of her life- I didn't want anything to get in the way and Seth threatened that by what I saw in Lizzie and Seth's memories, I could tell they were very close. I've just had her a few short weeks with me she just called me dad for the first time today. Was it wrong of me for wanting her all for myself?

"What was all that about?" I asked Carlisle a little annoyed as soon as we got out of the parking lot.

"Excuse me?"

"That." I pointed towards Seth and Jasper's retreating form.

I know I was probably being selfish, but she was the only good thing I had in my life. Was it wrong of me that I wanted to protect that too? And not only that, if something bad actually happened to her, I would never forgive myself. I promised her I wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt her.

"I was just being a good host. Besides, if what you told me is true we do owe him a lot. Don't be so hard on the kid."

"He is a wolf." I sneered "He could harm her so easily."

"But he hasn't, and I don't think he will. His self-control works much like ours with our thirst, with time we learn to control it."

"I won't take my chances, he won't come into the house and Lizzie won't be with him without supervision."

"I agree, I'm just asking you to not be too hard on him. You _do _owe him a lot."

I just scowled at nothing in particular.

He was right I had known that since yesterday. If it hadn't been for him or the wolves I wouldn't have my little angel right now sleeping in my arms.

I tightened my hold on her as Carlisle pressed the accelerator.

I looked down and stared at her gorgeous face. I tried to imagine my life now without her and I just couldn't. Even though I've just met her a few weeks ago, it was as if I had known no life before her. If it wasn't for her, I don't know how I would be faring with these difficult times. It was her that kept me going, what kept that small light of hope up that I'd find her before it was too late. She was the only thing that kept me breathing, if something happened to Bella… she would be the only reason why I would stay around. Even thought the pain would be excruciating, I would go through it for my little angel. Because I knew she would need me too, and because I had promised to Bella I'd take care of our little angel… I had to remember that.

Almost two hours later, we drove into the trail to our house. Jasper and Seth where running next to us, hidden in the woods since Seth was on his wolf form. They got to the house first and Seth phased back before stepping out of the bushes. He was looking everywhere on high alert, making himself familiar with his new surroundings before looking out for Lizzie.

As I opened the door to let myself out, mindful to not wake up Lizzie. The front door opened and Esme and Rosalie came out to greet us.

"You are here!" Esme beamed dancing down the porch.

"Eww! What's with the smell?!" That would be the ice queen and we all turned to Seth who stood awkwardly at the edge of the woods. "Who _is _that?" Rosalie sneered suspiciously.

"I've got Lizzie a puppy, you can call him fido." I quipped.

Fido scowled at the ground.

"What?!" Rosalie screeched but I ignored her as I walked pass her and into the house to put Lizzie into her bed. It was getting pretty late and cold outside.

"Seth!" Esme smiled motherly at him "I'm so happy to finally meet you! How was your flight?"

Fido stammered, not knowing what to make out of her or Rosalie.

I put Lizzie in her bed, kissed her forehead and drew her blankets over her. Then hurried my way back outside.

"Uhm fine, I guess? I've never been on a plane before so that was… uhm, cool?"

"That's great! Oh! How rude of me! I'm Esme, Carlisle's wife." Esme stretched out her hand just as I stopped at the door looking with amusement at the scene in front of me.

"Someone care to explain?!" Rosalie cried while pinching her nose "What's that _thing _doing here?!" Alice hurried next to her to explain it all at vampire speed.

"Nice to meet you?" Fido took Esme's hand confused as hell and Esme continued.

"The pleasure is all mine Carlisle told me everything and I hope we'll be able to repay you someway one day."

"It's nothing, Esme really."

"Oh, don't be so modest. Now, I'm sure you already met almost everyone, but that's Rosalie-"

"Get in my way and you'll walk with three legs for the rest of your life, dog." Rosalie glared -having already heard Alice's story- but we all ignored her.

"She's special, don't bother listening to her. Now let's show you your room?" Esme jumped up and down.

"Absolutely not!" Rosalie and I yelled at the same time and Esme turned to give us a murderous glare.

"Excuse me?" She was incredulous. "He is our guest, and do I need to remind you" she pointed a finger at me "that if it wasn't for him _your daughter_ wouldn't be here?"

"That doesn't take away the fact that he is a _wolf_, therefore he is dangerous and vulnerable if we put him in the middle of a house full of vampires. The dog stays out!" I barked.

"Esme, it's ok. I'm prepared," Seth showed her his stuff "really is right. It's better if I stay out of the house." Fido said kind of almost making me feel like crap.

Almost.

"_Mr. Cullen? Really Edward? What are you, five?" _Esme chided me before turning back to Seth.

"Seth," She frowned worriedly "you can't stay out in the forest you need a place of your own… Oh! I got it! The warehouse! We have a warehouse in the backyard, we can accommodate it for you in no time." Esme nodded to herself liking her idea.

Since I didn't care what the dog did unless it concerned my daughter I turned around and walked back into the house, leaving the madness behind. Esme going all over Seth and Rosalie questioning Carlisle on how he had accepted something so ridiculous, I just tuned it all out.

That's when Alice gasped and I froze.

"SHE IS TURNING ON HER PHONE!" She screamed, but I was already moving. I took out my phone and was dialing the number I already knew by heart as I had dialed it so many times the past couple of months.

My body was a block of ice as I heard the tone dial.

Oh god, was this it?

…

…

_Please angel, please… pick up. _

…

…

_Pick up. Pick up the phone._

_C'mon!_

…

…

The whole house was eerily silent, not even breathing waiting for anything.

Then, someone picked up.

"Bella!" I cried, but no one said anything. "Bella? Are you there? It's me, Edward…" I walked out of the living room and run straight to my room wanting as much privacy as possible.

"Bella?" I tried again, but again no one said anything. I could only hear a shaky breathing on the other side of the line.

"Bella, angel I know you are there. Please say something." I begged, my heart about to come out of my chest.

Nothing.

"Bella, please… tell me where are you? I've looked for you everywhere… please angel, come back. It doesn't have to be like this… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you have no idea." I said, barely able to keep it. I couldn't lose it.

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

I sat on the edge of my couch and pinched the bridge of my nose. Why wasn't she saying anything? My heart fell when I realized she didn't want to talk to me. I guessed this was going to be a one sided conversation.

"Bella, please tell me where you are. It doesn't have to be like this, _let me help you_. It doesn't have to end like this. For our daughter, please let me _save you_."

I heard a whimper.

A whole minute passed and she still had yet to say something, I bit my knuckles for a second so I wouldn't scream at the excruciating pain.

"She is perfect you know?" I said shakily "God angel, I have no words, she is… god Bella you were right, she is amazing, so beautiful and perfect I don't think I'll ever thank you enough for her." My voice cracked.

…

…

"I took her to Forks yesterday, I went to see Jacob… I showed her your old house, I took her to our meadow… you should have seen her face." I smiled brokenly at the floor remembering our day.

I heard sniffing.

"She is always asking for you… she needs you too. Hell, _I _need you. I'm so sorry you have no idea how sorry I am. Please, I'll go wherever you are… just, please."

…

…

"Bella, please talk to me… I need to hear your voice." I cried, losing all the strength I had. So I decided to just tell her all.

"Angel, please… I'm so sorry you have no idea how sorry I am. I shouldn't have left, I'm sorry I did, I didn't want to. I thought it was for the best but god how wrong I was. I was so stupid… I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry for what I did… please angel come back. Let me explain." I begged desperately.

"I love you angel, I never meant what I said, it was all lies… I swear, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I love y-"

"Why are you being so cruel?" A shaky voice interrupted me.

"Bella!" I could almost feel my heart restart at the sound of her voice "Bella, god angel! Where are you?! I'm so sorry, I love you, I'm sorry pleas-"

"Stop." She breathed. "Stop saying those things. Stop lying to me." She rasped.

"What?" I asked incredulous "But Bella, it's the truth! I'm not lying I swear! Please let me find you so I can explain! Let me save you! Please! I only left so you-"

"Goodbye Edward."

"What?! No! NO NO! Bella wait!"

The line went dead.

"NO!" I cried "BELLA! BELLA!" I yelled at the phone "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry." I started sobbing again. "BELLA!"

I dialed again with trembling fingers, but her phone was off.

She didn't believe me.

"Aaaghh!" I screamed, letting the pain run all over my cold hard body. I started trashing things around my room losing it, the pain being too much I needed a way out. All my old records, books, stereos, CDs, everything that once had been so precious to me but now paled in comparison flying everywhere.

She doesn't believe, she prefers to die before having to see me again.

She hates me.

My fist connected with something, and a loud bang resonated. But I didn't care, I just wanted to feel pain, physical pain. Something to wash out the inner pain, something to take it away. I wished I could feel pain, I wish Emmet was here so he would punch me again.

This could not be happening.

There was knock on my door.

"Go away!" I yelled at Carlisle, but he didn't listen to me and opened the door. "I said go away!" I whirled around to glare at him.

He had a pained expression, and I looked away so I wouldn't see his eyes clutching my hands into fists. I had enough just by hearing his mind.

"God Edward, what did you do?" He looked around incredulously.

"Tell me what you came to say and leave me alone! Tell me you are disappointed in me, tell me I deserve this and go!"

"Edward, first of all stop raising your voice, you are going to wake up Lizzie."

I was actually surprised she hadn't woken up yet.

"And I didn't come here to say that." He closed the door behind him and looked around again "This is not you son, I know it's a difficult time for you but you are not the only one suffering here. You have to control your emotions, like the rest of us."

"What do _you_ know about what I'm going through?"

It was his turn to glare.

"You think we all have been looking non-stop as a favor to you? You think we are not hurting too because of this?" He said in a hard tone "This is not just about you Edward, there are more people suffering, we are all loosing someone too, Esme and I are losing a daughter, Alice is losing a friend, Emmet is losing his sister, _Lizzie _is losing _her mother_."

"And what do you expect me to do?! To just put a happy smile on my face and act as if nothing is going on!"

"YES! That's exactly what I expect you to do!" He closed his eyes, took a calming breath and lowered his voice "Edward, you have to start accepting the inevitable-"

"No, no no no no!" I shook my head stubbornly "No! Why are you telling me this!"

"Because you need to be prepared!"

I started to walk away, closing in myself again.

"Edward, you listen to me and listen right! You can't lose it like this again you have a daughter who is going to need you. We can be there for her too but it's _you_ she needs, think of her. Just because you know what she likes to eat or you make sure she is warm at night that doesn't make you a father!"

"I can't do this now, has Emmett called?" I changed the subject.

"You know Edward you asked me if I was disappointed in you. If that's what you want to hear then fine, I _am_ disappointed in you. But not because of the mistakes you made as you think, I'm disappointed in you in the way you are handling everything."

I stared at him dumbly.

"The only thing I hear coming out of your lips is _I can't lose her, I can't do this, I can't live without her, I need to find her_... _I, I, I, me, me, me_… there's a three year old girl three doors down who is going to have it rougher than you."

I closed my eyes, fighting off the waves of pain.

"She is going to hate me when she finds out I'm the one who killed her mother." I said with hate.

"It's not your fault Bella's sick, you don't have to beat yourself for what's happening to her, maybe it wasn't meant for you to save her after all, but _Lizzie _is here now. _She_ needs you now, stop being so selfish and start thinking about her too."

"But I am thinking about her! That's why I'm looking for her mother!"

"I know that, I'm not saying you don't care about her or that you don't love her. I'm saying you need to control yourself, and start preparing for what's coming. How are you going to be of help when Bella dies and you flip the moment Lizzie starts crying for her? I know you are hurting but you need to put those feelings aside and stat thinking of Lizzie's wellbeing."

He sighed.

"You made a mistake, and now you are paying for them. Sadly, your mistakes are not only affecting you. The least you could do is make it right by the only person you can, you are not a real teenager, you are a man. Act like one."

I looked down at my feet, ashamed of myself and my behavior. But what was I supposed to do? Bella just basically told me to give up on her. She didn't believe a word I said, she called me cruel, a liar and then said goodbye.

"Bella's not dying." I said, but somehow even I couldn't believe my words.

"Well, you are not saving her either. She made her wishes pretty clear."

"I'm not going to stop looking for her." I glared. "I'm not giving up!"

"No one's stopping."

"Then why would you make sound it like you were?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose before looking up at me again.

"We'll look for her because you need closure, you need to talk to her. I can't have you drowning with guilt for eternity."

With that he walked out of the room.

"Maybe that's what I deserve." I muttered to myself.

I look around my room and sighed, bend down and started picking up my stuff again. Throwing away what was already broken beyond repair while Bella's words were on repeat in my head. Her words hurting like a knife, ripping and splitting what was left of my broken and silent heart.

"_Why are you being so cruel?" _

"_Stop saying those things. Stop lying to me."_

It was kind of a sick joke, that in the end it happened what I had aimed for. Bella believed my words and decided to live her human life, no matter how short it was.

I hear Lizzie whimper on her room and I'm out of my room in a second, I open the door and sigh in relief when I see that she is still sleeping, but there's a frown on her face. My guess was that she was having another nightmare. Quietly I close the door behind me and go and lay with her, wrapping my arms around her.

"Shhh… it's Ok, I've got you." I whisper quietly, kissing her forehead. "I'm here." Her frown disappears and I can breathe again.

I held onto my daughter for dear life as I remembered Bella's broken words. They are on a loop in my head.

"_Why are you being so cruel?"_

"_Stop saying those things. Stop lying to me."_

I close my eyes and burry my face on Lizzie's hair, needing her scent just to breathe. She was the only thing holding me here, my only reason to continue. She let's go of her blankie and I took her hand.

I gasp when I realize she has let her guard down and I can see her thoughts. Or dream by the looks of it.

I shut my eyes close when I'm assaulted by the colorful images, and bit my knuckles so I won't lose it again. She is dreaming about us, but not only me and her… Bella's there too. The three of us are together, in the middle of our meadow. It's a beautiful image, but what makes it more painfully beautiful is that we are all the same. Bella's sparkling too, the sun hitting her face making her even more beautiful.

How is it that on her I can only see beauty whereas when I look on the mirror I only see repulsion?

_Lizzie chasing butterflies, Bella and Edward sitting together with Edward's arm protectively around her._

_Lizzie running back to her parents, a wide smile on her face._

_Edward and Bella laugh as Lizzie throws herself at them._

It so obvious what we are, we are a family.

A happy family.

I stare down at my daughter, my heart fluttering at the small smile paying on her lips.

"_She becomes like him." _Lizzie had said earlier while talking about Fiona. Is this what she wanted? Did she want her mom to become like me? Has she finally realized what needed to happen to save Bella?

As I replay Lizzie's dream on my mind, one thing is clear.

I'm not giving up.

I won't give up until I receive that call from the hospital. I'm not giving up until I find her and make her listen to me. If I have to grovel and beg by her feet I will. She has to listen to me, she has to know the truth before she makes a decision.

"I'm going to find you, angel."

* * *

**Damn! That was kind of harsh but, Edward got himself in all this mess after all. Let's see how he fixes it! Preferably before it's too late!**

**Awww Esme is going to go all mama bear on Seth, and Carlisle was nice to him too, at least he will have a few allies in a house full of hostile vampires.**

**What did you think about the Shrek's story? You think it was spot on? You think there's more into it? You think Bella's sending a message?**

**Poor Bella she is suffering wherever she is!**

**Please review! I need to know how I'm doing and what you think so far!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	11. Chapter 11: My Immortal

**Hi! *waves frantically***

**Ok, I'm kind of nervous but... if you want to I'll hold your hand through this! I warned you this would be an angsty ride!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 11: My Immortal

**"My Immortal" - Evanescense**

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
Your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

I stare at the phone in my shaking hand. With a loud cry, I throw it with as much force as I can muster against the wall. It shatters and flies in every direction, I fall on my knees feeling suddenly weakened beyond belief. Sobs break out through my chest making my whole body shake and ache with pain, my head hurts and I bring my hands to my head trying to pull at my hair.

I let out another scream as I realize that I can't.

More sobs come out of my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I pull myself up, but I'm too weak and fall back on my knees.

How dared he?

How dared he lie to me? Does he think so little of me? Does he think I'm stupid enough to fall for it?

Days ago, when the phone rang with its unknown number, I had hesitated. Fearing it would be him, I was afraid to hear his beautiful velvety voice so I had let it rang until I caved. Maybe it wasn't him? Why would he call? I already had freed him from his guilt in my letter.

But I was wrong.

When I heard his voice, at first I thought I was hallucinating again. It's been happening more often now that I'm dying. I see him everywhere, sometimes I wonder if it's really him. But he would smile and look at me as if he loved me and I knew for sure it was a dream.

Last time had been this morning, when I woke up throwing up in the can next to my tiny bed. He would be there, sitting next to me and soothing my back, helping me hold the can, when I still had my hair he would even hold it out of my face for me.

But now, he just sits there. Saying sweet nonsense attempting to make me feel better. Soothing me and being with me through these dark times, keeping me company, watching over me at night as he used to.

I remember how the hallucinations started. That night a few days after he left when Charlie made me go out with Jessica. We were coming out of the theater and I was in my zombie state until I heard some laughter and I saw them. I felt a pull towards them, but in my zombie like state I didn't realize what I was doing until I was in front of them. They stared at me with their eyes roaming over my body with lust. I had felt a shiver run all the way down my spine, fear locking me in place I had been so out of it for days it took me by surprise how suddenly I was aware of everything. That's when I saw him, his enraged beautiful face yelling at me to turn around. At first, I was sure it was him until Jessica grabbed me and tried to pull me away.

"_Bella! What the hell are you doing?! Let's go!"_

_She was pulling me away from him._

"_No! Edward!" I screamed after him, why was she taking me away from him? No!_

"_What?!" Jessica looked at me incredulous "Are you crazy?! Let's go!"_

"_No!" She was taking me away "Edward!" I screamed again and again._

"_What's up with her?" The big guy asked._

"_He is not here!" Jessica was looking everywhere not knowing what to do with me._

_I looked back at where he was supposed to be only to find he was gone, the guys were staring at me as if I was crazy and walked back into the bar._

That's when I realized what had happened. I remember falling to my knees and start bawling my eyes out. Jessica debated between taking me to a hospital and calling Charlie. She opted for Charlie and he immediately came to pick me up.

Jessica never talked to me afterwards, neither did anyone at school but Angela, although it didn't matter since I didn't talk back.

But I needed to see him again, not matter if it meant I'd go mental. So I started looking for reckless things to do. I didn't know how to start, since Forks was a little boring town and I had Charlie breathing over my shoulder.

I remember I tried to stop eating, but for some reason it worked the opposite way. I started eating like crazy, at the time I thought it was for comfort but a few weeks later I understood the reason.

Days passed after the Port Angeles incident and I _needed _to see him. I kept waking up at nights, screaming for him. During the day, I'd be angry, sad and numb at the same time. Even I couldn't understand my mood swings, it was driving Charlie crazy. The only thing I knew was that I needed to at least hear him again. One day an idea came to mind, something I'm not proud of.

I roll up my sleeve and to stare at my old scars, tracing my thumb over the thin lines.

I remember being in the bathroom, cutting with my father's razor while I heard his voice, screaming at me. Begging me to stop.

"_You said it would be as if you never existed." _I'd say back with angry tears, cutting deeper.

I only got the chance to do it two times when Charlie caught me. I remember his face vividly.

I feel a pang in my gut and taking what's left of my energy I ran towards the bathroom. I kneel in front of the toilet and start heaving violently. I haven't eaten much, so it's mostly bile.

After Charlie caught me, he had removed all things sharp around the house. I remember that night like it was yesterday. All the yelling and crying, how he begged me to help me, to take me out of this town, to take me to Rene but I refused. I didn't want to go, I couldn't.

I was afraid if I left, I wouldn't see him again.

After that, Charlie started spending more time in the house, he unscrewed the door to my room and removed it, as well as curtains, mirrors and anything it could break or would give me any ideas.

When I'm done vomiting, I rest my head on the cold tile and close my eyes as I lay there in the bathroom.

More days passed and I needed to see him. I had this urgent, desperate need to see his face. I needed his words, his presence, him. I was afraid because I know something was wrong with me, I started getting sick in the mornings and my mood swings were getting worse. My body was strange too and I couldn't understand why. So I went for a drive, looking for ways to see him, looking for him. That's when I saw the cliffs.

I remember the wind caressing my face, my hair flying freely at my back.

_I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, waiting for it._

"_Bella, this is madness."_

_There it was._

_I took a step forward._

"_Bella!" he yelled in his sweet velvety voice "Stop! Don't do this, you promised!"_

"_You promised you'd never leave me too." I choked out as tears sprung out of my eyes._

_Another step forward._

"_Bella! Don't you dare!"_

"_You won't be with me any other way!" I cried. "You broke your promise!"_

_I'm on the edge now._

"_Bella! Think of Charlie!" _

"_I'm doing him a favor." I argued back, he must be getting tired of me too. Just like him, it won't be long before he sends me away too._

_I'm not worth anything, I'm nothing. _

_He left._

_I was just a distraction._

"_Bella! Don't do this!"_

"_You said it would be as if you never existed! You lied!"_

_I jump._

"_NO!"_

Jacob was there on the beach with his friends, he saw me fall. He had immediately jumped into the water after me.

Now, I see how stupid and reckless that had been. It was only days later I found out about her.

She was what really saved me. It was only for her that I promised to get better it was for her that I came out of my zombie state. My baby needed me, my little nudger and I think I needed her more. Thanks to her, I didn't become crazy… or crazier.

My Lizzie.

I let out another cry. I miss her so much I miss her chimed like voice, her giggles and warmth. She could illuminate a whole room just with her smile. I remember the first time I saw her, when Sue handed her to me when I woke up after the birth. She was so beautiful, even more because apart from my eyes, she looked so much like him. It was as if I still had a part of him with me. I saw him in her bronzed hair, pale skin and crooked smile. Then she had this magical aura around her that made her just as amazing.

Unlike me.

The boring, meaningless human.

I open my eyes again and tried to help myself up. I pull myself up with the sink, my chest heaving, begging for air with the exertion and I rest my elbows on the sides trying to regain my strength. That's when I look up and see myself in the mirror.

My face contorts in disgust as I see my features. My cheeks are hollowed, my skin looks disgusting, even worse than when I was pregnant, I have bruises on my arms and purple shadows under my eyes, my lips are chaffed and my eyes are hollowed. What I hate the most, I don't even have hair to cover my horrendous face.

No wonder he left.

I'm not pretty, nothing is interesting about me. I'm plain, boring and just human nothing else.

Just a distraction.

"_I don't want you anymore."_

I wasn't enough then, I sure as hell I'm not enough now.

That's why I saw through his lie.

I couldn't believe he could be so cruel. How could he say he loves me just to make me feel better now that I'm dying? I can't understand him, especially when he offered to change me out of pity. Now, I might be worth nothing but I still have my dignity, and I refuse to spend eternity surrounded by people who didn't want me around in the first place.

Of course, I knew they wouldn't treat me like shit. They are too good for that, Esme would go out of her way to make me feel comfortable –again out of pity- but deep down I know I would only be a nuisance. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad if I was a vampire since they wouldn't have to be taking care of me like before as a clumsy human but I know my presence would bother them. There's a reason why they left, I didn't mean much to any of them. I was just the once loved pet, tossed aside when the novelty passed.

But, I'm not really mad at them. They didn't owe me anything, they didn't make any promises. They didn't lie to my face, of course it hurt anyway but I can't exactly call them out on it. I know somehow they cared for me they do have wonderful hearts and souls, so I can't blame them if they got bored and just left town for something more exciting. It's their right, I'm sure they had met more humans through the years like me, who they befriended just to meet new people.

So I don't blame them for leaving, although I'm still hurt by their sudden absence.

It's _him _I'm mad at.

Not for leaving me, I would have understood it he had been honest since the beginning. I'm mad because he lied, because he made me believe in his words, made me fantasize and fall in love with him. I'm mad because he used me, because he betrayed me. Because no matter what he did, I still love him so much I would trade my soul for him.

I'm torn between love and hate. Love because how couldn't I love him? His broken soul spoke volumes of who he was, he was kind, generous and good. He had a gentle soul, and deep down I know he was good. I saw it in his eyes, how he was haunted by his past and by what he did all those years back. I could see his soul, the soul he claimed he didn't have.

I knew he struggled with what he was, he hated his true nature but I also understand he couldn't help his needs. He must have felt trapped in this little town, pretending to be something he wasn't, and I couldn't keep up with him. I would have understood _that_, but he lied.

That's why I hate him.

He said he loved me, he made me believe him. Why would he do that? Wasn't it best if we had been honest with each other? I would have still wanted to be with him and he would have gotten what he wanted, -which my guess was company- I was too deep to care but he didn't.

He lied.

That's why it hurts, every kiss, every caress, every word, promise, every I love you was a lie. I should have seen it coming I know how much of a good liar he was. But in my daze I believed everything he said to me, probably taking pity on the human. A charity case.

I know what made him drop the act, what made him think it was enough.

My birthday.

I was inadequate. I couldn't give him what he wanted so he gave up on pretending for me.

He said it once.

"_I may not be human, but I am a man."_

I wasn't good enough, I knew it since the beginning I knew it didn't make sense for him to love me. I was so stupid, he made me believe otherwise, and probably thinking he could get at least something out of it. But I failed again.

I saw his disgust the next morning he wouldn't even look at me. Of course, for me it had been amazing, the best thing that ever happened to me, I loved him and I gave him all of me. But it wasn't enough for him, I'm just plain Jane, nothing exciting, I was too skinny, too small, and too fragile. Of course that was the last straw.

There was nothing in me that could hold him to me.

I see my reflection again, and scream at the burn of pain in my chest. The edges of the hole where my heart used to beat, feeling like catching fire. I grab the glass where my toothbrush is and throw it against the mirror. I hate my face I can't recognize my face anymore. It breaks in hundred pieces and everything falls to the ground.

I kneel on the floor, feeling the glass cut through my knees and I cry again but at a different pain.

Why would he lie to me again? Hasn't he hurt me enough already?! Why was he so cruel? Telling me he loved me so he could get rid of his guilt?! I'm not stupid I'm not that little immature teenage girl anymore. I won't fall for it again, and even though I wished there was some way I could see my daughter grow, I don't want to be a nuisance for eternity. I don't want his pity I don't need him or his favors. I don't want his lies or his protection. I don't want anything from him.

I cry again because I know it's a lie.

I do want him, I still love him and I wish I could see his face once again before I die. But that's impossible, I don't want him to see me like this. If I wasn't pleasant to look upon then, much less now.

"Bella?" There's a soft knock on my bathroom door.

"I'm fine." I choke out but she doesn't listen to me.

She opens the door and lets herself in, she gasps when she sees me on the floor and hurries to help me.

"Oh, Bella dear are you Ok?" Kaya says worriedly "I heard something crash?"

"Sorry," I mumble as she helps me out of the bathroom and sits me on the bed "I dropped my phone."

She looks around the room, until she spots what used to be my cell phone and looks sadly at me, not believing me.

"What happened sweetie?" she asks feeling my clammy forehead "You have fever." She tells herself.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I was about to go to the grocery store but I can stay with you and send Hania instead, he wouldn't mind."

I shake my head.

"No, I'm fine I promise."

"Alright, but Hania will be downstairs if you need anything and I'm taking the kids with me so you can rest."

"Thanks." I close my eyes feeling tired.

"Oh, and Quil will come by for dinner. I thought I should warn you."

My eyes water.

"Thank you Kaya, you've been so nice and understanding about it all."

"Don't even mention it sweetie, if you need anything just ring the bell."

I close my eyes and fall asleep.

* * *

I wake up sometime later, and see it's already dark outside. I must have slept the rest of the day, I've been sleeping more lately. I look at the alarm clock and see it's almost three in the morning. I'm unusually starving so I sit on my bed and close my eyes, waiting for the dizziness to pass. When I think I'm Ok I venture out of the room.

I always make sure no one is around when I walk out of my room I don't want to risk getting seen by someone –aka Alice- and figure out where I am. Just one person at the rez knows I'm here and of course Kaya and her husband. Even their kids don't know who has been living on the third floor for the past few months.

Thankfully I don't have to go all the way down the kitchen as I knew I would have fainted midway. At the top of the stairs there's a tray with leftovers from dinner. Kaya probably left it for me guessing I would be hungry latter. I take the tray and go back to my room sitting on the little table I have here. As I munch on my turkey sandwich, taking tiny bites so I won't return it I look around the blue room. It's empty, I didn't bring much with me, just a few clothes and dear personal stuff, like photos, books and Charlie's old Jacket. I wished it still smelled like him so I wouldn't feel so alone.

I look to my left and stare out of the window and up at the clear sky. I close my eyes and let the breeze caress my skin.

I wonder how Lizzie is, does she think of me? Is she Ok? He said she had been asking for me. I almost caved then thinking about my little angel crying out for me. But I bit my tongue she can't see me like this. As soon as the first strands of hair started to fall, I went to social services realizing I didn't have time. I had been Ok before I even responded to treatment for a while but suddenly I woke up with a bleeding nose and everything went downhill afterwards. The doctor increased the doses of medication and I became weaker, to weak they had to take her away from me and I had been given a time length.

I'm not scared of death, actually I have had enough for one lifetime. I knew love, friendship, I had dreamed, hoped, hurt and gotten my heart broken. Ironically, all the things he wanted me to experience. Now I was ready to go.

Sometimes, I question myself why I don't just end with all this madness once and for all. No one is coming for me, no one is expecting me back home, I don't even have a home. I don't have anything to live for, anything to hold onto. The beeper on my nightstand with my only salvation, it has been silent for months. I don't know why I still have it on I lost my hope a long while ago. If had the chance, I'm not even sure if I'll take it. What's there to live for?

She'll be better without me he could give her everything she needed. She was special like him, and even though I loved my daughter with everything I have, even I know I'm not enough for her. She needs him more than me she would be safe with him, so I'm not worried about her. She was like him, magical and so perfect I instantly knew he would love her as much as I do, no one could ever resist her sweet demeanor, even Leah with her bitchiness was pudding at her hands.

When he called, I felt my heart soar as he talked about her with devotion confirming my thoughts. And I felt a pang of jealousy that I won't be able to see my daughter again. I just wished I had the chance to see her grow, to see her happy, at least to see her smile one more time.

But that can't be.

More tears fall freely down my cheeks, and I pressed my hand over my chest at the ripping pain, trying to hold my body together. Why do I keep torturing myself? Hadn't I suffered enough? Wouldn't it all be easier if I just remove myself from this planet? There's no use of wasting Kaya's time, I'm just a waste of breath there's no hope for me. How much time do I have left anyway? Just a few weeks? I'm in a lot of pain already, and it will only get worse. My sight is already failing me and I'm sleeping more and more.

I stand up forgetting about my food and sit on my bed, open the drawer on my nightstand and take out the photos. First, there's the picture of Charlie and a tear falls on top of it.

Apart from Lizzie, the only person that has ever truly loved me. I miss him so much, I wish I hadn't been an idiot those last few weeks and spent more time with him. I miss the comfort of his presence. The smell of vitamin R mixed with his after shave every time he hugged me. I can't believe I didn't come to live with him sooner, or that I made a better effort to come and visit him more often, I missed so much time with him and I regret it. I wished I had called him dad more often funny how one word could suddenly turn so powerful in meaning. My dad. He was my dad he loved me and took care of me in my darkest time. And I never thanked him. I can count with one hand the times I told him that I loved him, and I was ashamed of myself. I wish I could go back in time and tell him more no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it was to express our feelings.

"I'm so sorry… daddy." I breathe and kiss the photo "I love you. Hopefully I'll see you soon and I tell you to your face."

I place the photo on my pillow and see the next one. It's a picture of Rene and Phil my tears come down harder as I see my crazy's mother smile. She looks so happy with Phil and I'm glad –no matter how things turned out between us- that she has someone who will take care of her. But I can't regret cutting ties with her, yes I was hurt when she told me to get rid of my little nudger, that I wasn't ready and couldn't do it but in the end I think it was for the best. Otherwise, I don't know how I would have explained Lizzie's fast growing. But still her words hurt she too thought I was inadequate, useless and lacking.

Next it's a picture of my friends at La Push, we are all at a bone fire. I chuckled as I remember that night. They all could be big goofs, I missed them too. After we got passed our differences after Lizzie's birth we became so close. I was still cautious with Lizzie around them, but when there were gatherings like this Sue would take care of Lizzie and Jacob and Emily would drag me out of our little cabin to go and have some fun too. They helped me forget too, or distract me about all the things happening in my life.

Then there's a picture of my baby girl, and I cry harder. I hug a pillow to muffle the sobs, I don't know what hurts more, my bones and body because of the sickness or my heart at not having her with me. She was my sun, the only thing that kept me going, for her I didn't give up when Charlie died, for her I stood up every morning after I found out about my sickness, for her I went through a lot of pain during the pregnancy and I would do it again.

She was so beautiful, so perfect she was worth all the pain. Everything he made me go through.

My Lizzie, my little nudger.

The fear I went through when I learned about the wolves wanting to get rid of her is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. It was a thousand times worse than when I was in that studio with James. A billion times worse. I had desperately tried to reach him, searching for help. I even entertained the idea of going to Denali in search of his cousins but I couldn't go out of the cabin, it was too dangerous and neither Jacob nor Emily would let me go alone with the rest of the hostile pack out there.

I was so scared, I've never felt so alone and it only made matters worse when I didn't understand what was happening to my body. I saw it in Jacobs eyes he was about to give in and get rid of the baby as she was killing me. Hadn't it been for Leah, Seth and Emily I don't know how things would have turned out.

"I miss you baby girl." I whimper "I'm so sorry for leaving you."

And lastly, there's him.

With his perfectly defined face gorgeous eyes and beautiful hair. Then my eyes scan my ugly form next to him and I wonder how I had been so blind. I look so hideous next to him, so out of place. I rip the picture in half and ball my half in one fist then turn back at his half.

My fingertips trace her magnificent form of his, and I wonder if there had been something I could have done to hold him to me. Maybe if I had died my hair blonde? Guys like blondes right? Or maybe if I had listened to Alice and wore make-up and heels?

I shook my head to myself, knowing I wouldn't be able to pull it off but at least I would have tried.

My head is pounding again with all the crying and I'm suddenly gasping for air. I close my eyes and try to breathe in evenly.

I open my eyes again and stare at him it seems to help a little.

I hate you, I love you and I hate you again. I can't win.

But I guess… I should be thankful too. He did give me so much and I'm not just talking about our daughter. Even if they didn't mean anything for him, I will always cherish those moments we had together, that first kiss, that first date. How he will hold my hand when we walked into the cafeteria how he will tell me he loved me. Even if they where lies… as they say ignorance is bliss.

But he left.

He broke the spell, took my soul and left my hollowed body behind. I know I said I forgive him in my letter, but that had been more for him. I know him and I didn't want to make him feel guilty for the rest of eternity.

So I lied too.

I never read his letter, the one he sent me with Mark, I didn't want more pity or more lies. It's useless, I don't think I'll ever forgive him, I love him like anything else but the pain is too great.

And I can't stand it anymore.

I can't continue like this.

Slowly, I stand up from my bed and walk towards the bathroom. I see the shattered mirror around me and kneel again taking a large piece with a sharp point. I can see my reflection though the broken mirrors and I make a face of disgust, my eyes hating what I see.

I swallow as I stare at it, but I'm not scared. I'm just afraid it would hurt.

I shake my head again.

"_Bella."_

"Go away." I tell him harshly.

"_Bella, please… think of Lizzie." _He begs.

"She'll be Ok you'll make sure of that." I grit out.

I press the sharp point over my wrist.

"_Bella! Listen to me, put the glass down!"_

"Why?! What's there to live for?!"

"_Your daughter! Jacob, Seth, Emily, Rene, Phil, Alice, Emmet all of us! ME!"_

I let out an incredulous laugh.

"Even in my hallucinations you are lying to me?" Well, to be fair I imagine what I want to hear.

I cut and a drop of blood drips down the edge of the glass.

"_NO! BELLA! DON'T!"_

"Shut up! Get out of my head! It's not fair!"

"_Do it for Lizzie! Don't be selfish! Do it for her! Don't give up."_

I ignore him and cut deeper. More blood starts coming out and as soon as the smell hits my nostrils I start to get dizzy again.

Too dizzy actually.

"_Bella! Don't give up! For Lizzie, don't give up!"_

I drop the glass not able to see anymore, and I feel my stomach churns again.

My vision gets blurry and I fall on the floor drifting into unconsciousness.

Somewhere far in the distance, I hear a beeping sound.

* * *

**Ow! oh-ow! OW!** ***covers face with my laptop* Stop throwing rotten tomatoes at me!**

**Lol! Ok, some of you where asking for Bella right? Uhm well... here she is? or was? Idk... I don't know about you but My Immortal was my New Moon song!**

**Thank you so much for the amazing response this story is having! I can't thank you enough! **

**Now, what do you think? Who's Kaya? What will happen now?! Please please review! I want to know how I'm doing! **

**Poor Bella she was very fucked up, DAMN YOU EDWARD!**

**P.S. Don't forget to follow me on twitter for teasers during the week! And there's a new banner on my blog!**

** tpec tpec1991 . blogspot . com**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	12. Chapter 12: Storm

**Hi! I know, I've been sucking with updates but I'm doing my best! This was another hard chapter with a lot going on, but as always when I'm late I give you loooong nice chapters ;)**

**Thank you sooo much for your love for this story! And I loved your reviews from last chapter! How some of you felt for Bella and how some of you thought she was weak by giving up! But hey, remember I promised a HEA!**

**On a side note, One More Chance got nominated for January's top ten fics at TwiFictionRecs! Go vote if you think it deserved the honor! Poll closes on March 1st! w w w . twifanfictionrecs . com**

**Again thank to my beautiful beta Cattinson and awesome pre-reader Lisopera! You girls rock!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 12: Storm

"**Storm" - Lifehouse**

If I could just see you  
everything will be alright  
if I'd see you  
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water  
and you will catch me if I fall  
and I will get lost into your eyes  
and everything will be alright  
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't  
bring me out here to drown  
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down  
barely surviving has become my purpose  
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

_**December 17**__**th**__** – 4 weeks and 4 days left.**_

I listen to everyone in the house, I can't find Jasper and from Alice's thoughts I gather he left as soon as Bella ended the call last night, not standing mine and everyone's pain put together. Rosalie is preparing breakfast for Lizzie who will be up any minute now and Esme is helping Seth outside with the warehouse.

Seth doesn't know what to think or make of any of us. He heard my tantrum and talk with Bella, he knows now I want to change her. I wonder if I should worry about that but he is not really thinking about it. He is mostly thinking about how everything is going to affect Lizzie once Bella is gone.

Which she won't, I'm going to find her.

The other thing he's worried about he found out while he was running with Jasper that he can't keep in touch with the pack in his wolf form from here. The distance being too great and he is worried if this would bring problems since Jacob had told him to keep in contact every few hours just to be sure he was alright. He is wondering if it would be too much to ask us to use our phone since he has no money for a cell phone unless he gets a job in town, but he doesn't want to since that'll mean he'll get less time with Lizzie during the day.

Alice and Carlisle are in the library Alice is busy looking into the future while Carlisle makes different plans. Arizona and Florida are back on the table now, and he is thinking of sending Esme and Rose there instead of Washington.

When I'm done cleaning up the mess I made after my breakdown, I'm torn between showing my face or not. I don't want anyone's pity but I don't want to stay here doing nothing either. So with an encouraging breath I make my way downstairs ignoring everyone's looks and thoughts.

Now, Esme is in the kitchen making breakfast for Seth since Rosalie only made food for Lizzie. Seth's outside a little restless, still afraid to ask for a phone.

With a heavy sigh, I head outside.

Seth's arranging some furniture Esme gave him, enough to make himself comfortable and not too much to make the small place too crowded. He's hanging up some pictures when I knock on the door.

"Yeah?" He turns around his smile disappears as soon as he sees me.

Without a word I hand him one of the extra phones we have around. We never knew when we'd forget to be careful and smash our own by accident so we have a bunch around the house.

"I don't want to a see a bunch of mutts on my doorstep tonight looking for you." I explain.

"Thanks Mr. Cullen." He says nervously taking the phone.

With a nod I walk back towards the house, on my way Esme passes me, carrying a tray with food for Fido. I made a face at the smell and Esme rolls her eyes at me.

"Stop being a child about it. He means no harm."

"He wants to take my daughter away!"

"No he doesn't, and you of all people know it better than us."

"Whatever." I mutter and go back into the house, take a seat in the library and start working on finding my angel.

I decide to call Mark, see if he knows something new from last we spoke when he brought Lizzie. Jasper already broke into his house twice and found nothing but maybe he missed something or something changed. I take out my phone and dial his number.

After a few rings he answers.

"Jackson speaking." He says with his grave voice.

"Mr. Jackson? It's Edward, Cullen."

"Oh! How are you Mr. Cullen? Is there a problem?"

"No, everything is Ok, Elizabeth is… Ok."

"I'm glad to hear that. How about you?"

"I'm Ok sir, ehm… listen sorry to bother you but, I was calling to see if you have heard anything from Bella?"

"Miss Swan?"

"Yes, I wanted to know how she is. Have you seen her?"

"Well, last time I saw her was a few days after I brought you the girl. She wanted to know how the meeting had gone."

I sat up straighter.

"You saw her? Where?" I asked urgently.

"In Seattle."

"Where? Do you know where she lives?"

"No, I met her at a park."

My hopes faded.

"I gave her your letter though, but she didn't open it, at least not in front of me."

I pinch the bridge of my nose.

"It's Ok, so you met her in Seattle?"

"Yes."

Seattle, everything still points towards Seattle.

"Can you tell me where?"

"At a park near my office."

I sighed.

"Was she alone?"

"No, she was with a woman but I can't remember her name."

My eyebrows furrowed.

"A woman? Wasn't her name Emily, Sue? Maybe Leah?"

"No, it was a weird name… but I can't remember."

"How was she?"

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm not comfortable giving you this information. And Miss Swan requested not to share any personal information, too."

Damn it. This would be a lot easier if I could read his mind from here.

"How did you see her? How did she look?" I asked instead then.

He sighed.

"I must admit she looked bad… she was thinner than the previous time I saw her… and I could tell she was in pain. Poor thing."

"Dear, god." I whispered.

"May I ask why you are so interested?"

Of course I looked like a mad man, Bella's cover story said we never met so I shouldn't be this worried, maybe a little curious about her but that would be it.

"It's… personal. If by any chance you see her again, can you please tell her to call me? I need to talk to her, it's important. You have my number right?"

"Of course sir, but I don't think that'll happen. I don't have any more business to deal with Miss Swan."

"Understood. Thank you Mr. Jackson."

After that we hung up.

I need to go to Seattle.

* * *

_**December 21**__**th**__** – 4 weeks left.**_

I'm packing my stuff and simultaneously making plans with Alice and Carlisle. Esme, Rosalie and Emmett are going to Florida and Arizona. Jasper, Seth and Carlisle are staying with Lizzie and Alice and I are going to Seattle. Jasper could be of a good use in Seattle, but I'm not leaving Lizzie unprotected from Seth, he could get upset about something easily and I needed Jasper there to calm him.

Thankfully, the Denalis' sisters are stepping in too. They are going over hospitals and clinics and other data bases –along with Carlisle and Jasper- from Alaska. Carmen and Eleazar are helping us by tracking her on the outskirts of Washington. It'll be harder since they have never met her but right now we will use all the help we can gather, thankfully Laurent offered to go to Washington with them, since he has met Bella and knows her scent he thinks he can help better there. They've been there for two days already, we were supposed to be in Seattle by now too but we got delayed rearranging our plans.

"We'll go over the neighborhoods near the hospitals first." I say, looking intently at Alice as she tries to see into the future at every decision I make but so far nothing. All she sees is the same, Bella alone in a blue room sleeping or staring out of a window.

"Ok." She says slowly "She's not that blurry with that one at least."

I nod to myself.

"Daddy?"

No matter how tense the room is, that small word still makes me smile.

"Yes, angel?" I look over at her standing under the threshold to the library.

I try not to glare when I see Seth holding her hand next to her, Rosalie is close behind them with a deadly glare directed at the back of his head.

Who let the dog in? I want to ask aloud but I refrain myself because of Lizzie, not wanting to upset her. She already knows I don't like him, the only reason I let him near her more often than I would like to is because I notice the changes in her. She is calmer, more at ease and feels more comfortable with her still new surroundings, and it's a distraction at least from everything that's going around with finding her mom.

She let's go of Seth's hand and waltzes towards me and I pick her up in my arms kissing her cheek loudly.

Great, she smells like a wet dog now.

"_When are you leaving?" _She touches my cheek.

"Soon, why?"

"_How long will you be gone?" _She frowns.

I sigh, but it's best if I'm honest.

"I don't know." I murmur "It depends on how long it takes us to find mommy." I place a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"_Can't I come with you?"_

"Sorry princess, but we will be all over the city at night. It can be dangerous."

Her eyes go wide.

"You'll be in danger?" She asks barely above a whisper and I smile, her worry over me tugging at my heart.

"Dangerous for _you_." I poke her nose. "I promise I'll call Ok?" She nods and looks down.

"_I'll miss you."_

My chest fills with love and adoration, as well as pain. I hate leaving her, especially after Victoria's attack but it's necessary we have almost no time left. That's also why Jasper and Carlisle are the ones staying, so she'll be safe from everything and at the same time they can continue looking through data bases.

"I'll miss you more princess," I kiss her forehead "Now, are you Ok? You need anything before we leave?"

"I'm thirsty."

Damn it, there's no time for that we need to go to the airport in half an hour and we are still not done here.

"I can take her." Both Seth and Rosalie say at the same time when they see my hesitation, which makes them glare at each other.

Yeah, they've become best friends. Those two love each other.

Notice the sarcasm?

"I said it first, mutt." Rosalie seethed.

"Look banana head, I don't wanna start a fight on front of Lizzie. I'll take her and you can sta-"

"Over my pile of ashes!" Rose interrupted and turned to me "Don't you see? The more time he spends with her, the less chance there is that we'll ever get the smell out!"

Lizzie looked at me with a worried face.

"_Do I smell bad?"_

"No you don't, don't listen to Aunt Rose," I threw her a careful look reminding her that Lizzie didn't know about Seth being a wolf. "She's crazy, you smell divine."

Seth scowled, guessing what Lizzie had asked me and sensing her discomfort.

"Hey Barbie I have a question for you," Seth said suddenly serious "What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?" He asks innocently and Rose stared at him confusedly.

"Artificial Intelligence." He beamed.

I can't help myself.

I start laughing, hard.

That's also another reason why I let him be near Lizzie more often than I would like too. He is good at pissing Rosalie off, if it where me Esme would chastise me and I'd never hear the end of it but because Esme is suddenly all PETA lately Seth gets his way.

I still hate him though.

"Listen to me flea bag," Rose spat "I have kill-"

"Rose!" Esme barked from the kitchen, where she was making food for Seth and Lizzie to last a few weeks. "Don't be rude to our guest!"

"He started it!" She whined piercing my ears.

"He was just making a joke!"

"Yes, I was… I'm sorry _Rose _I didn't mean to offend you." Seth said with puppy eyes and Alice snickered.

"_I like him."_

I groaned.

I kind of like his personality too, -not that I'll ever admit it- and it doesn't help he is on the same ship as me where Rose is concerned. He immediately noticed Rose's over protectiveness and obsession with Lizzie, and he too agrees Lizzie will always have only one mother. Her real mother and no one should ever take her place. Besides he knows how much it'll hurt her if someone else takes Bella's role in her life.

"Where's Jasper?" I ask, I wasn't going to let Seth take Lizzie hunting alone and I knew Lizzie wouldn't want to go alone with Rose and Esme was occupied as well as the rest.

"He and Emmett went hunting." Alice answers.

I sigh again and turn to look at both of them with a stern glare. Seth can stay with Lizzie while Rosalie looks for a bear for her, I don't like the idea much but I guess they'll be ok for a few minutes if they keep their mouths shut.

"Rose, make sure she is in a tree while you get her a bear and Fido you can stay with her while watching her."

Barbie and Fido nodded eagerly.

"I want her back before I go. You have thirty minutes understood? And please behave don't talk to each other if you must."

"Gladly." Rose muttered.

"Zip it." Seth made a motion of zipping his lips.

With that Lizzie happily took Seth's hand and they were gone.

I shake my head and turn back to Carlisle.

"You have any news from Tanya?"

"No, she and Irina are going over hospitals in Arizona Kate is in charge of Florida. They said they will call if they find something."

"What about the others?"

"Same thing, they'll only call if they find something. When I spoke with Eleazar on Monday he said they would start with the west coast first then go across the state."

"Good, now about Sea-"

Alice stiffens as a vision comes through.

_Bella throwing a cell phone against the wall._

I swallow.

We just lost our only source of communication, but again that's not what floors me.

It's the pain in her face, she's suffering and not only physically, I can see her tormented soul in her eyes.

"We need to know who that woman is." I state shakily.

It's our only real chance, my plan is to go and find Jackson as soon as we get to Seattle and see if I can see the woman's face through his mind and look for her. If that doesn't work, we'll go with the original plan which is tracking non-stop day and night. Its winter so we wouldn't stand out if we are all covered with layers and mitts during the day.

"I can't believe Bella has bested me. She's been so careful." Alice whimpers. "Not even a single slip."

Esme comes into the room.

"We'll find her sweetie." She hugged her "We have to remain positive."

I rest my elbows on the desk and pull at my hair.

_I'm going to find her I'm going to find her _I chant to myself.

I'm going to find you angel.

"Are you done with Lizzie's food?" I ask, wanting to distract myself from the pain.

"Almost, I just put the lasagna and a few other things in the freezer. It's enough for both of them."

"Thanks." I sigh.

Lizzie's diet is funny. She needs blood to survive, but at the same time she has cravings like any human. She feels hungry, she can eat and her body will digest it but it's not necessary for her to live, as long as she feds like me she'll be ok. The rest are just human traits she got from Bella but won't die if she doesn't eat, she'll only feel her tummy uncomfortable because of the hunger but that'll be it. And there are only a few things she'd be willing to eat, pasta and apples are her favorite.

"I left some spaghetti on the fridge for tonight," she started explaining Carlisle "just put it on the microwave for a few minutes." She continued as Carlisle listened what he already knew patiently.

Meanwhile Alice and I kept tracing routes on a huge map we had over the large desk.

"Honey I'm home!" Emmett boomed as he and Jasper came into the room.

Of course, Emmett's clothes were a mess after their hunting trip.

"Go and change before you ruin my furniture." Esme said amused as she scanned his blood stained shirt.

"Sorry, mom." He muttered running upstairs.

Jasper kissed Alice's cheek and continued his way to the living room where he changed the channel to CNN.

"We can start in Ravenna, and then go all the way to Greenwood." I say and Alice tried to see again but nothing changes.

She lets out another whine.

"This is giving me a headache. Damn Bella, where are you?!"

"Maybe you should take a break," Carlisle says "You need to be at your best for when you are in Seattle."

She looks uncertain, she too wants to find Bella as soon as possible.

"He's right, go and sit with Jasper." I say, telling her with my eyes that is Ok.

"Just five minutes." She says before going to sit at Jasper's lap "What's going on?" She asks him as she closes her eyes and he massages her temples.

"A teenager disappeared outside his school, and they found another burned body. They are running some tests to know if it's him."

"Is not him," She says seeing it "Hey, didn't they find two burnt bodies a few days ago too?"

"Yes, they are trying to figure out if it's all linked."

"What have the police said?"

"If it's not him, that the burnt bodies are probably a gang messing around or some drug dealers making a statement."

I tune them out and return to my laptop, I see on the clock it's been about twenty minutes since Lizzie left. I miss her already, I don't know how I'm going to fare being away from her for the weeks to come. Hopefully we'll find this woman soon and she will take us to Bella.

C'mon angel, give me a sign.

Carlisle says Bella doesn't want to be changed, and if that's the case I will respect her decision but I'll make her listen to me first. She needs to know the truth and really believe me before she makes a decision. It's ironic how now I'll be the one offering and she is the one refusing becoming like me.

Honestly, I don't care the implications anymore. I'm selfish like that, I just want her here with us, with our daughter and if becoming like me is what it takes I'll give her immortality in a heartbeat.

I hear a loud cry.

We all look up and simultaneously jump out of our seats and are out of the door in a heartbeat.

Adrenaline is rushing through my veins. I know that cry, something happened to my angel. No no no no! We are running at lightning speed through the forest, it's getting dark already which I know whatever happened to my angel this must be getting her more terrified.

As soon as Rose -who was running into our direction with a wailing Lizzie- comes into view, Lizzie jumps from her arms and I catch her mid air.

Her whole body is shaking and her eyes are full of tears.

"What happened!" I ask truly terrified as I scan my baby girl for any injuries, "If that mongrel touched h-"

"Victoria!" Rosalie answered "She intercepted us!"

"What!" My eyes go wide then look around alarmed as I hold my daughter tighter. "Where's Seth?!"

"He stayed!"

"Why?!"

"He told me to bring Lizzie home while he stopped her."

"WHAT?!" I yell enraged "Rosalie he's just a kid!"

How could she leave him to fight against Victoria!

"It was his idea! And I'm faster!"

I growled at her before thrusting Lizzie to Esme and running in the direction she had come from. Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle coming with me.

Soon enough, I could hear them.

Seth was in his wolf form now, blocking Victoria's path not letting her go after Lizzie. Victoria barred her teeth at him and growled before she launched herself at him. Both rolled around the snow on the ground, Seth sank his teeth on Victoria's shoulder and tried to pull at her arm but Vitoria shoved him backwards, punching him and with a loud crack breaking a rib. Seth hollowed in pain and jumped backwards, but recovered quickly his ribs already healing. But, just as he was about to charge her again Victoria changed her angle.

"Seth, NO!" I screamed just as Victoria wrapped her arms around him, crushed his side and bit him on his shoulder.

Seth let out an agonizing howl and fell to the ground, his form convulsing as the venom poisoned his body. Victoria stood over him, and just as she was about to crush his skull with her foot I finally got to them and launched myself at her sending her flying several feet away. Her body crashed against a large pine and broke the trunk in half sending snow everywhere. She fell to the floor but landed in her haunches.

She was about to attack me back but Emmett and Jasper arrived just at that moment, she glared at me with hate and run away. Emmett and Jasper passed me by going after her and I returned to Seth. Carlisle was already with him, trying to calm him down so he could examine him.

"She bit him." I hissed kneeling next to Carlisle over Seth who was paralyzed with venom.

"I know it's poisonous for him." Carlisle said in an anguished voice as Seth continued his torturous howls.

"Help him! He's in pain, what can we do?" I urged as the convulsions grew stronger and his muscles constricted, hardening and freezing with venom.

"His bones are healing wrong I can't do anything if he is in his wolf form." He said worriedly as he grabbed his arm to examine his shoulder. But when Carlisle pulled, Seth let out another strange agonizing ear shattering sound it resonated through the forest.

"Careful!" I growled pulling Carlisle's hands away and he shook his head.

"We have to wait till he sweats off the venom. When he's calm enough to phase back, I'll have to re-brake the bones to set them straight again."

"How long will it take?"

"I don't know maybe a day?"

"He'll be like this a whole day?!" My jaw hit the ground.

Carlisle made a pained face.

"I'm afraid so."

"_Li-zz-ie?" _Seth asked me through his mind, even in his mind he couldn't speak coherently because of the pain.

"She is safe." I said astounded he could even think about her with the ripping pain he must be enduring "Thank you, you saved her life."

I couldn't believe he would risk his life for my daughter like that. I guess I had underestimated their bond, but the imprinting thing is weird itself, I've tried to research a bit about it –to see if there's a way to break the spell- when I have time but there's so little information and so varied. The only thing constant is that imprints need each other, that the bond is so strong they would go to great lengths for each other, especially the imprinted –in this case Seth- he or she would do anything to make sure his or her imprint is happy and safe.

"What do we do now? We can't bring him home like this," I said referring to his wolf form and even if he wasn't it would be too much for her "Lizzie will hear and see him."

He thought for a moment before he came up with an idea.

"The cottage."

"What cottage?"

"There's an abandoned cottage a few miles from here. We can take him there."

I nodded and as carefully as we could lifted Seth from the ground, although I guessed there wasn't much difference the slow movements where still too much for him. Carlisle and I walked at human pace through the forest until we reached the cottage twenty minutes later. Once there we put Seth on the ground and I texted Alice with our location, and asking her to bring him a mattress or something.

Emmett and Jasper arrived at the cottage, probably following our scent when they headed back.

"She escaped?!" I asked bewildered when I heard their thoughts.

"Yes," Jasper hissed, berating himself "her gift is too powerful."

"We lost her in Calgary, the snowstorm erased her scent." Emmett elaborated and I felt like ripping the cottage apart in frustration but I regained my temper. Just then, I heard Alice coming.

"How's Lizzie?" I asked her as soon as she arrived at the cottage.

"She's shaken and asking for you. You should go and see her she is worried about you and Seth."

I was torn, I was dying to go and see my angel to make sure she was alright but I felt guilty about leaving Seth after what he did.

"I'll stay here with Carlisle and Seth." Alice said sensing my hesitation. "The three of you should go back, we don't know if she'll come back."

I nodded and we run out of the house.

I could hear her cries several miles before the house came into view. When I finally got there, I didn't stop running until I entered the living room. She was on Esme's lap as she tried to comfort her to no avail.

"Lizzie." I called and she snapped her head up to me.

She gasped, and without a word jumped from Esme's lap, I caught her and hugged her to me, breathing her in. She buried her face and wrapped her arms around my neck as her little body shook violently with sobs.

"Dear god, are you Ok? Are you hurt?" I asked feeling her back, arms and legs for injuries.

From Rose's thoughts earlier I had known Victoria never got the chance to get too close to her, but I still needed the confirmation.

She shook her head but continued crying. Her beautiful face stained with tears and puffy eyes.

"Shh… it Ok, I've got you." I tried to sooth her as everyone left the room. "You are Ok, I love you." I kissed her hair "I'm sorry… I love you, you are safe."

I should have gone with her, I promised her I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I promised I would be there for her. God, what if I had sent her and Seth alone? Or even just with Rosalie, oh god. My little angel, I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry," I kissed her again, finally everything that had happened crashing down on me "I'm sorry angel, I love you. Are you sure you are Ok?" I could have lost her so easily.

She nodded again and let out a small whimper.

"S-se-th?" She sobbed.

"He's Ok angel," I kissed her head and buried my nose in her hair again "don't worry about him."

"Wh-ere i-is he?" She was starting to come out of her shock, her breathing steadying but she was still crying, her pain of course was ripping at me. As always everything she felt I could feel it too.

"He got a little hurt, but he will be Ok I swear Carlisle and Alice are taking care of him."

"_I wanna see him."_

"He's recovering sweetie, tomorrow he'll be as good as new I promise and you'll be able to play again with him."

She nodded and hugged me tighter.

"_Daddy, I'm scared."_

"Don't be. I'm never leaving your side again. I swear." I said softly rocking her back and forth "She'll never touch you."

"_Wha-at does sh-e want daddy?"_

"To hurt me." I held her tighter.

"Wh-y?"

I close my eyes, remembering the anxiety and worry I had gone through the whole ride to the ballet studio, when I didn't know if I'd make it in time.

"Because… once I had to hurt her in order to save mommy." I said not wanting to be specific. I wasn't comfortable telling her about me killing someone else, she already knew I had killed in the past but that didn't make it less hard for me to talk about it to her. She was still a little girl after all, and I didn't want to scare her more.

"_Why-y doe-s s-she have re-ed eyes-s?"_ She whimpered.

"Because her diet is not like ours, she's not vegetarian."

She gasped and I held on to her tighter.

"You are safe." I assure her again "From now on, you won't be out of my eye sight understood?"

She nodded burying her face on my chest.

I took us to her room and laid us on her bed until she fell asleep about an hour later. I dropped a kiss on her forehead and made sure she was warm and comfortable before I lowered the metal protector on the windows in her room. Afterwards I checked if she was comfortable once again and walked out of her room and back downstairs with one purpose in mind.

Everybody but Esme and Jasper were in the living room, they had switched places at taking care of Seth with Carlisle and Alice so they could come back and discuss things and rearrange plans. Also Carlisle hoped Jasper could help Seth with his gift, I hoped so too.

The living room came into view and of course, Emmett was protectively in front of Rosalie, already knowing what was coming.

"What the hell were you thinking Rose?!" I hissed but she stared back at me unaffected.

"It was his idea, he told me to get Lizzie out of there." She defended herself.

"So you just left him all alone to fight Victoria?!" I yelled incredulously.

"What did you want me to do?! Leave Lizzie to come back on her own? We needed to take her out of there, and I am faster than him in his human form!"

"You had a better chance at stopping her! Seth is just a kid! He has never fought a vampire before! You should have told _him _to get Lizzie out of there!"

"It was his idea!"

"And you are supposed to be the responsible one! _Christ_, Rose she almost killed him! Do you have a conscience at all?! Do you even know what that would have meant for Lizzie?!"

"He's just a wolf! And you don't like him either!"

She was wrong and she knew it, she tried to hide it but I know she was feeling guilty but she would never accept that. The rest of the family just listened, letting me handle Rose by not getting into the fight but agreeing with me silently. Alice was throwing daggers at her with her eyes and Carlisle was disappointed.

"So what?! Just because I don't like him doesn't mean I want to have him slaughtered! He's just seventeen for god's sake!"

Emmett was trying to side with her but knew he didn't have arguments. Just because a kid had the misfortune to become a werewolf –our natural enemy- doesn't mean we have to send him to the lions den.

"I don't trust him with Lizzie!"

That made me livid, my body shook with anger.

"That's not your call!" I hollered with rage and Emmett stood up straighter next to her. "You are not her mother! Stop pretending you are!"

"I'm not pretending anything! I was just trying to protect her!"

"You are so selfish! What about that poor kid?! And a good mother would have put her life first! You were just a coward!"

"No I wasn't! I just wanted to get Lizzie out of there as fast as possible! Don't you see?! I didn't trust him with her! What if he hurt her accidentally?!"

"Well, he practically risked his life for her so that makes me trust him more than you!" I spat back taking a step towards her but Emmett got in the way, he didn't look threatening but apologetic and protective of his mate. He looked so uncomfortable between us but still managed to give me a warning look to not come closer to Rosalie. He could feel the waves of anger coming out of me.

"Baby, I'm sorry but Edward's right." He finally said with a sigh while Rose and I glared at each other over his shoulder "Seth didn't stand a chance against Victoria. Even if I don't like it _you_ should have stopped her until we came to help."

She looked aghast.

"But he's a wolf! He's dangerous to her!" She said back at him. "How can you defend him!"

"You think I'm stupid?!" I was even more pissed now "I know that has nothing to do with it!" I tapped my temple.

"So you are saying I wanted to kill him?!" She challenged.

"No! I'm saying you let your selfishness and emotions overrule you! This is why Lizzie won't ever warm up to you! Because you never think about anyone but you, you are just jealous about him taking her away from you!"

"Edward…" Emmett warned again but Rosalie pushed him aside coming to stand in front of me.

"Look who's talking! You are a hypocrite!" She poked my chest and it took everything within me not to send her flying out of the window "You hate that thing to because of the exact same thing!"

"Yes! I hate the situation too but I still let him come and be with her because I love _my daughter _and I want her to be happy, and I know _he_ makes her happy! Because I know how miserable she'll be without him whether I like it or not! I _think _of her unlike you!"

"She'll survive, I just can't believe you let him come and ruin what we already had with her! She was finally adjusting to us! Now she'll never let go and you are just putting her in danger by having that mongrel here!"

"If I hadn't known or seen how good he was to her you really think I would have agreed to this madness?! Being a parent comes with sacrifices Rose! Don't you see?! It's not about what we want! Is about what's best for them! So yes, I can stand the smell of wet dog for an eternity if it meant she was happy!"

She looked down, knowing she was losing the battle.

"Just look at what's happening to Bella?!" I continued my eyes suddenly stinging with unshed tears and my throat closing "She almost died when she carried her, she was willing to give her life for her and now her cancer is a consequence of that same pregnancy, she again gave up her life for her!"

"I'd have done the same!"

I shake my head.

"You are not the centre of the universe Rose, you can't fool me! You just want to bathe in all the glory and the attention, but you are not willing to give, too! You just want to play picture perfect mommy but it doesn't work like that!" I threw my arms up in the air in exasperation.

"I'm telling you one last time," I held up one finger in front of her face "stop forcing yourself on her! She has her mother! You hear me?!" She winced "No one and I repeat _no one _will take her place ever! No matter if she lives or not, Lizzie has her mother. Her name is Bella, you hear me? B-E-L-L-A." I spell out "BELLA! I'm not going to let you take that from her!"

She glared.

"Yes, a mother who's not here! A mother _will die _soon because of you!"

Carlisle and Emmett grabbed me before I could launch myself at her.

"Rose!" Emmett looked at her shocked but she ignored him.

"I just want everything to go back to normal!" She threw her hands up in the air "She made her decision, she doesn't want this!" She gestured around "I'm tired of putting our lives on hold because of her! She dies, so what?! What is she to me? Just a menace against the Volturi!"

"Rosalie! Enough!" Carlisle said firmly but she was on a roll.

"Humans die all the time you knew this would happen sooner or later when you left! I hate seeing everyone so distressed and worried over something she already decided! It's time to _move on_!"

"We are not letting her die if we can stop it." Alice hissed suddenly in front of her.

Rosalie laughed.

"You are a hypocrite! Calling her your best friend" She laughed sarcastically "Don't you even feel a little remorse over abandoning your so called best friend?!" She made quotation marks over the word friend "What a great friend you are! Abandoning her when he" She pointed at me "fucked her and dumped her like common trash! When she needed _you_ the most!"

Alice's eyes filled with unshed tears.

"If I had known wh-"

"Save it! That's a lame excuse!" Rosalie glared at her "If Lizzie hadn't been born or if we hadn't found out about her would you be looking for her at all? Why now?! Bella's right! If I were her I wouldn't believe any of you either!"

She turned to Emmett then "You decided to leave her too! Remember? What are you wallowing about?! You knew this day would come and that didn't stop you from leaving your oh so precious sister." She hissed her voice full of venom.

"You all think I'm the cold hearted one, but look at you! No one forced you to leave! I'm not buying your pity party! You are all hypocrites!"

She looked around until her eyes settled on me again. I gasped at the intensity of the pain I felt in my chest when I heard what she was about to say, my knees almost giving up.

"If I loved someone the way you say you love her I would have never let go no matter the circumstances. That's why Emmett's here, you know how much I hate this!" She touched her body with disgust "And I still changed him because I loved him beyond that and I couldn't let him die! You really think Bella is going to believe you? After what you did? Because if I didn't know better I wouldn't buy it!"

"Rosalie, that's enough." We all turned to see Esme at the entrance with an ice cold glare directed at her.

"You know I'm right." Rosalie said her tone still harsh but tamed under Esme's gaze.

"No, I know you have a point but you are wrong."

She rolled her eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me young lady, show some respect!"

We all froze, we had never heard Esme use that tone on someone.

"I know you are still hurting from your past Rosalie, not only for what that man did to you but also because of the betrayal behind it. You trusted him, and he hurt you but that situation is completely different from Edward and Bella's."

I closed my eyes as I remembered Bella's painful eyes at the forest, the pain increasing exponentially when the image changed to Alice's last vision, and her eyes turned into soulless ones.

Esme walked forward to stand next to me and placed her hand on my back comfortingly.

"Yes, Edward made a mistake as well as all of us but that doesn't mean we don't love Bella. If you think no one has shown any regret or guilt for leaving her all these years then you don't know your own family."

Rosalie sighed exasperated.

"Esme I-"

"I'm not finished!" Esme said harshly "You _know_ what Edward is doing is not out of guilt, don't pretend you know better than us, get down from your high horse. He _is_ trying to make amends and correct his grave mistakes and the least you could do as his sister is to support him. What he and Lizzie are going through is hard enough for anyone."

"I just want what's best for Lizzie."

"What Lizzie needs is all the love we can give her, not to pretend like nothing is going on and make her act as if everything is alright in the world." She said pointedly at her "She is a bright girl and far from stupid and is suffering the absence of her mother, the last thing she wants is someone trying to fill that spot, she is far from ready to let some other woman take Bella's role in her life."

Then she turned to look at all of us.

"We all made a huge mistake I agree with Rose that this is not only on Edward. We took the wrong decision too thinking it was best and following Edward's direction." She looked back at Rose "_But _you said so yourself, you hate what you are and Edward only wanted to save Bella from the very same thing so you can't put all this guilt on his shoulders. You think we are the hypocrites but look at you."

"You didn't like Bella because she wanted to become like us, you resented what she and Edward had because you thought Bella could do more with her life. Well, that's exactly what Edward did. He gave Bella that chance, the chance you wanted so much. Sadly the only way out he saw was leaving, and we had to respect his decision."

"You can't blame Edward for trying to do what he thought was the right thing to do. He did it thinking of her instead of him which is a very selfless thing if you ask me, stupid because it wasn't the answer but his heart was in the right place. He was willing to sacrifice his happiness for her."

"You know how a mate's bond works Rosalie, you felt it the second you saw Emmett… it was so strong you had to change him. It wasn't different for Edward, when we find our mate human or vampire our mate is our mate. So you should be able to picture the great pain Edward had to endure leaving Bella and if I were you I'd think about it before throwing accusations and pointing fingers."

I know Esme's words should be able to make me feel better about everything, but Rosalie's words had cut deep. She had a point, and now I was left wondering if Bella would be willing to at least listen to Alice or one of my brothers. She must hate me, so hurt about what I did to her I'm sure she'll prefer to die than see me. What am I saying? She _prefers _to die than listen to me, that's exactly our problem right now, she's is hiding from me wanting to be left alone and die in peace.

"I know, Edward loves her… I'm not questioning that. What I meant to say is how on earth are you going to make Bella listen to you? After what you did?" Rosalie looked at me, her fury was gone and replaced by pity and annoyance "She won't and even if by some miracle she wants to you don't know where she is and there's no time left."

"There's time, I'm not giving up." I said my voice void of emotion.

Rosalie shook her head.

"She doesn't want this and I can't blame her, she will die as it was supposed to be for her kind and there nothing you can do about it. I'm just saying it's time to move on and accept things."

"You don't understand," I said before she walked away "I can't give up. I failed at protecting what I loved the most once and I'm not doing it again. You said she will die as it was supposed to be for her kind… well that little girl upstairs wasn't supposed to happen either and here she is… perfect and beautiful and so wonderful."

I swallowed the knot on my throat so my next words would come as stronger as I felt them.

"I don't care about rules anymore, or about what we are supposed to do. I've done that for far too long and it has only brought us pain and sorrow to all of us. I'm sorry no one fought for you Rose, I'm sorry about what happened to you but this situation is completely different. I love Bella, more than my own life and until I receive that damn call I won't stop looking for her, I'll look and hope and wish for her until the last second."

"You are losing your time." Her eyes hardened.

"Well, good thing is my time and not yours then." I said walking backwards and taking my laptop from the coffee table where I had left it this afternoon. "And I think it's already stated that you are not coming near my daughter again," Her eyes turned wild and I rushed to speak before she could say anything "you are going to stay away from her, and Seth for that matter until you change your attitude, if you come near her or speak to her –unless she is the one that comes to you- I'll pack our things understood?"

Her eyes were red, as if she wanted to cry.

"Edward…" Emmett pleaded but I snapped my head to look at him.

"Lizzie is very vulnerable right now I don't want to add more stress to her life." I said firmly "She is staying away from her until Lizzie is the one approaching her." I finished with a tone of finality and turned around and ran at vampire speed up to the third floor to my little angel's room.

Cautiously not to wake her up I opened the door and sneak into her room and laid next to her, she snuggled closer to me in her sleep and I kissed her cheeks. The little frown between her eyes disappearing.

"_I'm going back to Seth," _Esme informed me through her thoughts from downstairs _"just came back for some blankets for him."_

"How is he?" I breathed.

"_He's still in a lot of pain, but the venom is already coming out of his system, I'll think he'll be ok in the morning and Carlisle will be able to set his bones straight. Jasper gift has helped him to stay calm too."_

I thought about my change, how the venom felt like burning my guts inside out. I shuddered at the memory and I felt for Seth.

"Try cold wet rags on his body," I suddenly said "It might help him with the burning sensation." I whispered and Esme smiled warmly at the linens she was folding.

"That's a good idea honey, I'll try."

* * *

For the next several hours, I stayed in Lizzie's room with my laptop on my lap and making new arrangements with Alice and Carlisle through rushed whispers when they come into Lizzie's room as I refused to part from my daughter for even a second. I promised her she wouldn't be out of my sight anymore.

When a new plan had set, they left the room when Jasper came to the house looking for Carlisle, saying Seth was ready for him. The venom had evaporated completely from his body and now he was ready to let Carlisle set his bones straight. I grimaced at the scene, the pain was not over for him and it again made me feel respect for the young wolf. Everything he endured to protect my daughter, stupid because he knew he had no chance alone against a mature vampire so I couldn't call him brave but still, it made me feel awful for the way I had treated him.

About an hour later after Carlisle had gone, when the sun was starting to come up Lizzie stirred next to me. I closed my laptop and put it on the floor as I turned to her, her breathing changing as she woke up.

I kissed her forehead as she snuggled closer to me and opened her still sleepy eyes.

"Daddy?" She mumbled in a tiny voice reaching out to me, I cradled her in my chest and breathed her in.

"Hi princess," I kissed her puffy eyes "how are you? You sleep ok?"

She yawned before answering.

"Where's Seth?"

I looked sadly at her.

"He's feeling better, Carlisle left a while ago to check on him."

"I want to see him." She pleaded with big eyes.

A door slammed downstairs as Rosalie ran out of the house with Emmett following her worriedly.

"Why don't you have breakfast first and then we'll go see him. You didn't hunt yesterday right?"

She winced, her tiny hand flying to her throat.

"But, I wanna see Seth." She said in a tiny voice.

"Angel, I promise I'll take you see him but after you hunt."

"_What about the woman with the red eyes?"_

"She is gone, and I'll be there this time. I'm sorry about yesterday from now on you can only go outside with me Ok?"

She nodded and there was a soft knock on the door before Alice popped her head into the room. Ready to help Lizzie get dressed for the day.

Minutes later Lizzie, Alice and I were running into the woods. Lizzie was on my back as I refused to let her run on her own, my fears about Victoria being still around waiting to pounce plaguing my mind.

When I catch the scent of a mountain lion, I hand Lizzie to Alice and tell her to close her eyes as we track him. When we find him I strike so fast he wouldn't make a noise and break his neck in a heartbeat. When I'm sure he is dead I tell Lizzie to open her eyes and she immediately jumps from Alice's arms and sink her teeth on the cat.

Meanwhile, Alice breaks a tree trunk and lets it fall onto the snow so we can sit and watch her while she feds. When Lizzie is done, she dances towards me and sits on my lap. I chuckle when I see her stained face and use the sleeve of my sweater to clean her cheeks and lips.

"You done?" I ask, she never drains the whole thing on her own as her body is smaller than ours and she can be satisfied with less amount of blood but I always ask her just to be sure.

She nods and touches my cheek.

"_Can we stay a little longer? I don't want to go home yet."_

I sigh, not liking the idea very much but since she is coming with us to Seattle tomorrow morning figuring she'll be indoors for god only knows how long I relent.

"You want to stay here for a bit?"

She nods.

"Ok, but don't leave the clearing and stay within my view range."

She kissed my cheek and dances towards the centre of the clearing while Alice and I stay on the side watching her from the tree trunk. Lizzie kneels on the grounds and starts gathering a pile of snow.

"How is it looking?" I ask Alice at vampire speed, knowing Lizzie can't understand us. Her hearing range is good when we are quiet but she still can't disentangle our words when we talk fast.

Alice closes her eyes in concentration and looks into the future.

_Bella sleeping on a small bed in a blue room._

She's still on the same room, but at least she's there.

Blurry but there.

I only have a few weeks left and I feel my knee bouncing, I'm itching to do something but there isn't much I can do now but go to Seattle. We could go tonight but because of the unpredicted snow storms the flights are cancelled so we'll have to run there and I refuse to run during the night with Lizzie knowing it'll terrify her and it can be dangerous for her and we can't go this afternoon because we have to wait till Seth recovers, knowing he'll want to come too and because we can't just leave him.

Alice is too quiet, so I turn my head at her curiously when I read her thoughts.

"What has you so worried?" I asked her again in vampire speed.

"Her timing." She says with her eyes in a faraway look "It was too perfect again, don't you think is strange?"

I look back at Lizzie she's making a snow man and catching snowflakes at the same time.

"It is, it must be her gift, striking when she feels is safe for her."

Alice made a face.

"Yes but, she also managed to fool _me_ again. How did she manage to do that? Does she know how my gift works?"

I frowned, thinking again.

"Maybe, but how did she find out?" I ask her.

"I think she's been spying on us… but how?"

"Laurent?" I hissed but Alice shakes her head.

"He wouldn't dare, he's loyal to Irina. They are mated."

"He used to be loyal to James, and he turned his back on him." I growled but Alice shook he head again.

"Exactly, he has no ties to Victoria… why would he help her?"

I stared at my daughter as she walked around the clearing looking for barks, stones and pinecones to complete her snowman.

"A favor?" I offered.

"He wouldn't risk it, with you reading minds and me seeing the future it would be too dangerous for him."

"Unless he knows how to avoid your visions, and he doesn't live near us so I wouldn't be able to read his mind either."

"Still, he wouldn't risk it. We would find out eventually and he is helping us in Seattle, remember? He is there with Carmen and El too."

"You are right but… I don't know there was something weird about him when they visited."

"I think you are reading too much into it, I bet he was just curious like the rest. But we won't tell the Denali's about our plans anymore if you feel better."

"Thank you." I nodded.

"Dad!" Lizzie called me and I look up with the best smile I could give her. "Look!" She pointed at the snowman she had done and my smile turned into a genuine one.

I stood up and walked towards her.

"That's a very awesome snowman." I complemented her "But you have the nose missing." I teased and she blushed.

"I couldn't find a small pinecone." She shrugged and I looked around until I spotted one on the top of a tree. In a swift motion I run towards the tree and climbed until I reached the cone and took it, then I jumped back to the ground and handed it to her. She took it with a bright smile and placed it on the snowman's face.

"Done." She smiled brightly at me "Thank you."

"Anytime. Now, are you ready to go home?"

"Seth?" She asked with a small frown.

"He's already back home sweetie." Alice chimed, looking up from her phone "Esme just texted me."

She gasped.

"He's Ok?"

"Better than Ok, c'mon let's go." Alice sang and I pulled Lizzie onto my back again before we ran back home.

As soon as the house came into view, we spotted Seth, Esme and Carlisle on the back porch. The moment Lizzie's eyes landed on him she let go of my back, jumped to her feet and run towards him.

"Seth!" She cried throwing herself on his arms.

"Hey sweet girl!" Seth beamed at her, and it took everything within me not to roll my eyes at them or snatch my daughter away from his meaty hands. I owed the kid a lot, and not just because of what happened yesterday.

"You Ok?" She whimpered.

"I'm perfectly fine, see?" He twirled her around and Lizzie giggled "The redhead didn't do any damage." He lied and I suppressed a snort, knowing he was lying just to protect her.

He kept thinking of her first and I was grateful for that, but his statement made me see red again remembering what Rosalie had done. It was a good thing she and Emmett were still gone otherwise I don't know if I would be able to stop myself at lashing at her again.

"How about you? Are you Ok?" He changed the focus of the conversation.

"Yes! My daddy took me hunting he got me a BIG cat!"

Seth's eyes flickered to mine before he evaded my gaze I frowned until I read his mind. Fido was worried I was going to send him away, claiming he wasn't able to keep my daughter safe and being just a danger for her.

"Lizzie," I interrupted her tale "why don't you go inside with Aunt Alice so she can change your dirty clothes?" Alice smiled widely at that, her attire had been bugging her the whole run home "I need to speak with Seth. You can play with him afterwards."

"Ok!" She said brightly.

Alice took her hand and they all went inside leaving Fido and I alone.

"Want to take a walk?" I asked as soon as Alice closed the door behind them.

"Uhhm… sure." He stammered following me into the woods.

When we where deep into the wood, far away from anyone's earshot, or more specifically Lizzie's earshot I stopped and turned around to face him.

"How are you really feeling?" I asked taking him by surprise.

"Uh… me?" He asked incredulous and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, are you really feeling better? Or are you still in pain?"

"Uhm, I'm really fine sir, I-I we-e wolves heal fast. I'm good as new I promise."

"Good."

He shifted in his feet awkwardly looking at the ground.

"Uhm Mr. Cullen? I wanted to apologize."

"What for?" I asked even though I already knew what he was about to say.

"For what happened yesterday, I'm sorry I wasn't able to keep Lizzie safe. I know I promised you I'd take good care of her… but I wasn't prepared. I-I promise it won't happen again, I can learn I mean… Jasper said he can teach me a few things?"

"That won't be necessary." His eyes widened in fear.

"Wha- what, why?" He asked with eyes full of fear thinking I was sending him away so I decided to give the kid a break.

"Seth, I didn't bring you here to tell you to go away, much less to berate you. Well the last part isn't entirely true, cause I'm mad at you but not for the reasons you are thinking about."

"I don't understand?" He asked with still tensed muscles.

"I brought you here to thank you."

"What?" His face scrunched in confusion.

"I don't know if what you did yesterday was incredibly brave or stupid, but I still appreciate what you did for my daughter."

"I didn't do anything." He said remembering angrily how Victoria had bested him.

"You risked you life for her, and I'll be forever in debt to you not only for this time but also for the time you stood up to you own family to keep her and Bella safe even before she was born."

"It was nothing, she was innocent, it's our law we protect the innocent."

"Still, it means a lot to me and I can never thank you enough for that. I… I also wanted to apologize."

"What for?" It was his turn to ask.

"For the way I've been treating you. I must admit I let my jealousy and prejudice against you ruled my reasoning and I was wrong. I'm still wary about what you are but that has more to it with the nature of it than you personally."

His eyes turned hopeful, and again I felt awful about how a prick I had been.

"You are a good kid Seth, and even though I hate the situation and you imprinting on my daughter I know you'll never harm Lizzie intentionally and to me that's what matters the most."

"I'll never harm her Mr. Cullen, I've learned to control myself over the years and I'm sure if you give me a little time I'll learn to protect her too."

"Which brings us back to the first topic." I cut him short "That won't be necessary although it might come handy just in case, but you don't have to worry about it now. This isn't the first time Victoria has attacked, in fact I'm surprised she never went to La Push."

"You know the redhead?" He asked curiously but behind his eyes I could see the anger boiling, not towards me but Victoria, hating anyone who would mean a threat for Lizzie.

Quickly I told him the story about James and Victoria, how I had killed James to save Bella and how now she was seeking revenge by killing Lizzie knowing she would hurt me deeply by doing that.

"So she is after Lizzie then?" He asked harshly.

"Yes, I underestimated her I thought that after her first attack she wouldn't come back in a while but clearly I was wrong so from now on I'm not leaving Lizzie out of my sight that's why you don't have to worry about keeping her safe anymore."

"What do you want me to do then?"

"What I want from you is what you are best at, keeping Lizzie at ease and distracting her from everything that's going on until we find Bella. Then, I won't rest until I track Victoria and destroy her myself."

He nodded and then looked me in the eye nervously.

"Uhm, sir… what exactly do you plan on doing when you find Bella? I mean… I heard your call and some other things but… is it what I think it is?"

I didn't respond, just looked directly into his eyes conveying my answer. He swallowed and looked down.

"I know is against the treaty, but if Bella let's me I'll save her no matter the cost."

He thought for a moment before lifting his face towards me.

"I just want Lizzie to be happy… and I know she'll be happy with Bella in her life." He whispered.

"So we have a truce?" I asked him and he nodded.

"We have a truce… I… I won't say anything to Jacob or the pack as long as Bella is willing to."

I nodded and stretched my hand out to shake his.

"Fair enough… we have a deal."

"We have a deal Mr. Cullen."

I sighed.

"It's Edward, by the way."

The kid beamed and I rolled my eyes at him shaking my head.

After we shook hands we ran back to the house, he was about to turn to the warehouse when I stopped him and asked him to come inside. That Lizzie must be waiting for him to play and that we needed to discuss things.

We all sat on the living room, going over our new plan and rearranging a few things, Lizzie was on the floor playing with the doll I gave her on her birthday and a stuffed bear Seth had made for her. We were telling Seth of our plans, and as I had though he wanted to come along too.

"The only problem is where should Lizzie stay during the nights, she can come with us while we go to see Jackson and while we look for this woman but if that plan doesn't work out we'll have to track Bella during the night by foot and that's dangerous for her and Victoria could easily track us if we book a hotel." Alice explained.

We all thought for a moment until Seth's eyes lighted up.

"Oh! I have an idea, why don't we stay with my cousin?"

"Your cousin?"

"Yes, Emily's sister Kaya. She lives in Kent with her husband Hania they have two kids, Claire and Jason."

"And you think she'll be Ok with having my daughter?"

"Yes! Lizzie knows Claire, she has been in the rez before, she's Quil's imprint." He explained "I think I told you about her when you first came to La Push?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Anyway, Claire is five so Lizzie won't feel so alone and I can stay with them, we can call Quil too, I'm sure he won't have a problem and he doesn't have to know about your plans and it will mean more protection in case the redhead comes back, Jasper can stay too if it makes you feel more comfortable."

"That's not a bad idea." I mused "Can you get in contact with her?"

"No, I don't have her phone but I'm sure she won't have a problem if we show up unannounced, she's pretty cool."

"Good, so that's settled. Are you Ok with that Jasper?" I turned to him.

"As long as I stay outside," He smirked "you are pretty cool dude but you still stink." He joked and Seth laughed.

Jasper had softened too towards Seth after witnessing the pain he had endured for my daughter, when he and Esme had taken care of him last night.

"So everything is settled," Carlisle wrapped up the meeting "Rose, Esme and I are staying here monitoring everything and keeping in touch with the Denali's and the rest of you are going to Seattle."

"That's right." I nodded.

Lizzie jumped to my lap and I looked down to see her gorgeous face, her brown eyes big and questioning. I kissed her forehead and brushed he hair away from her face.

"Looks like we are all going to Seattle after all."

* * *

***gasps* Run Edward Run!**

**So what do you guys think is gonna happen next?! What did you think about Rose's behavior? Poor Seth, he got bitten by Victoria, and she escaped again! Who do you think is behind all this mess? **

**A lot happened in this chapter, but hey! At least Edward and Seth are starting to get along!**

**Next chapter will be up soon! Don't for get to follow me on twitter for teasers during the week! tpec1991**

**Also, if you have song rec's let me know! I don't like repeating songs from my other stories!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	13. Chapter 13: Reason To Cry

**I apologize again for the delay, but as some of you know, I'm a college student and have a job at the same time so sometimes my schedule is crazy and I just finished exams last week and you know how that is. With exams finished I think my life will go back to normal somehow, *fingers crossed* but what I guarantee you is that it won't take 3 weeks to update again. I'll still try to post once a week, I'll do my best I promise!**

**This was also another difficult chapter, that's why I didn't want to rush it and decided to wait until I had my mind free from worries, exams, and work.**

**Anyway, Enjoy!**

**WARNING: Mayor Tissue Warning Alert!**

**SM own everything!**

* * *

Chapter 13: Reason To Cry

"**Reason To Cry" – Takida**

All this time  
All this time with you  
Really loved me  
Despite my faults and you knew

And you're not coming back  
I got a reason to cry

The bottle's empty  
The bottle's empty and cold  
Just like I've been  
Since I heard that you died alone  
Finally home now  
And I try to accept that you're gone  
Wish I could have  
Been there for you all along

With your back against the ground

All I want  
All I need  
Is to make you breathe  
All that I want  
All that I need  
Is to make you breathe

Yeah you failed somehow  
But I know that you tried

And you're not coming back  
I got a reason to cry

_**December 22th**__**– 3 weeks and 6 days left.**_

"We're going to run all the way to Seattle?!"

I chuckled at Lizzie's expression.

"You won't, I'll take you in my arms."

"But, why?"

I tucked her into her bed and I lay next to her. It was only 8 o'clock but we'll be heading to Seattle at dawn so I wanted her to be well rested as it was going to be a long day.

"The roads are closed as well as the airports because of the snowstorm." I explained "We'll try to go as far as we can by car but when we can't anymore we'll have to run."

"But… it's so far away." She hugged her blankie and doll to her chest.

"Not really, it'll take us about four to five hours to get there but don't worry you'll be fine."

"But, what about you? Don't you get cold?" She asked curiously and I shook my head.

"Nope, and don't worry I'll make sure you are warm enough." I brought the comforter to her chin and kissed her forehead.

"What about Seth?"

"Seth will run too, but he'll leave before because he is slower than us." I lied, in reality Seth would be behind us in his wolf form keeping his distance so Lizzie won't see him.

"But what if he gets lost?" She was really worried "or what if he gets cold too?"

"Are you kidding me?" I poked her tummy "Have you felt his skin? You could fry an egg on it, he won't be cold either and he knows the woods." I tried to calm her unnecessary worries she was so much like her mother.

"Oh, that's true. Why is Seth's skin so hot?" She tilted her head to the side.

"Remember when I told you, me and Uncle Jacob where different?"

She nodded.

"Well, Seth's also like Uncle Jacob. He's not entirely human."

"Really?" Her eyes became wide. "What is he?"

"I can't tell you that, not yet anyway but Seth will one day. Don't worry about it now."

She nodded but was far from satisfied with my answers.

"Well enough with the chat. You need to sleep we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." With a last kiss, I stood up from her bed and went to lower the iron windows.

"Uhm, daddy?" She was suddenly nervous.

"Yes, angel?" I asked going back to sit on her bed.

"Can you stay?" She pleaded with a tiny voice "I don't like sleeping alone."

My heart melted, I wasn't planning on going anywhere anyway. As I had said, I wasn't going to let her out of my sight unless it was really necessary. So when she asked me to stay, it made me feel like she really wanted me here. I knew she didn't like to sleep alone, Jackson had said she was used to sleep with Bella that's why I would most of the time stay with her until she fell asleep, but she never asked me to stay so it meant a lot to me that she would, it showed me she was warming up to me.

"Of course princess, I wasn't going anywhere." I turn of the lamp on her bedside table, lay back on her bed and she scooted closer to me, resting her head over my silent heart.

"I love you." I kissed her hair.

She didn't say it back, but it was Ok too. I knew she needed time, she still hardly knew me and everything was still confusing to her, but much like how I wanted her to call me dad, I also wanted her to say she loved me too. But of course I'd never say it aloud, I didn't want her to say it just because she thought I wanted her to or because she thought she had too, I wanted her to say it when she really felt it.

Sometimes I think that maybe she already does but she is afraid of saying it, like when she first got here and wouldn't talk because she didn't trust us. She is careful and guarded and maybe she needs more reassurance, maybe she needs me to tell her more often that I won't go anywhere or that I won't leave her like I left Bella.

Even if now she knows my reasons for leaving, she had spent the first years of her life without me to her I'm still a stranger who is taking care of her. I know she is warming up to me, and she cares about me but that's just because she has the sweetest heart and gentlest soul. I know that even if she hadn't been born yet, my leaving still affected her life. She was living in a world that didn't make sense to her, in a world where she was the strange one because I wasn't there to guide or show her what was supposed to be her lifestyle. So it's normal for her to feel overwhelmed, confused and distrustful.

Sometime around one in the morning, after making sure her breathes where even and she slept soundly, I disentangled myself from her. Remembering that I needed to talk to Seth about something, I don't want to leave her but it'll just be one minute. By the time Lizzie wakes up Seth would have to be already hidden in the forest so we could go so I had to talk to him now.

I close the door behind me and run outside, there's a heavy snowstorm going on and I'm just wearing a button down shirt but of course it doesn't bother me. If the light coming through the window curtain wasn't answer enough, by hearing Seth's thoughts I knew he was awake.

I knock on the door to the warehouse and he opens it, he's surprised but not at the same time to see me here since he heard my approach.

"What's up?" He asks stepping aside, I take a deep breath preparing myself for the stench before I let myself in.

I look around and see that he has made of this place a small home for himself. It's tiny but he seems to have made it his own. There's a small bed on the corner, a small kitchenette, a table, two chairs and a single couch. All of this gifts from Esme of course.

There's a chest next to the bed where I assume he keeps his clothes and personal stuff that also serves as a bedside table. On top of it he has a lamp and a few framed pictures. He has a picture of him, Leah and Lizzie, another of just him and Lizzie and then a group shot with who I assume is his family, Leah, Sue and Jacob are in it too.

"Edward?" Seth interrupts my snooping.

"Oh, sorry… nice place." I say "You have made good use of it." I say awkwardly.

Yeah, I have a truce with him but that doesn't mean we are best buddies now.

"Thanks," He scratches the back of his head "Esme gave me all these, I told her she shouldn't bother but she insisted."

"I'm glad she did with the storm that's going on right now it would be animal abuse to have you out there." I tried to joke even though it wasn't funny he still chuckled. "Listen, I wanted to ask you something."

He sat on one of the chairs and he motioned to the single couch for me. I sat and looked at him.

"Shoot." He said and I cut to the chase.

"The reason why I'm going to Seattle instead of staying here with Lizzie is because I need to see this person. His name is Mark Jackson, he works for social services and he was the one who found me for Bella."

"Yeah, I met him once." He furrowed his brows thinking about the man "Bella only confided in me what she was doing because of my bond with Lizzie. She never told anyone else she had someone looking for you, she knew Jacob wouldn't let her, he wouldn't want you to have Lizzie, no matter if you where her father or not." He said not looking me in the eye.

I closed my eyes reigning my fury, who the hell did Jacob think he was? Did he really have the guts to attempt to keep Lizzie from me? Was he stupid? Did he have a death wish?

"You Ok?" He asked, looking concerned and I swallowed my anger. Seth wasn't at fault.

"Sorry, it's just… Jacob would have really done that?" I was incredulous, I knew he hated me but this wasn't his business, and Lizzie was mine not his.

He shrugged.

"He's very protective of Bella and Lizzie it's something like an oath. He promised Charlie he would take care of her before he died."

I frowned, my curiosity spiking up.

"What do you mean?"

Seth sighed.

"The day Charlie died, remember Jacob had taken Bella for a ride?" He asked and I remembered Jacob saying this when we met so I nodded.

"That day, Charlie had called Jacob asking him for help. He didn't know what to do with Bella anymore, she was… uhm…" He moved uncomfortable in his seat "depressed because you… you know-"

"Because I left her." I finished for him and he nodded.

"Yeah, so… Charlie had a talk with Jacob. He asked for his help and Jacob promised him he would take care of her and heal her… so that afternoon Jacob took Bella out of her house and brought her to La Push… Sam had called Jacob for something so he left her alone for a few minutes on the beach… when he came back he saw her jump from the cliff." He said carefully and I looked away. Jacob's memories burning through my brain and my chest again.

"Jacob jumped after her, he was scared he had broken Charlie's promise and Bella would drown. In the end he saved her but he still felt guilty for leaving Bella alone and almost breaking Charlie's promise. He took Bella back home so she could change her clothes and that's when Jacob smelled the cold one."

"And he phased in front of Bella." I finished the story for him.

"Yes, I was nearby doing my rounds. As soon as I heard Jacob's thoughts I ran after the vampire on my own since Jacob had to stay to protect Bella. The others were on their way too but where still too far. In the end, the vampire escaped. He threw himself into the ocean, the rain erased the scent so only Jacob and I smelled him."

"You didn't see his face?"

Seth showed me his memories, he could only see the back of the nomad and he was wearing a hoodie.

"No, but I remember his scent clearly. If I run into him again, I know I'll recognize him."

I nodded.

"Good. If you do, you tell me." I said, thirsty to revenge Bella's father.

"I will," Seth said "but sorry, I got us distracted you said you wanted to ask me something?"

I shook my head remembering my first purpose of coming here.

"Yeah, Jackson… so you know him." He nodded "Well, I spoke to him a few days ago and I asked him if he had seen Bella. He said the last time he saw her was a couple of weeks after he brought me Lizzie. He said she was with a woman it wasn't Leah, Sue or Emily so I wanted to ask you if you know if Bella was close to some other woman? Maybe from the city?"

Seth thought for a moment before shaking his head.

"No that I know of, she really kept to herself while she lived in the city and La Push. She didn't want to put Lizzie in danger and the times I guarded them I didn't see her talking to anyone."

My brows furrowed thinking hard.

"Maybe she was a nurse?" He asked "From wherever she's staying now."

I sighed.

"I don't know that's why we are going to Seattle. I need to talk to Mark in person to see this woman through his mind. Then we need to put a name to that face and hopefully we'll find Bella."

He nodded understanding my plan.

"I wish I could be of more help but… the only friends Bella had, at least from the moment she moved to La Push was Emily and maybe Leah… although they didn't really get along. Maybe I can talk to Emily tomorrow as soon as we get to my cousin's house I'll call her."

"Thanks, but make sure she doesn't suspect anything. I can't have your brothers starting a war now. I can't lose time."

"I promise, I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks."

With that I left him to his own and returned to the house. Jasper and Emmett were in the living room watching the late news while Alice moved like a hurricane around the house, fixing flowers and trying to see anything. Esme continued to cook, Rosalie was on the floor flipping through a magazine and Carlisle was on the computer.

"Any news from the Denalis?" I asked him.

"Laurent called, just to check in. So far nothing, they didn't find anything on the west coast so El and Carmen are going north now and he is going south."

I nodded and turned to Jasper, his jumbling thoughts catching my attention.

"What's going on?" I asked, he wore a concentrating look as he watched the TV.

"Another disappearance." He said his eyes not breaking from the TV.

"So?" I asked.

"It's not normal." He mused. "So far they have reported five missing people in two weeks and found three burnt bodies and now they're trying to figure it out if it's related."

"You think is one of us?" I asked him, now paying attention to the news. If there's a newborn loose in Seattle I needed to be extra careful with Lizzie.

He shrugged.

"I don't think so, why would they burn them?" Emmett asked. "They could just throw them into the water."

"To not leave evidence about the drained blood," Jasper responded "but it could still be a band… with the burnt bodies it could be like a symbol or something, besides who would let a newborn loose? And make all this damage?" He asked himself. "With the Volturi it's practically a suicide mission."

I shrugged, if it was the mess of a newborn then it wouldn't take long before the Volturi do something. Hopefully by then we would be out of the city and with Bella safe and sound.

"Oh god Alice!" Rose suddenly slammed her magazine against the floor. "Would you just sit down already? The flowers are _fine_, you are giving me whiplash." She grunted.

Alice ignored her and continued to move around the house, trying to see what will meet us in Seattle but since Lizzie is coming she can't see much.

"What's your problem?" Jasper asked her with a glare defending his mate "Leave her alone."

Rosalie glared back at him and returned to her magazine. Not liking the vibe in the room, I turned around wanting to go back to my little angel's room. Not wishing for her to wake up and me not being there as I had promised. Besides, I needed to be with her. It was that pull again, as always I needed to know if she was ok.

"We'll leave as soon as Lizzie wakes up." I said heading towards the stairs, knowing she always wakes up around six "I'll be up-"

I was cut short when we heard glass shatter behind me I whipped my face to see Alice standing by the threshold, a base shattered to pieces by her feet. Her eyes were unfocused and her face turned into one full of pain and fear. When I saw what she was seeing, a tremor ran down my body, shaking my form and freezing every nerve and limb in its path.

Her vision ended and everything was black.

No.

No, no, no, no.

"Alice?" Jasper asked standing next to her, but she ignored him and closed her eyes again trying to see as my body shook with utter fear. But everything was black again she tried again a second, and then a third time but nothing. She opened her eyes with a gasp and her eyes locked with mine.

"No!" I screamed.

"Edward…" She whimpered, her hands coming to her mouth and chest in horror.

"No!" I screamed again getting to her face and towering over her. "You are wrong!" I pointed an accusing finger at her.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed.

"No! Look again! We are leaving now! It hasn't happened yet!"

"What's wrong?" Carlisle asked coming into the living room.

"Nothing's wrong! We are leaving now!" I said, refusing to believe what I saw.

I couldn't think clearly, my mind jumbled with horrendous thoughts and that horrid image as I started pacing around the living room.

"Alice, what did you see?" Jasper asked her.

"It's Bella." She cried "I saw her dy-"

"NO!" I screamed at her "Don't say it! It hasn't happened yet! Look again!"

"Edward," Alice cried again but I ignored her "She disappeared."

"Bullshit! That doesn't mean anything! I'm not giving up! Just wait, in a few minutes you'll see her again… You know how your visions work. Nothing is set on stone. She is not dead, she's not dead she's not dead!" I was ranting in hysterics as I paced around the living room.

"Son," Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder with a pained face but I shook it off just as Seth entered the house with wild eyes, wondering what was going on.

"Go back to your laptop!" I ordered Carlisle "We are NOT stopping," She is not dead, I'll know when she's dead. I'll know, I'll feel it in my heart "we are leaving now, Esme wake up Lizzie."

"What happened?" Seth asked not being able to make heads and tails about what was happening.

"I saw Bella… she was-"

"No!" I screamed not letting her finish her sentence and then I felt Jasper trying to work his gift on me but I glared at him "She is not dead," I pulled at my hair and started sobbing "you are wrong, you'll see her soon, she's just… she is hiding. You'll see her, she is not dead… you'll see her… she's, she's just sleeping" I couldn't even make a sense of my own words "the call, the hospital. She'll be back… just wait you'll see her." I nodded to myself, grasping at whatever string of hope I had left.

"Edward," Esme kneeled next to me, I didn't notice when I ended on my knees "I'm sorry, it's going to be Ok." She hugged me but I stood up again.

"What? No, don't say that! I told you, she is not dead!"

She looked at me with red and sad eyes.

"I'll wake up Lizzie, we are leaving now." My voice shook badly.

"Edward…" Alice whispered with a broken voice "I'm so sorry… I can't see her anymore, she is not coming back. She gave up, I-I saw her-"

She was cut short when the phone in the living room rang.

The house became deadly silent, no one moved an inch or even breathed for a few seconds. The phone rang a third time and Carlisle slowly moved to answer it.

"Don't!" I screamed at him, taking the phone away from him and accidentally smashing it with my hand "It's just a wrong number… we changed houses, no one calls us ever, no one knows our number." I started looking for poor excuses, still in denial. I can't lose her, I can't. "Everyone pick up their things!"

I was truly panicking now as the rings of the other phones in house drilled a hole in my brain through my ears and my family stared at me with those looks. I hated those looks, I hated the pity, the pain and the concern in their eyes. But most of all, I loathed the reason behind their looks.

"We are leaving now!"

Why isn't anybody moving?!

The ringing stopped then and Carlisle's voice was heard on the answering machine.

"_You have reached the Cullens, please leave a message and we'll call you back."_

_Beep._

"_Good evening my name is nurse Miller, I'm calling from the Harborview Medical Center in Seattle looking for a Mr. Edward Cullen regarding Miss Isabella Swan. Please contact us as soon as possible."_

The world stopped, I couldn't even hear the wind outside the house.

Everything, just stopped.

…

…

…

No.

No no no no no no.

The pressure in my chest increased a tenfold, it was as if suddenly I needed air to breathe. I felt as if from nowhere, some part of me went missing, something was missing. I needed air, I need… something. My throat was closing, painfully so.

No, this can't be it.

No, she can't.

This must be some kind of a sick joke Alice is playing on me. Rosalie must be on it to, she could have faked the nurses voice. Yeah, that had to be it. I'll prove it.

With a shaking hand, I took my phone from my pocket. The eyes of my entire family feeling heavy on my shoulders. I looked through my small list of contacts and dialed the only number that could be my salvation.

"_Hello?" _Someone's grave voice answered.

"Who's this?"I said imitating Seth's voice, not caring if he was here but I didn't had the time or the heart for a fight if Billy or whoever was on the other line wasn't in the mood.

"_Oh Seth! Oh god, it's Paul. I guess you heard the news already?" _

"The news?" I stammered.

"_Poor Emily, she's devastated… she loved her so much, you can only imagine how Jacob is, he went nuts at first it hit him hard." _Paul said in a sad voice, and I couldn't speak anymore. Suddenly I was panting, still needing that missing part of me that was suddenly gone.

"Jacob?" Was all I could ask, I needed Jacob to tell me, to assure me all was a lie. That I heard wrong.

"_He's not here, he went to Seattle to pick up the body at the hospital with Emily and Billy, Leah just took off… she said she had to go and see Kaya. I'll tell him you-"_

I hung up.

I had heard enough.

I stared at the phone in my hands, my mind in blank not knowing what to do next. I couldn't look up and meet their eyes, I didn't dare to go upstairs and see her face, I couldn't look around and face the reality.

It was like time had ended, like the universe stopped.

"Ed-" Esme started with a soft voice but I didn't let her finish, as fast as lighting I was out of the door.

"Leave him alone." Was the last thing I heard Carlisle tell my brothers.

With an excruciating pain in my chest, that burned a whole where my heart used to beat, I ran. I ran and I ran as fast as I could go. Like a ghost, a broken spirit in the darkest of the frozen forest. The storm was at its worst now, shaking the forest like my own inner storm breaking my heart and shaking everything inside me.

I was late.

I didn't make it.

I failed her again.

Bella, Bella Bella Bella. My Bella, my angel. Why?!

WHY?!

Alice's visions started playing in my mind again. Punishing me, burning and frying my brain. The blood, the blood coming from her wrist, I'll never see something as horrifying as that. Her face, it was alien to me but at the same time it was her. Her hollowed cheeks and eyes, her small frame… nothing of what was my angel was left. But yet, she was the most beautiful thing to me, at her worst she'll always be the second most beautiful creature in the world.

But the vision before me was so horrifying, so, so… so sick, so wrong. If she wanted to die… it shouldn't have to be like this. She shouldn't have died alone, I… I-I should have been there with her, making her feel better, making sure she didn't suffer, loving her and doting on her until she took her last breath.

But I wasn't there, and she didn't have a peaceful death. She gave up, she didn't wait for me. Did she hate me so much? Did she prefer to die alone, in pain and just… suffering as long as I stayed away?

What about our daughter!

I was mad now, mad at her, mad at me, mad at God and the world. My fist connected with a stone wall at the foot of the mountain, a line cracked where my fist hit, stretching and stretching upwards as a thunder like sound echoed in the forest.

I screamed in pain, another kind of pain, the physical kind and when I retreated my fist I saw why. My hand had cracked too, my knuckles deforming and slowly going back to their original shape. Even though it hurt, it felt so good so I didn't licked my wounds, I didn't want the venom to heal me. I needed the pain, I needed this, I needed something to overcome the torturous and agonizing pain in my chest. So I continued to slam my fists into the wall, letting my frustrations, anger and pain come through my fists, as my daughter's face and hers run wildly in my mind. It's Ok if I suffered, it's Ok if I was in pain I deserved it for what I did. But Elizabeth doesn't, she shouldn't pay for my mistakes, she's so good, innocent and pure she shouldn't suffer because of my stupidity.

There was a hole deep into the wall by now and my hands where cracked too but that didn't stop me, what stopped me where the iron like arms caging me and stopping me from hurting myself more. Emmett held me tight as I tried to break free, but he was so strong and bigger than me, then I felt Jasper's hands on my chest and shoulders as he tried to calm me, so my anger turned into numbness.

I fell to my knees and deep sobs broke through my chest, I knew my brothers were saying something but I couldn't or wouldn't hear them and I didn't care what they had to say.

I didn't make it.

I was too late.

She's gone.

"Bro, it's going to be Ok." Emmett whispered, still holding me to him. "It's Ok."

"Edward?" That was Jasper, but I couldn't concentrate on him, I could only hear and see her face, the blood and her pain.

"What did I do?" I whispered brokenly.

"Edward, it's almost dawn… Lizzie."

At the sound of her name, another round of sobs broke though me.

My little angel, what am I going to tell her? I had promised I'd bring her momma back. She knows I left, would she hate me now? Would she finally realize the monster I was? I don't deserve her I don't deserve to even exist. I shouldn't be here she should be here instead of me. I'm a monster I killed her it was my fault. I killed the only thing that ever mattered in my life I killed the only person that ever loved me, the only person who saw beyond what I was. I killed the only person who could bring me to back life. All my existence I asked for a miracle, for a reason behind my existence, for a salvation. I got it and I was stupid enough to let it go. My love, my Bella… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

"I'm sorry…" I cried to the sky, wishing with everything I had she could hear me wherever she was and believe my pleads. "I'm so-o so-orry-y!" I continued to cry for her as the storm shook the forest around us.

All this time away from her, was a waste… all the sadness and my pain were nothing in comparison to what I felt now. Now, I really had a reason to cry.

The sight of her back against the ground, still, pale and lifeless will forever be burned into my memory.

She's not coming back.

She's gone.

Jasper's cell vibrated in his pocket and he walked away to attend to it as Emmett released me.

"Kill me." I turned him, but he shook his head.

"Kill me!" I begged him "Please! Punch me! Do something!"

"Edward… don-"

"You promised! You said if something happened to her you'd kill me!"

"Edward, calm down!"

"Hit me!" I pushed him, trying to provoke him. "Punch me! Break my arm, throw me against the wall! Set me on fire!"

Emmett glared.

"What about your daughter!"

I winced.

"She'd be better without me." I turned around, not wanting him to see the remorse in my face.

"Bella trusted you with her!"

"And as always, she was wrong! I can't do it! Not without her!"

"Don't be weak!" He was on my face now "Don't walk away just because things are hard now, don't make the same mistakes! Learn from them!"

I winced, his words hitting me hard.

"I can't do it, I need her."

"Yes you can, you were doing better than I expected before. Bella could have left her with the wolves and never told you about her but she didn't. She wanted you to raise her, she trusted you with her. Do it for her, it's the least she deserves."

I fell to my knees again and buried my face in my palms, this can't be happening, this must be some kind of a nightmare. Maybe I died fighting Victoria and now I was in hell.

I heard Jasper curse and we both turned to look at him.

"What happened?" I asked as he tried to block his mind.

"We have to head back, Lizzie is up."

"What happened?" I pressed, knowing he was hiding something.

He looked torn, but spoke anyway.

"She was asking for you, and…" he sighed and then I caught a glimpse of fury in his eyes "Rose told her."

"Fuck." Emmett cursed, but his voice was already far away as I ran like a bat out of hell through the forest. The sun was coming up, as I tried to beat him into the house.

From a long distance I could hear Lizzie's cries, as well as all the arguing going in the house. Seth and Alice were having some heavy words with Rosalie as Esme tried to comfort Lizzie and Carlisle acted as peacemaker. It didn't matter what they had to say, I had made up my mind already.

Emmett was right.

I entered the house with Jasper to my right, Emmett immediately stood in front of Rose but I didn't care. It was useless as my plans were different.

"Edward, I was just-" Rose tried to defend herself but I ignored her. I didn't want to snap at her and make things worse for Lizzie, right now she was my number one, my only concern.

She had her eyes closed and was curled up on Esme's lap, her body shaking violently with her sobs. It broke my heart to tiny pieces, and as I stared at her frame Bella's vision came back as it reminded me so much to hers. She looked so scared, lonely, fragile and vulnerable and Emmett's words in the forest finally sunk in.

From now on, Lizzie would be my entire life. Bella's death is slowly killing me all over again, it shook me to the core of my bones and I know I'll never be the same and I have to accept it, I have to accept that she is gone and I can't do anything about it. Even if it will almost kill me I have to accept it, for Lizzie. Because I've also made a promise, to her and to our daughter.

From now on, I'd devote my whole existence to make our daughter happy and keep her safe. She was the only thing I had left from her, the best part. I failed to protect what I loved the most once, I won't ever make the same mistake again. Nothing would ever be about me anymore it would be about this little angel in front of me.

I kneeled in front of Esme, and carefully placed my hand on Lizzie's back. She stiffened and turned to me.

"Daddy?" She whimpered with rivers still falling down her cheeks. "Daddy!" She cried harder as she threw herself to me and I held her tighter and closer to me as my sobs matched hers.

Desperately she touched my cheek, showing me what Rosalie had told her and begging me to tell her she was lying.

"It's going to be Ok," I said over her cries and my sobs, that I just couldn't control "Shh… it's going to be Ok." I kissed her hair and she cried harder.

"MOMMA!" She screamed, calling her. "MOMMA!"

"Lizzie, listen to me… it's going to be Ok."

"No! I-I wa-ant…" She could finish her sentence as she was hyperventilating now. "MY MO-OMMA-A!"

I stood up from the floor with her still crying her guts out in my arms and I ran upstairs to her room. Closing the door behind us and lying us in her bed.

"Shhh… I'm here, I'm sorry… it's going to be Ok." I continue trying to soothe us both. I hated that I couldn't be strong enough for her, I hated she saw me cry too but I couldn't help it. So I let go too, not caring anymore about appearance. I was dead inside, and I needed to get all the pain out too.

So instead of controlling my feelings, I let them out too… and we both cry and cry together. Both of us mourning for the person who meant the most to us in the world, we cried and cried until she fell asleep from exhaustion and I fell into a numbness, staring out of the window as the storm winded down and the sun slowly came up, but still stayed hidden behind the thick dark clouds.

* * *

A couple hours later, Alice knocked softly and with a monotone voice I whispered for her to come in.

"Hi," She said in a small voice, her eyes were so sad I had to look away _"Jasper can't take it anymore" _she winced_ "So we are going for a walk into town, do you need anything?"_

I nodded, and told her to get me a few things from the town. Having an idea for when Lizzie woke up.

"How are you?"

I shrugged, she knew how I was.

"_I'm so sorry Edward."_

"Me too." I kissed my daughter's hair.

If it wasn't for her, I would be in Italy by now. I still entertained the idea after Emmett refused to kill me, but after seeing Elizabeth so broken in Esme's lap, it was like a wakeup call. This isn't about me, it never was. I couldn't continue to be so selfish, Lizzie was the only one that mattered now, and I couldn't leave her, I couldn't do that to her. She was just a little girl, an innocent from all this mess I caused and as crazy as it sounds, she needs me… and now, I needed her more than ever.

"I failed her Alice." I whisper cried.

"You did the best you could… this isn't your fault."

"It is… at least… I should have been there with her made it easier for her… she shouldn't have suffered through it."

She was quiet, letting me get it all out.

I took Lizzie's hand and placed it on my cheek, closing my eyes and watching my daughter's dream. She was running in the forest, chasing some animals. It calmed me somewhat that at least she was having a peaceful sleep.

"I wish… I wish I could take it all back, I wish.., I wish I could go back in time." I started crying quietly again. "I-I wish I had been there, holding her hand as she closed her eyes… no, I wish I could just… make her breathe again."

"_I'm sorry I wish I could do something."_

"What really sucks, it's that I'm not the only one suffering…" I looked down to my sleeping angel "I know she'll hate me one day." I kissed her forehead.

"_She won't, she'll understand… it wasn't your fault Edward, Bella was human these things… happen."_

"I could have stopped it."

If I hadn't left in the first place, she wouldn't have doubted me… she would have been one of us a long time ago. God has a funny sense of humor. He knew what I wished for all my life even thought I didn't deserve it and he gave it to me just to take it away like that. Just because I tried to be the good guy, I tried to think of her and do what was best for her by leaving, and he does this? He makes suffer two innocent people because of my actions? Because of what I am? He knows it would kill me to see this so maybe that why he did it. This is the way he is making me pay for my sins, by granting me my wishes only to take them away in a blink of an eye and making me suffer by hurting the people I love.

But that's enough I won't let him do the same with Lizzie. Not even he will be able to take her away from me. I'll never be away from her, and I'll fight anything and anyone who threatens her in the slightly.

She is mine.

In that moment, I swore to myself that after we come through this Lizzie won't ever shed another single tear. There'll never be another frown between her brows or another sad smile on her face. I'll give her anything she wants, the entire world if she wants it and I'll do anything she asks for as long as it doesn't endanger her. A hair won't ever be out of place and her cheeks will ever be flushed with blood and she'll never be thirsty again.

From now on, my life won't be mine anymore. It'll be hers I didn't have a life anymore anyway. You couldn't even say I was alive.

"_You are leaving." _Alice stated, and I couldn't look at her.

"I thought you couldn't see Lizzie."

"_I can't, but I can see the rest of us but you, Seth and her."_

I nodded.

"I'm bringing Seth with us, he's good with her."

"_Don't go, I know is hard but… please… Esme will be devastated."_

"My daughter comes first, we need time for us… and I warned Rosalie. It's for the best, and it'll only be for a while."

"Running away won't make things better."

"I know, that's not what I'm doing… I need… to clear my head, I need to spend time with my daughter, we need to heal."

"_I'm sorry."_

"Not more than I am."

"_Will you go to… her grave after the funeral?"_

I shook my head.

"Marks said she wanted to be incinerated, Jacob was supposed to throw the ashes into the woods."

"Oh."

"I think it's better that way, I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of her tomb. It would make it more real."

"_Edward, but it __**is**__ real."_

I shrugged again.

"It still doesn't feel like it." I whispered so low I'm not sure even Alice heard me. "I still can't let go."

We stayed quiet after that, and she left us to go into town with Jasper. A couple hours later, Lizzie stirred in her sleep and I knew she'd be up in a few minutes. I dreaded it, I didn't want her to wake up from her happy dreams to this hell but I knew I couldn't do anything about it. I guess we'll have to face this together, maybe that's the only way we'll get through it.

Lizzie rolled to her side and let out a sigh I kissed her forehead and brought my hands to her face rubbing my thumb over her cheek. With another sigh, she fluttered her eyes open. As soon as her eyes met mine, I saw it in them that the hours prior came back to her and he face morphed into one full of pain and she started crying quietly again.

I never wanted to kill a woman like this before, at the moment I'm not sure which one I longed to kill more Victoria or Rosalie. At least Victoria thinks she has a reason, but Rosalie was just selfish as always.

"Shh… I'm sorry angel." I kissed her hair again "I'm so sorry, it's going to be ok."

"I want momma." She whimpered.

"I know me too." I shut my eyes closed, fighting the pain. I needed to be strong for our daughter.

Angel, please give me strength. I guess you can hear me now? Do you? Do you see how much we need you? I love you, I'm so sorry I failed you.

After a while, Lizzie quieted down and I brought us to a sitting position.

"Better?" I asked as I dried her cheeks with kisses.

She shook her head no and looked down.

"It'll be Ok." I brushed her hair away from her face "I promise."

"Are you going to… to leave me now?" She looked scared and my eyes widened.

"What?! No, of course not. Why would you even think that?"

She shrugged and I sighed.

"Come, I have a surprise for you."

I picked her in my arms again and went downstairs, thankfully my family knew better and everyone retreated to their own rooms to give us some space. I entered the living room and walked us to my piano. On top of it was a box with the stuff I had asked Alice for. I sat Lizzie on the top of the closed lid and started taking the stuff out of the box. She stared at me curiously, and at the contents I kept taking out. Her eyes were still red but at least she wasn't crying for the moment.

"What's all these?" She asked in a tiny voice as she picked up a tube with pink glue glitter.

"Remember what you asked for in the meadow?" I asked taking the last items out of the box and placing the green paints next to her. As soon as she saw it her eyes became wide and I chuckled.

"I thought, you would want to do it today. We can do it together."

"Really?" She was crying again and I kissed her forehead and cheeks.

"Lizzie, now that… now that she's… gone" I forced myself to say the words "you are the _only_ important thing in my life. I want to make you happy, and if painting my piano green makes you smile even for a second I'd get you a thousand more pianos to make it last longer."

"I just want momma with us." She cried to my chest and I bit my lip, not letting my own sobs break me.

"I know, believe me… me too. But, she's not here anymore. I'm sorry for the way you found out… but, I promise I'll spend the rest of my existence making it up to you."

"_I miss her."_

"I know, and I also know that I'll never be able to replace you mother, I don't even want to she'll always be your mother but the least I can do is try to attempt to fill that hole in your life. I'll always be there for you, I promise I'll take care of you and give you anything you need. I'll never ever leave you, I can't you know why?"

"_Why?"_

"Because I love you, not just because I'm your dad, I just do and I prefer to die than have anything happen to you. You understand that?"

She nodded.

"Good. Now tell me, what shade of green you think is best for my piano?" I poked her nose and she gave me a small smile as she looked down to all the things scattered around her.

She picked up one of the green paint containers and showed it to me, I gave her a brush and both of us started to work. At first we were quiet, as both of us stroked with our brushes over the lid of what used to be my beloved grand white piano. Funny how I didn't care anymore, as long as it distracted her from everything else. She had a peaceful expression, her eyes following the brush as she stroked in circles.

"What else do you think we should do?" I asked her, wanting her to talk and not think too much.

"Uhm… we can paste pictures? And put glitter around them?"

I took the stack of pictures Alice had put in the box and stared at them. Some of them I didn't know when she took them but others I remembered, some of them where from that day on the meadow when we did snow angels, others were from both of us at my piano or on the couch watching Shrek. Most of them where candid, and I just loved them all, I'll need to ask her for copies.

"I like this one." I showed her the one in the meadow and she smiled.

"Me too, I have one like this with mommy, but we are making snow mans instead." She whispered.

"I know, you showed it to me when you showed me your treasure's box. You want to use those too?"

She nodded.

Alice suddenly appeared on the doorway with Lizzie's treasure box and gave it to me before disappearing again.

Lizzie opened her box and took the photos out, scattering them around the unpainted surface. By now her pajamas were a mess but if she didn't care neither do I, as long as she is happy and comfortable.

"What where you doing here?" I asked showing her a picture of her and Bella in a small kitchen at their cabin. I wanted her to talk, to get it all out. The sooner she did it, the sooner she let go of her pain the sooner she'll start to heal.

"Momma and I were making cupcakes for Uncle Jake."

"That sounds like fun, was there a special occasion?"

"It was his birthday, and we wanted to make something special."

"Did you like to cook with mom?"

She nodded as a single tear fell from her cheek.

"Why?"

"She was happy when she cooked. She said she liked it."

"I don't really know how to cook, I never needed it… but I can learn." I offered but she shook her head.

"It was something mommy and I did. Even if sometimes I didn't like what she cooked." She made a face and I chuckled softly. "But I like running with you, that's fun too." She offered with a shy smile.

I still made a mental note to watch the food network more often.

When my entire piano was covered in a thick layer of light green, Lizzie and I started with the glitter, making shapes, loops and whatever she wanted. I had to admit it was fun, not the painting but spending the time alone with my daughter. We talked more about Bella, she told me some stories and I told her some of my own. We cried some more but laughed too. She laughed when I told her about the Biology incident, when Bella fainted at the sight of blood and when I told her about the thousand times she tripped in gym or hurt anyone else.

"That sounds like mommy." She wiped her eyes, leaving a stain of green across her cheek. I took a tissue from a box nearby and cleaned her face.

"Lizzie, what do you think if we take a small vacation?" I asked as I whipped her face clean.

"A vacation?"

"Yes, is there any place in the world you'd like to go?" I threw the tissue away and turned to look back at her. "Anywhere?"

She thought for a moment.

"For how long?"

I shrugged.

"Just for a while, Seth will come too of course."

I saw her relax a little bit.

"Uhm, I don't know… I've never been anywhere."

"Do you wish you could visit some place?"

She thought again.

"Momma always talked about the sun, she said she loved it when she lived with her mommy."

"You want a sunny place?" I smiled sadly at her.

She nodded again and I thought about it.

"What about the beach?" I offered thinking about Isle Esme, I'm sure Esme and Carlisle wouldn't mind us using it for a while.

Her eyes shined a little.

"I've never swam in the ocean, momma wouldn't let me."

"Then it's settled, we'll have fun I promise and then we can go any other place you want." I kissed her glittered nose. "We can also work something out for you to start those ballet lessons you want so much."

She gave me a genuine smile this time.

"Really?" Her eyes filled with tears.

"Really, I want you to have and do anything you want."

"Thank you." She looked down. "I wish mommy would come with us, she would have loved it so much." More tears fell down her cheeks.

"Hey," I hugged her closer to me "she will be, she'll see us. I bet she is seeing us right now too and I'm sure she wouldn't like to see you cry. She'd want you to be happy and smiling and giggling." I started tickling her and she started giggling through her tears "That's better." I nuzzled her cheek. "I love you, princess."

She looked up to me, her eyes were red from tears and sad, but the was something else I couldn't decipher, something lighter… maybe hope?

"I love you too, daddy." She whispered.

* * *

***Runs away for my life***

* * *

**Hi! I had to come back and re-edit the author's note because of some PM's I've been receiving, if you don't like spoilers LOOK AWAY:**

**Please read the signs! Re-read New Moon if you want to, The call? The vision? Please have faith in me! I promised a HEA! That's all I will say since I don't want to really spoil this for you, one reader actually foresaw what happened to Bella in chapter 11 and she got it right!**

**If this is to angsty for you I understand, but I stand by my word, this is story is BxE and it HAS a HEA.**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	14. Chapter 14: Run

**Hi! See? I promise it wouldn't take so long this time!**

**I wanna thank ThecDKnight for recommending me this song! I think it fits the chapter beautifuly to Elizabeth and Edward's relationship!**

**Now, about last chapter...**

**Thank you soo much for the people who reviewed and still have faith in me! I was so sad some people bailed the story thinking the worst SMH... anyway, thank you again for your amazing reviews, and I promise... the angst is over, and now the drama begins! Be patient! I don't want to say anymore since I don't want to spoil it for you! Just remember, this story takes place some time during New Moon, I hope all of you are catching the similarities!**

**Special thanks to Lisopera for prereading and Cattinson for her awesome betta skills!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 14: Run

"**Run" – Snow Paltrow**

I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you, dear

_**1 year later…**_

"Daddy!" Lizzie jumps onto my back giggling, the sound makes me smile in return. "Did I scare you?"

I laugh.

"Of course, I didn't hear you coming!" I lie.

"SEE?!" She turns back to Seth with a playful glare "I told you I'd get him this time!"

Seth just rolls his eyes at her, seeing through my lie but doesn't say anything, not wanting to spoil her fun like me.

"Yes, you are getting better at hunting." Seth compliments her "But there are a few things you could still work on."

With that, Lizzie releases me and goes back to Seth as she listens intently to his instructions. They've been like this since yesterday when Lizzie said she wanted to learn to hunt like me. I wasn't too comfortable with it since she isn't as strong as a vampire and I didn't mind getting her _food _for her but she argued that she had speed to her advantage. In the end, she is as stubborn as her mother and as I can't deny her anything she asks for either, I asked Seth to teach her a few tricks instead of me. I didn't feel comfortable teaching her these things, I didn't like seeing her as a prey and pouncing on her to show her the gist of it, that's why I asked Seth to do it.

With a sigh, I return to my journal.

It's been a little more than a year since… since we left Alberta, and during all this time I have shown Lizzie the world.

She has grown so much Angel, you should see her. I wish you were here so you could see how beautiful she is, as beautiful as you.

With another sigh I close my journal in my lap and look up at the sky.

I miss you.

I love you, more than yesterday.

We just got back from Australia about two weeks ago, and now we're are back on Isle Esme, we thought we could end our vacation where we started it. Things are better now, kind of. So I thought it was time to go back, although I haven't called Alice or Esme since I could still change my mind. I bet Alice is going crazy.

There are more good days than bad days now, -for both of us- but those bad days still show up once in a while. I think Lizzie is handling it way better than me, she has tried to put up a brave face but I still see her sadness whenever she sees or does something it reminds her of her of you.

I close my eyes and remember the time she spent two days crying when we first got to Isle Esme, feeling bad for being in such a beautiful place without her mother. Seth and I tried to comfort her as best as we could, explaining to her that Bella would have wanted her to enjoy her life. I know I was being an hypocrite since I too hated myself for continuing with life without her, but I reasoned that no matter how wrong it was for me to do it, I had to for our daughter. The only way Lizzie would smile or try to do something she would like was if I did it too.

So I put on my mask, swallowed my pain and came out of my own shell. Even if I would never move on, or I'll never forget her or forgive myself, I had to continue with life without her, for our daughter. As I had promised, my life revolved solely around Elizabeth and together we slowly started to heal.

As I said, it was a slow process and I was thankful to Seth for giving us our space and our moments at first and anytime we needed them. It started with Lizzie and I going for a run every morning where she would ask all the question she still had for me and vice versa and then we would have a quiet afternoon on the deck. I would play piano for her for a few hours and I also started tutoring her after a while. She was smart but she still needed to learn, I'm not sure about her going to school yet with her fast growing. But I was able to enroll her in those ballet classes she wanted so much. Since we moved from place to place every two months people wouldn't notice her change and I would just enroll her in another studio.

Then, every night while she was sleeping I would do my research. I looked through thousands of legends, stories and tales looking for anything that would give me an idea for what to expect of Lizzie's future. Her fast growing had slowed down dramatically this past year, but I still worried I wouldn't have much time with her. So it was looking through this stories that I came across with a certain legend, the legend about the Lobishomen, a blood drinker from the deepest rainforests in South America.

According to this legend, the Lobishomen would seek beautiful women through the small towns near the jungles of Brazil. He would lure them in, trick and deceive until eventually they would give themselves to him claiming to be in love with him. As a fateful consequence, the woman would conceive the demon's spawn, who would bit his way out of the mother's womb and killing her in the process.

It was a disturbing tale, but that was what made us leave Isle Esme for the first time after two months of being here and go back to main land in search for answers. That's how we came across Zafrina and her sisters, Kachiri and Senna, who eventually took us to Huilen and her nephew Nahuel.

Nahuel is a one hundred and fifty year old hybrid, his father –a vampire- had acted much like the Lobishomen on these legends. He had tricked his mother into trust him and give herself to him before he disappeared only to come back years after he was born. He had bitten his aunt Huilen as a toddler, -changing her in the process- who raised him to be a good man and now he didn't want to know anything about his father and his experiments on creating a new race, so he stayed with Huilen and the two of them had been living in the Amazon forests since then.

Nahuel was the remedy to all my worries for Lizzie, he had all the answers I needed. He said he reached maturity by the time he was ten and hasn't changed since then, still looking like his sixteen year old self. He also said the fast growing process lessened when he was five, which is what is happening to Lizzie right now. She is five now, but looks like a seven-eight year old and has looked like that for a while now which I'm so thankful for.

See angel? She is going to be fine.

I miss you.

And I love you more than yesterday.

With a heavy sigh, I put my journal back in my bag with the rest of them and head inside to prepare Lizzie's dinner. I've been writing a lot this past year, especially at the beginning while Lizzie slept unless she would wake up screaming calling her mother. I know I have to put a brave face for my little angel, but sometime it's so hard, and it seems like the only way out is through ink and paper. I can't scream, I can't get angry and much less I can't cry. Not if I want Lizzie's life to go back to normal, she can't see me crumble so I write and write.

I'm getting better at it though, -at hiding the pain- but sometimes I wonder if she actually believes me. I feel her pain and see it in her eyes, it's that bond thing so it would only be natural if she could feel mine too, but I never ask her… I don't want to open that door. We try not to talk about her too much, since it hurts us both, but we do sometimes. When Lizzie needs reassurance or she has one of those bad days.

I open the fridge and take out two bags of blood, my throat burns but I ignore it as I pour them into a cup and heat it in the microwave. Since there isn't much wild animal life on the island, when we first got here I hunted for a whole day and gathered as much blood as I could for Lizzie, so we wouldn't have to go back and forth from the isle to main land endangering her by leaving her alone with Seth or by coming with me into the unknown.

"Lizzie!" I call out for her as the microwave dings. "Dinner's ready!"

When I turn around with her cup, she is already there sitting at the breakfast bar.

"You are getting better I truly didn't hear you this time around." I kiss the top of her head as I hand her, her Shrek cup.

"It's easy inside the house," she takes a sip "No leafs or dried sticks get to caught in my feet." She makes a pout and I chuckle remembering the first time I had played the piano for her, when she had sneaked up on me too without me noticing.

"You'll get better at it, you are my daughter after all and I'm an excellent hunter." I winked.

Seth walks in at that moment, he's already so used to Lizzie drinking blood he doesn't even flinch when he sees her blood mustache, and instead he goes straight to the fridge to make himself a sandwich. I take out a napkin and wipe Lizzie's face clean.

"Lizzie, I have one question for you." I hesitate a little.

"Shoot!" She smiles brightly and I roll my eyes playfully at her, knowing she picked up that word from Seth.

"How do you feel about going back to Alberta?"

Seth stiffens for a moment before continuing with his task, but I know his whole attention is on us now, worrying about Lizzie as always. I never thought I'd have so much in common with a wolf. He and I are so overly protective of Elizabeth, but again he knows his place and knows when to step aside which again proves he's an excellent kid.

"Going back?" Lizzie asks in a soft voice.

"Yeah, I thought… I thought it could be good for you. Going back to a routine, you could join a ballet studio for real, and be there long enough to get the chance to perform in the plays."

She looked up curiously at me.

"Like in a theater?"

"Yes," I smiled at her "and… now that your growing has slowed down… wouldn't you like to join school for a while? Meet other kids your physical age? Play with them and learn new things?"

By the look in her eyes I knew she loved the idea, a lot. But something was still making her hesitate.

"What is it?" I nudged her "You know you can tell me anything."

She touched my hand and showed me Rosalie's face.

"Don't worry about her. She won't come near you, she knows better now."

She pursed her lips.

"I do miss Alice… she is nice, and Esme is so sweet." She said before shutting her mouth and frowning.

I look curiously at her, when she doesn't speak again I get more curious.

"Lizzie, is something wrong with Aunt Alice or Esme?" I sat her in my lap but again she didn't say anything.

I gave Seth a look, understanding what I meant he stepped out of the kitchen and walked back outside.

"What's wrong angel." I brushed her hair away from her face.

"You think mommy would be mad at me?" She asked with a tiny voice and my eyebrows shot up.

"Why would she be mad at you?"

She touched my face.

**Bella brushing Lizzie's hair, then Bella's face becomes blurry and it's replace by Alice's.**

**Bella singing to Lizzie, then the voice changes into Esme's.**

"You are worried you will be replacing your mom?" I ask, finally understanding.

She nods.

"And you think she'll be mad about it." I stated the obvious.

She nods again looking down.

"Elizabeth, no matter how many other women are in your life, no one will ever take your mother's place. She has a special place in your heart, am I right?"

A single tear falls down her cheek and I hug her harder.

"Alice and Esme are part of your life, they are your family too. Of course they'll step in and do things that are supposed to be for your mommy, but that's just because is their job as Aunt and… grandmother" I guessed that was Esme's role "You still need a woman figure, no matter how hard I try there are some parts of your life that I'll never be able to fulfill."

"Alice was your mom's best friend, and Esme loved her like a daughter. Bella trusted them, and I'm sure she is glad you have them to guide you while she can't. So don't feel guilty about it." I caressed her hair.

"You promise?" She asked in a tiny voice.

"I swear," I kissed her tears away "So, what do you think about going back? Are you ready? We can stay here another year if you want."

She shook her head.

"I want to go to school… and I want you to be able to take me to school." She said, knowing if she went to school here I wouldn't be able to take her because of the sun.

Thankfully, for her ballet lessons I had found studios where they have classes during the late afternoon -just when the sun was coming down- for girls her age whose moms would have to work during the day and couldn't bring them then.

"Then it's settled, we'll leave in two days. We can make a stop in New York, to buy you new clothes for school, a backpack and maybe a new pair of ballet shoes? Would you like that?"

He face instantly lit up.

"Can we make them green again?"

"Of course, anything you want." I chuckled, remembering the distraught faces all her teachers have made when they saw her green ballet shoes. Apparently pink was the rule but after I donated a few thousand dollars they never said anything again. Besides we would only be in a city for a couple of months, so is not like it would be a huge deal for them and I just wanted Lizzie to be happy. So, no matter how crazy her whishes were, I made them all true.

I loved to spoil my daughter, but she was also Bella's daughter so she still valued things and would never be a brat. She was still as sweet, innocent and good as the first time I met her. Sure, now she is way different from the scared little girl I met a year and a half ago as she is more talkative and open now but the sweet manor and innocence remained.

She was my sweet little angel.

She is as weird and unpredictable as you angel, I'm glad. Sometimes I feel as if some part of you were still here, through her. I'll see you in her eyes, her mannerism, her personality and other times… I feel as if you aren't gone at all. It's weird, that feeling in my chest. I searched about it and some psychology books say it's normal for people to not let go of a deceased loved one when you never saw the body, when you didn't have closure. So I guess that's it.

"Thank you daddy!" She kissed my cheek.

* * *

_**2 days later…**_

"Don't let go of my hand, Ok?" I tell Lizzie as we step out of the cab. We are in New York now, it's already dark and we are about to go into a crowded mall. The plane for Calgary leaves at 6 a.m. so we decided to go do the shopping I promised her before having to head back to the airport. Seth stayed at the hotel for a nap and taking care of the luggage, but I knew the real reason he stayed was to give Lizzie and me some time alone before all the chaos when we get home.

"Can we go to the Disney store?"

"Sure, after we get you new clothes. Your jeans look like capris now."

"Won't Aunt Ali get mad at us for not inviting her?"

I chuckled.

"I'm sure she'll use it as an excuse for you owing her a shopping trip. So don't worry about it." I calmed her worries.

In the end, I'm sure Alice would still take her to Calgary for a shopping trip no matter if we had stopped here or not, claiming she missed a good year of shopping with her.

We had previously stopped at a famous ballet shoe store in Long Island called Freed of London, where I had specially ordered a pair of custom made green ballet shoes for Elizabeth. They make them there at the store so it shouldn't have been a problem, the problem was that I insisted on green satin instead of pink, red or black which are the common ones. The designer had stared at me as if I was crazy but I didn't care. In the end, money can move mountains so now we had to head back in three hours to pick up three pair of custom made green ballet shoes from one the best suppliers in the world.

I know, with Lizzie's fast growing she might get rid of them in three months but that's why I ordered three pairs, one of her right size and the other two a little bigger. In the end all the hassle was worth it when I saw Lizzie's big smile after we left the store.

Now, I let Lizzie guide us around the mall, going into the stores that caught her attention and getting her a few things she liked. Then I took her to Neiman Marcus where I had a buyer's assistant pick up a bunch of clothes for her. Lizzie didn't like trying on all the clothes, but when I promised to take her to the Disney Store right after this she stopped complaining.

"You are a great brother." The sale's lady smiles at me when I encourage Lizzie to try on another pair of Mary Janes. "It's so nice of you to take the time and do all this for her. It must be so annoying for you."

"He's not my brother, he's my dad." Lizzie suddenly scowls at her making me chuckle, I was used to this. "And he says I'm his only girl, so move on." She finishes with a firm nod.

Pretty soon after we left Alberta, I learned that Lizzie could be quiet possessive. She'll get all jealous when another woman would talk to me. I thought it was cute as hell.

"Oops, sorry." The lady blushed before going back to bring another pair of shoes.

"_God a daddy, he is so hot, a total DILF! Maybe if I play nice with the girl…"_

I turned back to Lizzie, who was throwing daggers at her retreating from and smirked.

"That's right," I winked at her "You are my one and only, but you already _know_ that so there's no need to be rude to the poor woman." I chuckled at her kitty like temper. "What did she ever do to you?"

She crossed her arms across her chest. The posture immediately reminding me of my angel I had tu look away. It hurt so much.

"I don't like her, she stared at you funny and she mostly picked up dresses! _Pink_ dresses!" she made a mortified face and I had to laugh. She is the only one that can make me laugh of course.

"I think they look cute on you," I kissed the top of her head "but I'll tell her to pick up something sportier too."

"Can I pick something on my own?" Her anger was gone, and now she was all smiles and sweets again. I'm beginning to think she also got my –what Bella called once- mood swings.

"Sure." I shrugged taking her hand and helping her stand up from the chair. We looked around for a little while, -while the assistant followed us- until her eyes fell on a pair of red chucks.

"Look daddy! These are like yours!" she was excited.

I looked down to see my old pair of red converse and chuckled.

"You are right." I lightly kicked her butt with my toes making her giggle.

"Can I have them?" She asked with bright eyes "They are so cool!"

"Oh honey, you don't want those." The sale's lady interrupted "Those are for boys." She made a face. "A pretty girl like you wouldn't like to look like a boy, would you?"

"_I wonder if there's a mom… well she looks like a freaking tomboy now so I guess not."_

Lizzie looked down disappointed, and I hated that. I stared at her sad face for a whole minute as the sale's lady whose name tag read Jennifer parroted about only god knows what, the only thing I knew was that she was getting a customer's complaint for insulting my daughter.

"Would you give us a moment please?" I interrupted her with a cold voice.

So what if she likes to wear jeans and hoodies when Alice is not around? They are comfortable for her and that makes her happy, not a tomboy and if she was, so what? She is perfect in my eyes and I was glad I didn't have to figure out how to make pig tails and braids when we left Alberta. I had enough trouble with her ballet buns thank you very much.

"Sure." Jennifer smiled at me again before walking back to the cashier.

"_Maybe if I give him a discount? No, that wouldn't impress him by the piles of clothes he is getting her he must be loaded."_

I took the chucks and sat on a nearby chair with Lizzie on my lap.

"Try these on." I ordered her but she shook her head. "Why not?" I lifted her chin so she would look like me.

"They are for boys."

"So? You like them you should do and wear what makes you happy."

"But… I don't want to be weirder."

"You are not weird," I told her sternly, we have gone through this a bunch of times in the past too "You are unique, special and perfect." I reminded her.

She bit her lip.

"Elizabeth? Repeat after me."

When she didn't say anything I tickled her tummy.

"I'm unique, special and perfect!" she giggled our little mantra for every time she got upset about things like this, and just like that my little angel was back.

"Good," I beamed at her "now try these on, and I think they have them in green too."

About half an hour later, we walked out of the store in step with each other with nothing but our matching red chucks and headed towards Gap Kids on the next corner.

* * *

It was 8:30 in the morning in Calgary when we finally descended. Lizzie was fast asleep with her head in my lap as Seth quietly snored in the back seat. I stood up and carefully cradled my daughter in my arms so to not wake her up and lightly kicked Seth's leg to alert him that we had arrived.

We made our way to baggage claim and picked up our things, which were a lot since we had been gone for a little more than a year and with our last stop in New York, I had to buy even more bags to fit it all in. Lizzie woke up sometime during the line in customs.

I wasn't surprised by our reception when we got out of the terminal, as I predicted Alice must have seen everyone disappear and that's how they knew we were finally coming back. Even without my gift I could sense Alice's excitement and Esme's joy.

As soon as we came into view, Alice squealed running towards us. Picking up Lizzie from the floor and hugging her tightly, Esme was not far behind.

"Oh my god Lizzie! Look how much you have grown! You look so beautiful!" Esme could barely contain her happiness. "You are not a little baby anymore, although I'm sure your dad disagrees!"

Lizzie blushed and pressed herself against my side, hugging my leg.

"Of course," I smiled down at her "she'll always be my little princess." I caressed her hair proudly.

"Oh Edward!" Now Esme threw herself at me "We have missed you so much too! I'm so glad you are finally home." She cried.

"I missed you too, mom." I kissed her cheek, a knot formed in my throat feeling bad now about leaving for so long but I had to do it for Lizzie. Hopefully things will be better now.

"Son," Carlisle opened up his arms for me "welcome back."

"Thanks." I hugged him tightly, I had really missed my family. "Where's Rosalie?" I asked in a whisper then, since everyone was here but her.

Event Emmett came, he was bouncing in excitement waiting for Esme to be done with Lizzie so he could welcome her too.

"Esme forbid her to come, she also already told her not to come near her until you allow it."

I nodded feeling like a weight had been thrown away from my shoulders. I didn't want to deal with Rosalie, I was glad Esme had foreseen this, although I still felt like ripping her head off for what she did last time.

We all packed in different cars, of course everyone wanted to go in the same car as Lizzie. I loved how my entirely family were going out of their way to make her feel welcomed and loved. In the end, Esme, Alice, Carlisle Lizzie and I went in Carlisle's car and the rest in Emmett's jeep. Seth decided to run he wanted to stretch a little since he hadn't been able to phase in two months since we got back to Isle Esme.

The entire ride home, Alice talked Lizzie's ear off, telling her about her newly redecorated room. Since now she knew Lizzie wasn't really a fan of pink she changed it to a combination of greens and reds. By her thoughts, I knew Lizzie was going to love it.

By the time we arrived to the house, it was already ten in the morning. Carlisle had to stick to the speed limit because of the snow. It was the end of February so the snow covered sidewalks and frozen roads were normal.

As I predicted, Lizzie loved her new room, and Alice was over the moon when she saw Lizzie's big smile. She thanked Alice but was still a little guarded, no doubt still thinking she was betraying Bella which was silly. Neither Alice nor Esme were like Rosalie, they'd never even dream of taking Bella's place in Lizzie's heart.

Alice also had prepared a welcome back party, between her and Esme they had prepared all of Elizabeth's favorite snacks and foods, as well as Seth's and had balloons, ribbons and flowers all over the place. A huge welcome home sign above the chimney and next to it a table full of gifts.

Lizzie stayed by my side most of the morning, and I was content to be with her. Sometime during the afternoon Alice finally convinced her to play scrabble with her, Jasper and Emmett. Carlisle watched them from the couch and Esme kept refilling her cup with apple juice and bringing different sweets for her.

Discretely, I left the living room wanting to leave her with her family alone for a while so she'd grow more comfortable with them. I walked back to the front living room, where my piano sat. My _green_ piano. I chuckled without humor when I saw it, remembering that morning when Lizzie and I painted it. I felt my throat closing, as that had also been the morning half of me died.

I sat on the stool and lifted the fall, I stroked the keys as I stared at the pictures over the closed lid.

I miss you.

Listening Lizzie's laugh at the end of the hall, my mind wandered to the enormous pain I felt right now seeing these pictures. The pictures of Lizzie as a newborn in Bella's arms, as a toddler, as an infant. I'll never be able to forgive myself for leaving, I know I'm paying the consequences but no matter how much pain I suffer I'll still never be able to forgive myself. Especially because of all the pain I put Lizzie through.

"I'm so sorry angel." I whispered, my thumb caressing her face over her picture. She was so beautiful, I was so glad Lizzie had her eyes so I wouldn't miss them that much. Although it will still hurt every time I looked at them. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose when a new wave of pain hit.

"Please angel, give me strength." I begged in a whisper, hopefully she'd hear me. "I love you, more than yesterday." I don't know how that is possible but it is.

I rested my forehead on the music rack and closed my eyes again, giving into the pain. It was at times like this when I was alone when I would let the pain wash over me. When I would let myself crumble, when I was sure my daughter wouldn't see or hear me.

Angel… why? Why did you give up?

I never thought the "S" word could be so hard to pronounce, even in my mind I couldn't think about it. The image of the blood dripping from her wrists is an image I wouldn't ever be able to get rid of, an image I'd have to learn to live with. It haunts me every time I close my eyes, every time I blink. And every time I see it, it only fuels the burning sensation in my chest.

I hear Esme coming to into the living room I sit back straight and try to compose my face. But I know I didn't fool her even one bit, she stares at me with a pained expression and that's when I see I'm not the only one.

Esme is suffering too the death of her daughter, it's the second time she has lost a child in her eyes. She doesn't say anything aloud, we just stare at each other, and she shows me how last year has been for everyone. She tells me Lizzie and I aren't alone, I'm glad they are here for Lizzie I just wish it was enough to take her pain away.

"Everything will be Ok." She whispers coming into the room and I scoff.

"I've been saying that to myself for the last fourteen months and nothing changes."

"You have to have faith." She sits next to me and I roll my eyes. "God-"

"I don't think _he_ ever listens to our kind or our prayers," I interrupted her "at least not mine."

"But he still gave you Lizzie… What do you call her? Little angel?"

I nodded.

"See? He didn't leave you alone."

I look down again, swallowing the knot in my throat.

"He still took her away."

"God works in mysterious ways… maybe he had another plan for you two."

"Bella was my only plan. The three of us." I say angrily.

"Well, as much as it pains me to say this… you need a new plan. You are back, what are you planning to do with Lizzie? You don't expect her to be in the house all day for eternity right?"

I was glad for the change of topic, I needed the distraction before the need for screaming over powered me.

"No, of course not. I'm going to enroll her in first grade, I'll look through private schools tonight and she wants to continue with her ballet lessons. She's pretty good." I smiled proudly at the last part.

"I can imagine," She smiled back "and enrolling her into school is a great idea, it will give her a sense of normalcy."

I can't believe my little angel will be starting school soon, she is growing up so soon. God angel, you should had been here too, both of us watching her grow, taking her to school for the first time…

"She needs a routine I can help you with that." Esme continued.

"Thanks, Seth and I had enough of a hard time trying to get her ballet buns right. I mastered it, but poor Seth still can't do it without pulling her hair too tight." I chuckled humorlessly "I'm sure she'll be glad she has you and Alice now for feminine stuff."

"I'd love to help you with that, and seriously Edward you have done a wonderful job. She is so different from when she first got here. I think this year worked wonders for your relationship. She loves you so much I can tell by the way she always looks at you when she does something, as if wanting your approval."

I smile as I stare down the hallway where I can still hear her giggles in amusement at Emmett and Jasper's banter. They are overdoing it just for her.

"I know, I've noticed it. She thinks there's something wrong with her since she's one of a kind. I'm trying to get her to accept herself and what she is."

Esme sighs dramatically.

"She sounds awfully similar to someone I know." She elbows me playfully and I laugh.

"Touché."

Just then, Seth burst into the foyer from the front door. He is crying and his face looks distraught.

"Seth? Are you Ok?" I ask, immediately on my feet. My family kept distracting Lizzie in the other living room but I know they are paying attention to us too.

Seth looks torn, staring at the end of the hallway where Lizzie is picking her letters oblivious to us.

"What's the matter?" I asked him in a low voice so Lizzie wouldn't hear as I walk us out of the house.

"I just talked to Emily…" He sobs.

"And?"

"I decided to call Mom and Leah, to tell them I might visit soon. I haven't talked to anyone from the rez since we left… I just told mom we would leave for a while and that I'd be Ok, since I didn't know where we'd be I didn't promise to call. So I just called to check in."

"So she's mad you didn't call?" I asked not understanding, he was so distraught his thoughts didn't make sense.

"No, I didn't talk to her she wasn't home neither was Leah. So I called Emily to see if they were at her house." He cried sitting on a fallen tree at the edge of the woods. "I just found out Rebecca died."

"Who's Rebecca?"

"Jacob's older sister… she lived in Seattle, she went to U-Dub."

"I'm sorry, where you close to her?"

That was a stupid question, by his behavior it was obvious they were.

"Yeah, she was Leah's age… but she was closer to Emily. She used to babysit me. Damn, I feel so selfish and guilty… I should have called sooner. I didn't know." He cried.

"It's Ok Seth, I'm sure you can still make the burial?"

"Edward… she died a year ago, that's why I feel like crap."

Oh.

"I can't believe I didn't know! I was so worried about Lizzie… I should have called more often!"

"Seth, it wasn't your fault… we were away, I'm sure Jacob will understand." I placed my hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

Seth and I had truly become good friends this past year, both of us dedicating every breath we took to Lizzie. It really pained me to see him like this.

"I really hope so, I tried his phone and Leah's but they have them off. Emily said he's gone, he left shortly after the burial and Leah hasn't been around the rez too much lately, she thinks Jacob is still having trouble accepting it. He hasn't reported with the pack in a while either. He left Sam in charge until he came back."

"You should go home."

"What?"

I shrugged.

"Jacob obviously needs you, and I know you miss your family… we'll be here I won't take her away I promise."

"Are you serious?" He asked hopeful.

"Go find Jacob, be there for your friend."

"Are you sure? I mean, we just got here… Lizzie might get overwhelmed…"

"She'll understand, just talk to her. Besides, it will only be a few weeks right?" I asked, I knew what a long separation would do to Lizzie and I wanted to make sure he wouldn't be gone for too long. I have come to terms with their imprinting a while ago, even though I still don't like it -no matter how good of a kid Seth is- I know Seth is good for my daughter.

"I promise."

I nodded.

"I'll go and buy you a plane ticket, pack your stuff and come inside to say goodbye to Elizabeth."

"Thank you Edward, seriously."

"Don't even mention it I owe you way more than a plane ticket."

* * *

As the cab pulls out of the driveway with Seth in it, I head back inside. With so much going on, I don't think Lizzie even processed that Seth was leaving for a while. She was having such a good time with her Uncles that there wasn't much space in her mind to feel saddened. Seth was happy about it, not wanting to ruin her party, so after an "I'll be back soon" he hurriedly walked outside to the waiting cab. Poor kid was still devastated about Rebecca. My guess is that they tried to reach him while we were away and because we didn't have cell phones with us, only mine for an emergency they couldn't contact him.

Poor Jacob, I knew what it was to lose someone you love. Someone so close to you, I could empathize with him although I'm sure his pain is not even an inch of mine. Now, if it had been Leah -his mate- instead of his sister that would be a different story.

I reclined against the wall, watching my daughter transform into a little boy like her Uncles. Jasper and Emmet where teaching her how to play video games on their Nintendo 64, they say the oldies are the best ones and I agree with them.

"There you go mini-bell! A, A, A,! Don't stop pushing the A!" Jasper coached her.

"Hey!" Emmett shouted back "Stop it, that's not fair!"

"Are you scared of a little girl?" Jasper smirked and Emmett grunted before get let out a groan.

"YES!" Jasper threw his fists in the air.

"Aww Damn it!" Emmett threw a cushion against the wall.

"I won?!" Lizzie asked incredulous, with a smile slowly spreading over her gorgeous face.

"Yes you did!"

Lizzie turned around, no doubt looking for me.

"Daddy!" She beamed running towards me. "Did you see that?! I won!"

I laughed as I picked her up.

"Yes I did! I'm so proud of you!" I threw her in the air.

"This proves it, you suck! A five year old beat you!" Jasper continued teasing Emmett.

"I want a rematch! It doesn't count, you were distracting me. Cheater!" Emmett accused him.

"What did I do now?!"

"All right," I told Lizzie "why don't we leave the crazies behind and get you ready for bed, huh?"

She nodded as a yawn escaped her.

"Would you stay with me?"

"Don't I always?" I kissed her nose.

As I ascended the stairs, I caught a glimpse of Rosalie going into her room. She has been up here all day, and I don't care. As long as she doesn't speak or stand to close to my daughter I don't care what she does.

When I open the door to Lizzie's room, Esme comes out of her bathroom with a soft smile.

"I prepared you a bubble bath, is that Ok sweetie?"

Lizzie looks up to me in question.

"I've heard that's fun," I tell her "why doesn't grandmaEsme help you get ready for bed tonight while I do a few things I have to get to."

I thought if I referred to Esme as grandma, then Lizzie would start seeing her like that and she wouldn't have a problem anymore about thinking she is replacing Bella for someone else.

"Grandma?"

"Yes, she is my mother, remember?"

She looks back at Esme with new eyes.

"You can call me nana too, grandmother can be a mouthful and it's not out of place if you call me like that out in public." She winked.

"I like nana." She said in a tiny voice.

"Well, then would you like for your nana to give you a bath tonight? I'll be one floor down in Carlisle's study."

"Ok." She said quietly.

Esme beamed.

"Good! Now, let me show you everything Aunt Ali and I got for you. We have bubbles, sponges, toys…"

After that, I quietly left the room. I intended to go onto my laptop to start looking for references for schools in the town's nearby and for ballet studios in Calgary, but when I passed Alice's room, I saw her sitting by her window sill with a concerned look on her face.

"Alice? Why are you alone in the dark?"

She didn't answer, I tried to see her mind but everything was black, then a rush of images. It didn't make sense at all.

"Alice." I called a little louder making her jump in her seat. That was weird, I thought she had heard me come in?

"Alice? Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she shook her head "sorry… uhm."

"What's the matter?"

"Something's changing."

"What's changing?"

"I don't know, I can feel it but can't see it… it's all just a blur but, I don't know."

I frowned and sat on the couch next to the window.

"What are you talking about?"

"This afternoon, when Seth decided to leave… something changed."

I stiffened.

"You think something is going to happen to him?" I whispered, not wanting Lizzie to hear.

Alice's eyes widened.

"No! Well… maybe? I don't know, it's just… I don't understand. I thought the same at first so I tried to look into his future but I couldn't see him."

"What?!" I whispered yell.

Is something going to happen to Seth?! I need to go after him, the plane doesn't leave in another hour, I think I can still make it.

"No Edward it's not that… I think, I think I've never been able to see him in the first place?"

I knew I had a stupid expression in my face.

"What?"

"Well, as soon as he decided to leave I started getting all this weird images… like static in a television, I too thought it had something to do with Seth but when I tried to see his future everything was black, even when his life isn't tangled with Lizzie's anymore since he is gone I can't see him."

"I can't see his future anymore than I can see Lizzie's. So I got scared and tried to see Jacob and Sam's future since I've encountered them before and the same thing happened. I can't see any of them… I can't see any of the wolves."

"And you just realized this now?" I asked incredulous.

"I know, it's strange. I think, since Lizzie has been with them all this time I thought it was because of her I never saw them or Seth when he came to live here. I thought it was Lizzie all the time."

She shook her head, trying to see again.

"I can't believe I never noticed." She sighed in defeat and frustration.

"Well, to be fair you didn't have a reason to look into Seth's future, since you assumed you couldn't because of Lizzie."

She shrugged.

…

…

…

"So this… change, it doesn't have to do with Seth, then?" I asked again as she tried to see once again in vain.

"I don't know… it happened when _he _decided to leave though."

I frown.

"But, do you think is dangerous?" I immediately worried over Lizzie. "Maybe is Victoria playing with your visions again?"

"We are not sure if she knows how to block me and I still don't think Laurent would play Irina like that, we are her family and she is his mate."

"She could have still figured it out on her own."

She was shaking her head before I had finished.

"Probably but no. This doesn't have to do anything with Victoria, I'm watching her she is somewhere around Montana. I'll see her when she decides to come."

"So what _do_ you see?"

"I _think _I see you… yeah, I think you are there but you are so blury… I only see static… Funny," she chuckled without humor "it reminds me of the first vision I had of you and Bella in your meadow."

I ignored her last comment.

"Alice, concentrate… I need to know what you see, for Lizzie's sake."

She closed her eyes again, but there was only static again.

"I don't know, but something big is coming, I feel it."

I frowned, worried as hell for my daughter.

"Is it good or bad?"

…

…

…

"I don't know."

* * *

**Phew! That was quiet a time jump but you know how this things are, some people needed a little time to heal ;)**

**Please please please review! I want to know what you think about Daddyward! How cute are they both with their red chucks huh? And poor Lizzie she still thinks she is weird!**

**Now, Rebecca huh? That's interesting don't you think?**

**Till next time!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**


	15. Chapter 15: Goodbye My Lover

**This chapter has finally been edited by Cattinson! Thank you for your patience!**

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**Yep! You read right! This is an early update! I'm sick, and I've been in bed since Saturday night which means I had TONS of time to write, of course your amazing reviews kept me going too!**

**WARNING! My Beta is on vacation, so this chapter is not betaed but I figured you wouldn't mind so much as the alternative would be waiting two weeks for this, did I guess right? Lol!**

**THANK YOU THANK YOU AND THANK YOU for your amazing reviews! I love all of them! Even if most of you are pissed at Daddyward! Lol!**

**SM own everything! Enjoy!**

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Chapter 15: Goodbye My Lover

"**Goodbye My Lover" – James Blunt**

I am a dreamer but when I wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the father of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.

_**2 months later…**_

"Elizabeth! If we don't leave now we are going to be late for school!"

There's a sentence I never thought I'll hear myself say.

"Coming daddy!" She yells back from her room three floors upstairs.

"This is the last one, I promise!" Alice says then.

With a sigh I turn back to finish packing her lunch. Alice has changed her outfit at least six times, it's the same story every morning and even with my driving skills we always get there _just _in time.

As promised, I enrolled Lizzie in an elementary school in Sundre, a small town nearby. So far she has liked it a lot, it makes her feel normal although she still has trouble interacting with other kids. She is shy and nervous around them but we are working on it.

I check my watch and groan.

"Marie Elizabeth Masen Cullen! You have five seconds!"

All I hear in response are Alice and Lizzie's giggles. Those two together drive me crazy, who knew they would end up being as thick as thieves? Even though they argue a lot, they do love each other crazy now, -which I'm glad- I just which Alice wouldn't corrupt Lizzie so much.

Alice knows the hold Lizzie has on me, and she has been showing her how to use that power over me to her advantage, which funny enough it always ends up working on Alice's best interests too.

"We are ready!" Alice chimes, and two second later Lizzie is in front of me with the first outfit Alice had tried on her.

She was wearing a beautiful purple dress with green leggings, and of course her red chucks. No matter how many tantrums Alice throws, my little angel can be stubborn as hell and won't wear anything else.

See? I told you angel, she has your personality. Only someone like you would be brave or stupid enough to go against a vampire.

Are you watching her angel? Do you laugh with me every time she and Alice have one of their arguments? I'm sure you do, you used to have pretty much the same arguments with my sister. What about when Jasper helps her beat Emmet at a video game? Do you laugh then too?

And what about her ballet lessons? Have you seen her proud smile every time her ballet teacher compliments her? Have you seen her dance her routine in the living room for us? I can only hope you do, so you wouldn't be missing all this.

Now, tell me angel. Do you miss us as much as we miss you? I wish I could hear your voice, at least a whisper… one last time.

I shake my head to clear my mind of painful thoughts.

"You'll have to eat you breakfast in the car." I say giving her, her Shrek cup and picking her in my arms.

"Bye Auntie Ali!" Lizzie waves behind my back.

"See you later sweetie!"

I sit Lizzie in the passenger's seat and buckle her belt, and not two seconds have passed when we are already pulling away from the driveway.

"You have everything you need?" I ask her as I take the highway.

"Yes daddy."

"You don't have physical education today, so you'll be fine and I put your lunch inside your back pack, if you don't feel like eating it just-"

"Throw it away without anyone noticing." She finishes for me "I know dad, don't worry, and if I need you you'll be hiding in the woods."

I chuckle I give her the same speech every day.

"Did you finish your homework?" I ask instead.

"Yes, Uncle Jazzy helped me while you were hunting last night." She started fidgeting with the stereo and soon our CD played in the speakers.

We had made a CD with our favorites songs, something to listen to in the thirty minute ride to Sundre. As soon as Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" intro filled the car she started humming the song contently.

"What do you want to do this weekend?"

Today was Friday and the weather would be working on our favor so I thought we could do something out doors.

"Emmy promised he would teach me how to play baseball."

"That's awesome, although I have to be there when he does. You know how into the game he can get."

"I know," she giggled "he and Jazzy are too funny when they lose."

"Are you excited for next week?" I asked her about her ballet's spring play next Tuesday.

She looked down with a worried face.

"I'm kind of nervous…"

"Why?" I ask her in concern. "You were amazing last rehearsal."

"What if I trip?"

"Then you just stand up again." I said simply.

"But, what if people laugh at me?"

"Then they'll have to listen to me, and you won't trip. You are amazing and you are going to be the most beautiful flower girl upstage." I winked at her.

She was the youngest one of her group too, two weeks after I signed her on a class with girls her age, her teacher called me telling me Lizzie was very good for her group so they asked if it was Ok for them to upgrade her with the ten year old girls. Lizzie had no problem with it, in fact she was ecstatic so I said yes and since then Alice has been coaching her so she could act more human while dancing, so she could dance perfectly without looking like a pro and not raise any suspicions.

When we finally arrived at her school, the bell had just rang so we had to run at human speed to make it in time. With a kiss, I said goodbye to her and handed her to her teacher.

"I wont be far." I whispered into her ear. "I love you."

"Love you too daddy." She kissed my cheek.

With that, I left the school grounds and went to hide my car a few miles away, only to come back by foot and hid in the forest, close enough that I could hear her if she called me and also close enough that I could hear anyone's thoughts nearby. With Victoria still being on the run I didn't want to take any chances, no matter how much Alice assures me she is very far away and have showed no signs of coming back anytime soon.

My little angel was sitting between two girls, and the teacher asked the class to pair up for a project. Lizzie stiffened immediately, not knowing who to pair up with. I smiled as a little boy behind her lightly tapped her shoulder, asking her if she wanted to be his partner, of course Lizzie blushed but accepted with a shy yes.

I better keep my eyes on that boy.

They all sat on the floor then as the teacher handed them some markers and sheets. They had to draw a sketch about the water cycle.

About five minutes later, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw it was from Denali.

"Hello?" I answered, already knowing who it was.

"Hi! I heard you were back."

"Hello Tanya, how are you?"

"Very good, thank you. But, what about you?" Her voice was one of genuine concern.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking. Is there a reason you called? Everyone is Ok?" I changed the topic, knowing where this conversation was going and not wanting to talk about my feelings with anyone, much less Tanya.

"Oh yeah, everyone is fine. I was just checking in, Laurent told me he talked to Carlisle earlier and told him you returned two months ago? I'm disappointed you didn't call, I was worried about you."

"I'm sorry I've been having a lot in my mind lately. Didn't think about it." I said to appease her.

"How's your little princess?"

I hoped on a tree so I could have a better view of the school without being seen and saw my little angel through a window on the floor coloring peacefully.

"She's… adjusting I guess."

"Edward… if you need anything you know you can count on me… as a friend of course." She hurried to say.

"Thank you, but I think we are handling it just fine on our own."

"I'm glad, she is such a beautiful girl she deserves to be happy. It's such a tragedy what happened to her… I know the feeling of losing a mother." She said sadly and I closed my eyes.

Deep breathes.

God angel, please give me strength.

"Tanya, is there a specific reason you called? Because now is not a good moment." I said in a tight voice as the waves of pain whirled crazily in my chest.

"Oh, yeah… see I was wondering, if it's alright with you, if we could come to visit this weekend? It's getting boring here and Carmen wanted to see Lizzie again. All of us wanted to."

I pondered about it. She is more adjusted to her new life, and finally she feels comfortable around my family –besides one blonde Barbie- so I don't see a problem with it. She finally understands that all of us would go to hell and back for her.

"I think it would be Ok, just… be careful around her, she doesn't like to be the centre of attention."

"Oh! Thank you Edward, yes I promise! We'll see you soon then."

"See you soon Tanya."

* * *

The next morning Tanya, Kate, Carmen and Eleazar arrived. Irina and Laurent wanted the house alone for themselves for a few days, so they wouldn't visit until next week and then all of them would head back together next weekend.

Lizzie was a little guarded at first, she still is but I think she is warming up quite fast towards Carmen. Carmen is originally from Cuba, and she told Lizzie stories about herself as a human when she used to dance at the Cuban National Ballet since she was a little girl until her change. This fascinated Lizzie, and she could listen to Carmen talk for hours about technique, she even showed her a few tricks and the both of them had a great time dancing in the middle of the living room as Lizzie practiced her routine for the play.

"Muy bien mi niña linda," Carmen beamed at Lizzie "Now, arabesque… that's right, and allongé. Good! Now let's work in your pointe."

"Will you come to my play?" Lizzie asked and Carmen was taken aback a bit for a second but then smiled widely.

"Of course! But only if you are really ok with it."

"I am! You want to see my costume? Auntie Ali made it for me."

"Of course! Lead the way."

Alice, Kate, Carmen and Lizzie left the living room to Lizzie's bedroom. With a huff Rosalie stood up and went outside. Emmett stared at her worriedly and went after her. I really didn't care if Rosalie was hurting about how quickly Lizzie was accepting Carmen. It was her own fault Lizzie feared her.

I stood up and headed to the kitchen to get Lizzie's dinner ready. I was taking out all the ingredients for lasagna when Tanya joined me in the kitchen and sat on a stool nearby.

"You have done a great job. She is completely different from that time we met her."

"Thank you." I said as I started to grate the cheese.

"You need any help with that?"

"Have you cooked before?" I raised my eyebrow and she smiled.

"Not that I remember but there's always a first time." She winked playfully.

"Alright, you can start by washing those tomatoes and then mashing them together."

She made a face but still nodded and got to work.

"This is disgusting." She said as she mashed the tomatoes in a bowl and I chuckled. "How do you keep a straight face?"

"You get used to it."

"Why don't you just buy her one of those frozen ones? I bet she can't tell the difference?"

I shrugged.

"I like cooking for her it's something she used to do with Bella so sometimes she joins me. It makes her feel homey, I don't know." When I'm done with the cheese, I put water with butter to boil.

She stares at me with a fond look.

"You are a great father Edward, who would have thought." She tells the last part to herself and I grimaced.

"I don't know about that… sometimes I feel like, like I keep failing her. Failing both of them."

"Both?"

"Bella."

"Oh." Tanya looked down and stayed quiet.

When the water started to boil I began to add the noodles.

"Why would you say that?" She interrupted my internal musings and I shrugged. Deciding to just tell her, maybe I needed to talk to someone out of my immediate family.

"I made a promise, and… no matter what I do, I know I'll never be able to fill that hole in Elizabeth's life. No matter how much I try, so it feels like I keep failing them."

"Edward… You know I-" She starts but I cut her off.

"Don't start Tanya, please. I told you last time, that even if…" I swallow "even if Bella died, I would dedicate my whole existence to Elizabeth. There's no space in my life for anyone else."

"You are right, I'm sorry." She said with a resigned tone "It's just that, it's been a year, I thought that maybe you'd have changed your mind? She is an amazing girl, I wouldn't mind."

I shook my head.

"I'm sorry, but Elizabeth is the only girl in my life… and it will always stay that way."

We return to our tasks in silence, the water boiling and knives cutting the only noises in the kitchen.

"Bella was one very lucky girl." Tanya musses after a while and I scoffed thinking about the way she had died and all she had suffered previously.

"Why would you say that?" I grunt. If anything, life had been so unfair to her.

"Because… in my three hundred and something years, I've never seen a man love a woman the way you love her."

I didn't respond to that, focusing on seasoning the ground beef so she continued.

"What's even more amazing, is that even if she has been dead for a year and before that you haven't been together in more than, what now? Four? Five years? You are still as faithful as day one. If someone loved me an inch of what you feel for her… damn, I would never let him go."

With a long sigh, I turned around to wash my hands on the sink behind us.

"If you love him back, don't. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about."

"Yeah, but… you deserve happiness too Edward."

"I am happy."

She gave me a look.

"No you are not, yeah Lizzie makes you happy, she gives you a purpose. But you are not completely… blissful?"

Again, I didn't say anything and started to throw all the ingredients into a bowl to mix them.

"You need to move on Edward, you are still punishing yourself, making yourself miserable… I'm not saying you need to be with me or someone to be happy, I guess… what I'm trying to say is that you need to forgive yourself and move on… so you can really enjoy your daughter. You need to say goodbye to her."

I stopped doing what I was doing and pressed my palms on the counter top, taking a deep unnecessarily breath so maybe the ripping pain would ease.

"I can't do that Tanya, she's… she deep in here," I pointed to my silent heart "I can't just rip her off my chest. Is not that easy, you've never been in love so you don't know what I'm talking about."

"I know I've never been in love but I'm old enough to know a thing or two. I've had my fair share of lovers, I've seen what love can do, love can give someone the power to break you and maybe that's why Kate and I love our man with our brains instead with our hearts… but I've also seen a lot of people break and recover from the ashes… that's how I know it's not impossible."

"I guess time heals all wounds but… what I'm worried about is that by the time you are ready to move on, to enjoy what life has given you… Lizzie would be all grown up… and you are going to hate yourself even more for losing such a precious time with her."

"I'm doing what I can Tanya, yeah I'm not completely happy… but I am enjoying my daughter, in the best way I can… you don't understand, without Bella I just can't function properly. I can't say goodbye to her." The idea was just ridiculous. "It's her memory what keeps me going, it's her that… when I feel like everything is about to fall apart, it's her who gives me strength."

"Well, some say holding on is what makes you strong, but sometimes it takes much more strength to just let go."

"Well, then I'm not strong enough to let go."

"And that's what worries me, you act more like Lizzie's slave than her father… as if it was a self punishment… it's not enough to just hand her anything she wants or needs, don't get me wrong, you are a great father but I wish she could know her real father, the real Edward. _That _Edward would be an amazing father. The strong, warm, gentle, mysterious, talented and happy Edward that I know. When was the last time you composed something? I saw your room, I don't see any new books either and your old turn table is full of dust."

I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands.

"Why are you telling me all this Tanya?" I said with a painful voice.

"Because I love you, and I know you. In ten years you are going to beat yourself up for not enjoying your daughter when you could, she is growing up so fast. You hate that Bella is missing out on her, but you are here and you are missing out on her too. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the reason why Lizzie is still grieving is because that's the only example you give her? No matter how much you try to hide it, she is your daughter she feels your pain too."

"Tanya…" I whispered into my palms "stop, please."

"Sorry, I thought you needed and objective point of view, I know all vampires in this household are still hurting for her too."

"Just leave me alone… please."

"Sorry, again I'm here if you need me."

I didn't respond so she just left the kitchen. I opened my eyes and prepared the lasagna at vampire speed, when I finally put it in the oven I walked out of the house. I needed some fresh air, there were too many vampires in the house. I wished I could go into a more secluded space, far away from everyone's thoughts but I didn't want to leave Lizzie alone.

I sat on a fallen tree at the edge of the woods and looked up at the darkening sky.

Is Tanya right angel? Do I have to move on? Do you wish me to?

Please, if you can hear me… give me a sign. What do I do? I don't want to let go… but Tanya has a point. I can barely function without you, I only smile and live for our daughter. Will that damage her more in the end?

Do I have to swallow my pain and bury my heart with your memories? So I can function properly for her? Because, I don't think I can… just the thought makes my insides coil.

I need you, I miss you.

I love you, more than yesterday.

Please help me. I'm begging you, whoever hears my pleas. Please give me a sign.

I take out my wallet, and pull Bella's picture from its holder. It's only her face I cut it out from the photos Alice took us on her birthday four years ago.

"You looked so happy angel… I'm sorry I took that smile out of your face."

Maybe if the last image I had from her was of her smiling, things would be better. But, that's not the last image I have from her, not even the previous ones. Not even the last one I have from her in person is happy, as the last time I saw her was when I broke up with her in the forest.

Those pained eyes still hunt me to these days, and it gets worse every time Lizzie cries since it reminds me of that day. The day I took the light out her eyes.

How can Tanya expect me to forgive myself and move on, after what I did? She doesn't know the whole story, she doesn't know what Bella and I had. But then again, Lizzie should come first… and I can't keep putting the weight of my pain in her tiny shoulders. This is so hard… so confusing.

"_Where's my dad?" _I suddenly hear Lizzie's frantic voice.

"_Don't fret little one, he is outside… c'mon I'll take you to him." _Carmen soothed her.

Two seconds later, the back door opened revealing Lizzie and Carmen. As soon as Lizzie spots me sitting on the trunk she runs towards me.

"What are you doing here?" She jumped onto my lap, she sees my face and frowns "Were you crying?"

I guess she notice my red eyes, she passes her thumbs under my eyes and I close my lids, feeling the warmth of her skin on my face, another thing that reminded me of her mother.

"I'm fine." I tell her swallowing and holding her tight, she responds by holding me tighter by my neck too.

"Why were you crying?" She asks after a minute, her voice full of worry and Tanya's words repeat in my mind. Of course she has always seen through my façade just as I saw through hers.

We are both so messed up.

Angel, why did you have to leave? Don't you see we need you so much?

I kiss the crease between Lizzie's eyebrows, but it doesn't seem to make much of an effect on her.

"I was just… thinking." I tell her and she looks down, knowing of who I was thinking about.

"I miss her too." She reclines her head on my chest and I wrap my arms tighter around her.

"I know." I breathe.

"I wish…"

…

…

…

"What, princess?"

"I wish she could see me on Tuesday." She cries quietly, I lean back and kiss her tears away.

"I'm sure she will."

"How do you know? You can't talk to her."

"I do."

Her eyes become wide.

"How?"

I look around, and then at the rooftop.

"Come with me." I say as an idea comes to mind.

I place Lizzie on my back and climb up the side of the house until I reach the roof top. Once there, I put Lizzie down and take off my jacket to lay it on the floor. Then I motion for us to sit down.

"What are we doing here?" She asks quietly looking around, a cold breeze rushes around us making Lizzie's hair flow through the wind. Like a small caress. I sit her on my lap and wrap my arms around her to protect her from the cold.

"Have you ever star gazed?"

She shook her head.

"Well, I do it a lot. I like it… once my father, -my real father- bought me a telescope when I was a kid. I remember him taking me to the rooftop every Sunday so we could stargaze together. He told me a little story once… you want to hear it?"

She nodded, looking intently at me.

"He told me that, when good people go… they end up in heaven. Their souls are so good and pure that they shine, and no matter how far they are… we are still able to see them at night. That's how we know, they are there…" I choked "watching us… and protecting us."

A single tear fell from her cheek, and I dried it with the sleeve of my sweater.

"You think momma is up there?" She whimpered, looking upwards with new eyes.

"I don't think so, I know. I bet she is one of the brightest ones… your momma was so good. Which one do you think she is?"

She looked around, until she pointed to a bright one.

"That one, it's pretty like her." She said.

"You are right… now, you wanted to know how I talked to her?"

She nods.

"Well, I'll just look up to the sky, look for the brightest star… and talk to her."

"And she hears you?"

"Yes, as well as she can see us… she can hear us too."

Lizzie looked up at the sky again with a hopeful look.

"Mommy?" I hold her tighter and pressed my lips to the top of her head blocking my sobs. "I miss you. I'm dancing on Tuesday… can you please see me? I've been practicing a lot… to make you proud."

I took a deep shaking breath.

"She is already proud of you angel, just as I am." I kiss her cheek.

…

…

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?" I force myself to say.

"Why is there no moon tonight?"

I look upwards again, not having noticed it before.

"It's a new moon, it's when the moon lies closest to the sun so we can't see it but is still there."

Just then, a shooting star passed across the sky at lightning speed and Lizzie gasped.

"Did you see that?"

"Yes, that was a shooting star." I explained.

"And what are those?"

"Those are angels, flying around listening for wishes so they can make them true. So I suggest you to make one before he or she goes too far."

Lizzie closed her eyes with a tiny smile, and then she opened them again with a peaceful look in her eyes.

"What did you ask for?"

"I can't tell you otherwise it might not come true." She smiled through her tears.

"Alright," I chuckled breathlessly, as I still had a knot in my throat. "Esme is taking your lasagna out of the oven, so we better go back inside."

Lizzie looked back at the stars with a small smile.

"Goodnight mommy. I love you."

When we entered back to the house, it was unusually quiet and I knew the reason. They had all heard my conversation with Lizzie and since my family is still hurting because of Bella's death, it affected them too. Almost everyone was in the living room, watching the news as we passed them and headed towards the kitchen. A plate with Lizzie's human food waited for her in the breakfast bar. I sat her on the stool and waiter for her to finish her meal.

Halfway down her dinner, she pushed her plate away.

"What's the matter?" I asked her "Didn't you like it?"

"I did, I'm just full."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel hungry later, remember how much it hurt last time when you didn't eat for three days?"

Lizzie hates human food, that's why she tries to avoid it but she still needs it. Nothing will happen to her, she'll just fell hungry and her stomach would hurt after a few days without it and I don't like her in pain, that's why I force her to eat human food at least once a day.

"I'm fine, I promise. If I get hungry I'll tell you this time."

"Ok, you want me or Esme to get you ready for bed?"

"Nanna!" She beamed and Esme was next to her in an instant.

"Alright, call me when you are ready. I'll be in the living room."

As Esme walked back upstairs with Lizzie in her arms, I headed towards the living room where Jasper, Carlisle and Eleazar were still. The three of them were watching the news with an intense look.

"What's going on?"

"More killings." Jasper said without tearing his eyes from the TV.

"What? I thought they had stopped." I said remembering last year's killings in Seattle and how as fast as they started they stopped, -probably because of the Volturi- just a few weeks after we left Alberta.

"Yeah, but they are back… and they are worse, they are talking about a serial killer." Eleazar commented.

"You think is one of us again?" Carlisle asked Jasper and he shrugged.

"It could be, but… this is getting way out of hand, who would let a newborn loose again?"

"How high are the numbers?" I asked.

"Sixteen disappearances, from which they had only found eleven bodies in the past six weeks."

I blew out a breath, that was a lot of blood in such a short amount of time.

Thank god we are not anywhere near Seattle, otherwise I would have to lock up Lizzie in her room.

"Well, it doesn't concern us it's the Volturi's job to end this and I'm sure they will soon if in fact it's the case of another newborn." Carlisle added.

"If it's a newborn, I don't think it's just one. It's too much blood." Jasper mused.

"You think it's a small army?" I asked reading his thoughts.

"The pattern fits."

"But why? There are no other clans in Seattle, not even in Washington. We used to be the only ones there."

"That's why I'm not sure about it. Anyway, as Carlisle says it doesn't concern us."

When the news presenter changed the topic, I decided it was time to go and check on Lizzie. Esme was done bathing her and she was helping her in her pajamas now.

With a soft knock, I open the door to her room. Lizzie was sitting on her bed with Esme behind her brushing her hair.

"How's my princess?" I ask with a smile, Lizzie smiles back a little and I know she is still a little sad about earlier.

I sit next to her and kiss her head.

"Hmmm, you smell so delicious." I playfully bit her cheek "Like strawberries." I tickle her belly and she giggles up a storm. "Now that's my girl." I smile.

"So, I see you are in good hands now. I'll be downstairs if you need me." Esme says standing up from her bed and walking out of the room.

"Alright, time for bed." I lifted her by her feet, making her hang upside down as she continued to laugh and placed her at the top of her bed.

"When is Seth coming back? I miss him." She says as she gets herself comfortable under the sheets.

"He said soon, remember? When he called you yesterday?"

"How long is soon?" She tilted her head to the side.

"Soon. Now, go to sleep."

"But I don't want to sleep." She pouted.

"You have to, tomorrow is going to be a long day. We are all going to the clearing for a baseball game too."

"You'll be on my team?" She smiled hopefully.

"Of course, together we are going to kick Uncle Emmy's ass."

"_I heard that!" _Emmett yelled from his and Rosalie's room making us laugh.

* * *

The weekend passed in a blur, and thankfully Lizzie was able to enjoy the baseball game we all played Saturday afternoon. We were in a clearing well into the woods and very far from civilization we didn't need any rainstorm.

On Sunday though, it looked like the sky would fall. It rained the whole day so we had to stay indoors. Lizzie and I spent most of the morning at my green piano, I started teaching her when we first came back from Isle Esme so since we had nothing else to do we thought it would be a good way of spending the morning.

That night, the sky was clear as it had rained the whole day, so Lizzie and I went to the rooftop again. I heard her talk to her mother quietly again, about her weekend and how our team had defeated Emmett's. Then she talked about how I was teaching her to play the piano.

"Daddy is very good with me momma, and he loves me very much. He says I'm his only girl. You were right about him." She had said in a soft voice.

We stayed there until she fell asleep, and then I carried her back to her room where I stayed with her as always.

She doesn't talk in her sleep like you angel, but I still can get the gist about what she is dreaming when I touch her hands. You are often I her dreams, I think some of them are memories, I don't know but you are there. She misses you even when she is asleep.

I wish I could sleep, so I could dream of you too and escape this awful reality for a while. I would dream of the three of us, together as a family, in our own house, with our daughter. The way it was supposed to be.

On Monday, I took Lizzie to school and for once we weren't late this time. Alice has been having headaches because lately she's been trying harder to see through the static in her visions -since now they are more pronounced- so Esme got her ready instead.

Then after school, I took her to her last rehearsal before tomorrow's play. I was watching her through the glass in the waiting area when the owner of the studio approached me. She was on her late twenties, a retired ballerina I guessed by her body.

"Hello sir, sorry for bothering you but are you with one of the girls?" She asked nervously, an effect from her human's instincts mixed with worry about me being a crazy perv watching a bunch of little girls.

"Yes, I'm Elizabeth's father."

Her face relaxed instantly before surprise took over her features.

"Oh! Sorry, didn't know… you look so young." She gave me a sheepish smile and I smiled a little back in return.

"It's ok, most people think I'm her older brother too."

"Yeah, been there." She blushed, her blue eyes staring everywhere "Got knocked up in high school too, that's why I couldn't pursue my dream and settle on a ballet school instead." She explained, from her thoughts I also gathered that the father had walked out on her.

"Sorry to hear that." I said going back to stare at my daughter, her teacher was now correcting her pirouette, I knew immediately Lizzie was just acting human since she had mastered it a while ago.

"Yeah, but I don't regret it… Jenny is the best thing ever happened to me, she is the blonde one in the corner."

I stared at the girl in question, and I immediately saw the similarities between her and her mother. Blonde hair, blue eyes and pointed noise.

"She is beautiful," I told her not wanting to be a jerk by ignoring her. She was the owner of the studio after all. "She looks a lot like you."

"Thank you, your daughter is beautiful too, I've heard a lot of comments from the teachers, and she's such a great dancer. I'm sure her mother is proud?"

I knew by her thoughts her real intentions were to know if there was a mother since I didn't wear a ring.

"Yeah, she is." I told her, not elaborating.

"Are you two together?"

I composed my face before she would see the pain that question caused.

"She is my one and only."

Tuesday finally came, and the house was a chaos as everyone got ready for the play, and by everyone I mean the women. It had been decades since the last time the Denalis went to a theater since there isn't much to do in Alaska so they were exited to do something different, as for the Cullen girls, they were busy getting Lizzie and themselves ready at the same time. The men –and Rosalie- just waited in the living room for everyone to be ready.

"Mini-bell is going to rock that play!" Emmett cheered bouncing in his seat.

"She'll be dancing with another twenty girls on stage. It's not like she has a solo." Rosalie said flipping through her magazine but I just ignored her.

I knew what she was doing she was still pissed and hurt about me taking Lizzie away from her so she was playing it down. Showing like she didn't care but I knew better. She couldn't wait to see her on stage and she was dying to be upstairs helping her get ready.

"Oh, c'mon babe cheer up! This is Lizzie's first play, don't be such a party pooper."

She flipped the magazine close, and slammed it against the coffee table. Then stood up and walked out the house just as Alice was finally done with Lizzie's hair.

When everyone was done, we piled up in different cars and made our way to Calgary. The play would be held at a small theater near the studio, when we got there it was packed so everyone went to look for their seats as I took Lizzie back stage through the door at the back of the building.

Once I left Lizzie with her teacher, I went back to my family. We were all occupying the 5th row and I saw that Alice had saved me a seat next to her. I noticed people staring at us, awed and scared by our looks but that wasn't new, so I ignored their thoughts and decided to just block anything else but the people surrounding my daughter so I would know how she was faring.

I saw Lizzie through her teacher and classmates thoughts and I could tell she wasn't at ease. Something was bugging her, and I could easily figure out the problem. She was seeing how the other mommies would bring their girls back stage, giving final touches to their make-ups and hair, how they would encourage them and wish them good luck before kissing her good bye.

I knew that face, she was feeling left out again as the other girls chattered happily about their outfits their mother's got them or their hairdo's. She was sitting in a chair by her own, and that's when I noticed her blankie on her lap as she stared at it. I didn't even notice she had brought it with her she probably put it in her back pack when I was downstairs with the guys.

I couldn't take it anymore, my heart was breaking for her. I needed to do something to cheer her up, damn why Seth couldn't make it today? I'm sure he would find a way to make her feel better.

"Excuse me." I said as I stood up.

"What's up?" Alice asked.

"Lizzie." I said by a way of explanation, and by my worried face she understood immediately.

I walked out of the theater and rounded the corner until I got to the back stage door again. There was a big guy at the entrance, guarding no one that wasn't a parent could enter. After I showed him my ID, he let me through.

I walked into Lizzie's dressing room, there were a bunch of girls by the mirrors and she sat alone on the other side of the room by herself. As soon as she saw me she ran towards me without saying anything. She knew I knew.

"It's Ok baby." I rocked us from side to side as I sat us on the chair she had occupied earlier.

"I don't want to go out there."

"Why not?" I kissed her hair "You've worked so hard angel."

"She is not here. She can't see me." Her voice trembled. "I don't want to do this without her."

"Elizabeth, remember what we talked about? Momma is always here, she is always taking care of you."

"But, she can't see me."

"Of course she can." I closed my eyes and swallowed hard.

Damn angel, help me out here.

"Lizzie, your mom is so proud of you… I bet she wants no other thing than watch you dance, like she never could. You don't want to disappoint her do you?"

She slowly shook her head.

"Mommy is watching you from above, and I know she wouldn't be happy if she saw you like this, she'll be sad. You want to make her sad?"

"No." She sniffed.

"Then, make her proud… go out to that stage and dance for her. Smile for her, I'm sure she'd love that a lot, to see you happy doing something you love."

"Won't she be mad?"

"Why would she be mad? That's crazy, your mother loves you more than anything, and she only wants you to be happy."

"How do you know?"

"Because I love you too as much as her, and that's the only thing I want for you." I cleaned her tear stained face with my sweater and kissed both of her cheeks.

"Now, I want you to go out to that stage and dance with your heart, do it for your mommy, as a gift. I'm sure she'll love it."

"Ok." She smiled through her tears.

I stayed with her until there were only five minutes left before the show started. I wished her good luck and went back to my seat.

"Everything Ok?" Esme asked worriedly.

"I think so." I told her as I sat.

The lights deemed out and the curtain raised, I looked down the program and saw that Lizzie's number was one of the last ones.

Thirty minutes later, I heard a familiar voice and sighed in relief.

"_Hi Ed, what's up?" _

Seth, thank god.

"Seth's here." I whispered to my family, by his thoughts he was at the back looking intently at the stage probably wondering when Lizzie would appear. I knew he wouldn't miss this, Lizzie had been talking his ear off over the phone about her play.

"Oh! That'll make Lizzie so happy." Esme smiled.

Twenty minutes later, Lizzie's number was finally up. She danced gracefully around the stage with her colorful tutu and green ballet shoes. She looked so adorable and beautiful. She had a wide smile on her face as she twirled and dance in synchrony with the other girls.

I've never seen such a beautiful sight, and again it pained me so much Bella wasn't here to see our daughter as she flawlessly glided across the stage. I had a knot in my throat, I was so proud of her she was by far the best dancer in her class. Maybe in the whole school.

Her number was too short for my liking, but then again it was probably the same length as the others and I'm sure every proud parent in the room felt the same as me.

When the play ended, all the dancers came out to say thanks. Lizzie picked the flowers from the floor that we had thrown at her and wave at us happily as my whole family cheered at her, Emmet being the loudest followed by Alice of course and she blushed at our ruckus. Emmet suddenly took out a huge banner with her name on it which was hilarious and made her blush even more.

Then, Lizzie froze in her spot. Dropping the flowers she had collected to the floor.

I stared at her worriedly as she started to look around the room frantically, her eyes incredulous, and on the verge of tears?

"Lizzie?" I asked, knowing she could hear me.

"What's wrong with her?" Alice asked.

Lizzie was panting, still looking everywhere until her eyes focused on something behind me which made her gasp.

And that's when I heard it.

A whistle.

A familiar whistle I had heard thousands of times in her dreams and memories.

As the curtain began to close, Lizzie jumped down from the stage ignoring her teacher's scolding. Running past us in an almost inhuman speed, I turned around figuring she had spotted Seth, but as soon as I did… it was my turn to freeze. At the same time I heard my family's gasps.

There, at the end of the hallway stood Lizzie.

With her mother's warm arms tightly around her sobbing form.

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***smiles innocently* Did I just really stop there? Damn!**

**SHE'S ALIVE PEOPLE! SHE'S ALIVE! You really thought I would kill Bella? I'd never do that! It's one of my rules, BxE Happy Ending ALWAYS! My second rule is that Edward ALWAYS has a great body and smells nice ;)**

**I really hope this ending helped you calm down after last night's MTV's boycott, WTH? No best kiss? Best fight? Best WTF moment? Carlisle's death, hello?!**

**Anyway, at least I won't have to sit through another one of their crappy shows (yeah, I'm pissed LOL)**

**So, are you ready to see Edward do some begging? OMG! What do you think is going to happen next! Do you think Edward will get a heart attack?! What about the other Cullens? What do you think about Rosalie? or Tanya? I think she was pretty good this chapter, don't forget that I'm going mostly for canon!**

**There's a reader who actually guessed what happened to Bella since chapter 11 (her POV) I wanted to share it with you since she has an important message, I didn't share it before because I didn't want to spoil it for you:**

**TheObsessed1:**

**Okay, so don't read this if you don't want to hear spoilers people.**

**So first the beeping noise is obviously from a pager. Having just a pager makes it harder for the Cullen's to find her.**  
**Second that would be an incoming call to let her know that they found a donor for her. Remember she has Leukemia; which is cancer of the blood, and they try to find matching donors to give people a Bone Marrow transfusion. Unfortunately I think Bella may be too sick to undergo the procedure.**

**My dear friend from work had a beautiful, vibrant, precious seven year old granddaughter who contracted Leukemia. They found a donor for her and it was successful, she was doing much better and recovering; however not quite a year later she succumbed to an infection and didn't make it. Tragic for such a young beutiful little girl.**  
**Anyone can be put on the list to see if you're a match for donation. They have to test your blood and if you match anyone, then a small incision to take some of your life giving, blood producing bone marrow can save someones' life; for real! Check it out you can go to the website ( ) or call; 1(800)MARROW2 (1-800-627-7692).**

**There you go!**

**Till next time!**

**Saludos!**

**tpec**

**P.s. Don't forget to follow me on twitter for teasers during the week! tpec1991**


	16. Chapter 16: A Twist In My Story

**My beta is back! So this chapter is finally fixed! Thank you for your patience!**

* * *

**What? 3 chapters in seven days? Yeah, that's right ;) (I'm still kind of sick if you wanted to know)**

**Anyway... OMG GOD GUYS! THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS THE RECCS AND FOLLOWS! You are amazing!**

**Now, the Obssesed1 sent me the correct link for the bone marrow donors: www().()marrow().().org**

**Thank you so much for the amazing response, and for everyone who shared their own story about them or a family dealing with this horrible disease. I'm sorry and my prayers are with you! Hopefully it'll get better!**

**WARNING: Team Bella, I highly recommend you to go and grab your pom poms, horns and cheerleaders' outfits! As for Team Edward, just a box of tissues will be enough.**

**Also, I used some of New Moon's dialogue since it's based on that book, I just twisted it a little bit for fun! Let's see who can remember the lines!**

**Again I took some creative license with Bella's sickness, I did my research but I'm still not a doctor so... *shrugs***

**Again, my betta is on Spring Break so all mistakes are mine!**

**SM owns everything!**

**P.S. I love this chapter's song, if you have time to hear it I recommend it and it fits the chapter perfectly!**

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Chapter 16: A Twist In My Story

"**A Twist In My Story" – Secondhand Serenade**

Slow down, the world isn't watching us break down  
It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now  
Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver  
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence  
So please just break the silence

The whispers turn to shouting  
The shouting turns to tears  
Your tears turn into laughter  
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me  
I'll give up all I had just to breathe  
The same air as you till the day that I die  
I can't take my eyes off of you

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story  
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me  
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story  
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me  
That's what you get  
When you see your life in someone else's eyes  
That's what you get, that's what you get

You know those moments, when everything stops… where nothing else exists but the sight in front of you? The sight, so beautiful you are blinded and awestruck by its brightness? Those moments, where you don't see or hear anything else, when your whole body stops functioning and your own instincts shut down? A meteor could have crashed the place, but you still wouldn't notice?

A special moment a slight twist of fate that changes the whole course of your entire life. These kind of moments, are the ones that stay engraved in your memories for ever. The moments where you instantly know that your life will never be the same again.

Yeah, I'm having one of those moments.

"Momma! Momma!" Lizzie cried hysterically, but her cries were far away at the back of my mind, barely registering. My sole focus was on the beautiful angel in front of me.

"Shh… it's Ok baby, I'm here… I'm here." The angel was on her knees, holding our daughter tight to her chest as if her life depended on it.

I was a block of ice, people started moving around me. Leaving the theater probably to go and pick up their daughters, I don't know and I don't care, but for the life of me I couldn't do anything but stare. I was awestruck, not believing what my eyes were seeing, afraid that if I blinked she'll be gone and everything would have been a dream, an illusion.

I was sure it was an illusion, I was almost a hundred percent sure it was. A beautiful illusion that I knew my chest and heart will pay dearly for it in a few seconds when it's gone.

"No! I'm dreaming!"

"God… Lizzie, open your eyes honey…" Lizzie shook her head stubbornly "Elizabeth, open your eyes, oh god baby look at you! You've gotten so big!" The angel laughed through her tears, the sound was so beautiful my mind couldn't have come up with it in its own.

But, how? She couldn't be here… what's going on? Did I finally lose it? Did I reach my point?

"Momma, d-don't go!"

"Shh… I'm here, please look at me! Shh… it's Ok, I'm here honey." She shook her shoulders lightly "Lizzibizzi, listen to me, open your eyes baby. It's really me." The divine figure started pampering her face with kisses, but Lizzie got a hold of her again.

"No!"

"Oh god," She hugged her tighter once again "Lizzie, please baby let me see your face" She kissed her cheeks again "I'm here, see?" She sobbed brushing Lizzie's hair away from her face. "I'm so sorry baby, please… open your eyes for me. Let me see your beautiful face, I-I missed you so much."

Slowly, as if in fear… Lizzie finally opened her eyes and more tears filled them.

"Momma?" She cried.

"Yes, that's me." She brushed Lizzie's tears away with her thumbs, holding her face with her hands "You were so wonderful up there… I'm so proud of you!"

"I-I… mo-omma… I…" Lizzie touched the angel's cheek who held her hand tightly against her skin.

"Shh… I know honey," She placed a lock of hair behind Lizzie's ear "I love you too." She kissed her forehead and then stared into each other's eyes for a long moment, as if having a private conversation.

"You are here?" The angel nodded "You are really here?! Oh!" Lizzie let out another gasp as the angel's smile grew wider, the sight struck me hard, leaving me breathless and lightheaded "You are here! You are here! Daddy!" Lizzie whirled around looking for me "Momma's here! Momma's here!"

And that's when our eyes met, for the first time in over four years.

Her eyes were as beautiful as I remembered them, the same shade of chocolate brown as our daughter's, overall… besides the fewer pounds on her she was exactly as the last time I saw her, porcelain skin, flushed full cheeks, strawberry-pink lips… the only difference was her hair's length. It was shorter, barely passing her chin but it was still thick and shiny as always.

But the best part, the part that made me want to scream and sing of joy was the sound of her strong, beating heart. The tangible evidence that she was really here, alive.

My angel.

She's here.

And I still couldn't move, afraid the spell would break.

She slowly stood from the floor, not letting go of Lizzie's hands who wouldn't take her eyes away from her, fearing she would disappear too, as if she was just a fidget of her imagination.

But she wasn't, she was real… the strong beating of her heart is a sound I'll recognize everywhere, she was here. I knew that sound, I knew her heartbeat better than myself… I even had composed a lullaby in sync to that same heartbeat.

She's here.

"Hello, Edward."

And that did it. The sound of my name, falling from her lips made wake up from my daze. I gasped, my face no doubt crumbling from the waves of pain I felt making up a storm inside of me.

With purpose, I walked in a straight line towards her. Every inch that brought me closer to her felt so painfully good and liberating. When I wrapped my arms around her, it was as if my heart had sprung to life, as if suddenly it had started beating again. As if the weight of the world had finally left my tired shoulders. Adrenaline raced through my veins, and there was something inside of me fighting with all its will to come out from my body and I instantly knew what it was.

It was my old self, fighting to finally come out.

I was finally waking up, I finally felt alive after more than a hundred years.

"Bella." I croaked, burying my face in her hair.

She stiffened in my embrace, but I was so overwhelmed, my mind was a total chaos I didn't stop to think about what it meant.

"Oh, god… thank god." I closed my eyes.

My throat burned, it felt as if a hot iron was pressed against it but I didn't care. I welcomed the pain, this pain meant that she was really here. She was alive, warm, breathing, blood pumping through her veins, human and beautiful. And that was all I cared about right now, her beating heart.

With more care than ever, as if I was holding the most delicate glass, I held her face and kissed her cheeks, nose, forehead, every place I could reach but her lips. Knowing if I did, I would never be able to let them go, and I had so many questions. But then I thought… what the hell? I'll ask them later. I needed to kiss her, but just when I was about to lean in…

"Edward," Bella interrupted my advances and I wanted to scream again in joy when I heard her voice mixed with my name once again, her soft voice soothing my tormenting soul "stop, I'm fine."

"B-but, how?" I threaded my fingers through her hair, brushing the short strands away from her cheeks "I don't understand… Alice?"

I forced myself to look back at my sister for a second, -whose face was a mix of shock, pain and utter happiness, just as the rest of my family- and Bella took the chance to disentangle herself from me and step back, pulling Lizzie between us by wrapping her arms around her. I quickly turned around and frowned at her, hating the loss of contact. My arms felt colder than they already naturally were and most of all… empty.

"I got a bone marrow transplant," Bella explained "I couldn't come back until I was cleared and fully recovered… in case of, you know… something went wrong."

"What about the call? Paul? The hospital?" I asked with a shaking voice, this was so much and I needed so many answers. "Why didn't _you_ call?"

"I think I can explain that." Seth cut in, my mind had only centered on her, feeling her presence, her warmth and drowning myself into her scent that I didn't noticed him and Jacob - who was glaring at my entire vampire family - until now. "But, I think this is not the best place for it." He looked around.

That's when I realized, half of the audience was still inside the theater. Then I became worried, and scanned their thoughts for any suspicions but most of them only found it cute and adorable that a little girl jumped down from the stage and run towards her mother, probably having stage fright.

When I knew everything was ok, I turned back around and went for Bella's hand, longing for the contact, I needed to touch her, to make sure I wasn't imagining things but when I was about to take it she quickly started playing with Lizzie's ringlets that were falling at the sides of her face. Her rejection was like as if a bucket of ice cold water had been poured on me.

"Bella?" I frowned, searching her eyes again.

Now that I was kind of out of my shock, I took the time to really see her. Aside from the shorter hair, physically she was the same… but there was something different in her demeanor, in her stance. She seemed… careful, distant and… cold? Wait, why did she stepped away from me?

"Bella? Are you Ok?" I reached out to touch her cheek but she turned away to look at my family, she still had a hold on Lizzie who still wouldn't take her eyes out of her mother.

"Hi." Bella gave them a tight lipped smile, and I was even more worried now. Was she feeling ill? Did something bother her?

"BELLA!" Alice cried throwing her arms around her. Bella froze again, her eyes wide in shock at Alice's exuberance. "Oh my god! Thank god, thank god! I missed you so much sister!"

Reluctantly, one of Bella's arms let go of Lizzie and she gave Alice half a hug patting her back.

"It's good to see you too, Alice." She said simply.

What the hell?

Something was wrong, I knew it. I felt it in my gut.

Alice too sensed that something was off, so she stepped back to look at her closely but again Bella avoided her gaze and turned to Esme who was about to burst out of her own body if she didn't get to hug Bella anytime soon.

Alice and I shared a look, wondering what was wrong. Alice tried to see the future but with the wolves and Lizzie in our lives now it was impossible.

"Oh my god, Bella." Esme wrapped her arms around Bella in a motherly gesture and Bella's shoulders relaxed a little. Her smile now was more genuine.

Suddenly, my whole family was surrounding us and Bella tensed again. Even Emmet noticed her hesitation so everyone stepped back awkwardly but Esme, who hugged her again, not wanting to let go of who she thought of as her own daughter.

"We thought you were gone? You have no idea how glad we are that's not the case." She pulled away to hold Bella's face between her hands. "Thank god you are Ok! You are Ok, right?" Esme asked her seriously and Bella's eyes filled with tears again.

"I know, and yes… I'm Ok now, better than Ok" She looked down to our daughter who had the side of her face pressed against her stomach "I can explain… I'm so sorry it took me so long to come."

"What happened? Why didn't you call before?" I asked, if only so she could look at me again so I could try to figure out what was bothering her, but her eyes on me only lasted a second as she looked at something behind us. We all turned around and saw the Denali's and Rose approach hesitantly, but stayed several feet away not wanting to scare Bella and also hesitant about the werewolves so close to us.

I was desperate, my arms literally ached in need of holding her again but something told me to be careful.

"Bella," Carlisle started, his voice was thick with emotion as he tried to hide it. He was as overwhelmed as everyone else and took a breath before continuing "These are our cousins from Alaska, that's Tanya and her sister Kate, and that's Carmen and Eleazar."

"It's nice to meet you." Bella said politely, but her eyes were as guarded as before. Probably because she didn't know them therefore she might be scared.

"No, it's our pleasure. We've heard so much about you," Tanya said with kind eyes "we are so glad to know you are Ok, your loss was very hard on our cousins. You have no idea what you being here means to them." Tanya's eyes flickered to mine and I know she was talking about me. I smiled at her in thanks and looked back at Bella, whose eyes quickly turned back to Tanya.

"I can imagine." She was about to say something else but Jacob interrupted, talking for the first time since he got here.

"Bella, it's almost six you need to eat." Jacob gave her a meaningful look, basically reminding her that she had to take care of herself now that she was finally with Lizzie, but Bella glared at him before rolling her eyes and chuckling.

"Are you hungry?" I asked her immediately, maybe this was what was bothering her.

"No, I'm fine… Jacob is just being overprotecting, that's it."

Jacob scoffed.

"_Overprotective? I'm letting her do this craziness. We should have gone with my plan. Take Lizzie and leave, but of course she never listens to me-"_

His thoughts made me see red.

"Elizabeth is not going anywhere." I growled at him and everybody tensed, my family standing straight and closer to us on guard.

"Stay out of my mind leech! And you have no power over he-" He hissed back but Seth stepped in before I could launch myself at him.

"Jacob! Not now." He tried to reason but Jacob ignored him and looked back at Bella.

"I told you this was crazy, I'm not letting you go on with this madness. We should go now."

"I don't want to leave daddy!" Lizzie cried, jumping to my arms and I hold her tight as Bella glared at Jacob.

"What madness is he talking about?" I asked getting really angry at this mongrel. Who now hid his thoughts by singing some 80's song in his mind.

Bella ignored my question and stood on her toes to kiss Lizzie's forehead.

"You are not going anywhere you don't want to, I promise." Bella's assurance to Lizzie calmed me somewhat, but I still couldn't shake the bad feeling away.

"Jacob, I know you are only trying to look after me but this doesn't concern you. This is between Edward and me, Elizabeth is his daughter too."

"_Sure, what a great father he is… leaving you like that."_

My body tensed as some pieces started to fall in together. Bella's distance, her avoiding my gaze… the clipped words and tone. I knew something big was about to crash on me, but I kept pushing it away. I had this dreading feeling at the pit of my stomach. My gut instinct told me to run and hide.

I ignored the rest of Jacob's thoughts and turned to Bella.

"What is he talking about?"

"We need to talk."

I've never been more scared in my life.

It was decided that we all would go back to the house, so Bella and I could talk without worrying about curious humans' eyes, but of course they all would go on a short hunting trip for a few hours so Bella and I could have privacy. Lizzie remembered her backpack backstage, so we went to pick that up before piling up in cars.

Now, that was an awkward situation.

Jacob decided to run, -by Seth's thoughts while he was back in La Push he knew were we lived- not wanting to be in a car for any length of time with a bunch of vampires. Lizzie wouldn't let go of Bella, and I couldn't let go of any of them so Seth, Bella, Lizzie, Jasper and I ended in my Volvo. Jasper came along for obvious reasons, the tension between Bella and me had been so intense while we walked to the parking lot we didn't want Lizzie to notice and worry so he came to keep her and us calm. Seth just couldn't be away from Lizzie after all these weeks of separation and it would be a nice distraction so she wouldn't see my worried face.

Things were starting to make more sense now, especially when Seth told me his side of the story since he arrived to La Push through his mind during the two hour drive from Calgary to Sundre then the half hour drive home.

As I suspected it when she recoiled from my touch, she wasn't here for me, she was here just for Lizzie… she hated me.

And it hurt, so much.

But I deserved it, I was a fool for even entertain the idea that she might have forgiven me. But I had been so, so… happy? Excited? I can't even come up with a word to describe how I felt when I saw her in front of me, breathing and alive, so I just threw caution away and let my mind go wild, thinking about possibilities, for the tree of us. I mean, she was back… I thought that maybe, she had listened to me that day I called her and took my offer, of us becoming a family… I thought… I thought she believed my words.

But I was wrong.

When Seth went to La Push, he immediately went to look for Jacob and Leah. But as Emily told him when he called they had been gone for a while so Seth went to look for them to Seattle. He thought Jacob was still suffering for the loss of his sister so he wanted to be there for him. He went to Kaya's house, figuring they'd be there and what he got was the shock of his life.

All this time, that's where Bella had been. At Emily's sister's house. The same house Seth had offered when we had planned to go to Seattle looking for Bella more than a year ago. I wondered briefly what would have happened if Victoria hadn't messed with our plans and we had showed up unannounced at Kaya's house.

Anyway, no one had known about Bella being at Kaya's but Emily who put Bella in contact with her sister when she wanted to escape and hide. Jacob and Leah only found out about it when the hospital called the very same day Rebecca died in a car accident to tell them about finally finding a donor for Bella, and asking for permission for the surgery. The very same call I must have received but was stupid enough not to answer and misinterpreted. Now that I replay the nurse's voice in my head, she never said Bella died, she just said she was calling regarding Bella and to call back. Then I remember Paul's words, he too hadn't mentioned Bella's name.

I had been so stupid, overreacting and not thinking as always.

In the end, Jacob and Billy had gone to pick up Rebecca's body while Leah went to be there for Bella and take care of her at the hospital, which explains why Bella disappeared from Alice's vision since Leah is a wolf. Then Jacob and Leah took turns taking care of her with the help of Kaya for the past year. Since Forks never heard of Bella again, they all assumed she had died, same for everyone at the reservation but Emily of course. Bella wanted her privacy, and she didn't want word to go out in case something went wrong and she ended up dying anyway. The odds of her surviving even after the transplant were close to none, everything could go wrong, from her body rejecting the transplant to her getting an infection. Most people don't make it half a year, so Bella asked Jacob and Leah to not tell anyone, not wanting us to found out and then disappointing Lizzie and making her suffer all over again in case things turned for the worse.

But that didn't happen, Bella started to respond to the treatment, she stayed at the hospital in observation for a few months and making sure she didn't caught any infections and nurturing her through an IV until she was able to eat normal food. When she got out, she still needed a lot of care and constant check-ups. She was weak and vulnerable so she stayed with Kaya again and Leah and Jacob moved in. Jacob was using Bella's recovery to get his mind off of losing his sister, focusing solely on Bella -and his promise to Charlie- to deal better with the pain and Leah being Jacob's mate supported him in everything.

And then, Bella made it. A year passed and she was cleared, the transplant had been a success, she still has to be monitored but now she was able to travel again and return to her normal life. The doctor gave her the news just last week, so that's why she is here now. Seth told Bella about Lizzie's play and she wanted to surprise her.

Seth also told me about the conversation he and Bella had had when he found out she was alive. He was mostly in shock, and angry because he knew all Lizzie had suffered because of her absence but as soon as Bella explained he understood. He didn't want Lizzie to suffer a letdown again in case things didn't work out either.

Then, it was Bella's turn to ask questions.

She only asked about Lizzie, if she was well, happy and safe. So Seth told her everything, the truth. Everything from Victoria's attack and me saving both of them to our trip around the world to get Lizzie away from the pain. Bella didn't ask questions about me, but Seth was sure to tell her anyway, until Bella asked him to stop. That she didn't want to know anything about me unless it concerned our daughter.

So every time Seth would mention me, Bella would change the subject or ignore him. Seeing his memories, seeing Bella snap at him and glare cut me deep. Like a million tiny razors slowly cutting their way into my chest and reaching my heart.

"_I'm sorry Edward… I tried, but… she wouldn't listen. I don't think she hates you, I think she is just still hurt."_

"It's Ok, Seth." I whispered so low so only him and Jasper… and probably Lizzie would hear.

The only noise the whole ride home,was Lizzie's voice contently telling her mother about her life with me and asking questions, of course.

"Mommy, you should see the BIG animals daddy gets me! He is so strong! And he plays for me _every day_, he plays me your song! I didn't know it was your song, the one you used to sing to me? Remember? Why didn't you tell me daddy wrote it for you?"

I looked at Bella's face through the rearview mirror just in time to see her look away.

"It slipped my mind, honey."

"Oh, well it's very beautiful. He also let me keep your CD, he says he gave it to you on your birthday, it's so pretty! You wanna hear it when we get home? It has nana's favorite song in it too."

"Why don't you tell me about school? Seth told me you just started? That must be so exciting!" Bella changed the subject and Elizabeth beamed at her.

"Yes! Daddy told me it was Ok, he teaches me how to act around humans, I like humans they are interesting."

"I like to hear that." Bella smiled warmly at her and took her hand to placed it on her cheek "show me your first day of school, what was it like?" She asked with tears filling her warm chocolate eyes.

The rest of the ride was silent, I couldn't tell what Lizzie was showing Bella but I guessed it was good since Bella kept smiling and crying as she held our daughter in her lap. At some point her eyes flickered to mine but she immediately averted them, and I frowned. I hated this, I hated the way she pushed me away.

I needed to talk to her as soon as possible, so I could clear things with her. I'm not stupid I don't expect her to forgive me but I want her to listen to me so she can finally hear the truth about that day in the forest. So maybe she can give me another chance, and work things out between us. I want it all with her, I love her so much it is madness. I want the three of us to get our own place, be a family and most of all… be happy, after all this pain the only two woman in my life deserved to be happy. I would spend the rest of my existence making it up for them, taking care of them, loving them and giving them anything they wanted.

Ten minutes later, we parked on the driveway to our house in the middle of nowhere. Of course this didn't surprise Bella, she was used to this. We all left the car, and I wasn't surprised when only Carlisle's car with him, Esme and Alice parked behind us. The rest had gone hunting, knowing we needed privacy and not wanting to be in the way.

"Momma! Come! Let me show you my room! It's so cool, auntie Ali did it for me. You can sleep with me until daddy gets a bed for your room!" Bella tripped with her own feet at that and I caught her before her knees touched the ground.

"You Ok?" I asked her.

This old trait of her, her clumsiness… dear god, it did something to me. God, I missed her. Her cheeks flushed, venom flowed around my mouth but I ignored the burn it my throat. It surprised me how easy it was for me to do that, when years ago it had been damn near impossible to not sink my teeth down her throat.

"Yes." She breathed before standing right and stepping away from me.

Lizzie stared at us curiously, and I wondered if she had finally caught with our situation. Then she took us both by our hands and pulled us inside.

"Daddy, you know mommy sleeps you have to get her a bed in your room. She can't sleep in the couch."

"Lizzie, that won't be necessary." Bella told her as we entered the house. Seth, Carlisle and Esme following. Alice and Jasper climbed the side of the house and entered their bedroom through a window. Alice was trying so hard to look into the future, she needed to concentrate. She was sure the static was because of everything being so up in the air now and because of Seth and Lizzie. She was trying to see around them but she could only get glimpses, nothing she could work on.

"Oh, well you can sleep with me always then. I don't mind, the three of us can fit I'm sure."

I closed my eyes and looked away.

"_Edward, breathe…" _Jasper said from upstairs.

I needed to talk to Bella now, I needed to know what was going to happen now. I'm not stupid, I know nothing is going to be like a fairytale so easily and I didn't want Lizzie to keep up with this. It would only hurt her more in the end if Bella didn't believe me.

"Lizzie…" Bella started but then shut at the loss of words, we shared a look and for the first time she held my eyes for more than three seconds.

The pain in her eyes told me everything I needed to know, whatever was going through her mind wasn't good and she knew it would end up hurting our daughter.

But I wasn't going to let that happen.

She was back, for some reason she was back and I wasn't going to make the same mistakes that brought so much pain in our lives. I wasn't going to let her go, not ever again. I was going to convince her, I was going to fight for her like I should have done all those years ago.

She had to see, she had to know… maybe Seth wasn't able to make her listen but I will. I'll fight for my family, I won't lose them again without a fight. I'm probably being selfish, Bella deserves better than me but I don't care anymore. I'm done with hurting the two people I love the most, I'm done with the damn pain in their eyes.

Bella's here, as impossible as that might be she is here and this was the second chance I had prayed for so long ago. I'm not going to waste it by being a martyr and being noble as I had done in the past when I left her.

The greatest mistake I'll ever make.

"Elizabeth, why doesn't nana take you to your room to take you out of your costume and give you a bath while your mother and I talk for a bit."

"No, I want momma to do it!" She went to hug her waist again. "Don't leave me momma, please!" Lizzie instantly started crying again and Bella and I kneeled in front of her at the same time, shocking both of us but we recovered quickly.

"Lizzie, listen to me. I'm not going anywhere Ok?" she caressed her cheek "I swear honey."

"How about this," I interrupted, not standing Lizzie's cries and pain "You go with mommy and you show her your room. She'll help you get ready for the evening while I make your dinner, and then while you eat your mother and I will talk on the porch where you can see us. Will that work for you?"

Lizzie could only nod as she clung to Bella's neck.

I listened to them as Lizzie guided Bella through the house to her room I wanted to follow them but decided to give them time alone. I knew how much Lizzie had missed her she had known nothing but Bella her entire life until she came to live with me. She had been used to be with her 24/7 their separation had affected Elizabeth harshly.

"Daddy gave me this doll on my first birthday with him, Auntie Ali and I always play with her, she has made a lot of little outfits for her to match mines."

"That was so nice of her. What else do you do with them?"

"I like to play with Uncle Jazzy and Emmy, they are too funny. Jazzy is always on my team, he is very smart he helps me to beat uncle Emmy."

"That must be fun," Bella chuckled "I bet they fight a lot over it."

"They do! They are so funny mommy, and they missed you too almost as much as daddy and me."

"Let's get you ready for your bath."

I remember Bella liking pasta, so I decided on spaghetti. Then I remembered she must still be in recovery so she needed to eat healthy and I decided to make a salad as well. Esme helped me quietly next to me, she too was worried about Bella's health and made a few other things that might be beneficial to her. She had already prepared a guest room for Bella, figuring she'd stay with us. I hoped she was right.

When Bella was done bathing Lizzie I heard the both of them coming down the stairs but instead of coming into the kitchen, Lizzie stirred Bella towards the living room. Even if I couldn't hear Lizzie's thought, I knew her intentions. So I quietly followed them without being noticed.

"Look momma, I helped daddy decorate his piano. It's green! He let me paint it green, and he helped me… like you with our treasure's box!"

Through the windows reflection, I saw Bella's face go from shock, to incredulity to pure pain as she stared at the lid of my piano. Lizzie kept talking about how I had been teaching her to play it without noticing Bella's tears.

"Elizabeth, nana is waiting for you in the kitchen."

Lizzie looked unsure between the kitchen and Bella until she smiled at her encouragingly. Lizzie stood on the piano's stool and hugged Bella fiercely.

"I love you momma."

"I love you more honey, we'll just be outside. I promise I'm not going anywhere without you."

With that Lizzie nodded and jumped down the bench, she rushed to me and I caught her in my arms hugging her to me too. Bella's scent lingered on her so I breathed her in, like an addict in need of his drug.

I dropped Lizzie to the floor and I saw Seth who had been outside with Jacob waiting for her at the entrance of the kitchen. I was so glad he was here for her he gave me a nod and carried Lizzie away.

"_Good luck."_

When I turned around, Bella's back was still to me. Knowing her I knew she was trying to hide from me. God, I wanted to hold her so much, I wanted to feel her warm body against my cold one, I needed to be surrounded by her scent, I needed to hear her voice, her laugh. I needed my angel, I needed to hear her tell me I still had hope, that I still had a chance with her.

I missed her so much, all this time I never stopped thinking about her. She was there every time I closed my eyes, every time I saw our daughter's eyes. She was always in my thoughts, when I looked at sky, when I watched the sunset at Isle Esme, when I waited for dawn at any country we were at the moment. She never stopped being out of my life.

She was staring at the collage of pictures on the lid of my piano, her fingers tracing the edges and faces. I stood to her side and watched her as she examined Lizzie's and I piece of art with wonder on her face. Tears were falling down her cheeks and made small pools over the flat surface.

"I always knew you'd be a great father," she whispered "thank you."

I swallowed.

"She makes things so easy, I love her."

"I know I see it in your eyes." She finally looked at me.

"Bella…" Great, I had wished for this moment for years and now I that I had it I forgot the great speech I had come up with.

"What?"

…

…

…

"I missed you."

She looked away with a sardonic smile.

"Well, that's… that's hard to believe." She looked back at me as she harshly wiped her face clean and I pulled at my hair. How do I make her understand?

"Bella," I tried again but she interrupted me.

"Let's take this outside."

I nodded and motion her to lead the way.

Even though it was spring, it was chilly outside. I looked down at Bella and noticed she was only wearing a thin sweater. Without a word, I shrugged off of my jacket and placed it around her shoulders. She rolled her eyes but didn't fight me off instead she wrapped it tightly around her tiny frame. Then it occurred to me how stupid this idea was, she shouldn't be outside, she had just been cleared what if she gets sick?

"Maybe we should go back inside," I started to say as we reached the edge of the back yard and entered the woods.

The house was still in our view and we could see Lizzie on the kitchen bar as she and Seth had their dinner and Esme and Carlisle stood nearby watching them.

"No, I'm fine." She stopped walking, and turned to me. "Can she hear us now?"

I turned to see Lizzie and called her, but only Esme, Carlisle and Jacob heard me but acted as if they had not.

"_You are Ok." _Carlisle assured me and I nodded.

"You are safe." I told her and she nodded.

It was awkward, none of us said anything at first and the silence was killing me. This wasn't supposed to be us? We used to be way more than this, how could I have messed things so badly.

"Bella, before we… talk about, whatever happens now. There's something you need to know."

"I know of Victoria, Seth told me-"

"No, that's not it… I wanted to apologize."

"Save it, I'm ok… you didn't know I'd end up pregnant."

"No, please, listen to me…" I pleaded "Bella… it's more than that. I'm sorry, for everything. That day in the forest, I-"

"We don't have to talk about that day, I'm not here looking for an apology. I only came back because of our daughter."

"I know Bella, but we do need to talk about us first."

"Us?" He face immediately change, she was angry now "Please don't make me laugh Edward, there's no us, you made that pretty clear when you left." She said with venom.

Her words stung, but I wasn't backing down.

"It was a mistake!" I hurried to say, please believe me angel "I never wanted to leave you, I thought I was doing what was best for you, what happed with Jasper… it scared me Bella. I thought I was going to lose you permanently if we continued… especially after that night." I said desperately, she needed to believe me, I'd grovel if I had to. "But I never wanted to leave, ever… I swear, I love you Bella, I never stopped loving you. You are the only thing I've been thinking about since that day."

I took a step towards her, trying to take her hands in mine. I needed to touch her, I needed to feel her close to me.

"You can go to hell, Edward." She took a step back "I'm not an idiotic little girl anymore. I'm not stupid! You treated me like trash! After all I did for you, after all I gave you. I was yours and you didn't care!" She cried with angry tears, raw pain lacing her voice. "I'm worth more than that! I'm not something you can just toss aside when you are done with it!"

"I never thought you were! Bella, that night was the best night of my existence! I swear! I just panicked, I thought you'd hate me later… when I saw the bruises I hated myself, I couldn't believe I'd hurt you like that. I thought you deserved better than me."

"Of course I deserve better than you, I know that now," she said angrily "That's exactly what I finally realized! I spent almost six months in a hospital and you know what I came up with?"

I could only stare at her with my mouth hanging open.

"I've been so stupid," She laughed, but none of these was funny "I loved you, god… did I love you. I thought you were perfect, with your perfect smile, your perfect hair, your perfect face." She started pacing around, as if she was talking to herself, and I couldn't believe the woman standing in front of me. "Edward could do no wrong, he was good at everything… he was even a better actor." She finally stopped to glare at me once again.

"Bella, please listen to me… I-"

"All this time at the hospital, by myself, made me realize all the things I did wrong, and you know what I did wrong?"

I looked down, I couldn't meet her eyes.

"I loved you more than myself," her voice shook with emotion "I had you on this pedestal, I thought you were a god, perfect and could do no wrong. But boy how wrong I was. You are the most imperfect, broken soul I'll ever meet. You are so broken inside you don't know what you want."

"Bella, I'm sorry… I really am." I told her, meeting her angry stare and pained eyes. "If you could only let me explain."

"Every night, you told me you had been so alone for years… and I was there for you," she started with her voice barely above a whisper "when you were scared, I was there for you… when you doubted yourself I was there for you! I never walked away! I thought, if I was yours entirely then you'll finally realized that I really wanted to be with you forever… you already had my heart so I gave you everything left of me… and you left… that same morning! What more did you want from me?!" She started sobbing.

"I know I was just a human, I know I could barely keep up with your life style… but I was willing to try, I was willing to leave everything in my life behind for you and you just… you had to be so cruel about it? Couldn't you just tell me I wasn't enough? You had to let things go for so long? Or was that part of your sick game?"

It was as if suddenly I needed air. How could I even think she'll give me a chance… I was a monster.

"Bella, I know I have no real excuses… but please let me explain."

I stood in front of her and cradled her face in my hands backing her against a tree, not letting her escape, she needed to hear me out

"It wasn't game, I really loved you, and I still love you more than anything!"

"I don't believe you!" She tried to push me away but I didn't let her.

"Angel, don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember _everything _that you told me. Including the words that had negated all the rest."

God, what did I do?

"Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist. I'm a good liar Bella, I _had _to be. I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I winced "That was… excruciating."

She waited, her furious eyes still drilling into mine and again I wished I could just read her mind already!

I won't give up. I couldn't lose her, she needed to see.

"You have to know what you mean to me, Bella. Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothi-"

"Oh, stop that poetic crap, it worked once not anymore." She snapped, and the hate on her eyes left me breathless for a second.

"It's not crap, you have to understand! When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye, you weren't going to let go especially after that night. I could see that, I didn't want to do it. It felt like it would kill me to do it but I knew that if I didn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on so would you."

"That's pretty arrogant from you, and you are not like that. I know you, so quit it. Stop lying, it doesn't matter anyway now."

"Of course it does! Why won't you believe me! Or more importantly, how could you believe me then?!" I was angry now too "After all the _thousand_ times I've told you I love you? How could you let _five _words break your faith in me?!"

I don't want you anymore.

Five words I'll regret for the rest of my existence.

"Because it never made sense for you to love me!" She finally pushed me away.

I shook my head in disbelief.

"That's the most absurd, ridiculous concept…" I laughed without humor "as if there was any way that _I _could exist without needing _you _!"

"Well you did perfectly fine to me. You went out on a nice long vacation around the world if I'm not mistaken."

"That was for Lizzie's benefit! Bella, you don't know what a hell I've been living without you and god… when I learned about your sickness… and Lizzie, god you don't know how thankful I am for her. It was Lizzie, our beautiful daughter it was her who finally made me wake up. I finally realized I should have never left I shouldn't have taken that decision for us, that's why I looked for you, so hard. I was going crazy without you."

She turned around and walked to sit on a fallen tree. I saw her shoulders shake as she hid her face in her hands crying. I walked and kneeled in front of her, pulling her hand s away from her face and making her look at me.

"It hurt me so much to learn what you went through… when I thought you were dead, dear god." I brushed her tears away with my thumbs "I still feel sick, sick to my core, even now when I can see and feel you in my arms for what I did, for leaving you alone through that." It was so hard to keep my voice from shaking "When I saw you close your eyes through Alice's vision… it nearly killed me not being there for you."

Her eyes were red with tears I threaded my fingers through her short strands of hair and kissed her eyes. She tried to fight me off but of course I was stronger.

"But… angel, I'm so, so sorry… I shouldn't have left I know that now I was just so afraid of losing you forever if I did something stupid! Please, you have to believe me. I mean… when I saw all the physical pain you were in that morning… I wanted to kill myself so badly for hurting you like that."

"So you left? You were afraid of losing me and you left?! That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard."

She laughed again and stood up walking away from me only to whirl around when she was a few feet away.

"You know what it is to really be afraid of something? Huh? Being alone at your father's funeral, with your body acting all weird and to only have Mike fucking Newton there to console you! Now THAT is something to be scared of!"

Anger boiled inside my body at the thought of another man having his arms around her, but I know I didn't have a claim on her so I couldn't act on it.

"I know! And you have no idea how sorry I am! I'm sorry for what happened to Charlie, I'm sorry for not being there to protect you both and above all… I'm sorry for not being there when Lizzie was born. I'm sorry," I was hyperventilating now, who knew vampires could do that "I'm sorry I wasn't there through your sickness, I really am… Bella please, you have to believe me. This past year has been pure hell without you!"

"You wanna talk about hell?! What about my own hell! You don't know what a hell _I_ went through!" Her anger only fueled my own.

"The hell I know! Show me your wrists!"

Her entire body froze.

No one but Alice and I knew the specifics of her vision, so I knew Seth couldn't have told her that we knew about her giving up.

"That's none of you business." She gritted her teeth and hid her hands behind her back.

"You are the mother of my daughter and the woman I love. Of course it is."

She looked down ashamed of herself.

"There wasn't any hope left, I knew Lizzie was safe with you and I was in pain."

"You still had three weeks left. Damn, if you had gone through it just one minute before… you wouldn't be here."

"That's not true I didn't get to cut too deep. I fainted with the smell of blood."

That caught me off guard.

So that's what Alice and I saw, she was just fainting not dying. But of course, when Alice didn't see her again what were we supposed to think?

"Still, you gave up."

She started crying again and covered her face with her hands. I could hold it any longer and I wrapped my arms tightly around her. She stiffened, but didn't try to push me away.

"Bella," I kissed her head "I'm so sorry, I swear to god… I love you."

She shook her head in my chest, not daring to look up and I looked up at the darkening sky, asking for help.

"Don't ever say that again, please." She whispered, finally stepping away from me.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I whispered, feeling exhausted and defeated. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me… I always knew that."

…

…

…

"I'll prove it to you."

She looked up again curiously as I stepped closer to her gathering her in my arms. I cradled her face between my hands and rested my forehead on hers. Our noses touching and our lips just a breath away from each other.

"Please don't."

"Why not?" I sniffed with my eyes closed, my jaw tight with the restrain. A war between lust and thirst broke within me, but my love for her conquered.

"Because I don't want you to."

She took a step back from me, and even thought we were still inches away from each other, I've never felt so far away from her.

"I know you hate me, and I don't blame you. I hate myself too for what I did to you too. But I have to know… Am I too late? Did I hurt you too much? Just, tell me now whether or not you can still love me, in your letter… you did say you loved me, that you'll never stop loving me… is it true? Can you?"

Slowly, Bella took another step backwards, shrugging off of my jacket and giving it to me. I took it in an automatic movement, my eyes never leaving her face.

"I didn't come back for you Edward, I'm only here for Elizabeth."

"Just answer the question, please." I said with my heart in my throat "Can you still love me or not?"

…

…

…

"You have hurt me too much…"

"Bella…" I pleaded.

…

…

…

"No, I don't love you anymore."

* * *

**Damn, I think it's clear Bella is not an innocent little girl anymore, she has kind of grown a backbone!**

**What do you guys think? Was she to hard on him? what should Edward do now? Should he give up or grovel at Bella's feet until she takes pity on him? LOL I know some of you wouldn't mind that... right, Ffaddward?**

**Who recognized New Moon's lines? Let me know!**

**Next chapter will be up soon!**

**Saludos!**

**Tammy!**


	17. Chapter 17: Stay Close, Don't Go

**Hi! I'm on spring break, that's why it took me a little longer to update but here it is!**

**I'm not really happy with it, I don't know I had a stressful week last week and didn't have a clear head. *shrugs* But I did my best under the circumstances, I hope you like it!**

**Special thanks to Cattinson, for betaing 3 chaspter in one day! (chapters 15 and 16 are finally fixed!) and also thanks to my prereader Lisopera, you are amazing!**

**SM own everything!**

* * *

Chapter 17: Stay Close, Don't Go

"**Stay Close, Don't Go" – Secondhand Serenade**

I'm staring at the glass in front of me,  
is it half empty of our wins or have  
i ruined all you've given me?  
I know I've been selfish,  
I know I've been foolish,  
but look through that  
and you will see,  
I'll do better, I know,  
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,  
don't tell me I will make it on my own,  
don't leave me tonight,  
this heart of stone will sing till it dies  
if you leave me tonight.

Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,  
I listen to your breathing,  
amazed how I somehow managed to  
sweep you off your feet girl,  
your perfect little feet girl  
I took for granted what you do.  
But I'll do better, I know  
Baby, I can do better.

"_You have hurt me too much…"_

"_Bella…" I pleaded._

…

…

…

"_No, I don't love you anymore."_

I looked into her eyes, looking for anything to hold on to, anything to stop the excruciating pain.

…

…

"I don't believe you." I finally said.

She blinked, surprised by my firm voice.

"What?"

"I don't believe you."

She huffed.

"So suddenly you can read my mind?"

I held her eyes.

"No, but I can read your eyes. I'm not stupid, I don't think you are in love with me now, I hurt you too much but I don't believe there's nothing left."

I can't believe that, there has to be something left… in her letter, she said she'll always love me no matter what, and I hold onto that. I won't give up this time. I'll fight for her.

"You can believe whatever you want, I don't care. I only care about my daughter and that's why I'm here."

"So why is your heart beating so fast now?" I challenged.

"You know nothing about me, Edward." She sneered.

I looked away, pained by the hate in her eyes and instead, stared at my daughter through the window. She was sharing her spaghetti with Seth, probably having had enough of human food. The bond those too had was so strong sometimes it still amazes me. It was almost as strong as the one Bella and I used to have.

"I'll prove it to you."

"There's nothing to prove."

My eyes landed on her again.

"Yes there is… I made a lot of mistakes Bella I'm not making them again. I failed you once, and the consequences… it nearly killed us both, I'm a quick learner. I won't give up."

"What do you mean?" She asked in a hoarse voice.

I took a step closer to her and grabbed her chin, making her look at me so I was sure she was listening.

"I'm going to fight for you, no matter how long or what it takes. I won't leave you ever again… you and Elizabeth are the only things that matter to me, the only things I want… forever. I won't let any lies come between us again."

"What do you mean by forever?" She breathed.

"You know exactly what I mean, if you'd let me… I'll change you. If you still want that, I'd change you right now."

She blinked, and then something flashed in her eyes.

"Only if _I _want to."

"Yes."

…

…

"I don't want to be a burden." Her eyes hardened.

"God, you are so stubborn! You won't be a burden! I love you!"

"Why now?! You had years to change me, I begged you to change me a thousand times! Now that you know of Elizabeth, you suddenly love me again and you'll change me? I'm not stupid! Edward, drop the act! It's not fair to me, stop playing with my heart." She cried angry tears. "We don't have to be together to be good parents. I know this is how it was supposed to be in your days but this is the twenty first century! As long as we are both there for her she'll be alright!"

I took a step backwards shaking my head.

"You don't get it. What do I have to do to make you see?" I ask more to myself, so she didn't say anything "How do I prove it to you?"

"You don't have to prove me anything, I don't expect anything from you. The only one you have to prove yourself is to Elizabeth and you have done a very good job, so I don't know what your problem is."

"You! You are my problem! I want to be with you, I made a huge mistake and I'm sorry, I love you and you don't believe me! That's my problem!"

I felt drained, this conversation was going nowhere.

"Bella… I love you. How many times do I have to say those words so you can believe me? It only took once for me to say the contrary, and you believed that so easily…" I shake my head.

"_Lizzie is getting restless, we are going out." _Seth suddenly warned interrupting our conversation.

I informed Bella of this and she immediately walked back into the backyard worried about her and probably glad to be finally getting away from me too. Lizzie, Seth, Esme and Carlisle walked out at the same time Jacob appeared from the other side of the lawn. Jasper and Alice decided to join us as well.

"Mommy!" Lizzie ran towards us. She immediately went to her mother and hugged her legs.

Bella leaned down a burrowed her face in Lizzie's hair hugging her back. They held each other for a few seconds and I caught a glimpse of Bella's tears before she tried to discretely wipe them away.

"I missed you so much baby." She sighed, and my heart sunk a little at watching the scene before me.

Lizzie responded by hugging her tighter, it was a good thing she didn't have my strength.

"Mommy, are you done talking with daddy? I'm tired."

"You want me to tuck you in?"

"Yes."

"Of course." She kissed Lizzie's hair. "Lead the way."

"Bella," Jacob interrupted "you need to rest too. We need to head back to the hotel soon."

What?!

"You are not staying?!" Lizzie asked alarmed.

"This is not my home honey." Bella said, and even if she tried not to show it I clearly heard the pain in her voice at having to leave.

"Yes it is!" Lizzie answered, looking at me for assurance. "Daddy, this is momma's home too, right? Tell her!"

"Of course it is, Bella you are more than welcome to stay here… I mean… we thought you were, Esme already prepared you a room."

I knew everyone heard the desperation in my voice, and I didn't care. She couldn't leave, not again.

"Thanks Esme, but that won't be necessary. I already have a hotel room in Sundre."

"But I want to be with you!" Lizzie cried.

"I know honey, but-"

"You should come with us, then." Jacob interrupted. Again. And I felt my insides boil at his plans. Once having Lizzie and Bella with him, he thought it would be easier to convince Bella to go back to La Push with him, without me being there to influence her.

"Elizabeth is not going anywhere." I growled at him. "You are not taking my daughter away from me."

"No!" Lizzie cried, now coming to hide behind me. "Uncle Jake I want to stay with daddy."

Jacob ignored her and I wrapped my arm around Elizabeth protectively as Jacob's hands were trembling, Seth stood on her other side protecting her too.

"She should be with her mother! And she clearly can't stay here!"

I placed Lizzie behind me.

"Why not?!"

He pointed at Jasper.

"So your friend over there can attack her again? Forget it!" Jasper winced and looked down, ashamed as Alice wrapped her arms around him comfortingly.

He had a point, Bella after all was still human and this was a houseful of vampires. It was too risky, but I wasn't going to let that deter me. I was going to be more careful with her, and I knew Jasper would be keeping his distance. Before everybody found out about Lizzie, he thought the only reason why I left was because of what he did, he felt awful for years, he blamed himself for hurting Bella and me. He wouldn't risk doing it again, I know he would take his precautions now. He even held his breath all the way from Calgary until we arrived home earlier, I knew I could trust him to not lose control like that again.

"I told you this was insane! We have to go back to La Push! It's best for everyone." Jacob told Bella.

"You know I can't go back Jacob, and Lizzie wants to stay with her father."

Bella's statement calmed me somewhat, she wasn't planning on taking her away from me and that meant a lot to me. It could be so easy for her, since she can easily threaten me and my family by exposure if we didn't give in. But something else caught my attention.

"Why can't you go back?"

"Since I never went back, everyone in Forks and La Push thinks I'm dead." She explained "For Elizabeth's sake it's better if it stays that way, no more ties and its better if Rene thinks that too since she can't find out about Elizabeth either."

"Everyone in La Push will keep your secret. I'm chief of the tribe too."

"I'm done hiding Jacob! It's better if I start some place new."

"So you are staying?" I asked hopeful.

She sighed and turned to me and my family.

"My plan was to move some place near you, so Elizabeth can be with both of us and she wouldn't have to choose. I've been looking for places in Sundre and the towns nearby, and I already have a job interview on Monday at Home Depot. We'll live in town and you can come and see her anytime you want or I can bring her to you."

For the first time ever, I was in agreement with Jacob.

"That plan is insane." I told her and everyone stared at me with wide eyes, even Jacob. "You can't work, you have to take care of yourself and the nearest town is about an hour away by car and with this weather it can be very dangerous for you and Elizabeth."

She shook her head.

"I'm not moving into your house, not because of the stupid reasons Jacob mentioned, -I know what happened with Jasper was an accident- but because… I have my reasons and most importantly, I want my privacy."

"You two can't be on your own Bella, especially with Victoria out there." Seth suddenly spoke, and I wanted to kiss the ground he walked on as Jacob looked at him incredulous, not believing he was taking my side.

Bella frowned and looked at me.

"Then, Lizzie stays with you." She tried to hide the pain in her voice.

"Victoria won't stop at Lizzie!" Not now that she finds out I'm still stupidly in love with her "and you can't go back and forth between towns, it's dangerous with this weather and with your luck you'll get trapped in the worst snowstorm of the century."

She glared.

"I can take care of myself."

"Yes, but you don't have to. Let me help you, I won't bother you… both of us could be with Lizzie 24/7, you can concentrate on your full recovery and most importantly, both of you would be safe."

"You don't want to be with me and daddy momma?" Lizzie's chin quivered, her eyes filled with tears and Bella's face fell.

"Of course I want to be with you honey, c'mere…" She opened her arms and Lizzie immediately fell into her embrace.

Bella kissed her hair tenderly.

"Then, why don't you want to live with us?"

"I do want to live with you."

"But not daddy? Why momma? He missed you too, he told me. Right daddy? Tell momma you missed her, tell her you love her."

Dear. God.

What do I do? Of course I loved her, if possible I would happily tattoo it in my forehead but I didn't want to guilt Bella into staying, that wouldn't take me out of her black list and now I'm sure I'm her number one. Also, I didn't want to put Bella in that place, deciding between making our daughter happy or making her recent her if she still says no after I openly declare myself to her in front of everyone.

"Why don't we go for plan C?" Esme spoke instead, saving me from my dilemma. When I heard her thoughts, I felt hope again.

"Plan C?" Bella asked skeptically.

"Come with me."

We all followed Esme into the woods at human speed, after five minutes we reached the cottage we had taken Seth after Victoria's attack, but it wasn't the same old broken cottage. It was renewed, it looked beautiful under the moon's light, like coming out of a fairytale. The walls had been restored and painted, same for the floorboards and there was light coming from inside through the windows.

"What is this?" Bella asked awed.

"Your new home, if you accept." Esme answered.

"What?" She asked wide eyed.

"At first, it was meant for Seth. When he, Edward and Lizzie left… we didn't have much to do to pass the time so we reconstructed the building for him that way he wouldn't have to live in the warehouse anymore. But since he left the same day they arrived we never got to show it to him. I'm sure you don't mind, right Seth?"

"Of course not!" Seth beamed "I'm more than happy in my warehouse."

"We fixed the pipes and we also had an electric generator installed so you'll have power too… and of course there's a fire place for the cold. It has one bathroom, a kitchen and a small living room, although there's only one room but I know for a fact Lizzie doesn't like to sleep alone so," Esme shrugged "we can see about constructing her own room in the future when she gets older."

"I don't know what to say… it's so beautiful." Bella breathed, her eyes filling with tears again and I didn't dare to say anything. Fearing if I coaxed her into accepting she'll refuse just because I asked her to.

This was perfect, of course it'll kill me not to have Lizzie with me at nights, but this way both of them would be so close, safe and… close. It's way better than any other alternative. I'll be able to make sure they are safe as often as I want without them knowing, I can even camp out at nights, god knows I'm not leaving them alone in the forest, especially at night and Bella would still have that sense of independence and privacy.

"Just say yes." Esme continued in a soft voice "It's far away enough so you'll have privacy from us, but close enough for any emergency, just a five minute walk for you and a 5 seconds run for us, and it is safer for you and Lizzie to come and go as you please too." Esme continued in a soft voice.

Bella looked down at Lizzie, who now clung to my arm with one arm and hugged my waist with the other as she buried her face in my stomach crying quietly.

I saw it in her eyes how it pained her to see Elizabeth cry, she was struggling between doing what Elizabeth wanted and what she needed.

She took a step forward and kneeled in front of our daughter.

"Lizzibizzy… what do you say? You want us to live here? Or you can stay with daddy, and I'll stay here… close to you."

Elizabeth turned around and wrapped her arms around Bella's neck.

"I wanna be with both."

"It's only for sleeping honey, you can stay with me a few days a week and the rest with daddy. We won't really be apart, it mostly will be sleeping arrangements… you'll still be with both of us."

She shook her head quietly and touched Bella's cheek.

…

…

"You won't leave me, I'll be ok…" Bella answered quietly "…it'll just be like having sleepovers at the big house whenever you want… …yes… No, I can't I'm sorry… …I'm not going anywhere, I promise… …Are you sure?"

Elizabeth nodded.

Then, Bella looked up at me with fresh tears.

"I'll take the cottage."

And even if the pain was still there, I let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you." I told her quietly, and she could only nod as she buried her face in Lizzie's hair again.

"Can daddy sleepover sometimes with us too?"

Bella sighed and I suppressed a chuckle at the same time my heart broke.

"Daddy doesn't sleep honey, you know that."

"But he protects me when I'm scared." She looked up at Bella again.

"We'll see about that, Ok?"

Lizzie nodded sadly and my heart went out to her.

Then, Jacob grunted.

"I can't believe this, you are really staying? After what he did to you?"

Bella sighed and I went livid.

"Jacob-"

"What I did or didn't do isn't any of your business, dog." I growled.

"Before Charlie died, before one of _you_ sucked the life out of him, I promised him to take care of Bella, so anything concerning Bella _is _my business, bloodsucker!"

"Jacob, enough." Seth said seriously, pointing his chin towards Lizzie. "What the hell dude?"

"I'm still your leader, you can't tell me what to do."

"And you can't tell Bella what to do either! Elizabeth wants to stay, so Bella stays. This isn't about you, cut it out!" Seth hissed, trying to control his temper.

"He'll hurt her again!"

"Edward had nothing to do with what happened to Charlie!"

"I don't only mean physically! He'll just treat her like trash again! We should all go!"

I placed Lizzie behind me again, Carlisle and Jasper flanking me.

"You know nothing, mongrel" I hissed at him "and I suggest you to shut up and stop whatever stupid plan you are cooking in your head right now unless you want to walk the rest of your life on three legs! Elizabeth is my daughter she won't go anywhere unless she wants to!"

"I'm not scared of you! Bella, don't listen to him! Don't worry, I have the pack ready."

"You brought them?!" Bella asked incredulous "Jacob, I told you it wasn't necessary! They don't mean any harm!"

"That's what he made you think! But look at what he did to you! They are all cold, heartless monsters!"

"DADDY IS NOT A MONSTER!"

Everyone went still, it was as if a bucket of ice cold water had poured on us reminding us about Lizzie being here and this conversation was going to dangerous territories.

"Seth, can you take Lizzie back to the house?" Bella asked but when Seth went to carry her she took a tight hold on Bella's waist.

"No! I wanna stay with momma!"

"Honey, it's Ok. Daddy and I just need to talk."

"Buy momma, daddy is not a monster! You were right! He's good I promise! Why are you lying uncle Jake? Why?!" She cried.

Jacob looked guilty, not because of what he said but because he had lost it and said things in front of Lizzie he shouldn't have, hurting her in the process.

Before Jacob or anyone could say anything more, I stepped in. I didn't want to put Bella in the spot once again by lying to Lizzie or being honest and hurting her.

"Can everyone please give me a moment with Elizabeth?"

"Why?" Jacob spoke over Bella, who glared at him.

"I won't take her away," I rolled my eyes at him, hearing his thoughts "I just need to talk to her… privately. Bella, you can stay of course if it'll make you feel more comfortable, but I just want to talk to her."

Bella looked dubious but nodded anyway, and everyone turned around walking back to the big house, leaving Elizabeth and I alone in the darkening forest. If Bella was staying we had to see a way of making a trail for her from the cottage to the house, with light so she wouldn't get lost at night if walking alone. Lizzie could always track her own way back to the house but it'll still make me feel better if both of them had a clear way back.

As soon as we were alone, I took Lizzie in my arms and placed her on my back. Breaking into a run and heading towards the top of the mountain, where I knew we could be alone and without interruptions. I stopped at the edge of a cliff next to the river, the night was clear so the stars shone brightly. I sat on a rock with my daughter on my lap. Her eyes were red with tears and her cheeks flushed from the run.

"I don't like Uncle Jacob anymore…" Lizzie buried her face in my chest "you are not a monster daddy. Why would he say that?" She looked up to me, a small crease between her eyebrows.

"Uncle Jacob and I… we are different, princess. That's why we don't like each other."

"Is he the same thing as Seth? The thing you won't tell me?"

I nodded.

"But you like Seth, and Seth likes you."

"Seth is different, you and him have a special bond… like me, he would do anything for you, that's why I like him."

"And Uncle Jacob wouldn't?"

"It's not that, he just… doesn't understand. He loves you too, that why he doesn't want you to be with me, he thinks I'm bad because of what I am… I'm a Vampire, remember? I'm supposed to… kill people."

"But you don't."

"I still drink blood, and the temptation is there. He's right to be careful."

"But I drink blood too… does that make me a monster too?"

"Oh, god no! Why would you say that?"

"Because I'm like you, remember?"

I frowned, not liking her thinking herself as a monster.

"You are different, you are special." I answered back.

"No I'm not, the only difference is that I have a beating heart like momma… if you are a monster, then I'm a monster too. A good monster, like Shrek." She crossed her arms over her chest stubbornly.

I chuckled.

"How do you do that? How do you make everything sound so simple?"

She shrugged with a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"If momma isn't safe in the big house… why can't you come and live with us in the cottage? Just the three of us? You wouldn't hurt her she wouldn't be in danger, right?"

What she described, was what my dreams would be if I was able to dream.

"I'd really like that, angel. But I can't."

"Why not?"

How do I explain it to her? Sometimes she acts so mature, she is so smart and other times she acts like her real age, so I wasn't sure how truthful or honest I could be with her. I didn't know how much she was able to take.

"Elizabeth, your mom and I… I'd really like to live with you and your momma, I love the both of you so much… but, I did a few things that… hurt momma, so she is kind of mad at me… with good reason, that's why I can't live with you. But please know, that this is not her fault, it's mine… I'm so sorry." I said with a sad voice.

She touched my cheek and showed me the conversation we had had on the drive after "La Bella Italia" in Port Angeles, when we had had our talk about Vampires for the first time. When I had told her the reasons why I left her and Bella.

"_Is she mad because you left?"_

I nodded, taking her hand and kissing her palm.

"_Then, why don't you tell her what you told me?"_

"It's more complicated than that, is not as simple." I half lied.

I didn't want to tell her I already did but that she didn't believe me. I didn't want her to share my pain.

Lizzie looked down, her chin quivering and I held her tighter.

"_I want to be with both of you."_

"You'll be with both of us, you'll still see me everyday… I'll take you to school and to your ballet lessons as always, I'll still stay and watch your rehearsals…"

Bella would let me, right? She said she wouldn't take her away, and she agreed to stay in the cottage. Nothing will change, right? The only difference would be that I won't be able to cuddle with my sleeping daughter every night. I won't be able to see her dreams. I won't be there when she wakes up.

"I'll tie your green ballet shoes before class and untie them after. I'll hunt with you every weekend… we'll still be together. You'll just sleep a couple miles away, but I'll always be there, whenever you need me."

I thought about our mornings, how many times I had to hurry her for school. She has her mother for that now, all the things I had learned to do, like cooking and making her perfect buns for her ballet lessons… Bella would be the one doing that now. Don't get me wrong, I had wished for Bella to be back in our lives so much I didn't mind at all to have this small price to pay. I guess I'll just miss having my daughter to myself, but nothing compares to Bella being back… At least we still had our hunts, and piano lessons just for us.

"You promise?"

"I swear. You are my number one girl, remember?" I winked at her and her smile became more real.

"What about mom?"

"Ah, well… your momma is my number one _woman _of course. No other woman will beat her."

Lizzie's eyes filled with tears again.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

"I want the three of us to be together." She cried.

"We will be." I kissed her forehead.

"It's not the same." She sobbed. "Why can't momma forgive you?"

I closed my eyes as her cries stabbed me, my heart shrinking with every tear of hers and breaking with every word falling from her lips.

"Because I did something very bad." I whispered brokenly.

"But you are sorry. Doesn't she love you anymore? I know she did, she told me."

…

…

"I don't know, angel… but sometimes, it's not enough."

Lizzie cried quietly in my chest, and I let her be. The more and more she cried, I was more decided. I had a goal, I finally had something to live for, something to fight for.

My family.

In my life, I've never had something worth of this pain, something worth the struggle. And I was going to fight for it.

I let her go once, I'm not doing the same mistake ever again.

I'm going to fight for you, angel.

* * *

About half an hour later, when Lizzie was done crying and she had calmed enough we returned to the house. The others were already there too. The Denali's kept their distance, along with some of the members of my family –aka Rosalie- and were watching the news on the living room. Jasper was upstairs, keeping his distance from Bella, both to protect her and to not make her feel uncomfortable after their last encounter. He still felt bad for what happened on her birthday. Esme, Carlisle, Seth and Bella were in the kitchen. Bella and Seth were eating the food Esme and I had prepared for Bella and Lizzie.

Carlisle was asking Bella questions about her health, and she answered politely. But even without having to read her mind, I noticed the distance and off tone in her voice. By hearing Carlisle's thoughts, I knew he noticed it too and it pained him to realize Bella not only resented me, but my whole family for leaving. I had suspected as much back at the theater by the way Bella acted around Alice, and now this confirmed it.

Rosalie was right after all.

We all turned our backs to her, no wonder she didn't want to stay in the house.

As soon as we walked into the kitchen, Lizzie ran to sit on Bella's lap and hugged her. Missing her even if we were away just for half an hour, but I understand her. I was dying to hug her too, everything was still so surreal. I couldn't believe how our lives had changed today.

My angel was here, and even if I couldn't be with her, even if she hated me, she was still here. That's what mattered the most. That was a million times better than nothing, I was still thankful. My daughter won't grow up without her mother, and I… I had a chance. I had a last chance to love her, even if she won't ever take me back I was going to spend the rest of my existence trying, she was worth it. I was going to make her see, I was going to show her how much she meant to me. She deserved to know, she had to know it was never because of her, it was because of me and my stupidity.

Lizzie buried her face in Bella's neck, and our eyes met over our daughter's head. She looked exhausted, drained but above all… pained.

And I didn't have to be a genius to know it was because of me.

"_Jacob's gone… he won't bother you again until tomorrow." _Seth thought, and then he went to show me how Bella had yelled at him for what he said in front of Lizzie. _"He's not a bad guy, he just loved Charlie too much… he was his godfather so he thinks Bella and Lizzie are his responsibility."_

I nodded in acknowledgment to his thoughts, and after whispering a thank you and telling everyone to leave them alone I turned around and went for my piano. Wanting Bella and Lizzie to have a moment of their own.

I sat on the bench, and start playing a few tunes. I was still working on Lizzie's lullaby and maybe if I played it for her she would calm down a bit, knowing she'll hear it.

I was so into the song, that I didn't hear the light steps or heard her until she was standing next to me.

"Long day, huh?" Tanya whispered.

"You don't say?"

"I thought you'd be happy? You don't seem very excited I thought this was what you wanted."

"She hates me." I said in a dead voice.

"Yeah, I got that… but hey, at least she's alive? That's what it's important."

She sat on the bench next to me.

"That's a beautiful tune. Is it yours?"

I nodded.

"I've been trying to compose something for Lizzie."

…

…

"How is she?"

"Confused, she is happy Bella is back… but sad because, she is not dumb, she knows everything is wrong between Bella and I."

"Then, make things right between Bella and you."

I snorted.

"Weren't you trying to take her place just days ago?"

She rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway.

"If I didn't have a chance when she was dead, much less now that she's alive. I really love you Edward, but my family's happiness comes first and you are my family first than whatever else my crazy brain thought you were, and you'd make a beautiful family. Getting in the way would be just wrong."

"Thank you for understanding."

"It's Ok, to be honest I don't think we would have worked out. You are too broody for my cherry heart." She joked and I chuckled.

"But in all seriousness, now that I met her I see what you see. She's pretty, and by the way everyone talks about her, especially Alice she seems like a good girl. You deserve to be with someone like her, hell you need it. Maybe she can inject some life in you. You deserve to be happy."

"Are you saying I'm an old, bitter man?" I raised my eyebrow playfully, trying to stir the conversation away from this topic that pained me so much and she giggled.

"You know what I mean." She bumped her shoulder with mine and I laughed. "Anyway, we are leaving tonight by the way. I think we overstayed our welcome and we don't want to bother you or overwhelm Bella, there are too many vamps in the house already."

"Thank you." I told her, I had thought of the same but I didn't know how to bring it up without sounding rude by making them leave after just a week.

"Don't mention it, and don't look so down," Tanya said "it'll all work out, you are mates after all."

"I really hope you are right." I whispered, my mind going back to our conversation in the forest all those years ago. Her pained eyes drilling through mine, burning and killing everything inside me.

"Just be patient, I don't know the whole story but for what I know you did messed up. So now it's time to fix it."

"I really don't know how to start, I never thought I'd be in this place."

"Just be honest with her, us women appreciate honesty… and presents. Get her red roses, or chocolates… humans like that, don't they?" she frowned and I chuckled.

"Bella is nothing like that, she hates presents and she'll probably throw the chocolates to my face."

"Then get her something she likes."

"Bella is special, she is the most unique and unpredictable person I've ever known, I don't think a gift would make her love me again."

"Then give her something special, unique and unpredictable like her."

It was my turn to frown.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, you know her better… is there something she always wanted but never had?"

I could only think of one thing, but I already told her I'd change her and she said no.

"I'll think about it… thank you Tanya, you are a great friend."

"I do my best." She winked before standing up and I stood up with her. "But seriously, don't give up. This is what you wanted, didn't you."

"Yeah, this is what I want. Thank you, Tanya."

"You are welcome, now give me a hug before I leave."

I smiled at her before leaning down and wrapping my arms around her briefly. When we parted she stood on her toes and kissed my cheek.

Then we heard someone clear her throat, I turned around to see Bella on the threshold with an impassive look on her face.

"Lizzie is tired," she said, again with her cold voice "Seth is taking us back to the cottage."

"That's not necessary, I'll walk you there."

She shrugged her shoulders.

"It's Ok, you can stay here with your friend."

I frowned.

"Tanya and her family are already leaving, and I want to make sure you are safe."

"If that's what you want." She shrugged again as if she didn't care, then she turned to Tanya "It was nice meeting you." She said before turning around and walking back towards the living room.

I sighed and covered my face with my palms suppressing a sob, I felt Tanya's hand on my back.

"It'll be Ok," She soothed "be patient."

After a very sleepy Elizabeth kissed Carmen and Kate goodbye, I took her in my arms and lead the way back to the cottage. It was very dark outside, so Esme handed Bella a flashlight, obviously I didn't need one.

Jacob had left a while ago, he was pissed because when he suggested Bella and him should go back to Sundre for Bella's stuff, Seth had confessed that -while he and Bella were having lunch earlier- he had already brought her stuff to the house when he had brought his while we were on our way to Calgary. He had explained that he had assumed Bella would want to stay with Lizzie, so he wanted to save her from the trip.

Of course I knew that Seth's intentions all along was to not give Jacob an escape to whisk Bella away.

I was seriously thinking about getting him a sports car or something.

The kid had saved my ass too many times.

So now, I was holding Lizzie with one arm and carrying Bella's suitcase with the other as we walked further into the woods. The silence was awkward, and I could hear Bella's heartbeat go miles per hour. Was she scared of the dark?

But still, the silence bothered me so much. These walls between us… I was so inhumanly strong and yet I couldn't break through them. How did we end up like this? I hated this silence between us, this loud silence we were drowning in.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

I know, stupid question. Of course she was, but I was desperate. Also, it had been a while since I heard her voice. Technically, it had been just a few minutes ago when she said goodnight to my family but for me it was like an eternity.

"Yeah, long day."

…

…

"I'm really glad you decided to stay. Thank you."

She shrugged.

"Anything for her." Her eyes landed on our sleeping daughter.

Seconds later we walked into the clearing where the cottage was. The lights were still on, Alice had turned them on while Bella and I discussed earlier, before Esme showed it to us. Somehow feeling we would need it.

Bella used the key Esme gave her and opened the door. Her breath getting caught on her throat when she saw the inside of the small cabin. It really seemed out of a fairytale, it was small but beautiful and enough for Bella and Elizabeth. Again, the knowledge that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the cottage with them ripped at me. But I did my best not to show it.

There were only two doors between the kitchen and the living room. One was slightly open, revealing a bathtub so I guessed the other one was the door to the bedroom. As Bella explored the rest of the cabin I went in to lay Lizzie on the queen size bed and placed Bella's suitcase on the vanity next to the dresser.

Then I sat at the edge of the bed and kissed my daughter's forehead. She stirred a little but thankfully didn't wake up. I touched her hand, making sure she was having happy dreams and sighed in relieve when I saw her colorful dreams.

"I love you." I kissed her cheek, her nose and her forehead again. "I won't be far."

Silently, I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me. Bella was staring out of the window, watching the moon above the trees.

"There's no land line," I interrupted her contemplation, making her jump a little "so here" I gave her one of the dozens of cell phones we had on the house "it already has all of our numbers on speed dial, in case of an emergency but if you yell we will also be able to hear you."

She nodded.

"Thank you." She looked down at the phone, avoiding my gaze again.

…

…

…

"Bella, I mean what I said."

"You said a lot of things."

I pulled at my hair, making a death grip so I wouldn't lose it and break down in front of her. That would only scare her. When I controlled the waves of pain, I looked at her again with determination in my eyes.

"I love you, always did always will. I'm going to prove it to you."

She snorted and looked back out of the window.

"You had a weird way to show it."

"Bella, I-"

She turned around to face me fully again, her eyes hard and cold as ice.

"And I'd really appreciate it if you stop telling those things to Lizzie."

"What?" I asked stupidly.

"She showed me what you told her earlier, don't use her. She has nothing to do with us so don't use her to get to me. It's not fair, it's useless and in the end it will only end up hurting her."

"I'm sorry, and I'm not using her… what I told her was true thought. I do love you Bella, I'm-"

"I also meant what I said, don't ever tell me you love me again."

"Why not? It's true."

She rolled her eyes.

"I think you should go, I'm tired."

I nodded.

"There will be a trail by tomorrow morning. Esme is already explaining the sketch to Emmett and Jasper."

"I'll thank her in the morning," Her voice broke a little at the end and something flashed in her eyes.

I knew her face she was still an open book. I could see she was about to break down too, the events of today catching up with her, and she knew I knew it too, so she walked around me and opened the door. Telling me without words that I had to go.

My arms screamed at me to wrap them around her fragile body, to comfort her, to tell her it was going to be Ok. I had this need to protect her, to make her feel safe and loved. She looked so vulnerable, so tiny it broke my heart. What did I do to her? What do I do now? Please angel, let me help you. Let me love you.

Against my better judgment, I gave in to the urge, not standing the pain and longing and wrapped my arms around her. She stiffened and fought me off as she started to cry, trying to pull away but I didn't let her. I won't let her go, not this time. Even if it was because of me, I won't let her suffer on her own. I was going to prove to her that I was here now, that I wasn't going anywhere.

"Let me go, please." She breathed, still struggling to get away from me, her cries turning into sobs as she yanked at my shirt.

"Never." I lost you once I'm not doing it again. "I'm so sorry, angel. I'm sorry." I cried.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she finally stopped fighting me off. "And don't say because you love me, because I don't believe you. I want the truth." She whimpered.

I released her and cupped her face between my hands, making her look at me.

"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Stop."

I shook my head no.

"I love you," I kissed her forehead "I love you," cheek "I love you," chin "I love you," eyes "I love you. How many times do I have to say it?" My voice broke "Why can't you believe me?"

"This ain't a fairytale."

"Bella…"

"You left, you broke your promise."

"Angel, it was a mistake. I lied, please believe me. "

She shook her head stepping away from me.

"Prove it." She challenged.

…

…

I felt a new ting of hope.

"What?" I asked stupidly.

"Prove it."

"If I do, will you give me a chance." By this point, I didn't care if she gave me a chance or not, as long as she knew the truth and stopped hurting.

…

…

"I don't know."

I brought her close to my body again and wrapped my arms around her. She was a block of ice in my embrace, her arms hanging to her sides but at least she wasn't fighting me off this time.

"I'll prove it to you. I swear."

"I won't hold my breath."

Her words again were like a slap to my face. She truly didn't believe me.

"More than yesterday." I breathed.

"What?"

I love you.

"More than yesterday."

I kissed her forehead one more time, and was out of the door a second later.

I hid in the forest, making sure Bella couldn't see me and climbed up a tree so I could have a better view of the cottage. I could hear my brothers and Carlisle in the distance, working on the trail. Even Rosalie was helping, something that surprised me. Then I heard Alice's fingers flying on the keyboard of her laptop, shopping clothes for Bella. I could also hear the sadness in her thoughts, Bella's coldness towards her had truly shaken her.

After a while, I heard some paws on the grown below me and I looked down to nod in acknowledgment at Seth. He was on his wolf form, ready and on alert.

"_I thought you'd like some company," _He said, but I knew he was here mostly to take care of Lizzie. _"Any signs of the redhead."_

I chuckled without humor and tried to listen to any unwelcome thoughts, just in case I missed something.

"No, we are good."

"_How are you? You look terrible."_

"I could be better." I admitted as I heard Bella get herself ready for bed inside the house. I could see her through the window in her small bathroom turn on the shower and then close the curtain of the window. Saving me from turning into a perv in front of Seth. "You should go to sleep you must be tired after today."

"_Nah, I'm good." _He said getting himself comfortable on the ground next to the tree I was sitting on _"But if I fall asleep, wake me up if something happens."_

"Will do."

We were silent after that, hearing Emmet and Jasper bicker in the distance, throwing rocks at each other and Esme berating them. It wasn't until all the lights in the cottage were off when Seth spoke again.

"_She dreams of you."_

"Who?"

"_Bella." _He said in a duh tone.

"How do you know that?"

"_She sleeps a lot, some side effect of her medication. Now that I was staying at Kaya's, I caught her a few times falling asleep on the couch… she'd say your name a few times. It drove Jacob crazy." _He chuckled.

I looked back at the cottage, straining to hear anything from inside. Maybe my name, coming from her lips like all those years ago when I sneaked into her room to watch her sleep at nights.

Does she still dream of me? If she does, what does she dream of? I wish I could dream of her too.

"_All I'm trying to say dude," _Seth continued when I didn't answer back. _"is to don't give up. She does love you she's just too hurt to see it."_

Was Seth right? Does she still love me? If she does, how do I make her see?

…

…

"I really hope you are right." I whispered.

* * *

**Poor Lizzie! She wants mommy and daddy to be together so much!**

**What should Edward do? How can he prove his love for Bella? Let me know! And what about Tanya? Some of you thought she'll be causing some trouble, like she commonly does in fanfic like for example... One More Chance? Lol! I thought I should give her a break in this fic and as I said before I'm trying to stay as close to the books as possible, and Tanya was never a threat.**

**Jacob in the other hand... ugh, I hated him in eclipse so much! and as you can see, we are past new moon in the series and now we are getting in eclipse territory ;) *coff, coff* vamps in seattle *coff,coff***

**Please leave me some love! I also have a few rec's! A few fics that have been pawning me!**

**"Fame" by BlueIsSoul, OMG I freaking love this fic! It's an angsty one, but it owns my heart completely! ****And it's so beautifully written!**

**"The Young Isabella" by sls87 I read the first six chaps today, and I can't wait for more!**

**"In Venam" by MissJanuary, now this one is only 4 chapters long so far, but it seems very promising and is soooo freaking original! Vampward and Angelbella! How cool is that?**

**Till next time! It might take another two weeks since I'll be working on OMC's sequel this week and I'm on spring break after all!**

**Saludos!**

**Tammy**


	18. Chapter 18: Blind

**I know, horrible can't even start to describe me! I'm so sorry! I know it took me a month to update but, as some of you know, I'm studying film production and sometimes my school projects consist on small productions and those take a lot of my time. Besides I work as a freelancer and sometimes my schedule is crazy because of that, and I have to maintain my scholarship and to top it all of I was in exams. As you see sometimes RL gets pretty busy.**

**Anyway, just so you know, I'll never EVER abandon my stories, I hate when authors do that and I do try to keep on schedule. I love to write, I want to be a screen writer so this is like disneyland for me as I get to practice creative writing with my favorite characters in the world!**

**WARNING!: Since I received a lot of mails and tweets from readers requesting an update and I didn't want to keep you waiting anymore, this chapter is not betaed or pre-readed, I'll post the fixed chapter once I get it back from beta, and I might change a few things in style or rhythm once I hear from my pre-reader but nothing drastic. You won't miss anything if you don't want to read it again =)**

**Disclaimer!: I'm NOT a doctor, so again I took some creative license here!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 18: Blind

"**Blind" – Lifehouse**

After all this time  
I never thought we'd be here  
Never thought we'd be here  
When my love for you was blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more than you'll ever know  
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like it was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

It's almost dawn, Seth is asleep on the ground below me as I stayed in the same position at the top of the tree all night. I could hear Lizzie stir inside the cabin, she's an early riser, Bella used to be too but from what I got from Seth's thoughts she sleeps a lot more now, which is understandable since her body is still recovering.

My family finished the trail a while ago, leaving Seth and I alone in the woods. He crashed about three hours ago, but we are hidden so if Lizzie comes out she won't see him in his wolf form.

The sun finally comes up, it must be around seven now, and I know for sure Lizzie is up now. I can hear her quicker breathing and heartbeat. So I decide to let her know about my presence, dying to see her sleepy face. I leave the spruce and land on my toes on the ground, I follow the new trail until I enter the clearing.

"Good morning, little angel." I whisper and I hear her gasp.

"Daddy!" She whispers yell "Where are you?"

"I'm outside, princess."

A second latter I see her pop her head through the window.

"Hi!" She waves at me frantically, wearing that smile she only wears for me. "Momma's still asleep." She informs me as I walk towards her.

"I know," I whisper "I can hear her. Let her sleep some more," I'm sure she needs it "you wanna go for a walk meanwhile?" I said, any other morning I'd suggest a run but I didn't want to go very far and leave Bella alone.

As I stop by the window I steal a peek inside the cottage and se my angel's sleeping form on the bed. Her face was so peaceful, as if yesterday's pain never existed. She looked so beautiful, at ease… I wouldn't dare to wake her up. She needed to rest, and her needs came first, no matter how much I missed her eyes.

Lizzie seems unsure about my suggestion, her head turning from Bella to me and back to Bella several times. I understood immediately that she was afraid to leave Bella, probably fearing she might not be here when we returned. I perfectly understood that fear, me too was afraid this was all an illusion and that soon she'd just disappear again.

"We won't go far, I'll still be able to hear momma's heartbeat. I promise."

I just wanted a moment with Lizzie alone, wanting to know how she was handling everything that has happened the last twenty-four hours. I worried about everything being too much for her, she had gone through so many changes the past year and a half.

"Ok," She sat on the sill and I helped her get out of the house.

Looking for ways to cheer her up, I came up with an idea.

"We should do something nice for momma when we come back. How about if we make her pancakes, like the ones you like?" I suggested.

"Yes!" She beamed, jumping into my arms. "Momma loves pancakes with lots of syrup!"

"That's settled then." I laughed.

It felt so good to finally laugh.

"Where's Seth?" Lizzie looked around.

"He's still asleep, it's just you and me." I wink at her and kiss her nose, then I put her on the ground and take her hand, pulling us in the opposite direction from Seth. "Now tell me, did you sleep well with momma?"

Her face saddened.

"Yes, but I missed you."

"I missed you too, angel." I kiss her hand "But you are with mommy, that must make you so happy."

"Yes," She smiled as tears filled her eyes "I missed mommy a lot too I'm so happy she's here daddy. It's not a dream."

"No, it is not… although I understand why you might think that. So, I was thinking… we should do something special for momma today besides breakfast in bed. As a welcoming gift, what do you think?"

Alice wanted to throw her a welcoming party but I didn't think that was the best idea considering what happened last time.

"Oh!" her face lightened "We can take her out! Momma likes to be outside, she told me once when she was in the hospital."

I hid my pained face before Lizzie could see it.

Of course she'd like to be out doors now, after spending only god knows how long in hospitals, clinics and what not, she was in much need of fresh air.

"What do you think if we take her into town?" She can't do much exercise so a short stroll down the pier along the river will be perfect for her.

"Yes! Do you think she'll want to go to that café you took me once, too? The one with the pretty hot cocoa?"

I chuckled.

"I don't know," I'm not even sure if she is allowed to have caffeine, and she already had low tolerance to it. "We could ask her."

Swiftly, I pull her onto my back and instinctively she wraps her arms and legs around me, I jump into a tree, climbing till I reach the top and sit us in a thick branch.

"Are you cold?" I asked her, staring at her pink pajamas but she shook her head. Still, I sat her in my lap, covered her with the sides of my jacket and zipped us both inside making her giggle.

"It's like you have to heads!" She laughed and I smiled kissing her hair.

"I'm glad you find it amusing, cause I'm planning to have you here with me for eternity. Like those kangaroo we saw in Australia." I wiggled my eyebrows at her, she laughed at me hard so I stared giving her messy kisses all over her face.

"Dad!" She laughed harder as she tried to break free from her prison inside my jacket but I wrapped my arms around her in an iron grip. Making her laugh more as she tried to fight me of.

"Lizzie? Lizzie?!" I suddenly heard Bella's panicked voice.

Crap.

We were too far for Lizzie's hearing range, so she kept laughing even though I had stopped messing with her.

"Time to go, momma's up."

Lizzie's eyes widened and I saw the urge to get back to her momma. So I held her tighter and jumped back to the ground with her still inside my jacket.

"Seth?! Where's Lizzie?" I could tell Bella was about to go into hysterics.

"Calm down Bells, she's with Edward. I can hear them."

"Momma!" Lizzie screamed happily as we entered the clearing and I saw Bella's face go from worry, to relief, and the turn into one of annoyance.

"Elizabeth." Bella breathed as Lizzie wrapped her arms around her legs. "Don't ever leave like that again without telling me." Bella almost cried, then she looked up to me and glared "you can't just take her like that, you scared me!"

I was shocked.

"She was with me, she was safe all the time." I explained with a shaky voice.

"But I didn't know that! God Edward! I have no vampire abilities, I can't tell if she was safe or not, or who she was with! Don't ever do that again!" Her eyes filled with unshed tears and she hugged Lizzie tighter.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled looking down "I didn't want to wake you, and-"

"It wasn't daddy's fault momma, I asked him to take me for a run." Lizzie lied for me and my heart went out to her worried face. She looked so stressed about Bella being mad at me, it was so heartbreaking.

"It's Ok, princess. I'm sorry Bella, I didn't think… I won't do it again."

She took a calming breath closing here eyes. When looked back at me again she looked somewhat calmer.

"It's Ok, just… tell me next time."

We stood there on some awkward silence until Seth broke the ice.

"So, I can smell bacon all the way here from the house, I guess it's breakfast time. Wanna join us Bella? I swear to god, Esme does a mean omelet."

Bella actually cracked a small smile.

She was so beautiful.

"But daddy and I were gonna make mommy breakfast in bed."

"That's not necessary baby, but thank you." Bella smiled down at her "There's nothing in the kitchen anyway, we need to go to the grocery's store later today." She nuzzled her cheek.

"Are you sure?" I couldn't help to ask "you had a long day yesterday, you need to rest. We can bring stuff from the house and I'm sure Esme won't mind going into town for you."

"I'm fine. If I've survived shopping with Alice before, grocery's shopping will be like a piece of cake." She winked down at our daughter, who giggled happily. It made me smile too.

"Are you sure? It's pretty far, and it might get colder lat-"

"Edward," She cut me off with a glare "I said I'm fine." She gritted her teeth, controlling her temper but it still flared through her eyes. "I'm not helpless."

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Hey Lizzie, If you beat me to the big house, you pick tonight's movie!" Seth interrupted me.

"Deal!" She beamed taking off at lighting speed with Seth on her tail.

"I just worry about you." I continued, once Seth had saved my ass once again.

"I said I'm fine. I'm not as weak as you think."

I frowned.

"I never thought you were weak, on the contrary. You are the strongest person I've ever known. I'm just afraid of something happening to you."

She rolled her eyes and walked around me in the direction of the trail. She was still wearing her pajamas, if you could call her set of sweats, t-shirt and hoodie that.

"Aren't you cold?"

"Jesus, Edward! Stop it! I don't need you to fuss over me."

"I just want to take care of you," I walked at her pace next to her "like I should have done three years ago." I said the last quietly, but she still heard it.

"Too late for that, and I'm nothing to you so you have no responsibilities towards me."

"But Bella, you are _everything _to me."

"I think I told you last night to cut that crap. Lizzie is not even here." She huffed.

I held in my scream. God, the pain.

"You also told me to prove it." I said seriously.

"I guess I did."

"That's what I'm trying to do here Bella, you really are everything to me."

"Words mean nothing, at least they didn't mean anything to you." She said, referring to my broken promises. "Your actions speak louder."

I grabbed her by her waist and rapidly but gently pushed her against a tree. Caging her between my body and the trunk.

"You are so stubborn!" I hissed quietly while she stared at me with wide eyes, her heart beat beating frantically. "I made a mistake, Bella. Why won't you believe me? Did you ever had even a little faith in me at all."

"I had faith in you, a lot of faith. I believed in you. God, I trusted you with my life!" Her voice shook "But you left me, you left when I needed you the most."

"I didn't want to leave."

"Well, it wasn't me who asked you to leave. You were the one who decided, it was your choice."

"Bell-"

"You choose your liberty and your distractions, and I don't blame you for that, I understand I was in your way. What I don't understand and why I'm mad about, is why you had to be so cruel about it?" Her eyes hardened.

"Bella, I'm sorry for how I left you that morning." My voice broke "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I panicked, why can't you see that?"

"If you were so worried about a few bruises, you could just have gotten me some painkillers, but you left instead. If you value my intelligence, please don't make such pathetic excuses."

"They are not excuses," I held her face between my hands "I left because I thought that was best."

"What was best for you! But what about me?! I've never felt so much like trash as that morning! So insignificant!"

"I told you! I was-"

"You treated me like a vile whore! You were just gone," tears fell from her angry eyes "you didn't even wake me up to let me know you were leaving, not even a kiss goodbye, nothing! Then you came back hours letter to just end things?! After that night of all nights?!"

I looked down, ashamed of myself.

"Bella," I breathed.

"I'm done with this!" She motioned between us "I'm done with you! I just want to enjoy our daughter, I've been away from her for far too long. Don't make me regret not listening to Jacob."

I took a step back.

"You'd take her away from me?" I asked aghast.

"Of course not!" She glared "I would never do that, but it would be so easy to take us back to La Push, and have her come and visit you every once in a while. Like I did with Charlie before going to forks."

Just the thought pained me. Last night was hard enough and I had her just a couple seconds away.

"Don't take her away from me." I begged, please "she's… she's everything to me."

"I won't, I'm just asking you to not make me regret my decision."

She stepped aside, pulling herself away from me once again and walked back to the big house.

I love you.

"More than yesterday." I whispered, before following her up the trail.

As we neared the house, I heard Lizzie and Seth banter about her breakfast.

"But I don't like eggs, you eat them."

"But Lizzie, you have to eat something. Or your tummy will be in pain later."

"But they smell." She whined, and I chuckled in spite of myself, making Bella eye me weirdly.

"Lizzie and Seth are arguing." I explained to which she rolled her eyes, I guessed this was as usual for her than me. I also caught a glimpse of a smile.

"That's not something new." She whispered before the house came into view.

We walked into the kitchen from the back door, Bella stopped on her tracks as soon as she saw the mountains of food in the breakfast table.

"Is someone else coming?" Bella asked wide-eyed.

"No, but I didn't know what you'd like." Esme appeared then, hugging Bella close to her before moving her to a stool next to Lizzie. "You must be starving, and Carlisle told me to make sure you eat lots of proteins and carbs. You are to skinny honey."

Bella's amused face quickly turned into one of annoyance.

"I can take care of myself."

"I know honey, no one's saying otherwise. On the contrary, I don't think I've ever met someone as brave and strong as you. We just want to help you, we do owe you a big one. Especially for bringing this little angel to the world." Esme caressed Lizzie's hair.

Bella seemed to choke at Esme's words, but she quickly recovered from her emotions and started placing some fruit on her plate before pulling Lizzie to her lap.

"It's still too much food." Bella mumbled.

"Oh, believe me. It's never too much with Seth around." Esme winked at Seth, who currently had stuffing his mouth with mini-muffins.

"Momma, I don't want eggs… they smell ugly."

"What do you want then?" Bella popped a grape into her mouth.

"I want your special pancakes! Daddy tried to make them a few times, they are yummy but not like yours." She smiled.

Bella laughed, and dear lord the sound was so good to my ears.

"Of course I'll make you special pancakes." Bella nuzzled Lizzie's cheek, it warmed my frozen heart to see my two angels interact. Bella was a great mother, and I could tell she loved to spoil our daughter as much as me, it didn't really matter what Lizzie ate, it didn't affect her. As long as she had something on her stomach for her hunger pains everything was Ok.

"If you want," I intercepted "you can just tell me how to make them, so you can finish your breakfast. You must be hungry." I offered.

"It's Ok, I miss cooking for somebody else than me." Bella said without looking at me.

"Can I help you, momma?"

"Of course, sweetie." Bella's eyes shinned with tears, and I remembered Lizzie's memories about her and Bella in the kitchen. This was something special for both of them.

"Can daddy help us too?"

"Of course." Bella said, not so excited anymore.

"You know princess, I'd love to help but I have to talk a few things with uncle Jasper…" I said, it was clear Bella didn't want me here and I truly wanted her to have her moment with our daughter without me spoiling it. "Why don't you come and look for me when you are done?"

"Ok." Lizzie mumbled. "But you are not leaving, right?"

I frowned.

"Of course not, I'll be just in the living room." I kissed her head.

Before walking out of the kitchen, Bella mouthed a "thank you" before looking back down to face our daughter in her lap.

With a sigh, I sat on the couch next to Jasper. He didn't acknowledge me, his eyes were glued to the TV. He wore a heavy scowl.

"What's going on?" I asked, just to make conversation for Lizzie's sake. I already knew what was behind that frown between his eyebrows.

"Why hasn't the Volturi done anything?"

"I'm sure they'll do something soon, it's been a while now."

"I know, but… it comes and goes, remember how it stopped for a while and now is back?"

"So?"

"It makes me think about their effectiveness…"

"No one can fight them off. Not with the evil twins at least."

"Exactly, which makes me believe they are doing something, maybe they killed the newborns last year, but didn't catch their creator? And he's acting again?"

I shrugged.

"He must be suicidal, then. Or crazy, if he already escaped once, the Volturi won't be happy he's mocking them."

It wasn't really our concern, Jasper's just reacting out of instinct and I was playing along. He was an army man, always on edge, his brain always going on about strategies and options. Calculating.

"Aren't you worried they'll spread? There must be around ten of them, and we are one of the closest clans."

"You think it's an army?"

"The pattern fits…"

"But Washington isn't claimed by anyone, it makes no sense. We were the only ones there when we left."

"I know, that's why I'm trying to figure it out. What's the point? Why taking the risk."

I sighed. I don't really care, maybe it was some old vampire gone mad.

"My only concern in this world is a crazy read-head running loose somewhere in Montana." I told him.

"She's not in Montana anymore, Alice saw her this morning going south." Emmet said, looking up from his Gameboy.

I frowned.

Why would Victoria go south? Maybe she gave up? I shook my head, It doesn't matter, she still has a target on her head with my name on it.

Alice showed me her vision from her spot in her room. She was still shopping for Bella online.

As Jasper and I continued to watch the news in silence, the house started to smell of sugar, chocolate and vanilla mixed together. It gave us a sense of warmth, homey. My body itched to go back to the kitchen and see my reasons for existing interact with each other. I could hear their giggles, laughs and soft conversations, but I wished I could see them as well. But I don't want to be greedy and lose her again, I still counted my blessings… she was back, I could hear her laugh again… her real laugh, I didn't have to use my imagination or resort to my old memories anymore. She was here, she was alive.

But I still miss you angel.

Getting bored with the news, I decide to play for a while. So for the next hour as Bella and Lizzie make and eat breakfast I quietly serenade them with Bella's lullaby. It killed me not being able to be part of their bubble, but I knew Lizzie needed to spend time with her mother, and me being there would make things awkward, and I didn't want to ruin their moments with my presence. Especially for Lizzie, I knew what it was to live without Bella.

After a while after they had eaten and cleaned the kitchen, Bella walked back into the living room with Lizzie in her arms.

"You are not my little baby any more," Bella chuckled "you are getting heavy. What's her physical age?" She asked me, but manage not to look me in the eye.

"Six," I answered as she sat with her on the love seat and Lizzie buried her face on Bella's neck, cuddling against her body "her growth has slowed down to a normal rate, that's why she is able to go to school now."

Bella nodded, caressing Lizzie's cheek with the back of her fingers and Lizzie stared at her momma's face, much like yesterday, afraid she would disappear.

I wished so badly I could sit with them and wrap my arms around both of them.

"Daddy says I'm healthy momma, he always makes sure I eat healthy, too."

"I know," Bella chuckled "Seth told me."

"You need to eat healthy too momma, at school I learned humans have to eat at least three times a day so they won't get sick. And I don't want you sick anymore."

Bella smiled softly at her as her eyes filled with tears and my throat closed.

"I know honey, speaking about that." Bella looked around "Esme?"

Esme appeared at the entrance of the living room.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Can I borrow your car?"

I frowned. What about me?

"Carlisle took our car with him to work, but he'll be back around six."

"Where do you want to go?" I asked.

"I told you, I need to go grocery's shopping… and I'm running out of my medicines."

"I can take you." I offered in a heartbeat.

She rolled her eyes.

"I can go on my own."

"No, you can't."

"Excuse me?"

I sighed.

"I don't mean it like that, what I mean is that it's not safe."

"Seth can come with us."

"Seth's just a kid, Victoria would take him out in a second. Besides, he's gone."

She frowned.

"Where is he?"

"He went to see Jacob before he leaves."

"Oh, well… then-"

"I can take you, Bella." Alice suddenly appeared in the living room and I glared at her. But didn't hold it against her, she just wanted to connect with her best friend again.

"You don't mind?"

"Of course not! It'll be fun, I've never shopped for food… that I remember? Anyway, you and I will shop for food, yes! Oh, that'll be fun!"

"Ok?" Bella stared at her as if Alice had gone mad.

Maybe she had.

"And Edward can watch Lizzie meanwhile."

"I'm still coming with you." I interrupted.

Even if Bella was safe with Alice, I still wanted to keep an eye close on her. What if she felt ill?

"Of course dummy! We are all going!"

And I knew Alice's hidden agenda then.

* * *

I parked on the nearest spot to the entrance of Safeway, stepped out of the car and opened the door for Bella as Alice unbuckled Lizzie from her booster and helped her out too. As soon as Lizzie was on the floor Bella and I reached for her hand at the same time, my fingers brushing against her accidentally. Sending that familiar current from the spot our skin touched all the way up through my arm. Bella gasped, flinching again and I mumbled a sorry before going for Lizzie's other hand. The three of us walked towards the entrance then, with Lizzie in the middle both of us holding on of her hands as Alice followed quietly behind us.

As we entered the store, I grabbed a cart and sat Lizzie on the children's seat. She made a face of annoyance but didn't complain, she knew this was the only time I didn't relent. Whenever we were on a public place, she was supposed to stay on my sight and never wonder alone even if I could hear her. This was the only place were if we were attacked by unwelcome vampires it would be more difficult to protect her without risking exposure. Not that it would matter, I would face the Volturi's wrath a thousand times for her, but still why to temp fate?

"So Bella! Where do we start?!"

"Mhmmm, the vegetables section… I guess." She said pointing to the right where all the fruits and vegetables were.

The next hour, we spend it going aisle per aisle. Bella barely even looked at me, and Alice was in charge of making conversation and making things less awkward, but even then Bella would barely acknowledge her so Alice turned to Lizzie. Thinking that if she kept Lizzie distracted, she wouldn't notice the tension emanating from Bella.

At some point, I could tell by Alice's expression that if possible she would be at the verge of tears at Bella's coldness towards her. And since I understood the feeling I could sympathize with her.

By now, we were in the pharmacy were Bella was going through different shampoos and conditioners. She wore a frown as she inspected the different brands and it was something that definitely caught my attention, she was never that picky over some stupid shampoo. Besides, she always used to buy the same strawberry scented one on her left. But clearly, she was ignoring it now.

"What are you looking for?"

I pretended not to pay attention to Alice's almost one sided conversation with Bella while I helped Lizzie choose a new toothbrush.

Bella shrugged.

"Shampoos."

Alice sighed quietly.

"I know that, what I mean… why do you look like you are solving a math problem?"

"I'm trying to see which one has more vitamin H."

"Why do you need biotin?" I asked with a frown.

"Makes hair grow faster." She said avoiding my gaze as always.

"Oh," Alice said, for a first time at a loss of words "Well, you still have beautiful hair Bella, don't stress over it. It'll grow soon."

"Whatever," She sighed "I think I'm done." She threw a green bottle into the cart. "I just need to pick up my prescriptions. I'll be back in a minute."

"Ok," Alice said "I'll finish here for you."

"Thanks." And with that Bella walked to the pharmacy stall.

"Let's see…" Alice muttered to herself going through the contents of the cart. "We need to buy a few more of these," She hold up some soaps "the less we have to venture here the better. Oh! I know what's missing!" Alice turned around and grabbed a few boxes of toothpaste, tampons and more mouthwash. A second later, Bella was back and we headed for the register.

"Daddy, my tummy hurts."

"You hungry, princess?"

She nodded.

"Didn't you have breakfast this morning?"

That was strange, and I instantly worried. I had to almost beg her on my knees everyday to make her eat human food at least twice a day. She could usually go a couple of days without food before her body reacted, but I never let her do that. I hated for her to be in pain.

"Yes, but I'm hungry. Can we have lunch before we go back?" She asked sweetly.

"Sure, angel." I leaned down and kissed her nose. "What do you want?"

"Spaghetti."

"Of course," I chuckled "Italian it is." I playfully tugged at the laces of her red chucks.

Once we reached the register, I started loading the band with all the things. We had to take two karts since everything Bella picked either Alice or I would triple it. I didn't want Bella or Lizzie to need for anything, especially since we lived so far from town. Bella had just rolled her eyes at us, but thankfully didn't argue. She too understood it was easier and safer for Lizzie if she didn't moved around too much.

Bella started helping me unload the things and it caught mine and Alice's attention when she took out the pink boxes of tampons. I was too nervous to ask so I was thankful Alice was here.

"You don't need that? You prefer pads?"

Bella blushed.

"Ehmm, no. I don't need either." She mumbled awkwardly.

"Why?"

She distracted herself by loading the cereal boxes.

"I have early menopause."

"Because of the chemo?" I couldn't help but ask.

"No." She finally looked up, her eyes fleeting from Lizzie -who was busy reading the back of her favorite cereal box- to me a few times before finally settling her eyes to me.

"After the birth, there were some complications…" she started slowly, carefully. For some reason I was breathing hard. "They had to remove my uterus, bad infection."

I instantly looked away. I couldn't meet her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella" Alice whispered.

"It's Ok." Bella said as if it wasn't a big deal. "It could have been worse."

"Excuse me." I choked, before turning around and walking out of the store. I could feel their eyes burning on my back but I didn't care, I needed to get out a soon as possible.

Once outside, I walked across the driveway and into the forest. As soon as I was out of sight, broke into a run and let the sobs break through me.

Is there something else I can take away from her?

Can I hurt her anymore?

It was really ironic, to be honest. If it wasn't for the pain I would have laughed at myself.

I left her because I though I couldn't give her the good things in life, like a family. Turns out, I was wrong and not only that, I made sure she couldn't have one with someone else if she wanted to. Although the thought of her making a family with someone else angered me to no end, I loved her enough for wanting her to be happy first. And I took that opportunity away from her too. If I had been there, I would have taken good care of her, I would have tended to her wounds properly, I would have… I would…

I wouldn't have to worry about her trying to make a family with another man, that man would be me. We would be together, she probably wouldn't be sick and she would be by now one of us.

It surprised me the force of the pain, and I couldn't understand why it hurt me so much. Especially since I was determined to win her back, I shouldn't worry about her wanting to have a family with someone else.

It was with utter shock, that I understood the reason behind the pain. And again, I was so selfish for even thinking about it, especially after seeing Jacob and Seth's memories of her pregnancy. But, I think… I think somehow, my subconscious had this wish… this crazy, wonderful wish that maybe… Lizzie could have a little brother, in the future…

My eyes stung as my vision was replaced with this beautiful scene. Bella, Lizzie and I sitting around the fireplace in the cottage, Bella holding a little baby with auburn hair and brown eyes like his mother.

"Are you fucking done with the pain!" I yelled at no one. "I know I have sinned in the past, I know I have made mistakes, but I'm not in hell yet! No! Forget about me, what about them?! What have they done to you!"

I ended up on my knees, my chest heaving as if I needed oxygen.

"They say you are good, if you want to punish me for all I have done, hit me with a thunder. But don't drag them into these, please." I breathed "They don't deserve this."

My phone chirped and I took it out of my pocket to find a text from Alice.

**We are done, hurry back. Lizzie is asking for you. –Alice**

With a heavy sigh I stood up and tried to take a few breaths to calm myself. After a few seconds, I placed my mask back on and headed back to the store.

"_I'm so sorry, Edward."_ Alice thought and I ignored her.

"You got everything you needed?" I asked Bella as I took the driver's seat, I could feel her burning eyes on me but for the first time it was me who ignored her questioning looks as I maneuvered the car out of the spot.

"Yes, thank you." She mumbled.

"Daddy, where were you?"

"I just needed some air, princess. It smelled really weird in there." I half lied but at least I made her giggle.

"Are we going to have lunch now?"

I chuckled with out humor. I just didn't have it in me right now.

"I have to almost blackmail you every day for you to eat something, what's with the urge now?" I looked at her through the rearview mirror.

She shrugged.

"Momma has to eat."

"I can wait till we get home, baby. If you don't want to, we don't have to stop for me."

"But, you have to eat momma. I heard daddy say you need to be healthy." She nodded to herself and I chuckled again.

She was so adorable.

"She's right," I said "it's lunch time for the human." I tried to pull our old inner joke, but there was too much tension in the car.

"I can an hour till we get home."

I shook my head.

"We are already here, it's Ok."

"Alright, but nothing fancy." She warned, knowing me too well.

"It's Sundre," I chuckled "Mc'Donalds is high cuisine here."

We ended in the only Italian mini restaurant in town, it was small just four tables and 2 booths but it worked. It had a homey feel and it was warm which would be great for Bella.

Once we were seated and given our menus, we were quiet again. And I went with Lizzie and I's charade where I would read the menu aloud for her. Bella found this very amusing, and my heart constricted when I caught her smiling our way.

"I don't know what I want." Lizzie said.

"What do you like the most?"

"I don't know, I'm between ravioli and spaghetti. Momma, you wanna share?"

"Sure sweetie."

Lizzie looked up to the waitress.

"Momma wants mushroom ravioli."

The waitress was amused, after a quick glance at Bella who nodded in return she scribbled on her pad.

Since Lizzie was still undecided about what type of spaghetti she wanted, the waitress went to place Bella's order at Alice insistence.

"I don't know daddy, I think I'm not hungry anymore." Lizzie said once the waitress was gone.

"What?" I asked dumbfounded and she just shook her head smiling sweetly at me.

"No, you know what… I just want a hot cocoa, like the one you promised me this morning." Then she turned to Alice who was beaming at her with a devilish smile that I instantly recognized. "Auntie Alice, would you take me while momma eats?"

"Of course sweetie!" Alice said a bit too eagerly "We'll be right back!"

Not two seconds had passed, and suddenly Bella and I were left alone with two big question marks on our foreheads.

What was that?

Bella and I stayed into a very awkward silence, which was broken a few minutes later when the waitress arrived with Bella's drink.

"Pink lemonade?"

"Thanks." Bella said politely, before going quiet again.

…

…

…

After a long minute, she huffed.

"We don't have to do this." She stood up, scrapping the chair against the hardwood floor but I grabbed her hand.

"Bella, please…"

"What do you want know?" Her eyes were angry, looking from my grip on her to my face.

"We need to talk."

Our eyes locked for an infinite minute, before she looked away out of the window and sit back down, retreating her hand and crossing her arms around her chest.

Please angel, let me in.

…

…

…

"I don't blame you," She said softly, barely above a whisper "that wasn't your fault."

"Can you please tell me what happened?"

I was such an idiot. I knew the conditions Bella had given birth into, and I still didn't stop to think if there had been consequences.

She shrugged.

"I couldn't exactly go to a hospital… Sue is the midwife of the tribe but my case was special, she tried to do her best but there was so little we knew about what to expect."

Her eyes were lost in the memory.

"It was a long delivery… I bled a lot, I had wounds… I kept bleeding days after Lizzie was born so Jake took me to a hospital in Port Angeles. I caught something… I didn't understand much, I just know I got an infection and they had to remove it before it spread."

"Angel, I'm so sorry." I tried to reach for her hand again, but she shrugged away. Her rejection felt as if a dagger was constantly stabbing my heart.

"It's Ok, it doesn't matter anyway." She wiped a tear away from her cheeks.

"Of course it matters." I said almost angrily but she shrugged, looking away again.

"It's not like I planned having anymore children. I don't really have a future."

"You should have anything you want, Bella."

She shook her head again.

"You don't get it, Edward. I have Lizzie, I can't… I can't go on with my life, I can0t risk her, she's the only thing I have."

…

…

"You'll have me. Always."

"You said something similar years ago."

O*O*O

_The silence was making me insane._

"_Say something," I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway._

"_What do you want me to say?" he asked in a detached voice._

_I cringed at his remoteness._

"_Tell me you forgive me."_

_That brought a flicker of life to his face, a flicker of anger._

"_Forgive you? For what?"_

"_If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."_

"_Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut, that hardly deserves the death penalty."_

"_It's still my fault."_

_My words opened up the floodgate._

"_Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own, without someone throwing you into them, even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up, and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."_

"_How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" I demanded._

"_Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with." He growled._

"_I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," I protested "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."_

"_Don't be melodramatic, please."_

"_Well then, don't you be ridiculous."_

_He didn't answer. He glared through the windshield, his expression black._

_I racked my brain for some way to salvage the evening. When we pulled up in front of my house, I still hadn't come up with anything._

_He killed the engine, but his hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel._

"_Will you stay tonight?" I asked in a small voice._

"_I should go home."_

_The last thing I wanted was for him to go wallow in remorse._

"_But… it's my birthday."_

_He remained quiet, his eyes lost in the dark forest in front of us._

"_You can't have it both ways, either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."_

_His voice was stern, but not as serious as before. I breathed a silent sigh of relief._

"_Ok, I decided I don't want you to ignore my birthday." I took his hand from the steering wheel and he stared at out entwined finger. "I love you." I told him, searching his eyes._

_He swallowed._

"_Edward…"_

_He was too serious, it scared me._

"_Yes?"_

_My heartbeat suddenly went miles per minute, and his eyes finally met mine as he looked at me curiously._

"_Since, it's my birthday… can I ask one more thing?"_

…

…

"_Anything."_

_I took an encouraging breath before unbuckling my seatbelt. _

_He stared at me curiously and I moved across the seats of my truck until I reached his side, my eyes never leaving his gorgeous face. Without breaking our gaze I threw one leg across him and straddled his lap. His eyes widened and a breath got caught in his throat as without a warning, I locked my lips with his._

* * *

**I think we all understood what the last part is about, right? ;) For all of you who are requesting some love and sexy times... that's for you!**

**Now, I know a couple readers are saying that Lizzie is being a brat, but in my opinion she has gone through so much in a world she doesn't understand. She just wants to feel safe and be with her parents, she is just 4 years after all. She's scared of loosing them again.**

**Now, I promise on Robward's sexy hair that I'll update this weekend! I have a little break now, so that'll give me time to write this week!**

**Saludos!**

**Tammy**


	19. Chapter 19: Beside You

**Phew! Done!**

**I guess Robward will go bald since I swore on his sexy hair I'll update last weekend but the chapter took longer than I thought, you'll see why! At least it didn't took me a month like last time!**

**Guess what? I have new Beta/Prereader joining me on this story! Everyone please welcome Joy1 ! She's amazing and helped a lot through this chapter, so thank you so much! You have no idea how much you helped and how thankful I am for you doing this for me!**

**I also wanna thank my other Beta, Cattinson for her work and for the song she suggested for future chapters, I loved it!**

**And Lisopera, hope you are having a wonderful holiday, thank you again for your words and encouragement! Love you lots!**

**Now! Team Bella and Team Edward, grab your pom poms, horns, whistles and put you cheerleader outfits on cause things are gonna get tough for a couple more chapters!**

**Team Bella thinks Edward should grovel more, and Team Edward thinks Bella is being a bitch about it all... but please remember people, it's only been TWO days since Bella returned. Everybody is still overwhelmed and no one has stopped to see the big picture here. It's too soon for Bella to see the light and for Edward to get his head out of his ass and actually DO something to win her back. Anyway, as I said things will be tough for a couple more chapters, then well start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Bear with me, as always I promise a HEA!**

**SM own the world!**

* * *

Chapter 19: Beside You

"**Beside You" – Mariana's Trench**

When your tears are spent on your last pretense

And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense

When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles

And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you

I'll be right beside you

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath

When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless

When you try to speak but you make no sound

And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud.

"_You'll have me. Always."_

"_You said something similar years ago."_

…

…

"I don't know how, I don't know when… but some day I'm going to prove it to you. That everything was a lie to protect you. I did what I did for you, because I thought it was best."

"Even if what you say is true, it still shouldn't have been your decision only. I had a say too."

"You wouldn't have accepted it."

"You are right, I wouldn't have accepted it. Because _I_ loved _you_, beyond anything else. You left a few marks, so what? I've had it worse." Her voice shook.

"I know, and I'm so, so sorry love. You have no idea how difficult it was for me to leave, I swear I thought it would kill me."

"Yet you left so easily, it took what? Two, three minutes? How long were we in the forest behind my house?"

"I told you Bella, I'm a good liar."

"We finally agree on something." She finished just as the waitress arrived with her food.

"Excuse me," Bella said before she left "would you please put this in a take-out box? And bring the check?"

"Of course, ma'am."

When the waitress was gone, I spoke again with a pained face.

"If you don't want me here, I can wait outside. But please don't neglect yourself your needs because of me."

"I want to go back I can wait an hour till we get to the house." She ignored my pleading eyes, looking away out of the window again. "I'll be fine I had a lot for breakfast."

"If that's what you want."

"Thank you."

After I paid for Bella's food –which brought another round of arguments- we left the restaurant and walked to the coffee shop a few blocks away where I could hear Lizzie and Alice.

"Can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything." I breathed.

"Can you take me to see Jacob before we leave?"

"Why?" I tried not to grit my teeth.

"I want to say goodbye to him, I'm sure he feels horrible after what he did in front of Lizzie, and I want to talk to him."

"About what?"

She glared.

"That's none your business, but if your controlling freak nature must know… I wanna thank him for everything he did for us. I also want to hand him a letter for Kaya."

Guilt washed all over me again, but the anger didn't fade away. Which made me angrier since I knew I should thank the dog, but I couldn't help it. He wanted to take Bella and Lizzie away from me.

"I don't want him near Lizzie."

Here eyes filled with ire.

Damn it.

"Why the hell not?"

"He's dangerous, and I don't trust him."

He wants to take them away from me.

Bella huffed.

"Well, I do. Jacob has been nothing but loyal to me since day one. He never _abandoned _me or Lizzie no matter the circumstances or what we put him through."

Touché.

I looked away, so she wouldn't see my pained and guilty eyes.

"He has protected us and went against his brothers for us he took care of _your _daughter while you happily chased mountain lions. He's the only family I have left and Lizzie adores him. So yes, she's seeing him and hugging him goodbye."

I shook my head stubbornly.

"I still don't trust him he can easily lose control and hurt her."

"He's not a young wolf anymore, and you could very easily do the same by not paying attention. He loves her as much as you do, he'll never hurt her intentionally."

Ouch.

I gritted my teeth, both in anger and to prevent something stupid from coming out of my mouth.

"I'm her father." I barely whispered.

"No one is questioning that, and yes you are her biological father but Jacob has been there for her the longest. He saved our lives, put his and Leah's lives on hold and cared for us. He helped me with the bills when we lived in Seattle and I couldn't work anymore, so technically he has the same rights as you."

"If I'd have known-"

"You would have taken responsibility, like you are doing now. I know, but things didn't happen that way and Jacob is in Elizabeth's life too. You have to accept that."

My jaw clenched again and I looked to the opposite side of the street. My eyes stung, and if I had been human tears would be falling down my cheeks by know.

"I know I owe Jacob the world," I started carefully "but you can't ask me to be Ok and act as if nothing is wrong when I keep hearing him plot different ways of taking you and Elizabeth away."

She came to a stop, which made me stop on my tracks and turn to her. Her eyes were serious and sincere.

"Edward, I've told you." She said softly "I'm not taking her anywhere… Elizabeth loves you I wouldn't do that to her, or you. No matter what Jacob has to say, as long as you keep being a good father for her, I have no reason to take her away."

"You promise?"

"She's yours too and she wants you in her life. I never wanted you out of it, I looked for you as soon as I found out I was pregnant but there was only so much I could do. I'm sorry you missed out on a lot of things and couldn't be there, I'm sorry you feel threatened by Jacob, but that's how it is."

"I'm so, sorry angel." I breathed "I wish I could go back in time."

"There's a lot of things we could have done differently, but now you are here… and I can tell you want to be a good dad for her, so don't screw it up because of your jealousy over Jacob. He's good for her too, he was the closest thing to a father she's had all these years, if you rip him away from her life like that it'll only hurt her."

I looked down at my red chucks, the same ones as my little angel.

"I don't want that. I swear, I just… the thought of never seeing any of you, it literally kills me Bella. I love you both so much it's insane."

When she didn't say anything back, I looked up to see her looking at me seriously. As if trying to figure out a math problem she couldn't understand.

"What?" I asked her afraid I had scared her or angered her again.

She shook her head.

"Nothing, let's go."

* * *

Just as Jacob pulled open the cab's door that would take him to Calgary's airport, I pulled up several feet behind him, far away enough so Lizzie won't hear what Bella and Jacob would discuss as Bella requested. He had been wearing a scowl, until he laid his eyes on us, or more exactly on Bella and Lizzie. They softened a little but put the mask back right away when his eyes met mine.

Bella opened her door and stepped outside, breaking into a run and throwing herself in Jacob's arms, hugging him tightly as if her life depended on him.

I looked away, it pained me so much to see her act like her old self around others but me, to see her hug and kiss another man but me.

"Hey loca! I thought you had forgotten about me." Jacob put her back on the ground and smiled at her.

"Don't be stupid, I'll never forget about you. You are my best friend." Bella cried.

"How are you?" Jacob took a step back to watch Bella's face better, "You are looking pale."

"Couldn't sleep much last night, new surroundings and stuff."

Jacob gave her a look as if he didn't believe her, then his eyes flickered to mine with a glare which I returned. Then revived the car and drove away as Bella had ordered me, she wanted privacy with Jacob but what she didn't know was that I still kept close enough to listen. I needed to know she was safe and that that mutt wouldn't hurt her or fill her brain with more crap. Jacob took her hand and walked her into the forest across the road, shielding themselves from human passerbys ears.

"If you need anything, let me know. I know this is what you want, and I'm going to respect that, but if you need _anything _just let me know. I'll be back in a heartbeat to rip his head off." Jacob said as my car disappeared when I rounded the corner.

"Jake," Bella scolded. "I came to say goodbye; please don't start that again. He won't hurt us. We are fine."

Jacob shrugged.

"He has done it before, what makes you think he won't do it again?"

"Because he loves Elizabeth, he can't lie about that. I see it in his face and you have seen it in Seth's thoughts."

He thought for a moment and it took everything within me not to turn around and shred him to tiny pieces. In the backseat Alice distracted Lizzie with light talk about the difference between Russian and Cuban ballet.

"Once the novelty wears off and he needs his distractions again, call me. I'll come and take you home." He stated.

"He might have abandoned me, but he won't do that to Lizzie. She is his own flesh and I've seen the special bond that Seth talked about in them. He needs her as much as she needs him."

"Still, when this doesn't work out anymore call me and I'll be here." He said confidently and again I fought the urge to at least scream at him. Who does he think he is? "But I have to ask you once again, are you sure this is what you want? Being up here all alone?"

"Alone? I won't be alone Jake. I'll have Lizzie and Seth with me."

It hurt me to no end that she had excluded me and my family from that equation.

"Their house is in the middle of nowhere, you can't drive around for yourself and living with them will force you to cut all social life. And from what I got from Seth's thoughts this morning, you are not very talky talky with either of them. You'll drive yourself crazy, are you sure you'd do all this for him? Just so he can see Lizzie everyday? In my opinion, you are sacrificing too much for him after all he did."

"I'm not doing it for him I'm doing it for her. I lost both of my parents I don't want Lizzie to have the same fate as me."

"This is a very different scenario, Rene abandoned you and Charlie was murdered. The leech can still visit her whenever he wants."

"I won't take her father away from her."

"And what about you? What about your happiness?"

Bella scoffed.

"This isn't about me Jacob my life isn't mine anymore… I have a hybrid daughter, I can't move on with my life, don't you see? It'll put her in danger, and I'd never even dream of leaving her behind. Last year I had no other option, I was dying and I needed to make sure she would be safe and taken care of. I'm stuck here, this is as far as my life will go, and to be honest I don't care. Lizzie is far way better than any other dream I could have. She makes me happy, I don't need anything else."

"You are wrong. You could move on with your life; I'm sure Paul won't mind." He smirked.

What?!

My whole body stiffened when I read Jacob's thoughts, he had been so careful about not giving away this piece of information before.

Paul? The freaking dog that scared my daughter for life when he phased and endangered her? What's the story here? What did I miss?!

"Ugh, please," Bella made a face, "He's an idiot. Besides, I'm sure he'll find his imprint soon."

"It's not a rule Bella. Just give it a thought. You have a family with us back at the rez. As soon as you feel comfortable with telling Lizzie about the wolf thing, you wouldn't have to hide so much. You don't owe _him _anything; he made his choices."

"I know that. I know I owe him nothing, but I'm not going to do what my mom did and run away with Lizzie. I missed a lot of time with Charlie and now I wish I had seen him more." Bella's voice broke and Jacob engulfed her in another hug. Bella closed her eyes and buried her face in the mutt's chest.

"I want my daughter to spend time with her father because that's what I should have done when I could. Instead I spent my time throwing tantrums every time my mom would send me over the summers, or wallowing about a stupid vampire who left me instead of spending time with the only person that truly loved me for who I was. I don't want Lizzie to hate me because I took that away from her because of my anger."

"Shhh… it's Ok, don't cry please." Jacob caressed the back of her head and my arms burned to hold her and take away all her pain.

"You have no idea how much I miss him Jacob, how much I regret not telling him 'I love you' everyday because I was so stupidly giving my love away to someone who didn't deserve it or want it."

"And yet, you are still here. With _him._"

Bella took a step back and glared.

"I'm not with him, Jacob. Charlie was right; Edward wasn't good for me."

"Bella, please." He scoffed, "You can try and fool everyone, but you can't fool me! I know that look, I _know _those tears… you are still in love with him."

"No, I'm not." Bella said taken aback.

"Yes, you are. Otherwise you wouldn't cry or look away every time someone said his name."

"I cry because all this is too much Jacob! I'm scared shitless! Four years ago I was a happy, normal teenager! Now I'm a lonely twenty one year old girl, trying to grow up too fast to be a mother in a world where vampires and wolves and magic are supposed to belong to fairytales and horror stories! And to top it all that I'm barren, my father was murdered, my heart is broken and I suffered a painful disease! All because I fell in love with a stupid vampire who tossed me away like a bag of fucking trash! Of course I cry! Do you think I really want this? You really think I want to spend the rest of my life hiding in a freaking mountain?!"

"Then why the hell are you here?!"

"Because I don't want Elizabeth to hate me!"

"She won't hate you, she'll understand."

Bella shook her head, and I don't think I have taken a breath in the last ten minutes.

"Edward might be a lot of things… he might be a liar, manipulative and controlling. But he _is _a good dad, he could have said no to Mark when he located him but he took responsibility and cared for Lizzie. She freaking adores him, she can't do anything without looking back at him to see if he saw her. They are each other's world and no matter how much he hurt me, and how much I want to hurt him back I won't do the same thing to him. That'll make me like him and it'll only hurt Lizzie."

"But what about you? What about your happiness? They have eternity to be with each other, but you don't. Last year should be enough proof of that. You have to live your own life Bella, you have to be happy too and staying here like a prisoner ain't that."

"And going back to La Push won't be much different. I still have to hide, everyone thinks I'm dead and not everyone at the rez knows about Lizzie, wolves or vampires. Victoria is around I've put you in much danger already with those nomads that attacked us before Lizzie was born. I don't want to risk the Cullen's either but they are a little more durable than you."

She sat on the ground leaning against a tree, breathing hard as if she was suddenly exhausted. I tensed when I noticed her going even paler.

"Are you Ok?"

"Yeah, I just haven't had lunch."

"Bella." Jacob said angrily. "Is he depriving you from your needs?"

Bella scoffed.

"Of course not Jacob, don't be stupid. We just went to the groceries store and it got late."

"Bella, how do you want me to leave in peace if I can't trust you to take care of yourself? Much alone can I trust him with you? Charlie wouldn't have liked this, he didn't trust him either."

Bella looked up, eyes angry again.

"And if I had listened to him, Lizzie wouldn't be here and I'd probably be dead by now. I know I have to take care of myself, and I am… it's just that's been a crazy couple of days."

"Should I send someone to remind you to feed every four hours?"

"God! Can you please trust me for once?! People have bossed me around enough, Jacob. I can take care of myself let me have some control of my own life for god's sake." She muttered the last.

"You are so stubborn woman," Jacob laughed without humor, "Crap, Leah is gonna kick my ass when I come back without you."

Bella giggled drying her tears with her sleeve and Jacob sat next to her next to the tree.

"Send her to me."

They remained in silence for about five minutes, lost in their own thoughts until Bella spoke again.

"I want to thank you Jacob. For everything you did, I wouldn't have survived without you… you are my hero. Even if sometimes I feel like kicking your annoying ass." She laid her head on his shoulder and Jacob chuckled.

"Nah, you did it all in your own. I'm very proud of you sis," He threaded his meaty hand through her short hair "you were very brave. I was just there to hold your hand."

Bella started crying and wrapped her arms around him again.

"You didn't just hold my hand, Jake. You did so much more than what was necessary. I love you, and please keep your promise…"

"I'll never leave you, Bells. I'm just one phone call away. If I could I'd move here into the woods too but I can't leave the rez behind… much less now that Leah is finally pregnant."

"What?!" Bella gasped, her eyes going wide.

"She stopped phasing after Rebecca died," Jacob's eyes turned somber. "It finally happened."

"Why didn't you tell me?!" She slapped his arm and he laughed wholeheartedly.

"Just found out a few days ago, you were all over the place, arranging everything to come here."

"I'm so happy for you Jake! God, I'll call her a soon as I get to the cottage."

"She'll love that; she's over the moon."

They started talking about dates and wolf related stuff, and finally I relaxed my posture. I stretched my knuckled that were surprisingly sore from the iron fists I had made over my lap. Two minutes later, Bella called telling me to bring Lizzie so she could say goodbye to Jacob.

On our way back the ride was uncomfortably silent, even Alice was quiet. Lizzie had cried when she had hugged Jacob goodbye, yesterday's incident long lost in her memory. It only proved how much Jacob meant to her and I realized Bella was right. Even if I couldn't stand the mongrel, I had to accept he was part of Lizzie's life too.

But that wasn't the reason behind the tension in my shoulders neither was Bella's muteness and silent mind. The reason I was over the edge were Bella's words going on loop in my mind.

"_I cry because all this is too much Jacob! I'm scared shitless!"_

"_I'm not with him, Jacob. Charlie was right; Edward wasn't good for me."_

"_I'm barren, my father was murdered, my heart is broken and I suffered a painful disease! All because I fell in love with a stupid vampire who tossed me away like a bag of fucking trash!"_

"_Wallowing about a stupid vampire who left me instead of spending time with the only person that truly loved me."_

"_Because I don't want Elizabeth to hate me!"_

"_Of course I cry! Do you think I really want this? You really think I want to spend the rest of my life hiding in a freaking mountain?!"_

"_You are my hero."_

"_I regret not telling him 'I love you' everyday because I was so stupid giving my love away to someone who didn't deserve it or want it."_

I thought I understood Bella's pain and anger towards me, but now… I knew that was only the surface over a deep ocean of pain, regret, anger and hate. It wasn't only my leaving that hurt her it was way more deep than that. I finally truly understood what she meant about me taking everything away from her.

Did I have any hope left?

Do I even dare to hope?

I know the right thing to do should be to let them go, have their lives away from me. Jacob was right, Bella deserved happiness… she should be able to walk around the world freely and without pain. But we were tied, for several reasons… one, it'll only hurt Elizabeth. Two, Victoria is around. Three… I won't ever break a promise again. I won't leave her again… I won't abandon them, not ever again. And fourth, I loved her too much and I was a selfish creature to let them go that easily.

I'll fight for her.

I won't break another promise, I won't abandon her and I'll prove her that she is the only one for me. If she takes me back or not, -which I don't think she'll ever will- that'll be her decision, and the fight will still be worth it and I'll spend the rest of my existence making it up to her, being what she needs. A driver, a bank, a friend, slave, acquaintance whatever she wants to make all this easier for her.

But first, I'll fight for her.

I learned my lesson, giving up so easily will make me less worthy of her. Bella deserved to be fought for.

I'll wash away every tear and erase all the pain her soul carries. I'll avenge her father, I'll kill Victoria and I give her the world if she wants it.

* * *

We got to the house around five, and I walked Bella and Lizzie to the cottage. Carrying all the groceries and Bella's food from the restaurant. Once in the cottage I help Bella store everything away while Lizzie did her homework for school tomorrow. When Bella and I are done, she starts preparing her dinner in silence, she hasn't said a word since we left Jacob's motel. I sat by Lizzie to help and check her homework. Once that's done too it's awkward again. I wrack my brain for any excuses for staying a little longer but come up blank. By now Bella's done with her dinner and starts preparing for the night. I take the hint that I have overstayed my welcome so after kissing Lizzie goodnight and telling her I'll be picking her up at seven to take her to school, I head for the door.

"I put your medicines on the nightstand next to your bed," I tell Bella when we are by the door, I want her to say something "I also left a bottle of water for you."

She rolls her eyes.

"You didn't have to do that, but thanks."

We stand there in another awkward silence, I can tell she wants me to leave already but doesn't want to be rude and close the door on my face.

With a heavy heart, I turn around and took a step in direction of the big house but, hell. Before she has closed the door, I'm back in front of her and she's startled, her eyes going a little wide.

We are so close I can feel the warmth radiating from her body all over me, her scent is as strong as ever and venom flows freely around my mouth. I'm surprised at how easy is to ignore the burn in my throat, lust, love and longing way stronger feelings and needs.

I'm about to tell her I heard her conversation with Jacob, but I decide to keep it for another time. I can tell she's exhausted and I don't want to anger her right now and get in another fight with her. So I decide on something else.

"Remember when you woke up after James' attack?"

"Yes?" She stammers, her heart beating wildly against her chest and a lovely blush covering her cheeks. Her reaction to my closeness makes me hopeful that maybe, she lied to Jacob and she still feels something for me.

What are you feeling angel? What's going through that pretty head of yours.

"Do you remember what I told you?" I whisper.

"Which part?"

"When you asked me to stay, when you were afraid to close your eyes because you thought I'd leave. You remember what I told you."

She swallows.

"What did I say, Bella?"

"As long as it makes you happy… as long as it's what's best for you." She whispered back.

You have to see angel.

"Would you do me a favor?"

She just stares at me and I took that as a yes.

"Tonight, think about those words… my actions and put yourself in my shoes for a minute or two, when you have come up with an answer… tell me what you'd have done if the tables were turned."

With that I leaned down and kissed her cheek, then traced my lip up her jaw till I reached her ear.

"Remember, I'm the masochistic lion." I kissed her temple "I love you."

And then I was gone.

Well, not really. I just hid in the forest once again, making sure she wouldn't see me. She stood there on the threshold for almost a whole minute, just staring in the direction I had left. I couldn't read her expression, she looked something between confused and about to cry but after a few more seconds she closed the door and went inside.

When Seth joined me about an hour later on his wolf form, I decided to quickly go into the house and change into fresh clothes. I had been wearing the same clothes since Bella arrived, not daring to let her out of my sight or hearing range for long but tomorrow I had to go into town and some of Lizzie's classmates are also in her Ballet class with her. Besides, Bella would get suspicious if I kept appearing with the same clothes. I know she'd throw a fit if she knew I stayed every night watching over them since the reason for her wanting to stay in the cottage was privacy.

I know I should be ashamed, since I'm pretty much behaving like some weird peeping tom and I promised Bella her privacy but even if I was only five seconds away, Victoria could harm them in one. Therefore, I'm staying. Of course there were other selfish reasons but the most important and the one that out weight the rest was their safety. Even Seth agreed with me, that's why he kept me company every night.

Since I trusted Seth and Jasper had taken my place in the spruce with Alice. I decided to take a quick shower as well, to clean me up too. I also needed the time to think. When I was done I pulled on a pair of jeans and a deep blue button down shirt, rolled my journal on the inside of my jacket and was good to go. But before heading to the cottage, I recalled my mission and Bella saying that actions spoke louder. Then I remembered Tanya's and I conversation on the piano.

_"Just be honest with her, us women appreciate honesty… and presents. Get her red roses or chocolates… humans like that, don't they?"_

_"Bella is nothing like that, she hates presents and she'll probably throw the chocolates in my face."_

_"Then get her something she likes."_

_"Bella is special, she is the most unique and unpredictable person I've ever known, I don't think a gift would make her love me again."_

_"Then give her something special, unique and unpredictable like her."_

Given my current situation, I was ready to try out anything.

Before going to relieve Jasper and Alice from their duty. I went deep into the forest in search of flowers. I know Bella would throw red roses in my face so I searched for something _special, unique and unpredictable _like her.

I thanked my lucky stars we were in spring already, so there was lot to pick up from. I managed to make her a pretty and colorful little bouquet with rare different types of flowers and used the ribbon on my journal to tie them together. When I was happy with the final result I looked up the sky and I could tell dawn would be here soon, so I raced back home.

"_Pretty." _Alice thought when she saw the flowers before her and Jasper backed away.

I climbed the tree and sat on the branch as the prior night, put the flowers next to me and reached for my journal to lose myself in my own words.

Bella's alarm woke her up and hour later and I heard her do something in the kitchen. I closed my journal and move to another tree so I could watch her through the window.

She was making herself tea and toast for breakfast.

Just toast for breakfast?

I felt a tiny bit better when she grabbed a yogurt as well. She needs to eat more, she needs to gain her weight and color back. Then I watched as she started getting herself ready for the day. It hurt when I had to see how long she spend brushing her hair, as if taking extra care and using one of the products she got yesterday. Around six thirty, she woke up Lizzie and helped her get ready too.

"At what time is daddy coming?"

"Any minute now… you want to wear your red chucks again?"

"Yes!"

Bella chuckled.

"Why are you so damn cute? Huh?" She nibbled Lizzie's check playfully "I wish I could eat you."

Lizzie giggled.

"And I love your red chucks, I kind of want a pair."

Bella sat Lizzie by the edge of the bed and kneeled in front of her to tie her shoes.

"Daddy got them for me in New York." Lizzie touched Bella's check I guessed showing her our shopping trip.

"That was nice of him did you two have a good time?"

"Yes, but I missed you more. Where were you momma?"

"I was at Emily's sister house, I was still a little sick so I couldn't come back." She explained.

"Oh. But why didn't you call?" Lizzie voice dropped a few octaves "Daddy and I were very sad when we thought…"

"I know honey," Bella sat next to her and gathered in her arms "and I'm sorry. I didn't know you thought that and… when you are older I'll explain it better, Ok? But I'm sorry, and I want you to know I love you more than anything, and I'll never leave you again."

"Promise?"

"I swear. I love you Lizzybizzy, I thought of you every moment I was away."

"What about daddy?"

My whole body stiffened.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, did you miss him too?"

Lizzie touched Bella's cheek, I wished I could know what she was showing her but since I couldn't read any of their minds I was left in the dark.

After a minute, Bella sighed.

"Lizzie, we need to talk about your dad."

Lizzie's chin quivered and I closed my eyes, preparing myself for what I was about to hear. How much more daggers straight to the heart could I take? How many twists?

"That stunt you pulled yesterday… that was not nice sweetie."

"Why not? Daddy's sorry momma, he wants to say he's sorry. I wanted to help him."

"Baby, I know you love your dad and both of us love you too even more, but what happens between him and me, that's between the two of us."

"I just wanted to see you happy." Lizzie mumbled.

"I am happy, I have you honey. You make me very, very happy. I don't need anyone else, I know you want your daddy and me to be together, and I understand that more than you think. But sometimes things aren't supposed to be the way we want."

"Don't you love daddy anymore?"

I held my breath.

…

…

"I, I do love your dad… in a way. He's your dad so I'll always have a special spot for him, but I don't love him in that way you mean. I'm sorry."

"Why not?" Lizzie asked softly with a trembling voice. "Because he lied? He's sorry momma, look." Lizzie went to touch Bella's cheek again but she stopped her.

"Elizabeth, it's not just that… it's been a long time." Bella said carefully making me think about her confession yesterday about fearing Lizzie would hate her "People change, things change. I know this is difficult for you, and you don't understand much but I promise someday you will and everything will make more sense."

Lizzie started crying quietly.

"Shh… I'm sorry baby, the last thing I want is to hurt you, I'm sorry… but that's how things are. I'm sorry." Bella cried.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided to make my presence known and knocked on the door.

After a minute, Bella opened the door without looking me in the eyes and stepped aside to let me in, she looked up when I didn't move.

"Hello." I told her, searching her eyes.

"Hi. Uhm, she's almost done but…"

"I heard." I told her.

"Of course you did." She said trying to sound annoyed but she was in too much pain for that.

"I'll talk to her in a minute, uhm I got you these."

I held up the bouquet I had made for her. Now, it didn't look like such a great idea. She looked behind her, then back at me before she walked around me out into the forest I followed her until she stopped at the edge of the clearing and turned around to face me.

"What for?" She dried her tears with her sleeve and crossed her arms across her chest.

I shrugged.

"Well, I don't know about you but in my world people used to give flowers to loved ones, whether they were just courting, to show them they cared or to say I love you."

"So?" She raised and eye brow.

"I told you I was going to prove myself to you." I said quietly.

"By giving me flowers?" She asked skeptically "What's next? Chocolate and candies? They don't mean anything, they are just plants." She pushed them against my chest.

"They do mean something," I placed them back into her hands "I'm just realizing all I did wrong in the past. For starters, I never ever gave you flowers. Something so simple so I'm rectifying my mistakes one by one."

"As I said, they don't mean anything. Mike gave me flowers when you left, after Charlie died he realized how broken I was and turned around scared like a little boy."

"Don't compare me to Mike."

"Why not? Both of you are more alike than what you think. You don't know what you want."

I looked up at the cloudy sky.

"I do know what I want" I looked back at her, willing her to see the truth in my eyes "I want you to have my name and Elizabeth to have both of her parents together. I want to stop all the pain I've causeed both of you. I want to _give _you a _family._"

"Why? So you can appease your guilt?"

"Bella, I-"

"Edward," She cut me off "it's too early to have this conversation again." She rubbed her temples "And to be honest, I'm disappointed in you. I thought you knew me better than this. You know I hate presents and gifts, this is not a Hollywood clichéd movie."

"I know that, I'm sorry… it's just, Tanya suggested it. She said woman liked this and I thought I'd give it a try?"

Her eyes filled with fire.

"Well, tell your _friend _not every woman is the same."

She turned abruptly and walked back to the cottage.

"Bella, wait-"

"Lizzie, your dad's here!" She called as she walked into the cottage, tossing the flowers on the breakfast table and leaving me confused as ever standing by the door.

Lizzie popped her head out of her and Bella's room, and instantly ran and jumped into my arms.

"I'll go and finish getting ready." Bella said walking back into her room and closing the door behind her.

I held my daughter close to my chest and closed my eyes breathing her in. She smelled a mix of her and Bella's scent and my body welcomed the sense of peace I felt when I had her close.

She was the only cure to my pain.

"Hi beautiful, did you sleep Ok?" I kissed her hair.

She just nodded hiding her face in my neck and discretely touched my check.

**Bella and Lizzie's earlier conversation.**

"I love you," I whispered so Bella wouldn't hear "It'll be Ok."

It killed me to feel my daughter's pain, but what killed me the most was that she could feel mine as well. We stood there in the small living room holding each other in comfort. It made me mad that she had to hold so much pain at such young age. Again I blamed my damned vampire genetics. If it wasn't for me and our bond she would be like this.

"I love you too daddy."

Bella walked out of her room then and stopped on her tracks when she saw the scene playing in the living room. She bit her lip and looked down.

"Time to go." She mumbled.

* * *

The drive to Sundre, even if I managed to make an hour drive into a twenty minutes drive was the longest I've ever been in.

We arrived at Lizzie's school a quarter to eight, the guard at the entrance eyed us weirdly since we were always late but we ignored him and passed him. Lizzie wanted to show Bella her classroom, and Bella wanted to know Lizzie's teacher. She had missed Lizzie's first day in school and that was killing her, so she wanted to know everything about the school and Lizzie's classmates. Yesterday, Lizzie had been excited about this but now, since she was in a glum mood she wasn't able to enjoy the experience as much as she wanted. She pulled Bella by her hand through every hallway and corner of the small school and pointed out everything she like but the usual lightness and happiness in her voice was missing.

"This is my desk." Lizzie pointed, "Mrs. Autumn lets us paste pretty pictures on them." Lizzie showed us the pictures she had drawn. "I have more on the wall in the back. You want me to show you? I made one of us in La Push." Lizzie smiled at her mother hopefully.

"I'd love that." Bella smiled warmly at her and took her hand once again "Show me." She winked and both of them walked to the back of the room.

"Mr. Cullen?" Mrs. Autumn asked, and I turned to face the kind old woman.

"Hello ma'am."

"I'm surprised to see you here so early, that's a first." she tried to joke but I saw her eyes were trained to the back of the room. A few other kids entered the room at that moment, their parents kissing them goodbye.

"Lizzie wanted to show her mother her classroom"

"Oh! That's Mrs. Cullen then?"

And here comes the awkwardness.

"Miss Swan. We are not married." I corrected.

"Oh, sorry my bad." She blushed, "I've never had the pleasure of meeting her so I didn't know."

"No problem." I smiled at her. She kind of reminded me to Mrs. Cope back at Fork's High, sweet, kind and caring.

"Mrs. Autumn!"

"Well hello Elizabeth! How are you this morning?"

"Good," Lizzie took Bella's hand pulling her to the front of the room to us "Momma, this is Mrs. Autumn. Mrs. Autumn, this is my momma."

"Hi, I'm Bella." Bella offered her hand.

"Nice meeting you Bella, I'm so glad to finally meet you. You have a very bright and beautiful daughter."

"Thanks." Bella smiled.

I let Bella and Mrs. Autumn talk, and as the class was starting to fill I took Lizzie to her desk. I helped her put her backpack on the back of the chair and her lunch bag under her chair.

"Remember," I kneeled next to her "if you don't feel like eating-"

"Throw it away without anyone noticing." She mocked my voice and I chuckled.

"That's my girl. Now, Alice is outside ready to take momma home but I'll be in the woods as always, Ok? If you need me just call for me."

She nodded with a sweet smile and kissed my cheek.

"Alright," I pulled her braid playfully, "Love you angel."

"Love you too, daddy."

I poked her nose and stood up, walking back to Bella and Lizzie's teacher.

"…she is a great student, very responsible and well behaved. The only thing I'm concerned about is her lack of social skills. I know some kids can be shy, but she gets really nervous when someone else talks to her, it's as if she was afraid of saying the wrong thing… she's always by herself."

"I know," I cut in, "We are working on that. She's moved a lot so she is not used to being around other people." I half lied.

Lizzie was not used to being around other people because of what she was. Bella always kept her in hiding at La Push and when she took her out in Seattle she wasn't allowed to talk to strangers because her behavior wouldn't be normal. Bella tried to teach her but since she's human she wasn't able to fully understand in how vampires are different from humans. For example, I don't think she knows we don't need to blink. That's something we do to look normal, or how we move our shoulders on purpose to look like we are breathing when we cross with some whose blood appeals to us. She didn't understand how our bodies worked so she couldn't explain Lizzie, who was born that way unlike us, who had been humans once so we knew the differences and were able to act like humans.

Therefore there are a lot of things we do on purpose to be able to interact with humans that Bella doesn't know. A lot of them Lizzie inherited from me. That's why for the past year I've been training Lizzie how to act human so she could go to school and to her ballet lessons.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that but if you need any help you can count on us. Karen, the school's counselor is great with children, so if you have any questions you can come to her."

"Thank you," Bella said "but we don't think that'll be necessary, she just needs time to adjust." Bella said then, politely declining the offer.

Lizzie couldn't go to a counselor, you need to speak the truth for therapy to work and if Lizzie told the truth about what she was and why she struggled with it, I'm sure they'd send us all to a loon house.

After Bella kissed Lizzie goodbye, we left the school and met Alice by the sidewalk across the street.

"Alice? What are you doing here?" Bella asked.

"I came to pick you up." Alice smiled and Bella turned to me in confusion.

"I always stay with her, just in case Victoria decides to visit and she's still nervous to be around humans on her own."

"Why?"

I shrugged.

"She fears she'll mess up or do something wrong so she feels better if she knows I'm watching her. I hide in the woods so no one sees me."

"Oh, ok then. Uhm I can stay too."

I shook my head.

"You didn't have a real breakfast and it's going to rain soon."

"How do you know I didn't have a real breakfast?" She asked suspiciously.

"Your stomach was grumbling the whole ride here." I lied, but thankfully she seemed to believe me. I didn't think it'd go very well if she knew I spied on them every time I wasn't with them.

I tried to tell myself it was only for safety reasons but deep inside I knew there was a selfish reason as well.

"Ready to go?" Alice gave her a timid smile, "We can stop at the dinner if you don't want to go back yet. Or we can hang around until Lizzie's out of school."

"I don't want to take your time, Alice."

"Oh, believe me, you're not. I have tons of time, c'mon it'll be fun! We can go to a library if you want; there's a huge one in Calgary. No shopping, I promise." She held up her right hand and Bella chuckled in spite of herself.

"I want to stay too. I promised her I'd be here when school's over. I can stay in your car." She turned to me.

"No. It's for several hours Bella. You'll tire and you need to rest."

Her eyes flared.

"What do you mean no? Who do you think you are? I've rested for a long time now, I'm healthy and fine. The doctors cleared me, when are you going to get that?" She glared, "Stop fussing over me, I'm not a child!"

"Then stop behaving like one! I just don't want you to push yourself too much! You are Ok now but that doesn't mean it's over! You are still in recovery; you can't overexert yourself. You can still fall ill again."

"Watching over my daughter is not a problem. I'll be sitting in a freaking car for god's sake!"

It was my turn to glare. She still didn't have any sense of self-preservation.

"It is a problem when you have bags under your eyes, you haven't slept well and you still have to eat something. How much do you weight now? Huh? 90 pounds? If you want to be there for Elizabeth then you have to be whole and ready for her!"

We glared at each other, her eyes filled with tears and she turned away.

Crap. IDIOT!

"Bella, wait…" I followed her and grabbed her arm, "I'm sorry."

"Leave me alone," She roughly shook her arm away but I didn't let her go, "I'll be back in an hour," then she turned to Alice "Don't you dare follow me."

"Bella, I'm sorry I'm just worried ab-"

She cut me off again, and I could tell this was it. She had had enough.

"What do you want me to say Edward? That it's Ok? That I forgive you? That the last four years didn't matter? I can't do that, believe me I want to just to put a stop to all this pain so Elizabeth won't suffer anymore but I can't! I told you to prove it to me but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. You left and I still went through hell no matter _why_ you left. I can't forgive you for what you did, it's too much."

"You took my family, my dreams, my life, my heart… you took everything with you. You say you left because you wanted me to have a normal human life, but guess what? I can't even do that now! I'm tied to your world, since the moment you walked into my life I was damned! Years ago nothing would have made me happier and now you turned it into a nightmare! I hate being with you!"

"Bella, please listen to-" I cried but she was on fire.

"I hate the danger you put Lizzie into, you should have been there for her since the beginning protecting her! We were both scared, we didn't know left from right! I felt so helpless that I couldn't feed my own daughter! I hated bringing her to the hospitals with me! I hated when she saw me cry in pain. AND I hate how you keep patronizing me and telling me what's best as if I was an idiot! I hate that you took my options away too! I hate you!"

My hand released her upper arm as if it was suddenly on fire. When I looked down, I could see the burises already appear from me not letting go of her when she wanted me to.

"And you," She turned to Alice whose eyes were red with unshed tears, "Stop following me around, I'm not your little pet anymore."

_**-SLA-**_

_He stared at me curiously and I moved across the seats of my truck until I reached his side, my eyes never leaving his gorgeous face. Without breaking our gaze I threw one leg across him and straddled his lap. His eyes widened and a breath got caught in his throat as without a warning, I locked my lips with his._

_He kissed me back, bewildered but willing. His lips were gentle against mine, and I could tell his mind was elsewhere trying to figure out what was on mine. I decided he needed a hint._

_My hands were slightly shaky as I unlocked my arms from around his neck. My fingers slid down his neck to the collar of his shirt. The trembling didn't help as I tried to undo the buttons before he stopped me._

_His lips froze, and I could almost hear the click in his head as he put together my words and actions._

_He pushed me away at once, his face heavily disapproving and pained._

"_Bella, no." He said grabbing me by my arms._

"_You promised, whatever I wanted." I reminded him without hope._

"_You are crazy, we are not having this discussion." He glared at me while he refastened the two buttons I'd managed to open._

_My teeth clamped together._

"_I say we are." I growled._

_I moved my hands to the top buttons on my dress and yanked them open but then, he grabbed my wrists and pinched them to my sides._

"_I say we are not," He hissed, "did you hit your head earlier? Are you suicidal?"_

_We glared at each other._

"_No I didn't, and I'm not suicidal or crazy. I want this Edward, I want you… please." I begged and he looked away, his eyes were hard and unreadable._

"_No." He said, still ignoring my pleading eyes._

"_What is it? I trust you Edward, I want this… don't you… don't you want me?"_

_When he didn't respond I let out a strangled sob, opened the door and run out back to my house._

…

…

"_Bella, wait."_

* * *

**_Ouch! _Harsh words Bella, you think Edward deserves them? Do you think Bella is being immature and a bitch or do you think she was too soft on Him? What about Edward? You want to kill him or hugg him and kiss him better? I know I'd love any excuse for the later ;)**

**Who else wants to shot the mongrel a bullet through his thick skull?**

**Next chapter... we'll have another vamp re-entering the story... guess who?**

**Till next week!**

**¡Saludos!**

__**Tammy**

**P.S. Fic Rec!: Everything I Knew by MissJanuary ! It's kind of slow at first but OMG I love this Edward! The plot is pretty good and good writing. Let her know I sent you!**

**If you have any fic rec, let me know! I'm in a mobward mood, so if you have something besides the ones by CaraNo (which I've already read a thousand times, Juniuh and Whistler kill me everytime) and the storm series let me know!**


	20. Chapter 20: Stranger

**I'm SO SO sorry! I know, I'm horrible and I throughly apologize for this monthly update. I can'r promise it won't happen again because I can't know that but for now I'm seriously back to weekly updates. I'm finally done with the school year, I'll take one class in the summer but that's it. And as an "I'm sorry" gift, this chapter is almost 10,000 words so get yourself comfortable cause it very long!**

**This chapter was pre-readed by Lisopera and pre-reader AND betaed by Joy1 who is amazing and has done a wonderful job making my story prettier and readable. Her insight is amazing!**

**This chapter has only been betaed once. Once I hear from Cattinson I'll repost but since I know you've been waiting long enough I didn't want to keep you waiting!**

**"You and Me" Will update in the next few days!**

**SM owns everything.**

* * *

"**Stranger" – Secondhand Serenade**

Turn around,

Turn around and fix your eye in my direction

So there is a connection.

I can't speak,

I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention

I'm staring at perfection.

Take a look at me so you can see

How beautiful you are.

You call me a stranger, you say I'm a danger,

But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight.

I'm broke and abandoned you are an angel

Making all my dreams come true tonight.

I'm confident,

But I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you.

I knew you could see right through me

I saw my life flash right before my very eyes

And I knew just what we'd turn into

I was hoping that you could see

Take a look at me so you can see...

It's been two months since the day Bella walked away from Alice and I. Later that day, when we were both calmed down, I tried to explain and apologize for my behavior but that only made things worse. She said she is sick of hearing me say "sorry" every time we see each other- that it's getting old. We screamed, we fought, we cried and then got angry again, and it's been like that since then.

Esme says I need to give her time and space, that all this changes are still too much for her and I'm just overwhelming her. I know she's right. I _know_, but that doesn't make this separation easier. I'm torn, I don't want her to think that I gave up, or that I don't care about her by leaving and giving her space, but on the other hand… if I'm there she thinks I'm being controlling and patronizing. I can't win, it feels as if every decision I make will come with huge consequences and that's what's stopping us from moving forward.

In the end, since my words are not working, I decided to try the other option.

Give her space.

And that is pure torture, seeing her but not being able to talk to her, touch her, tell her how much I love her. It hurts to see that she seems perfectly fine with this arrangement. Carlisle said I have to be patient, that Bella went through a lot of traumatizing situations, now she has four walls up around her to protect herself- which is normal according to him. Jasper says she's hurt beyond reason - like I already didn't know that- she's bitter and angry because of everything life has thrown at her and that's what's blinding her from seeing the truth in my words.

But most of all, she is afraid.

Of what? I'm not sure.

What hurts the most is to see the shadow of the girl I loved beyond reason, the girl I left in the forest four years ago. That girl is gone, now her eyes are lifeless, her spirit is vanished, I destroyed her with my actions and my neglect. The only times I get a glint from that girl is when our daughter is in the same room.

What's even worse, not only does Bella hate my guts but also my family. The other day, while Lizzie was at school Emmett, Alice and Jasper went to invite Bella to go to the movies at Calgary that night, only to have the door closed to their faces. She thinks she has no allies, that all of us betrayed her, that beside Seth, she is alone in this self-exile which couldn't be farther from the truth. My family adores her, and would do anything to get back in her good graces but it's as if she just doesn't care anymore about them. She didn't even flinch when Alice cried and when Emmett tried to explain why they left, she totally ignored them. She had this cold impassive expression the whole time that literally terrified me.

What have I done to her? I lied to her...about everything, including my family.

She talks with Seth sometimes, although Seth being the good boy, he is won't tell me much. He only tells me what I already know, she's angry, sad and disappointed. I don't hold it against him, on the contrary, I encourage him to talk to her. Bella needs someone to unleash all her pain and vent. Otherwise she'll drive herself crazy in that damn cottage.

While Lizzie is in school she spends her day inside her new home on her own, alone. Seth joins her sometimes, that's when they talk and it's a good thing since I'm at school with Lizzie at the time and I don't have the temptation of listening in. Bella, oblivious to Alice and Jasper guarding her at a respectable distance, spends her free time reading, cooking or on the phone with Leah or Emily.

Esme is the only one from my family she listens to occasionally, probably because no one can say no to her sweet pleading face when she shows up at her doorstep with cooking recipes. And I'm glad for that, all that self-exile can't be healthy, she'll drive herself crazy so the distraction must be good for her. No matter how much of a great kid Seth is, being the only person she talks to has to get old.

With a long sigh, I close my journal and get up from the leather couch in my room.

It's Friday today, and I came to the house to clean myself up before picking up Lizzie and take her to school. It's almost seven, which means it's time to go or we will be late.

On my way down, I pass Rosalie on the stairs and as always we ignore each other. She thinks Bella's being a brat, I think the venom in her system fried her brain.

I pick up my jacket and car keys from the foyer before going outside through the kitchen door. I follow the trail to the place I'd like to call home but at the same time is my hell. I can only hope all this pain at least serves as a way to pay for my sins... it has to. No one unleashes all this torture just for nothing.

I pass Seth and Emmett on the way, relieving them from their guard positions and walk into the clearing where I see that Lizzie is already waiting for me at the door. Looking cute as hell with her high pigtails.

"Momma! Daddy's here!" She screams and runs towards me. I caught Lizzie midair and twirl her around as I spy Bella in the kitchen through the front window thoroughly ignoring me.

Sometimes, I feel like giving up. Most times I feel that she'll never forgive me but then, I'll catch her staring at me from a distance -mostly when I'm playing with Elizabeth- with this certain look that makes me wonder how truthful she is being with herself.

Does she really not feel anything at all or have my words finally planted a seed of doubt in her head? Can she see how much I still love her?

So many questions.

"Hi, angel." I kiss her hair. "How did you sleep? Did you have breakfast today?"

"Good and yes. Momma made eggs." She made a face and I chuckled.

"If you didn't like them you should have eaten something else."

"Momma likes eggs," she shrugged, "and she doesn't like it when I waste food."

"Momma's right about that."

At that moment, Bella walked out with Lizzie's lunchbox.

"Honey, don't forget your lunch." She told her softly handing her her Shrek's lunch box.

"What did you make me?" She peeked inside with curious eyes.

"Apple juice and a fruit salad. I don't want you to throw away anymore food. Please eat that at least," Bella begged her.

"Ok, momma," Lizzie said reluctantly and Bella chuckled.

"I'm serious honey. Uhm, your er… dad will tell me if you didn't, right Edward?"

I was a little taken aback, it was the first time she had spoken directly to me in weeks. Good naturedly at that.

"Uhm, sure? Yeah," I said awkwardly. "I'll make sure she has her lunch."

What does this mean? Why is she talking to me all of a sudden?

"But you always say I don't have to eat it if I don't want to," Lizzie pleaded with me like the little five year old she was.

"I know daddy said that," Bella said carefully, "but it's not right to throw away food honey and I can't send you to a human school without lunch. I'm sorry." She turned to me, having trouble meeting my eyes. "She's been a little cranky the past couple of days," Bella looked down, suddenly busy fixing Lizzie's pigtails. "I think you need to take her hunting this weekend."

I frowned.

"What about the blood bags I gave you?"

"We run out of them."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I sighed, "I don't like taking her too deep in the woods."

"Well, I'm telling you now. I'm sorry, it slipped my mind," she defended herself. "She's growing, so she's drinking more that's why it didn't last as long as we thought."

"When was the last time she drank?"

"Ten days ago."

"And how much did she have?"

"About four bags, same as the week prior."

My eyes widened, she usually just had one… two at tops.

I pulled at my hair.

Alice says Victoria is still far away, so we should be safe for a quick hunting trip and Jasper or Emmett can come along too.

"Alright, Jasper and I will take her after school." I knew Jasper needed to go hunting too, "I'll refill the fridge during the weekend."

"Thanks." She looked down to Lizzie and smiled at her. "Give me a kiss before you go."

Lizzie stood on her toes and kissed her mother loudly, Bella wrapped her arms tightly around her.

"Be good, baby."

I was about to take Lizzie's hand when my phone rang, I took my phone out of my pocket and saw Tanya's name on the caller ID.

"Tanya?" I answered, I haven't talked to her since that time at my piano.

"Hi Edward! Is this a bad time?"

"No, I'm just about to take Lizzie to school." I turned around from Bella and Lizzie and walked away from them, "What's up?"

"I just wanted to give you a heads up, Laurent left last night. He's on his way to Alberta."

"What? Why?!" I asked angrily. I stopped walking, something about Laurent didn't seem right. Maybe I'm overreacting, as I tend to do because of the whole mess with James and now Victoria, but I didn't want him near Bella or Lizzie.

"He wanted to see Bella. Since you haven't called, then I figured Alice didn't see him coming because of Lizzie and the wolf, so I called to warn you. I don't know how Bella would take it to see him after all this years and I know you don't like him either."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and hissed in frustration. Why would he come by himself uninvited?

"Is Irina coming too?"

"No, she's more prudent. She knows now it's not the time for visits. She tried to stop him but he said he wanted to see his old friend, and he's curious about her. He can't believe she's alive. Personally, I think he was just bored and wanted a distraction."

Damn it!

"Do you know when he'll get here?"

"He left last night, so I guess a couple more hours? He's running."

I walked back towards Bella who now had Lizzie on her hip. Venom was flowing around my mouth as I looked around. I was on alert inspecting the awakening forest. I didn't like this one bit. I didn't trust Laurent for some reason and my instincts told me to be aware and ready.

"Alright, thank you so much Tanya. I'll call you when he gets here."

"Take care, tell the family we say hi!"

I hung up and looked up, being met by two pair of confused big brown eyes.

"You are not going to school today." I told Lizzie, and her face immediately fell.

"But I have Art today," she said with a sad voice.

"I know. I'm sorry, angel."

"What's going on?" Bella hugged her comfortingly.

"Laurent will be here shortly. He wants to see you and I can't be at both places at the same time to protect you both."

"Why would I need protection from Laurent? He helped us when… you know…"

I shrugged with a sigh, trying to convey my own annoyance at my behavior, "I don't trust him."

"Why? What has he done?" Her hold on Lizzie turned protectively.

"Ugh." I knew I would sound like a possessive creep, "Nothing, just a gut feeling." I made eye contact with Bella trying again to convey my unease. "I don't want any of you close to him. I can't trust him for some reason."

Bella seemed to consider my words, "Well, if you think Laurent poses a threat, then all the more reason you should take her away from here. I'll be fine and your brothers will be here. Laurent wants to see _me_ after all."

I shook my head.

"I'm not leaving you alone."

"Edward, just take Lizzie to school. _I'll be fine_."

"I'm sorry. I know you hate it when I'm being like this, but I'm not leaving you alone with another vampire. I don't trust him and as you know accidents can always happen," I said, referring to her eighteenth birthday.

Bella glared but refrained from saying anything else in front of Lizzie.

"If I'm not going to school, can I play ball with Seth and Uncle Emmy?" Lizzie asked diffusing some of the tension.

"Sure, princess. As long as you stay in the back lawn."

With a beaming smile, like lightning she suddenly took off in direction of the big house.

"Elizabeth!" Bella and I called at the same time, which made the moment even more awkward and the tension heightened. Lizzie stopped at the edge of the clearing and turned to us confusedly.

"You can't take off like that by yourself," I chastised her, "You _can't_ wander by yourself in the woods." Seth was hidden in his wolf form not to far away from us, following her as her guard dog as always, but she didn't know that.

"Why?"

"You know why. It's dangerous out there." I said annoyed, because she knew better.

"I'm sorry daddy." She danced back to us and jumped in my arms, kissing my cheek. "I won't do it again, I promise," she said with a sweet voice and angelic eyes.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"You are too cute for your own good," I nuzzled her cheek.

"Will you play with us too?"

"Of course."

"And then watch a movie? Can I pick?!"

"Anything you want, angel."

I set her free as Seth appeared at the edge of the clearing in his human form. "SETH!" Lizzie ran towards him with such joy. I looked back at Bella, as she hid her face from me, but I could see the amusement in her eyes.

"What?" I asked her, fighting a smile of my own.

"You are whipped."

"What?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Nothing, go on. She's waiting for you," Bella said dismissively.

"Don't you want to come?"

She shook her head. "I have stuff to do."

"What stuff?" I asked curiously, but I notice her taking a deep calming breath.

"Stuff." She answered cryptically, "About what time is Laurent coming?"

I looked at my watch. "Probably noon."

"I'll be at the house by then." She took a step back into the house and closed the door behind her.

I hung my head, letting the sadness take me completely. It wasn't even worth the fight. I turned around and followed Seth and Lizzie back to the big house, Emmett was already setting a mini baseball field in the back lawn along with Jasper. I was surprised to see Rose there as well, granted she kept her distance from Lizzie, but it has been a while since I saw her interacting with the rest of the family as well. She was still pissed at everyone for taking my side when I left with Lizzie last year...but that was Rosalie. She can hold a grudge.

"Daddy! Uncle Emmy says I'm captain and that I can choose my team first, and I choose you and Uncle Jazzy."

"Now where's the fun in that? You have to give the rest a chance to win." I winked.

"We are gonna kick their butts!" She fist pumped the air.

I laughed loudly, "You are definitely spending too much time with Uncle Emmy."

* * *

The game started, and we were the first ones to bat. We got ready while Emmett, Seth and Alice spread across the field. Because of Lizzie and Seth being in his human form, we didn't really played to our full potential but it was still fun. One third of my brain was in the game while another third concentrated on hearing Bella's heart in the distance, making sure she was alright. The last third of my brain tried to listen for any signs of Laurent's approach.

The Family played for a couple of hours. The middle of April provided a beautiful day outside, but since Lizzie hadn't fed in a few days she got tired quickly and we all head inside. Well, they did and I headed back to the cottage to check on Bella.

By her slow heartbeat and breathing, I could tell Bella was sleeping. When I approached the small building my guess was proven right. I peeked through her room's window, and saw her angelic face free from worries and pain as she slept peacefully on her side. She was clutching Lizzie's blankie to her chest. The sight was so beautifully heartbreaking as she resembled a scared little girl. It reminded me of our first nights in Anchorage, when I first got Lizzie, all weak and sick because of her thirst..How Lizzie would sleep for endless hours, hugging that same blanket, scared of what she'd have to face every time she woke up without her mother.

"Charlie…" Bella mumbled, making me smile. I was glad that part of her hadn't changed over the years. Her sleep talking was the closest thing I had at reading her mind.

I jumped into her room, just to have a closer look. Her scent assaulted me and once again I was impressed at how much easier it was to fight the monster within me. Her blood still appealed to me, but now… it was so much easier to ignore the burn in my throat.

I looked around her room, and noticed that her laptop was on. Curious about this girl, and about her behavior toward me earlier, I softly pressed a key bringing the screen came to life. I opened the browser and looked for the last entries. There were a lot of different entries from this morning, and curiosity got the best of me when I clicked each of them.

"Bryant & Stratton College… Northcentral University? What are you looking for, angel?"

As I went through websites and more websites, I soon realized they were all online colleges and schools. I looked around her desk and found flyers of more online schools as well as courses she must have picked up back in the states. I saw a notebook and flipped it open. She had a list of names on it, some of them were crossed off. Then I saw a list of degrees… pros and cons… it appeared she was between Psychology and Literature. It was crystal clear, she wanted to continue with her education.

"Why didn't you tell me, angel?" I whispered as I inspected her notes more carefully.

I spied a calculator over a few sheet of papers with the Bank of America logo on it and her name on top. It was her account, she had money –probably what was left from Charlie's life insurance- but not enough to pay for the whole degree, just a few courses. I remembered Jacob saying she sold her house to pay for her medical bills and the small apartment in Seattle.

Now, I had a new problem. If she wanted to study, she should study. Honestly, it'd be good for her it'd keep her mind out of things and I know it'll make her feel accomplished if she fulfill this wish of hers. But, how do I help her without admitting that I went through her stuff? And even if I found a way… I was sure she wouldn't accept any money from me. Maybe I can come up with a thrust fund or something, something Charlie left her but she had missed? I'll talk to Emmett about it, he had a bunch of degrees and masters in Economics and Finance maybe he'll come up with something.

"Charlie. No, Jake… don't go. Charlie!"

I turned around in time to see Bella toss and turn around in her bed, her forehead slightly covered in sweat and a crease formed between her eyebrows as she continued to move around, not being able to wake up from her nightmare.

I rearranged her desk as it was before, put her computer back to sleep and went to sit at the edge of her bed, careful not to wake her up.

"Shhh… it's Ok, angel." I touched her warm cheek "You are safe."

With a gasp, Bella opened her eyes.

She looked confused for a second until her eyes landed on mine. Our eyes locked for an infinitesimal second, she was still confused as she stared at me. She had a weird look, as if she was not sure if she was still dreaming or not.

"Bella? Are you alright? It was just a nightmare, love."

With another gasp her eyes widened as awareness took her again and her cheeks turned tomato red. With all her tossing she had lost Lizzie's blanket and her sheets were a mess around her legs.

"What are you doing here?" Bella yelled harshly as she covered herself with the sheets, but not before I peeked. That's when I noticed her attire for the first time. She was wearing blue cotton shorts and a white tank top, sans bra.

If possible, I knew I'd be blushing like a schoolgirl.

"Bella," I swallowed nervously, "I'm sorry. I just came to see if you were alright and then I heard you-"

"Get out!" Her eyes filled with anger as she pointed to the door.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I-"

Furiously, she stood from the bed and wrapped a robe around herself.

"You have no right," she seethed, "to barge in here anytime you want like that! This is not your home to do as you please! There's a damn door and a fucking doorbell!"

"Bella, you are right. I'm so sorry. I didn't think… I mean, when you lived at Charlie's I used to do it all the time, remember? You didn't mind then and… I did it out of habit. I'm sorry."

Bella's eyes flashed with fire, "Well, I mind now! We are not in Forks! I'm not seventeen and we are nothing to one another! You can't sneak up on me like that anymore! What are you? A perv? Have you lost your mind?!"

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I promise I-I didn't see, uhm… anything." I stammered.

"Ugh!" Her cheeks if possible were even redder. "Get out! And knock on the damn door next time!"

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to see if you were Ok."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath turning her back on me. She saw the open window, my former invitation into her home years ago. Bella closed the window and locked it at the same time.

"Just get out of here, Edward." She said controlling her voice, but I could tell she was still mad. "And knock on the door next time."

"I'm sorry. I promise, I didn't…" sigh "I just wanted to check on you."

"Just, go."

"Sorry." I mumble before walking out of her room and head for the door.

"Stupid, _stupid _vampire," I mutter to myself. To make matters worse, my pants are suddenly very uncomfortable. Shit! Had she seen that?! Dear god!

Emmett, Emmett, Emmet… Bella's lips. No! Emmet's hairy ass! Bella's ass. Wait, no. Emmett in strawberry shortcake's dress… Yeah, that's better. Bella in strawberries.

_What the fuck is wrong with me!_

Picking up a small rock from the ground, I angrily send it flying through the woods.

"Oww!" I heard someone cry.

"Seth?"

"Yeah." He grunted, "Jesus, you have a good arm." He came out from the woods nursing his shoulder where I accidentally hit him.

"Sorry man. You Ok?" Next to him instantly, my previous thoughts forgotten. "I didn't see you there."

"Yeah, I'm Ok but I think you dislocated my shoulder."

"Shit, I'm so sorry."

"It's Ok... already healin'. Don't worry about it." He tried to roll around his shoulder but winced.

"You want Carlisle to check on it?" I asked inspecting the already healing bruise that covered a big part of his shoulder.

"Nah, by the time he gets home I'll be as good as new."

That didn't make me feel better. I apologized again but he waved me off.

"What happened in there? I heard shouting," Seth asked.

I passed a hand through my hair and we started walking back to the big house.

"I messed up." I shook my head at myself, not wanting to think about what just happened. "Anyway, what are you doing here? Has Laurent arrived yet?"

"No, Tanya called. She says Irina called him earlier to check on him. He went hunting to not put Bella or Lizzie in danger, so he won't be arriving till tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Irina explained that since he's still new to your vegetarian diet he wanted to make sure he'd be at his finest before he met his _human friend_," Seth smirked slightly at the distinction.

Oh. I didn't know what to say. Maybe I was really overreacting about Laurent. Maybe he really doesn't mean any harm to my family, but I still had that nagging feeling at the back of my mind. Something was bothering me. Maybe it was the way he was being careful around me with his thoughts last time he visited? But, mostly everyone who knows about my gift are the same so it doesn't mean anything really.

I don't know.

"You look surprised," Seth inquired.

"Yeah, it's hard to trust anyone who's not my immediate family. Especially with Victoria around," I tried to explain.

"This Laurent knows Victoria?" He was surprised.

I nodded, "He used to be in the same coven as her and her mate, James."

Seth's eyes hardened. "He's friends with the redhead?! Why didn't you tell me."

"Calm down. Your hands are shaking."

Seth looked at his fingers and nodded.

I watched him take a calming breath before I began, "I didn't tell you cause you weren't with us yet when he visited last time. He just never came up in a conversation. It seriously slipped my mind and I didn't think it was important. But to answer you first question, not anymore. They used to run together years ago, but their friendship wasn't too strong. He betrayed her and James. He's not very loyal. You see why I don't trust him now?"

Seth nodded and looked down, thinking hard. "But if he is mated with Irina, and Irina is your family… by default he should be loyal to you too, right?"

"I'm not sure if they are really mated. Sometimes we just look out for companion till we find the real one."

"How do you know when you found your mate?"

I thought about that for a long minute, still not having come up with an answer, "I don't know… you just know. It's not like in the movies, or with imprinting in your case. There're no fireworks, epiphanies or anything like that. You just look at her, and suddenly you can't look away."

"That happened to you with Bella?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, we were together in biology. At first I didn't understand it. I just knew I had to know everything and anything about her. I was so curious, amazed and terrified at the same time. She's my singer and I didn't know what the hell was going on that first time I caught her scent."

"Your singer?" He laughed at me, as if I had gone crazy.

"Yeah, it's rare but it happens. _La tua cantante_ is what we call a human whose blood sings to us. Every vampire is different. We perceive scents differently. Bella's blood is like my own personal brand. I crave it more than anybody else's."

I expected Seth to look nauseated by now, but instead I was surprised when I saw his face burning with curiosity.

"So, when you met her… you wanted to eat her?"

I laughed at his choice of words, "Yeah."

"But you didn't... Why?"

"The whole hour, I spent plotting ways to get her alone after class. I had never experienced such lust for blood. I kept staring at her. I couldn't look away… I could tell she was nervous. Her heartbeat was beating so loudly it was making things worse. But, I couldn't look away."

"What happened next?" Seth asked like Lizzie would for one of her favorite fairytales.

"She closed her eyes, probably because she was scared of me and sat there, motionless. It was raining outside, so there was no sunlight coming through the window. She sat there, so still and unmoving if it weren't for her heartbeat I'd have thought her dead. That's when it hit me. I couldn't kill her. For some reason I had to see her eyes again...so I walked away."

"Bella told me about what happened in Phoenix once, when I asked her about her scar. She said you sucked the venom out of her system. If she's your… _singer _how did you do it?"

"Besides walking away from her, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I seriously don't know how I did it. At one moment I thought I wouldn't be able to stop, but somehow I found the strength. I don't know what it was, if seeing the light fading away from her eyes, or the power I had on my self-control," I said remembering in perfect detail.

"You said, there's no fireworks, sparkles or any crap like that… or whatever happens in movies. But you'll have to be blind not to see two vampires in love, or humans for that matter… you don't hide that so easily. I'm sure Bella will see that soon."

I snorted at the thought. If she'll only look my way.

"Whatever, going back to our main topic. I'm sure I'm just overreacting about Laurent, as Alice says, I tend to worry too much. He didn't help James attack Bella and he's making sure he won't be a danger to Bella himself, so..."

"But you said you don't trust him," Seth clarified.

"I didn't trust you at the beginning either, remember?"

"True." He snickered.

I touched Seth's arm to look at me, "By the way, be careful. Laurent is new to our lifestyle and I don't know how he'll react about you. When he visited back in Anchorage you still weren't with us so… keep yourself in check and be careful around Lizzie."

He nodded, his brows furrowing. Thinking if it's best if he's not there at all but not wanting to leave Lizzie with a Vampire he doesn't know near her.

"When do you plan on telling her?" I changed the subject, although really curious about this. By now we had reached the house but stayed where the lawn met the forest so Lizzie wouldn't hear.

"I don't know. I think she's still too young to know the difference. She'll only see the big bad wolf from her nightmares. Maybe a couple more years?"

"She's smarter than you think, and she really cares about you. Give her some credit, _and _she's Bella's daughter. Bella's good with monsters like us." I joked, "If she accepted me, I don't see how Lizzie will be different."

"Why are you talking to me about this?" He suddenly seemed so vulnerable, his face resembled the kid he really was. Sometimes it was easy to forget he was just seventeen with his tall figure a big muscles.

I shrugged, "Avoiding the truth is also lying." I explained, "I know for a fact it doesn't lead to anything good, no matter if your intentions were honorable or for protection. Things can get pretty messy."

Seth pursed his lips, "She was so scared when she saw Paul."

That made me look up, a certain conversation coming to the front of my mind.

"What happened there, by the way? And who's this _Paul _I keep hearing about?" I asked harshly, remembering Bella and Jacob's conversation.

Seth snickered, "By your tone, I guess you know about Paul?"

"Do I need to know _something_ about Paul?" I raised an eyebrow and Seth laughed again shaking his head.

"Are you afraid of a little competition?" He teased.

"Am I even in the game?" I snorted without humor.

"Aw, c'mon man! Emmett's right, you _are _a drama queen. If you spent less time feeling sorry for yourself and more time plotting a plan to get back on Bella's good graces, things would be _sooo_ different. I assure you."

"Hey!" I smacked the back of his head, "As much as I hate to say it, I'm your future father in law, so show some respect here." That made him laugh harder, and even if I'm in a pissy mood with what just happened with Bella, I laughed with him.

That's one of Seth's things; he's not an empath like Jasper but he's a happy boy. It's easy to feel the happiness he radiates.

I began again, "And what do you mean by that? If you haven't seen, I've told her sorry a thousand times in different ways! And she still won't believe me." I grunted kicking a rock with my foot.

"_Blah, blah, blah_… those are just words Edward. A pretty face and sweet words are not enough."

"Did you just call me a pretty face?"

He rolls his eyes, "Actually, I was quoting Bella and no, I won't tell you what we talked about."

"Bu-"

"Shut up and listen."

I sneer at him, "Seth, I-"

"Dude, I can't do all the work for you. And if you won't shut up and listen to me, I know you won't shut up and listen to Bella."

I growl at him, "Fifteen years from now, you will be wishing you had helped me. I'll make your life a living hell."

"Plu-ease, you'll love me in a few months when Bella's back with you."

"How are you so sure about that?"

"I told you to shut up and listen." He gave me an exasperated look, "No wonder Bella feels like she's talking to a wall."

"Shutting up," I gave in.

"Let's see… it's not hard. You just need a plan. A good plan… got it! How did you get Bella to fall in love with you in the first place?"

"I don't know… first we got to know each other, I gained her trust? She discovered what I was, -that was thanks to your friend Jacob by the way- and then I came clean."

"Aha! There you have it!"

"What do I have?" I said deadpan. This kid made no sense sometimes.

He made an _are you stupid _face which I wanted to erase with my fists. Seth sighed, "Your plan. Get Bella to know you again. Neither of you are the same people from five years ago and BAM!" He punches his fist into his hand, "She trusts you again. You come clean about what happened and everyone's happy."

"Bam? Really?"

"Yes Bam. Don't ruin my fun. You are killing my Dr. Phil buzz here."

I chuckled, "Sorry, and since when you are an expert in relationships? Which is a bit odd since the only one you have ever had is with a five year old."

Seth rolled his eyes at me but I couldn't help myself. It was actually pretty funny, even if it was at expense of my own daughter, "How do you suggest I get Bella to know me again? Since she's not even talking to me?"

"You don't need words to communicate, _Eddieboo_." He slapped my shoulder and sauntered back into the house.

He spent too much time with Emmett too.

* * *

Bella came to the house around four to check on Lizzie and Esme invited her for dinner, which she accepted reluctantly at Lizzie's insistence. Esme had prepared a feast just for her, Seth and Lizzie. After dinner, everyone moved into the big living room where Emmett and Jazz were replacing Jazz's Wii for Emmett's Nintendo 64 and hanging an extra TV on the wall for a game night. Elizabeth was so excited explaining the rules to Bella. She loved Mario Kart beyond reason and her mother listened to her with a glint in her eyes and a gentle smile on her face. Besides Esme and Seth, Bella didn't talk to anyone else. If it hadn't been for this morning it would have been normal for her not to speak to me but by her cold eyes I could tell she was still mad at me for trespassing in her house. Although every time our eyes crossed, she would blush furiously.

I wanted to kick myself. After months she had finally talked to me, even cracked a small smile and I had to go snooping into her room and get caught. Ok, I didn't get caught snooping around her stuff – only watching her sleep - but I still feel bad about it, but if I tell her the truth she'd certainly find a way to kill me, and my plans for paying for her education will be ruined. At least it's not like I read her diary or something. _Just invaded all her personal affairs!_ a snide voice that sounded a lot like Rosalie snapped at me.

Anyway, since she was again not talking to me I can't talk to her about her change of heart from this morning. What brought it on? Why after two months of pretending I didn't exist did she decide I walked on this earth again?

I'm still going with my previous plan by giving her space, and not being overbearing which is why I'm letting her come to me when she's ready. Much like how it happened this morning, but of course I had to mess that up. Now, I'm back to where I started, I shouldn't have tried to comfort her in her sleep. I should have kept my hands to myself. _You shouldn't have broken into her house...another promise broken._

Honestly, I don't know what came over me. I just hated seeing her so scared and in pain so I wanted to make her fears go away. I'm sure she thinks I was being a creepy perv, watching her sleep in her barely there pajamas.

Dear. God.

I still can't get that image out of my head.

That certainly got me distracted for the rest of the day while we watched Lizzie's movies in the living room. I tried to be a gentleman and erase that image from my mind but, how can I? The moment I walked out of the cottage I couldn't think of anything else but going back and kiss the daylights out of her. And it only made matters worse when she arrived this afternoon wearing the same white tank top. Only now she was wearing jeans, a hoodie and a blue satin bra – hey, the straps gave it away.

I need her, not only emotionally but physically too, and maybe that makes me a lesser person. No. Not maybe, this _makes _me a lesser person, to have such lustful thoughts about a woman who isn't mine, but I can help it. I miss her, and every day it gets harder and harder to stay away from her. I miss her touch, her warmth… the way her eyes would look at me every time I touched her.

From my whole existence, I remember that night the clearest. It was the best night of my human and non-human life. My throat suddenly tightened when I remembered the way our bodies had moved in perfect synchronization, how she had looked at me with adoration and lust mixed in her beautiful eyes. How we had kissed hungrily and passionately, covered in blankets under a bed of stars in the middle of our meadow. She had fallen asleep in my arms as I watched the sun come up. But with the ticking of the clock and as the night turned into dawn, reality struck me hard... and the fairytale was over... when I saw the first purple prints appear on her skin. _Just like two months ago when you won't listen._

I shook my head. How can I think of her that way? After what I did to her? No wonder she won't let me touch her... I'm a monster. I suppressed a groan and pull at my hair. Even if by some miracle she forgives me, I can't ever be with her that way again... unless she agrees to the change, I can't. Which is why I can't have these lustful thoughts about her. It's wrong, and sick. How can I desire her so much after what I did? What kind of monster am I? How can I wish for something that'll only hurt her? I'm so selfish. _And making decisions without discussing them with Bella again...that is monstrous._Angry with myself, I abruptly stand up from the couch and go upstairs to my room. Leaving a bunch of confused vampires and a wolf behind.

That night, since Elizabeth wasn't going to school again the next day, she stayed at the big house and had a sleepover with Alice, Esme and… Emmett. Yeah, I don't know what that was about either. He said, a sleepover is not a real sleepover if you don't tell scary stories and since he claimed to be the best horror storyteller ever, he joined them in Lizzie's room. They even set up a giant tent in the middle of the room.

Lizzie asked Bella to stay, but since Bella can't stay up too late Seth walked her back to the cottage around ten. When Seth came back I scurried out of the house and went to take my usual spot on the spruce near the cottage to stand guard. Lizzie was safe enough in the house with other six vampires and Seth so I didn't worry about leaving her for the night. Besides I was still fairly close and could hear their laughter in the distance.

I ran at vampire speed and climb on my usual tree. Taking my journal from my pocket I used the pen I stabbed in the tree the other night. I opened my journal and let the words flow from me.

Time passed, and before I knew it dawn was here again. Bella's alarm went off at 8 am and I heard her move inside the cottage. The windows were still closed, and curtains were drawn so I wasn't able to see my angel, but I could smell eggs, ham and cheddar cheese so I assumed she was preparing her breakfast.

I used the time to think about what Seth told me. He said I have to let Bella know me again so she can trust me but, how do I do that without pissing her off? She doesn't want to talk to me and after what happened yesterday I'm sure that's not changing anytime soon. I also need to apologize. She's right, I shouldn't have invaded her space like that. That won't make her trust me anytime soon, on the contrary I'm sure that little stunt just made things worse. Damn it! What do I do now?

"_Edward, you need to change your clothes." _Alice called for my attention as she neared the cottage _"I'll watch her. I left a fresh shirt and jeans on your couch."_

"Thanks, Alice. Call me if-"

"_Of course, now go!"_

I passed Alice on my way back to the house, climbed the wall on the left side of the house and jumped into my room. I can hear Lizzie's light breathing all the way from her room. She's still asleep. I couldn't take her hunting yesterday in case Laurent showed up, so no wonder she's still asleep. She must be exhausted especially after last night. I just hope she doesn't get sick like those first days… I'll have to think of something. Got it!

I fired a text to Carlisle, he would be at the hospital by now and he promised to be back home early. I asked him if he could snatch a few blood bags from the blood bank at the hospital. I wasn't very keen on the idea of Lizzie drinking human blood. It was childish and stupid, but I saw her as this beautiful little angel so the idea was kind of disturbing. I know as a parent she needed the blood so I just had to get used to the idea.

After I got Carlisle's positive answer, I took off my clothes and pulled on the jeans and shirt Alice had picked up for me. When I was done, I walked out of my room and headed for Lizzie's. Carefully not to wake her up, I opened the door and stepped in. The room was spotless, even after yesterday's sleepover there were no traces of the tent or sleeping bags I had seen last night. Someone must had put Lizzie on her bed after she had fallen asleep and picked up the mess. My guess would be Esme.

I sat on the edge of the bed and kissed my daughter's cheek. She was a bit cold so I gave her a once over, her cheeks were still flushed but they could be better. It was amazing how fast her body could change from one day to another if she hadn't been fed recently. Yesterday she had been perfect. Thankfully it was spring, so there would be tons of bears and cats to chose from later. Laurent's visit was such a bad timing, I felt bad I couldn't tend my daughter's needs.

"I'm so sorry little angel. I love you."

I glance around the room, feeling the peace this place gave me. It was like my own sanctuary. I couldn't fight the smile on my face when I saw my daughter's life plastered on the wall by her bedframe. There are pictures, drawings and of course, glitter. My eyes quickly find the new and newest additions. The new ones being pictures of Lizzie and Bella for the past couple months and the newest are polaroids taken last night. My daughter has a thing for pictures. I should get her a camera for her birthday.

Two pictures caught my attention, the first one is one of Lizzie and Bella at the kitchen downstairs making pancakes. Next to it is a picture of me and Lizzie playing my green piano. I think it's sweet Lizzie had put those pictures together. Those are her special moments with both of her parents and loved to see how she cherished both the same. Seeing that picture reminded me of Lizzie's unfinished lullaby. With so much chaos going on I haven't had the time or heart to finish it. I don't know, I just couldn't find the right notes to communicate my adoration for my daughter. I want it to be special, and I hope she likes it as much as she loves her mother's lullaby.

In that lullaby I poured all my love for her mother, putting my feelings into music, because music never dies… songs go on forever and I want to do the same for my daughter- put my love and adoration for her into a beautiful melody so she can hear again and again how much I love her even if I'm gone.

Esme likes it when I play the piano for her, but honestly if it wasn't for the way her eyes shone every time I played her favorite song I wouldn't do it. When I play, I feel exposed, naked. I feel as if anyone can know what I'm thinking of, or what I'm feeling. I hate to feel so vulnerable. Bella once told me I was an old soul and that music was like my own personal language, that I was way better with notes than words and that it was amazing how much I could communicate through them. Every time I brought her home when we were in Forks, she would ask me to play for her, she said it was the only time she'd know what I was thinking, the only time I wore my feelings on my sleeve. And maybe she's right, I'm not really a man of many words.

Suddenly, I freeze remembering Seth's words.

"_You don't need words to communicate, Eddieboo."_

Of course.

Seth, you are a genius.

With a last kiss for my daughter, I ran out of the room.

-SLA-

"_Bella, wait."_

"_What, Edward?" I turned around, trying as hard as I could to control my stupid tears, but I was sure he could see the rejection clear on my face._

_He was standing in front of me now, and I tried to look away feeling ashamed of myself. I had just made a fool out of myself._

_He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him._

"_Love, I'm sorry… please don't cry. You know why I say no. Silly girl," He chuckled without humor, I could see the pain in his eyes "of course I want you, I want nothing else than to be with you." He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms tenderly around me, but I could still feel the stiffness of his body._

_I pressed my face against his chest and breathed in his sweet scent._

"_Edward… please," I looked up at him. "what are you afraid of?"_

"_I'm afraid of losing you."He breathed._

"_You won't, you won't hurt me."I assured him._

_His eyes looked lost, he was so scared. My right hand reached his face and I traced my fingers along his skin. He always said my touch soothed him. He closed his eyes and went still while I passed my thumb over the shadows under his eyes. _

_He was so painfully beautiful._

_I stood on my toes and softly kissed his chin, then his cheek as it was the farthest I could reach and finally his mouth. I could sense his inner battle, and taking advantage of his weekness deepened the kiss._

"_Bella." He groaned. "What are you doing to me?"_

"_Just close you eyes, please."_

_He did, and I took his hand and stired him in direction of the forest._

* * *

**Uh-oh! What is Eddiboo going to do now? I'm amazed by you response to last chapters! I think were 50 and 50 with team Bella and team Edward, I'm glad both of them have your support although I'm totally team Seth ;) he's a cutie!**

**Next chapter, Laurent enters the story, what are your theories? What do you think is going to happen then? I've been waiting to write that chapter for so long!**

**Saludos!**

**Tammy**


	21. Chapter 21: The Last Song Ever

**I'm sorry for the small week delay, I had this since last week but guess what? I got myself my very own Sam! (One more Chance readers will understand) Yup! I got a beautiful Beagle puppy of 2 months and I'm SO excited and happy! I love him so much! Anyway the reason it took me a few more days was because get got sick, I took him for his shots and the stupid vet shot him something else and because he's so young his body didn't take it well and he was paralyzed for a few hours. (I almost killed someone that day) So now his stomach is sensitive and I have to take good care of him and watch his every move. So that happened to me this week AND my beta and prereader Joy1 had an accident and was out of commission for a few days and just heard from her.**

**Anyway, enough with the rant!**

**Thanks to Joy1, Cattinson and Lisopera for their amazing work! I don't know what I'd do without you!**

**SM owns the world!**

* * *

Chapter 21: The Last Song Ever

"**The Last Song Ever" - Secondhand Serenade**

I wish my life was this song

cause songs they never die

I could write for years and years

and never have to cry I'd show you how I feel

without saying a word

I could wrap up both our hearts

I know it sounds absurd

And i saw the tears on your face

i shot you down and i slammed the door

but couldn't make a sound

so please stay sweet my dear

don't hate me now

i can't tell how this last song ends

The way that i feel tonight so down

so down i pray i can swim just

so i wont drown and the waves that crash over me

i am gasping for air take my hand

so i can breath as i write this last song down

"What the hell are you doing?" Alice asked me bewildered.

"I don't know," I placed the piano by the tree Alice is sitting on. "This seemed like a good idea three minutes ago."

"Aww! You're planning on serenading her? That's so romantic!"

"You said the same thing about the flowers." I deadpanned.

"Well, yeah but this will work out. I can feel it."

"Can you _see_ it?" I asked.

"No, Seth is planning to ask me for a favor or something. My future is mixed with his at the moment."

"Ok, well you can leave now."

"What?! Don't I get to watch?"

"This isn't 'The Notebook' Alice, of course you can't watch. Besides, I don't want anyone to see me kiss goodbye the last bit of dignity I have left."

"Pff, please you lost all dignity you had yesterday." She said knowingly, and images from yesterday's incident with Bella flashed through her mind.

"You saw that?!"

"Of course I did!" Alice snapped.

"Why didn't you warn me?!"

"It was too late, besides where would be the fun in that?!" She giggled.

I cursed under my breath and turned away hiding my embarrassment.

"Go, before I bite your head off."

She giggled again.

"Alright, alright I'll go. I'll see if I can't rip Jasper away from the TV. He's still obsessed with the bloodbath going on in Seattle."

"The Volturi hasn't intervened?" I asked wide eyed, to be honest I didn't care. I was just surprised the Volturi were being bested. "It's been months."

"Maybe there are no vampires involved after all it could be a drug war or something like that." She shrugged, "Although Jasper swears there are vampires involved."

"It doesn't make sense, why would anyone risk themselves with an army? There are no other clans in Washington. We were the last ones there and we didn't even hunt humans."

"Maybe there are now, who knows? Jasper also said they are not in Washington anymore, the killings have move upstate towards the border."

"Really?" I asked, not really caring. Even if the crossed they border we were still far away.

"Yeah, anyway I better go. Good luck!"

"Keep Lizzie occupied for a while, don't let her go outside until I get back."

"Will do!" Alice saluted me and off she went.

I mumbled a 'thanks' and picked up the green grand piano again. I walked into the small clearing until I reached the middle the cottage was just a few feet away so this would be good. I could hear Bella flipping through some pages inside in her living room she was probably reading I was glad she wasn't asleep. I took the bench from the hood and put it by the keyboard, sitting on it.

I closed my eyes and tried to feel the forest around me, hearing and smelling the life surrounding it. The most prominent sound was of course, the heartbeat belonging to the angel inside that cottage.

I brushed my fingers along the keys, imaging the sound it would make. I started humming Lizzie's lullaby and softly pressed the keys to the first notes. I heard Bella's heartbeat stutter before it started beating furiously. She closed her book and I heard her footsteps come near the window. I didn't look up but I heard the rustle of fabric as she peeked through the curtain. She closed the curtain again but didn't move from her spot.

I continue with Lizzie's lullaby until I reached the part I was still struggling with and started the song again. I did the same process about ten times when I finally found the right notes and connected the verses continuing with the song. It was far from done yet, but I was finally past that bridge I was struggling with. I played that a couple more times and then with my heart in my throat I changed the song to my angel's lullaby.

She gasped, and seconds later I heard her move away from the window, I was so into my music I hadn't noticed she had stayed there the whole time I played Lizzie's song. She was pacing around her living room, and I think I heard her sniffle. I continued with her song, determined to get my point across.

"You are my one and only," I whispered, even though I knew she wouldn't hear me.

I continued to play and when the song ended I started again. Telling her without words I won't give up on us.

"What are you doing to me?" She asked so quietly from inside I didn't know if she was actually talking to me.

I didn't stop. She said she didn't want to hear my words so she would hear me this way. The past two months were torture, I was done being passive about this, I had to find a way she would talk to me again. She had done it yesterday, so I guessed she was ready, I just had to blow it all up with my little stunt.

I heard her cry quietly, and I bet she was struggling to remain quiet. A door inside opened, I guess she had walked into her room, and then her cries muffled by what I guess was a pillow.

"Go away!" She suddenly screamed at me.

I didn't answer, and continued to play.

I heard stomping, and suddenly the door opened.

"What? You think a little song will be enough?" She said bitterly.

"No, a thousand songs won't ever be enough to tell you how much I love you."

She glared and wiped out her angry tears.

"So what do you think you are doing?"

I shrugged.

"Answer me!" She demanded.

"You won't believe anything I say, so what's the point in explaining myself?"

"I want to know what the hell you are doing in my front yard!"

I tried not to laugh at her kitten like temper.

"I thought you could use some music. It's so quiet in here."

"Bullshit, I told you this wasn't a movie. A little serenade means shit."

"Ah! But you are wrong" I smirked "this isn't your regular serenade, when have you seen a hero serenade his beloved with a green, glittered piano? You have to give me some credit with originality." I winked.

She stared at me incredulously, with her mouth hang opened.

"You catching flies?"

She shut her mouth and sneered at me.

"That song is getting old by the way." She said bitterly referring to her lullaby.

"The meaning behind it is still true, no matter how old it is. That's the beauty about music, don't you think? It lasts forever just like my love for you." She huffed and rolled her eyes again "And I fixed a few things," I shrugged "added a few verses."

"I noticed, why? You re-arranging it for your friend?" Her tone was sarcastic.

"Which friend? And why would I do that? It's your song."

"Whatever." She turned around to walk back into the cottage.

"No." I spoke before she could take a step inside "Who are you talking about?" I stopped playing and faced her fully.

"The blonde one, what's her name? Kenya? Tanya?"

_What?_

"That's stupid." I made a face "Why would I-" Then it hit me. God! How stupid I am! But wait… "Are you jealous?" I was stunned, and… hopeful.

She scoffed.

"No, I just think it's rude to recycle songs, you should at least try a little harder and make her, her own song. Or has it always been hers?" She cocked a brow.

"You are being totally ridiculous, there's nothing going on between Tanya and I, she's like a sister to me and this song has always and will always be yours."

"What about the first one you were playing?" She was skeptical.

"That's Elizabeth's, it's not finished yet." I went back to my piano and started playing Lizzie's song.

She was quiet, studying me, trying to read me.

"Well," she started quietly "it's beautiful she's going to love it." She reclined on the door.

"I don't know about that," I studied the keys "I'm still struggling with it."

"Why?" Unconsciously, she took a step closer

"The bridge, I think I got it but I'm not sure how to continue from there."

"I'm not Beethoven so I don't know what you are talking about." Her clipped tone was back, but she took another step closer, her eyes fixed on my hands on the keys.

"The bridge is the connection between verses or to the climax I don't know how to go from there."

She quieted for a minute, thinking about my words.

…

…

"What do you do for inspiration?"

I looked up at her, by now she was just a couple feet away from the hood of the piano.

I shrugged.

"Well, with yours I just had to picture your eyes, or imagine your voice or hear your heartbeat."

"Now who is being ridiculous?" She took a step back.

"Don't be so cynical, it's true."

"Then why don't you do the same with hers?"

"It's different, she has your eyes so when I look at her I feel like I'm looking at you, and her heart beat is quicker so the tempo doesn't work. I'm working with her laugh, but she hasn't been too happy lately so you see my problem. It was easier before."

"Before I came back?" The hurt in her eyes made me realize how my words sounded and I wanted to kick myself again. "You're saying it's my fault then?"

"No, I didn't mean it that way. What I mean is, when we thought you were dead" I stopped playing again so she could listen clearly "Lizzie was crushed, I was crushed we were all suffering and mourning. As you know, Lizzie and I have a weird connection, we kind of feel each others emotions… as we started healing, when I took her around the world she was finally smiling again… she was healing, we were healing so it was easier to write."

She looked down, staring at the pictures pasted on the hood.

"What about now?" She whispered.

"She knows what's going on between us. She's sad, I feel her sadness and that's… killing me."

Her eyes shot back at me, understanding filling them.

"So that's why you are here? You only _want me_ back for Lizzie?"

"No, that's a bonus. I do want you back, but that's only for selfish reasons, I know you don't believe me but I love you and the reason I'm here in your front yard is to apologize."

"What for now?" She reclined the side of her hip on the piano.

"Yesterday, I didn't really apologize. You were mad which I totally understand and I was… shocked? I don't know but please, believe me. I'm really sorry Bella. I didn't want to invade your privacy like that. I didn't mean any harm. I was just worried and wanted to check on you."

She looked down at the pictures on the hood again, her eyes scanning all the drawings and polaroids.

…

…

"I'm sorry I screamed at you." She started softly "I just didn't expect to see you there." She looked away, finding the forest very interesting.

"I understand, and I promise I won't do it again."

She looked back at me.

"Have you done it before? Since I came back?"

"Going into your room?"

She nodded.

"No, it was the first time I promise." I left out the part where I watch after them every night from the woods. It didn't matter if she was Ok with that or not, I wasn't stopping until Victoria's body was turned into ash and if she knew about it she'd only be uncomfortable.

She stared at me, as if trying to decide to believe me or not. I resumed my task, continuing with my daughter's lullaby and leaving her alone with her thoughts.

"It's a little jumpy." She softly said after a while.

"What's jumpy?"

"The part after… uhm, the bridge?" I nodded "The whole song is more like a happy stroll along the beach… then it suddenly turns into a run, too dramatic… Lizzie's temper is calmer than that." She reclined her elbows on the hood. Watching my fingers on the keys.

"You think it's the tempo or the notes?"

She thought for a minute.

"A bit of both, I guess."

…

…

"Can I ask you something?" I asked tentatively after a few minutes of awkward silence.

She shrugged.

"Yesterday, why did you start talking to me again?"

She was quiet again, staring at the pictures below her.

"I thought I could try and have a civil relationship with you. I had a horrible childhood because of my parents divorce they fought all the time and I felt like a ping pong going from one place to another every summer and holidays. I don't want Lizzie to go through that too."

"You never talked about it I didn't realized it had been that bad."

She shook her head.

"I got over it eventually, both of them wanted me close but they couldn't agree on anything. It could have been worse though, they could have been throwing me around because neither wanted the me."

"I'm sorry."

She waved me away.

"Anyway, Lizzie wants to be with both of us and who am I to take that away from her? And I don't want to make this anymore difficult for her, her life is difficult as it is already. So I thought I could give it a try and try to let go of my anger."

I held my breath.

"Let go of your anger?" I asked hopeful.

She stared at me for a long second before looking down again and continuing.

"I can't forget what happened Edward, no matter how guilty you feel or how sorry you are I can't forgive you." My heart fell "But I can try and be civil with you for Elizabeth, I don't want to be bitter or angry anymore."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked down so she wouldn't see the pain in my eyes.

"I talked to Leah… I got a new shot at life and I don't want to spend it thinking about the past or about you. It's not worth it, I want it to be _my _life and I want to be happy with my daughter and I want her to be happy with me. If talking to you makes her happy that's what I'll do, but that's it."

"You still don't believe me do you?" I whispered.

She didn't answer and I took that as a confirmation.

"Have you thought about what I told you?" I asked.

"You have said so many things." She snorted looking away.

"About what I told you when you were at the hospital, after James' attack."

…

…

…

"You said… 'As long as it makes you happy… as long as it's what's best for you' I remember." She whispered.

"Did you think about it?"

She nodded.

"I forced myself to think back… and came up with a conclusion."

"What is that?" I breathed, going still as a statue.

"You were doing me a favour." She said firmly.

"What?" I asked aghast.

"Maybe you didn't do it with malice, you are not bad but you still led me on… doing the human girl a favour, granting her her wish by staying until you couldn't pretend anymore."

I was on my feet and in front of her in an instant, startling her.

"Bella, that's absurd. Why would anyone do that? You know me, think about all the time we spent together, think about the man you knew. You really think I'd do something like that? Risk my entire family of exposure just to do a favour to a human girl?"

"I can't see any other explanation."

"What about this one?" I held her face "Because _I love you_." I said firmly.

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have left."

"You think I left because I don't love you." I stated.

"Yeah." She made a _duh _face.

"Ok, let me ask you a question then. You gave up Lizzie, right?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

She answered right away.

"Because I couldn't be with her, if I died she would be alone and in danger."

"So you gave up on her for her own good, not because you didn't love her?"

"Of course." She glared "Why would you think otherwise."

"You left her." I said simply and her eyes widened, comprehension dawning on her.

"This is not the same thing." She shook her head, trying to break free.

"It sure is," I insisted fiercely "the only difference is that I lied about it to protect you."

"Protect me from _what_?" She gritted.

"From myself! Bella don't you get it?"

"What is there to get?! You were crystal clear! You said you didn't want me, that I wasn't good enough for you!"

Again with this.

"Bella, _I lied_. Don't you see? I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you—keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving was the only way."

"And hurting me in the process was the only option, too? Edward, it doesn't make any sense! If you worried about me being in danger, leaving me was worse! I went through _two _vampire attacks! I birthed your daughter, got cancer, run along with wolves and I jumped from a cliff! How on earth would I be safer without you? Stop using that as an excuse. You left because you got bored, I understand that I don't blame you for that, what I blame you for is for _how and when _you left." Her voice was a mixed with angry sobs and pained tears. I took a hold of her face again, forcing her to look at me. My voice shook as I spoke.

"If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you _could be more important than what I wanted… what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay—thank heaven for that!"

"What about your distractions?"

I laughed without a trace of humor. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the… the _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost a hundred years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone—like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you." I placed my hand over her heart.

"Edward, please stop… I can't trust you. You hurt me too much." She cried "Don't make this any harder I just want to move on and forget this. I want to start again and have a good relationship with you please stop, don't mess things up."

"What do I have to do… or give you to make you trust me again? Anything… it's yours." I wiped her tears away with my thumbs.

She looked deep into my eyes, trying to figure me out again. Testing me.

"You won't give me what I want." She said convinced.

"Of course I will, I'll give you anything!"

She looked down as more tears fell from her eyes and she shook her head.

"Tell me what you want Bella." I urged, brushing her hair away from her beautiful face.

"I want you to prove it to me, prove me you still love me and you won't ever go away."

"I won't! I swear! I'll never leave you or Elizabeth willingly," I shook my head "You two mean everything to me I love both of you beyond reason." I cried. "What do I have to do for you to trust me?"

She looked up at me with determination in her eyes.

"Give me something only you can give me."

"Wha-"

"But not because I asked you, but because you want to."

"Something only I can give you?" I asked myself, then looked at her questioningly "Like what?"

"You'll figure it out."

"Bella, I don-" I stopped midsentence and went rigid.

I looked up behind Bella and adjusted my eyes so I could see through the woods but saw nothing, he was still too far away. He had caught our scents so he was coming our way, I let out an involuntary hiss.

"Edward?" Bella asked nervously "What is it?" She looked around, sensing my defensive stance.

"Laurent," I growled I could now hear his feet running as they hit the ground too. I stepped around Bella and pulled her behind me as she clutched to the back of my upper arm. I felt her heart beat furiously against her chest on my back, attracting much more attention than necessarily for the vampire coming our way.

"Are you Ok?" I looked over down at her.

"Yeah, I'm just… nervous. Shouldn't we go back to the house with Elizabeth?"

I thought about it for a second, I didn't want him near her but at the same time I wanted to be close to her in case she needed me and I wanted more protection for Bella as well with my brothers being near besides, if Jasper was present he could help me getting a read about Laurent… He would tell me if I was overreacting or not. I don't know what was up with me, I guess I was just fiercely over protective of the girls I loved and I didn't care, I wasn't taking any chances.

"Get on my back." I urged her.

"What? I can walk."

I sighed.

"Don't be stubborn now; there's no time." I argued.

Before she could say anything else, I swooped her up in my arms and took off.

"Edward!" She shrieked and I couldn't hold my chuckle despite the tension emanating from my body.

We reached the house in seconds, and I put Bella back on the ground. Her legs wobbled and I caught her before she'd fall.

"Damn, I thought I had got used to that." She grumbled closing her eyes.

"You need to sit down?" I tried to hold my laughter. "You look pale."

She glared at me.

"Look who's talking, Mr. Whitey."

"Did you just make a joke?" I asked amused.

"Not a good one, apparently," she grumbled sitting on a bench near her.

"You Ok?" I asked truly worried now; she looked sick.

"Yeah, I just got dizzy… I get lightheaded pretty easy nowadays. I think it's a side effect from my medicines."

Now I felt like crap. "I'm so sorry Bella, I didn't know."

She waved me away, "I've gotten used to you laughing at my expense to prove your superiority."

There was no malice in her words, just acceptance. When we were together I had laughed at her human ways... I thought about that. I laughed at her many times and it was condescending. I did see myself as the superior intellect...at least I used to. She interrupted my inner musing by asking, "Is he close?"

I looked up and listened in.

"He'll be here in two minutes." Alice answered walking out from the kitchen door with Jasper "The rest are staying inside with Lizzie. Carlisle is not back home yet."

I offered Bella my hand hesitantly she took it and I helped her get up enjoying the brief contact. We formed a loose line, with Alice next to me and Jasper on Bella's other side as we waited for Laurent. The air was completely still the only sound was Bella's quick heartbeat and her deep breathing as she tried to calm her dizziness. I looked down at her and was glad to see the color coming back to her cheeks.

A minute and a half later, Laurent appeared at the edge of the back lawn. He didn't react at all at our defensive position. He ignored the tension in the air and just smiled at us. I didn't know what to make of that.

_Purpose...He walked with purpose._

"Laurent, what a nice surprise to see you here," Jasper said for me, I was too busy trying to figure out his line of thought.

"I must say I'm the surprised one." He said eyes solely on Bella as he took a few steps towards us. "I see it and I can't believe it! Bella, it's so good to see you alive and healthy. You look wonderful!" He stopped several feet away from us.

"Thank you Laurent; you look good too." Bella blushed. "I prefer the butterscotch eyes to ruby eyes." She smiled.

"I must say, your new look suits you as much as my eyes," He winked.

Bella unconsciously passed her fingers through her hair it had grown a couple inches since she got here. It reached about two fingers above her shoulders now.

"Yeah, it's… something." She made a face.

"I'm sorry I can't give you a warmer greeting." He motioned to the distance between us, "I'm still new to this lifestyle and… to be honest you still smell as good as I remember." He joked.

"Don't even think about it." I couldn't stop myself from growling.

"Oh, I'm sorry Edward… I don't mean your mate any harm. I'm just stating the obvious."

"Why are you here, Laurent?" I asked, sick of this bullshit. His mind was overactive. He was thinking too much on how to behave and what to say. Again, he wouldn't be the first one to do this. Almost everyone who knew I read minds would do the same on occasion to protect their privacy around me.

"Well Edward, I've been a nomad for a great part of my existence until I found Irina." He placed his right hand over his heart, "That makes me appreciate my friends I consider Bella and all of you my friends so I wanted to see you happy with my own eyes." He explained, his eyes looked sincere but I was still on guard. "I'm also a bit curious… Bella, where were you all this time? We looked for you all over Washington." Laurent said, remembering when my siblings, the Denalis and him had gone all over the state in search of her.

"Yeah, sorry about that… I was in Kent with a friend's sister."

"_Something's wrong." _Jasper thought _"Why is he nervous?"_

Subtly, I took a step closer to Bella.

"Well, I have tons of questions for you my dear, dear Bella… especially about your precious daughter! Such a wonderful creature! We have tons to talk about, are you guys going to invite me in?"

"No." I said without taking my eyes out of him.

I didn't want him any closer, I know I was being paranoid and might be overreacting as always but with our story I didn't trust anyone who wasn't my immediate family around my girls.

"No?" He was taken aback "What you mean no? Just for a little while, I had a long journey here, we are family now Edward, I'm with your cousin. Can't I stay for a few days?"

"Esme is redecorating the house," I lied "I'm sorry, it's a mess.

I didn't feel any amount of guilt. Thinking I lost Bella for a whole year made me like this, I didn't care if I looked like a dick but no one I didn't trust was coming close to her or our daughter. I lived a hell without her, it was like a reflex reaction to avoid that kind of pain again.

"You are redecorating the house? I'm sorry, I didn't know I should have come later in the week then."

Well, if you had only called before ambushing us like this?

"Yeah, we are rearranging the rooms for Seth, Bella and Lizzie." Alice seconded me.

"Seth? Who's Seth?" He cocked his head to the side curiously.

"He's a friend of ours from La Push." Alice answered.

"I thought vampires weren't allowed there?" He asked with new curiosity, his eyes flicking back to the house.

"He's not a vampire." I said simply, withholding Seth's true nature in case Lizzie could hear. "He's a friend of Bella's, he helped her when she was pregnant. The others didn't tell you about him?"

"No, Kate just told me you got a pet?" He made a face, "I thought that's what I smelled back there."

We heard Emmett's laughter in the distance.

"Yeah, that's a good description." I chuckled.

Bella raised her eyebrow ay us, "Refrain from calling my best friend here a pet. I know that's how you regard humans, but it's insulting to those of us with a heartbeat."

A pet. She thought I saw her as a pet. She yelled that at Alice didn't she?

New rule. No pet jokes, even about Seth.

"By the way, why did I catch your scents back there too?" He pointed behind himself "Yours, Bella and your daughter's scent was strong."

"We were taking a walk," I said before Bella could tell him she and Lizzie lived there. I didn't want anyone to know they lived alone. "Bella and I were talking before you got here."

"Oh! That's good, very good. You need to exercise young lady," He shook a finger at her, "I know humans do that to stay healthy. Now tell me Bella, how did you get that horrible illness?" He asked concerned "What did you do all this years without your mate? He was going beyond crazy with worry looking for you. Are you completely recovered?"

"Uhm," Bella looked at me, unsure of what to say. She knew I didn't trust him and since I had been spreading lies on Laurent's face all this time she wasn't sure what to say. I nodded at her encouragingly, it didn't really matter if Laurent knew about her past, what mattered was the present. "The pregnancy was difficult," She started "and fast… I was very weak. Nothing stayed in my stomach so I got anemia, which then turned into leukemia… I moved from La Push to Seattle for my therapies."

"So you were in La Push before?" He asked with new curiosity "How long?"

Bella tilted her head a moment...too long a moment. Something was going through her head, I could see it in her eyes. They were calculating… confused, like solving a math problem. It was the same look she had when I bared my soul at her only moment ago.

"Yeah," she said slowly, her eyes still on the vampire "since I left Forks right after my father died." She gave him a once over, staring at her clothes… more specifically his hoodie under his jacket "Jacob, my dad's godson, built me a cabin. I lived there until I had to move to Seattle for my therapies."

"Jacob?" Laurent questioned.

"Yeah, he's _friends_ with Seth too." She met Laurent's eyes, "A _pack _of brothers...always there to protect me."

Laurent stiffened for some reason.

"Seth… can I meet this Seth?" He asked "Does he know you are vampires?" I nodded "Why is he here?"

"Yes, he knows and it's a long story," I answered "he's here mostly to protect Lizzie they have… a special _bond_, " I said still feeling a little unease about my daughter belonging to someone besides me. No matter how great Seth is, Lizzie is my little angel.

"Aw! I don't doubt it! Your daughter is so special, amazing! She has everyone wrapped around her little finger with just one look! And so beautiful, just like her mother. I wonder what the Volturi would think of her-"

"Don't you even think about it!" I growled and flexed my muscles ready to launch myself at him "No one, and I mean _absolutely no one _out of this family can know about her, you hear me?!"

I've heard tons of stories about the Volturi from Carlisle, I've never met them but I know Aro, their leader liked to collect rare and special things and would do anything to get what he wished for. I know Elizabeth would be too precious to him.

"Edward," Jasper warned and I was stunned when I felt Bella's warm hand on my back, it calmed me ten times more than Jasper's gift could.

"What Edward was trying to say," Bella said calmly, but underneath her steady voice I could see the fear in her eyes, "is that no one can know of Elizabeth for her safety. We would appreciate if her existence stayed between us."

"Of course, I'm sorry… how stupid of me. I won't say a thing, you have my word."

Bella laughed at him.

"What is funny?" Laurent asked confusedly.

"I have your word," Bella snickered. "Your choices in alliances haven't been the best in the past Laurent. Nice hoodie by the way, I think I've seen it before."

Laurent's mind went blank and said nothing as Jasper and I stared at Bella puzzled as she continued.

"Thanks for your concern, but let's be honest here. You are not my friend Laurent, I don't even think we ever spoke that time back in forks… why are you really he-"

"Daddy!" Lizzie opened the window to her room and popped her head out "You wanna watch a mo-" She gasped "Oh! Uncle Laurent! How are you?!" She waved at him from the third floor.

"Hello little one! I'm fine thank you! How about you?"

I didn't need Jasper's gift to see the relief in Laurent's eyes at the change of topic. I took another step and positioned myself between him and Bella. Something was wrong, Jasper and Alice could feel it too.

"I'm good! Where's Aunt Irina?!" She looked around.

From the Denali sisters Carmen, Irina and Kate were the ones she liked the most when they visited the first time. Well, if you see it the other way around Tanya was the only one she didn't like.

"She's back home, but she sent you a little something." Laurent took out a small box from his pocket, from his thoughts I got it was a silver bracelet with Elizabeth's name on it.

Lizzie gasped.

"Daaaaddyyyy," She said in a sweet sing song voice "can I come out now? It's sooo boring in here!" she stared at me with big puppy eyes. I damn the day Alice taught her that trick.

I looked at the space between Laurent and I, then at Jasper and Alice. Three vampires, plus the other three inside… they were safe enough.

I sighed.

"Emmett can you bring her out, please?" I relented.

Bella broke in, "Tell Seth to come too, Laurent wants to meet him." I couldn't decipher the look in her eyes, it was a mix between worry and… I don't know… hope?

"Goodie!" She clapped her hands "SEETH! CURFEW IS OVER! CURFEW IS OVER! I'M A FREE WOMAN! THANKS HEAVENS AND EVERYONE ABOVE!"

Everybody laughed and I rolled my eyes at her dramatics.

"Like father, like daughter," Bella chuckled.

"What was that?"

"C'mon," She laughed, "you are as dramatic as her." It took me a moment to answer, as I got a little lost on her beautiful wide smile.

"I'm not dramatic," I defended myself.

"Please! You are the ultimate drama queen," she insisted.

"She's right about that," Jasper said with a smirk. "You are worse than a pregnant woman."

I was about to shoot something back when the back door opened revealing Lizzie in Seth's arms and Emmett behind them.

Bella called to Seth, "Set her down. She's not a baby." Seth and I looked at each other, neither wanting Lizzie out of his arms, but Bella had that calculated look again gesturing forward. Lizzie got to her feet as the tension reliever arrived.

"Yo! Laurent!" Emmett waved happily as they walked towards us. "What brought your ugly face here?" he joked.

I looked up and saw Rosalie watching us from her and Emmett's room. She had a scowl on her face but I could also see a glint of worry in her eyes. She caught me looking and sneered at me. As always I ignored her and returned my attention back at my little angel just as Bella picked her up and took a few steps backwards, but my thoughts came to a halt when I caught Seth's confused expression. Bella's face however looked triumphant… and pained.

Seth's eyes unfocused and his nostrils flared, just then a light breeze ran across the lawn. Seth's body went rigid before letting out an ear-splitting growl.

Then, everything happened in less than a second.

"Seth! Don't!" Jasper screamed.

Before he had finished, Bella closed her arms around Lizzie and I covered my girls with my body just as Seth's skin ripped and his giant wolf form materialized in the middle of the clearing with a thunderous growl.

I felt his paw accidentally kick my back tearing my shirt apart and ignored the pain his claw inflicted on my bare back. Simultaneously, I grabbed my girls and moved them to the other side of the lawn as Lizzie's loud wails broke through the forest.

"Are you Ok?!" I asked frantically, looking down.

Lizzie was trembling, crying hysterically as she clung to what was left of my shirt and Bella's eyes were red with tears as she glared over my shoulder as she nodded. I brushed Lizzie's hair away from her face to check on her but thankfully she wasn't hurt. I turned my head around and found Emmett and Jasper restraining Seth. Alarmed Esme and Rosalie were coming out of the house. Laurent was nowhere to be seen.

"What happened?!" Esme asked over Lizzie's cries.

"Seth! What's the matter bud?!" Jasper tried to calm Seth whose mind was a complete chaos, his only coherent thought being going after Laurent. "Calm down bro!"

"That dog!" Rose shouted. "I told you he was dangerous!"

Seth howled trying to get away.

"Shut up Rosalie! And stay away!" I shouted at her. "Alice! Stay with Bella!" I handed Lizzie to Bella and went to stand in front of Seth. Lizzie's sobs became louder as she called after me.

"NO! DA-ADDY! NOO!" She called after me.

Forcefully, I grabbed Seth's big head making him look me in the eyes. His eyes were full of ire, pain and hurt just as Bella's.

"Tell me." I told him quietly, somehow I had a pretty good idea what this was about.

He calmed enough to stare back at me and showed me that memory he had showed me a long time ago… the memory of that dark rainy day four years ago.

"_The scent… the hoodie… Charlie... He killed Charlie!"_

A fierce loud growl erupted from my chest shaking the woods around us. Seeing red, I took off from the clearing and followed his scent with just one thought in mind.

Revenge.

_**-SLA-**_

_"Where are we going?" His voice was stiff, and scared._

_"Charlie won't be home till the morning. I thought we could star gaze in our meadow." I said shyly._

_He stared at me, his eyes pained but full of longing._

_"It's cold." He said quietly._

_I turned back to my truck and grabbed the blanket I still had there from the last time we had star gazed together. I wrapped it around me and went to stand in front of him._

_"Edward, I love you. I really want this, I trust you."_

_"Why, Bella? Why this? Why not a car, an Ipod… anything else you want is yours. I swear."_

_I stood on my toes to reach him better and grabbed his face, the quilt falling to the ground around us._

_"You are the best thing that ever happened to me, you give me so much… just by loving me, I want to give you something back-"_

_"You give me everything just by breathing."_

_I shook my head._

_"I wanna be yours in every way…I know what happened tonight scared you… you won't even touch me or look my way… you don't have to be scared. I want to show you I won't go away… I'm yours forever no matter what. I love you so much" her voice broke "no matter what happened tonight or what happens tomorrow… I'll always be yours."_

* * *

**Dun, dun, duuun! So it WAS Laurent who killed Charlie! Some of you guessed right! I know you have lot's of questions like why didn't Laurent recognized Seth's scent? All will be explained next chapter!**

**Now, Bella and Edward finally had a civilized little talk, what do you think? Who has changed teams? Does Team Edward still think Bella's being a brat? What about Team Bella? You guys still think Edward should lick the ground she walks on?**

**Let me know!**

**I SWEAR "You and Me" chapter 2 will be up before Sunday! That's my goal!**

**PS. I'm in potty training mode with my puppy, I'm using the training pads and news paper tricks but he still pees everywhere... you guys have any suggestions? I can't take him out yet because of what happened to him his shots didn't have effect so he's not protected.**

**See you next week (I promise!)**

**Tammy**


	22. Chapter 22: Breathe Me

**Hello my beautiful readers! **

**I know I'm a couple days late, but Cattinson is on holiday vacation and my other betta Joy1 had a horrible accident, seriously she's worse than Bella with her bad luck. She tried to beta this for you but had to stop midway because she couldn't go on, she feels that bad so please lets all pray for her! I'm reposting when she finishes this in a few days when she feels better! Honey, if you are reading this I hope you feel better soon! You are so awesome and incredible you should write your own stories!**

**This chapter was also pre-readed by Lisopera!**

**WARNING!: There's some graphic violence in this chap, I don't think is that bad but you never know, so if you are sensitive on the subject please skip the first paragraphs on this chapter.**

**2nd WARNING!: I took some creative license in the Vampire World, I hope you don't mind and are open minded enough to accept my little twist regarding Lizzie's abilities ;)**

**Also a few remarks:**

_"When I write like this" _**Edward is hearing someone's thoughts.**

**"When I write like this" Edward is hearing someone's actual voice in the distance or through the house.**

**Enjoy!**

**SM owns everything!**

* * *

Chapter 22: Breathe Me

"Breathe Me" – Sia

Help, I have done it, again

I, have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And, the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend

Hold me wrap me up

Unfold me I am small and needy

Warm me up and breathe me

Ouch, I have lost myself again

Lost, myself and I am nowhere to be found

Yeah. I think that I might break

Lost myself again and, I feel unsafe

The trees were a blur around me as I run like a bat out of hell through the woods. The first drops of rain fell, and I ran faster before I lose the scent. I needed to get closer until I could read his mind so I could follow him even if the sky fell. My muscles burn with every leap, but there was no pain, thankfully nothing could stop me. Venom was flowing freely around my mouth, my nose and tongue picking up all the scents surrounding me, all my senses were sharp as I continued the hunt.

I could hear my siblings way behind me, but I couldn't stop and wait for them. Laurent was mine. I would be the last person he saw in his lame existence.

But first, I needed answers as well.

Soon, I could hear his panicked thoughts… then his feet hitting the ground. I was close, so close. The smell was stronger too.

"_Edward! It was an accident! I swear!"_He yelled desperately in his mind, showing me glimpses of that day. Anything his panicked mind could think of showing me. _"I couldn't control myself! You should be worrying about Victoria instead!"_

Hearing Victoria's name, brought a new sense of dread. I thought about Bella and Lizzie back in the house, but remembered they weren't alone. Emmett, Seth and Alice were here helping me chase Laurent, but Jasper had stayed with a petrified Lizzie trying to calm her down. God, she had seen Seth phase, she must be terrified! Esme and Rose were there and I was sure Carlisle was on his way home by now too. I hoped between all of them could help her to calm dawn until I came back.

I jumped on a tree, using my strength to get some advantage, a minute later I could see him so I leaped once more landing just a few feet behind him. I put all I had left on the chase, overexerting every muscle until and finally reached him.

I grabbed him by his neck pulling him backwards, we both fell and rolled over a few times until I pinned him face down against the ground. He was such a bad fighter, that was his problem. His weakness. That's why he had helped us back in Fork...He knew he didn't stand a chance against the seven of us, and now why he must have helped Victoria too. He was scared so easily, that's why his loyalty wasn't his strongest virtue.

"Tell me the truth!" I screamed down at him "What has Victoria to do with all this!"

He tried to roll us over and escape, so I leaned down sunk my teeth on his shoulder and pulled, ripping his arm off. He let out an agonizing scream but that didn't deter me, if only it spurred me on. I shoved my elbow against his upper back, feeling pleasure when I heard the hard skin crack.

"What happened that night!" I screamed again.

"It was an accident!" He cried "Get off of me I-I wo-ould explain!"

"Alright."

I heard the surprise in his mind that I had given in so easily, but boy he was wrong.

With my right hand and knee still pushing him down, my knee almost drilling a hole through his back, I used my teeth and left hand to tear his left leg apart. His torturing screams echoed through the forest, and I kept pulling until his leg came out. I threw the trembling extremity several feet away along with his arm.

"What the hell are you doing?!" He cried just as Emmett, Alice and Seth reached us. They stood staring at us, not intervening although Seth kept growling, wanting to pounce on him while Emmett and Alice sent threatening glares Laurent's way.

I stood up and took a few steps back, watching him lying there helpless and in pain. I kicked him on the side, flipping him on his back so I could see his face.

"Now talk!"

"Would you put me back together?" He growled, glaring back.

I turned to my right and gave Seth a look.

"Seth? Would you please?"

Seth pounced forward, sinking his teeth on Laurent's other shoulder and used his giant paw against his chest to pull.

"Let's try this again. TALK!" I growled back over Laurent's screams. Once Seth spat his other arm several feet away Laurent's body, he started speaking in a shaking , scared voice.

"S-she asked me for a favor! She asked me if you were still there with the human! Around that time, I had caved in and strayed from Irina and the others so I knew nothing about your whereabouts! So she asked me to-o com-me back to Fo-orks and look for myself."

"What happened next?!"

"I went to your house, your scent was gone so I tracked Bella to see if she was still in forks or if she was gone too. I found her house through her school records, she wasn't there but her father was… as I told you I had caved into my old hunting habits so I couldn't control myself… it was an accident I swear! I hadn't hunted in weeks!"

"You where thirsty when you went looking for her?! WHAT IF IT HAD BEEN HER THERE INSTEAD OF CHARLIE! She was pregnant with Elizabeth!" I hollered fully enraged.

"I'm sorry! I swear it was an accident! Victoria just wanted to know if you were around! I thought she was looking just for you! That's why I went looking for Bella to see if she knew anything, I didn't know she really wanted Bella back then too!"

"Why were you working for her! How could you do this to Irina?!"

"I didn't want to! She said she was looking for you, she wanted this last favor, and I owed it to her and James for abandoning them! I thought she just wanted to fight you, and it was fair. You killed her mate and she would try to avenge him, with your siblings I didn't thought she'd stand a chance. Charlie was just collateral damage."

I thunderous growl escaped me.

"Why didn't you tell me what happened?! Why didn't you tell me her father was dead!"

"Because I thought it wouldn't matter! You left her! Why would you care about her human father! And you were gone god knows where! You weren't even with the Cullens!"

Damn it!

"And last year?! You knew I was going crazy looking for her! You knew I was looking for answers to all the craziness! Why didn't you speak up?!"

"Because I didn't know anything! I didn't know Victoria's plan until it was too late! I run into her when we were in Seattle looking for your mate, she asked me if I had heard anything from you so I told her about Elizabeth" I punched him square in the face, his nose cracked "God! Stop punching me! I didn't know her plan! I swear, until she attacked you and your daughter I put two and two together!"

"And why didn't you come clean then! God Laurent! She could have killed Elizabeth!"

"Because I knew you would kill me! I'm not stupid!"

"_He's not stupid?!"_Emmett thought. "_And they think I'm thick when it comes to women."_

I laughed without humor.

"Why are you really here, Laurent?" I knew it had something to do with Victoria again.

"She wanted information on both girls."

"So you've been spying on us for her all this time?"

His silence was enough.

"Who was the second nomad?! The blonde one Jacob chased away?!"

"I don't know! Victoria didn't tell me anything! I don't know exactly what her plan is. All she asked me to learn about your schedule! I think she wants both girls, that's all I know… an eye for an eye, you killed her mate so he wants yours and your daughter but… I can help you Edward! Now that you know… she trusts me, I'll tell you everything she does!"

I laughed incredulously, he really thought I could trust him after this?

"None of us trust you...least of all Victoria," Alice said in her pixie voice.

"Why were you still working for her?! Why would you betray Irina like that?!" I yelled frustrated with how this would look to Bella. Just another vampire. Just another lie. Just another man betraying her.

"I had no choice! She threatened to tell you the truth about Charlie! And I knew you'd kill me!"

"You were right about that."

I leaped forward, pulling him up by the collar of his shirt and sunk my teeth on his neck, I heard a snap, then the screeching of metal against metal as the heel of my hand pulled his face to the side. With a guttural sound coming from his throat as his screams died, the shivering jet black waves from his long hair fell to the ground, and bounced once before rolling towards the trees.

After burning the pieces, the sky decided it wouldn't fall so the light rain stopped. By the time we were back to the house, my body was still running in adrenaline from the hunt. Jasper, sensing my mood sent calming waves my way, knowing I'd need them soon.

We were all making our way inside when I noticed Seth staying by the edge of the lawn.

"Seth? Aren't you coming in?"

He shook his head and replayed today's scene in his mind, his thoughts focused on Lizzie's petrified face.

I closed my eyes and took a long breath, trying to clear my head from what was left of bloodlust.

With a sigh, I walked back to the big wolf hiding in the trees.

"It'll be Ok, I'll talk to her." I told him softly.

A lone tear escaped his left eye.

"_I almost hurt her. I hurt you."_

"Pff!" I faked a laugh, trying to lighten the moment I didn't want him to feel guilty about anything. "Are you talking about this?" I pointed at my ruined shirt. "That's nothing, I'm alright it wasn't your fault you acted on instinct trying to protect her. Although I _do_ wish you had had more control around her, it wasn't your fault." I told him sincerely.

"_I'm sorry."_He looked down, ashamed.

"Hey, buddy… don't beat yourself up." I patted his shoulder "It'll be alright."

He shook his head to himself.

I thought for a moment, what could I do to make things better? I needed to talk to Bella first though, I'm sure she will have questions and must be dying for answers. God, I'm sure finding out the truth will bring all those awful memories back and rehash old wounds. I could only hope that this time I would be there for her, if she let me.

"**Bella? Are you alright?"** I heard Alice ask as she entered Lizzie's room. She was lying on Lizzie's bed, holding our sleeping daughter.

"**Where's Edward? Is he alright?"**She looked up from Lizzie's sleeping form.

"**Yes, he's downstairs with Seth. He'll be up in a minute."**

"**Daddy?"**Lizzie woke up.

"**Shh… go back to sleep baby. It's alright."**

"**Where's daddy? Did the wolf eat him too?"**She cried and I frowned.

"**She thinks a wolf ate Seth."**Esme explained us from the kitchen where she was making Seth and Lizzie's dinner.

"You know what?" I turned to Seth, "I have and idea… wait here, don't phase back."

"_Are you crazy?! Didn't you just heard what Esme said?"_

"Just, wait here. I'll be back soon."

I left Seth standing where he was with a confused expression, Alice tried to see my plan but of course she couldn't. I reached Lizzie's room and knocked twice before opening the door.

"Daddy!" Lizzie started crying immediately launching herself at me "You Ok?!"

"Shh… it's OK angel, I'm perfectly fine." I said as she clutched her arms around my neck "And you are safe, no one's gonna hurt you, Ok? Laurent's gone."

I looked up and my eyes locked with Bella's, there was something in her expression I couldn't identify… something like relief, yeah… that was it. She must be relieved Laurent's gone.

"What about the wolf? Is he gone too? Wh-at happened to Seth? Nanna says he's Ok? But where is he?!" She started sobbing. "Where's Seth daddy?!"

"Shh, honey calm down I'll explain everything Ok? But you need to stop crying, Seth's alright I just spoke to him he's outside."

"Oh!" She gasped "Can I see him?! Is he Ok?"

"Yes, he's fine but first I need to show you something, do you trust me?"

She nodded, eyes wide.

"Alright, I need you to close your eyes and don't open them until I tell you."

She nodded and did as I told.

I looked up to find Bella staring out of the window, I could see her impassive expression from the reflection from the glass.

"Are you alright?" I asked her, after a moment she nodded still not looking at me.

I stood picking Lizzie up in my arms, I tried to compose my face when the wound in my back stung with the movement as the venom in my system was slowly repairing the gash. No doubt it would leave an ugly scar, like the small ones Jasper had all over his body but bigger.

I turned around looking for Bella again.

"Are you coming?"

"Yeah." She rasped, as if she had been crying. She turned around an motioned me to go first.

We took the stairs quietly and then headed outside through the kitchen door, we stepped outside on the big lawn and we spotted Seth far away across from us. He was worried and wasn't sure what I was doing.

I sat on the ground with my daughter in my lap, Bella stayed behind us sitting on the steps leading to the kitchen door.

"Alright, are your eyes closed tight?"

She nodded.

"Ok." Here goes nothing "Elizabeth, remember when I told you Seth was different?"

She nodded again, her face still buried in my neck.

"Well, as you must know in our world… there are tons of creatures humans don't know about… or they do but they think we are all myths, and for our protection and theirs it's better if it stays that way."

"Why, daddy?"

"Sometimes, we have to lie to protect… people could be scared, and a lot of awful things could happen if the truth came out. For both human and non-human creatures."

"Like what?"

"A lot of people could get hurt… remember when you saw that big wolf in La Push?"

Her body trembled.

"What did you feel?"

"I was scared." She whispered.

"Why?"

"Because it had big teeth and he was growling at us."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No."

"But he scared you." I stated.

"Yes."

"Do you remember when you told me I wasn't a monster?"

She nodded.

"Even though you knew what I did, you said I was good… why?"

"Because you are good daddy, you take care of me and momma and you love us. And you don't kill people like other vampires do."

"And what about Seth?"

"He takes care of us too, and he loves us."

"That's true, Seth loves you a lot and he would never hurt you. You know why?"

She shook her head.

"Because you are her favorite girl in the world."

"Where's Seth daddy?" she cried.

"Ok, when I told you now, you are opening your eyes, but I need you to trust me Ok? Nothing or no one is gonna hurt you."

She nodded.

I waved Seth to come forward, he was reluctant but agreed and slowly jogged towards us.

"Honey, you know what a werewolf is?"

She nodded.

"I watched Harry Potter once with Uncle Emmy, there was one in it."

I chuckled remembering that day. Seth was in the living room also and Emmett had had a lot of fun teasing him about becoming a bald ugly dog like professor Lupin when he got older.

"Ok, but you know how movies aren't always accurate right? I mean they think we have fangs and catch fire on direct sunlight."

We laughed at that idiocy.

"Well, werewolves aren't like that at all. Like us they can be dangerous when we are threatened or something upsets us, but they are also good, and their main job is to protect humans from evil creatures."

"Oh."

"Yes, so now… I want you to open your eyes."

Lizzie did, and as soon as she saw the big wolf in front of us her body stiffened and she clung to me whimpering, Seth looked down a soft cry escaping him.

"Shh, angel I asked you to trust me… I won't let anybody hurt you. Now, do you remember when I told you Seth wasn't human?"

She nodded, Her face hidden in my neck.

"Well, Seth's also part of our world but he plays a different part… he's a werewolf."

I heard Lizzie's soft gasp.

"A werewolf?" She asked, her beautiful face still hidden in my neck.

"Yes, but not like the one in the Harry Potter movies… or any other horror movies he is a good werewolf, and he is that way only to protect you. The special bond you and Seth have is because of both of your natures, he has to be strong to protect you, you see?"

Slowly, she pulled her face away from my neck, and looked up to stare at the giant dog.

"Seth?" She asked in a small voice.

Seth whimpered and Lizzie stiffened, pressing herself closer to me, she didn't know what to make of him. She was scared, her hands shaking but curious too.

"Just think of him as a giant puppy." I offered.

Seth rolled his eyes at me.

"A puppy?"

I smirked.

God! I'm a genius, this is going to be good.

"Yes, and you know what the best part is?"

"What?"

"He can do lots of tricks, and he's potty trained." I heard Bella laugh behind me and I smiled to myself.

"He makes tricks?"

I knew I had an evil smile on my face.

"Yes! Look… Seth, roll over!"

"_You've got to be kidding me."_He was incredulous.

My grin grew larger.

"You know honey, I think Seth's waiting for your command, he's your pet after all."

I heard everyone laugh inside the house. Seth on the other hand was far from amused.

"_You are so paying for this."_

With a huff, Seth rolled over.

Lizzie sat up straighter, her eyes burning with curiosity.

"Good!" I petted him and he grunted. "Now, play dead!" With an expressionless look, he laid on the ground. "Good puppy!" I petted him again and he huffed moving his head away from me.

I knew this was childish but god, I needed a good laugh.

"Now, sit!"

Seth sat back on his hunches, glaring at me.

"Jump!" I snapped my fingers "Down! Good boy!" I caressed the back of his ear.

"_Truce is over. I'm biting your ass off after this."_

By now everyone but Lizzie was in hysterics.

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing out loud, and decided to give him a break.

"See honey? He won't hurt, he's still Seth just in his wolf form… he phases into this just when danger is near only to protect you. Earlier, with Laurent… you and your momma were both in danger so he phased."

"He's always been like this?"

"Yes."

"And he changes back?"

"Yeah, whenever he wants he can change."

…

…

"Why didn't he tell me?"

"Because he knew the truth would scare you and he didn't want you to be scared… like you did when Paul phased."

"Paul's a werewolf?"

"Jacob too, that's why we don't like each other, as I told you werewolves are here to protect humans from evil creatures like me, so we are natural enemies. We don't fight because we don't follow our natural instincts but we are still what we are." I explained carefully, yet truthful.

"So he lied to me?"

"No, more like he didn't tell you, but honey… sometimes we have to hide the truth to protect the ones we love. It doesn't mean we don't love them. It means we care about them so much we are willing to sacrifice ourselves for them, no matter how much it hurts."

"It hurt Seth so much to deny his true nature… keeping control of himself all the time… but you were so scared back then, Seth feared you would be scared of him too so he thought he would wait until you were older to tell you the truth about him."

"Oh…" She stared at the wolf in front of us curiously "Seth, you in there?" She asked softly, leaning forward.

Seth barked a laugh and leaned his face forward, he had a silly face, his tongue hanging on the side. Without a warning he licked Lizzie's face and she giggled.

Lizzie stood from my lap and took a tentative step forward… even sitting Seth was about three heads taller than her. He lowered his head so he could be on her eye level, Lizzie carefully reached her hand out and stroked his forehead.

"Good puppy." She smiled.

Later that evening, while Seth and Alice kept Lizzie occupied in her room upstairs, I retold everything that happened that afternoon, minus the gory details of course. I told Carlisle what I got from Laurent's mind and what he told me before I killed him. How he was the one giving Victoria updates on us. That's how she had find us here so quickly after we left Alaska, how he was the one who accidentally spilled everything on us to Victoria. Victoria had manipulated him, tricking him on giving her information at first until Laurent caught up to her and she threatened him to keep giving her information.

Seth also had explained earlier during dinner why Laurent didn't recognize his scent when he arrived today.

When Jacob had brought Bella back home the day Charlie died, -which was the same day Bella attempted jumping off a cliff- because of the heavy rain he had had a glimpse of Laurent's scent alerting him of a Vampire being in the area. Jacob phased alerting the rest of the pack, since Jacob couldn't leave Bella alone he didn't go after him. Seth was the closest one so he chased him. Rain makes every scent fade and mix with others so with Laurent being in the lead he couldn't pick up any particular scent, therefore he couldn't pick up Seth's scent from others scents but with Seth going behind him right on his toes he did caught a good whiff before he jumped into the ocean.

"So it was him all this time?" Carlisle asked, his face somber. I know what he was thinking, he was thinking about Irina and the Denalis. He dreaded giving them the news about Laurent's death.

"Yes, it was him all this time." I answered back, eyeing Bella. She had that impassive look again, as if she was detaching herself from everything, she didn't flinch or anything when I spoke Laurent's words about him killing Charlie by accident while looking for her, or when I said that Victoria was after her and our daughter. Nothing, instead she kept staring at nothing outside the window, seeing the rain falling hard against the ground in the dark night.

It worried, me this couldn't be normal. I channeled my inner psychologist going through different diagnosis but couldn't think of anything else but shock.

"_She's torn."_Jasper thought, feeling my worry _"She doesn't know how to feel."_

I subtly nodded.

When Jasper was done telling his side of the story, what he had sensed from Laurent, everyone dispersed through the house preparing for the night. Alice and Seth came downstairs announcing that Lizzie had fallen asleep in her bed while watching Shrek.

"I don't want to wake her." Bella said in that monotone of hers. "She must be exhausted from everything that went on today."

"So you are both staying?" I asked hopefully.

She tore he eyes away from the window to look at me.

"No, I'll be back in the morning to pick her up."

"Bella, it's raining cats and dogs outside." I told her "There's plenty of room for you here."

"Thank you, but I want to go… home, I guess." She looked out the window again "I'm sure someone can lend me an umbrella."

"_Don't push her Edward, she's about to crack."_Jasper warned, and I saw what he meant in her eyes. She was holding so many emotions, she was about to crumble. _"She wants to be alone."_

"Alright, I'll take you in Emmett's jeep."

Emmett threw me his keys while Esme lend Bella her raincoat. Just when I was about to open the door to the garage Alice stepped in front of me blocking my way with a blue Henley shirt.

"Sorry, it's been bothering me all day." She gestured at my ruined shirt that I still had on "Couldn't wait any longer." She smiled sheepishly and I grinned weakly at her. "I put an extra change on Emmett's jeep." She added, which I frowned. Why would she do that? She winked but didn't say anything else.

I took off my shirt, wincing in the process and grabbed the one Alice was offering. But before I could pull the new one on I heard a small gasp behind me. Through the reflection of the mirror beside me I spotted Bella staring intently at my back with a horrid expression.

Carlisle came forward, blocking my view of her.

"Does it hurt?" He asked, inspecting the wound in my back. It was still raw, there wasn't blood of course but you could still see the tissues ripped apart.

"Not really, just stings when I move."

"It's the venom working… it'll close in its own in a few days."

"I know." I turned around to face the crowd that had gathered around me.

"Try not to move much," Jasper grimaced, thinking about his own scars. "it'll heal better but it'll still leave a scar."

"I'm so sorry Edward." Seth mumbled.

"It's nothing," I shrugged on the new shirt. "At least we know you can throw a good punch." I winked before looking back at Bella, she was staring at me wide eyed. "Are you ready?"

She blushed before mumbling a yes.

Jasper smirked, but before I could ask he covered his thoughts with some 70's infomercial tune. I ignored him and led Bella through the kitchen and into the garage, helped her into the passenger's seat and then took my place behind the wheel.

The drive to the cottage took less than three minutes. She didn't say anything and I noticed her returning to her comatose state. I tried to engage her in conversation but it was as if she had been deaf. When we reached the cottage I turned off the jeep and rounded the vehicle until I reached Bella's side and opened the door for her. I helped her down, setting her on the floor, she took a step forward but her foot slipped on the mud. I caught her before she could fall and picked her in my arms instead taking her to the door, she didn't even protested which worried me more.

I opened the door, stepped inside and tried to turn on the lights but they didn't come on.

"Shit." I cursed under my breath.

I looked down at Bella, she was staring off into the darkness, her head reclined on my shoulder but I noticed her body was shaking and her lips were blue. We were both dripping wet even with our raincoats.

"Jesus, Bella sweetie you are freezing." I sat her on the couch and kneeled in front of her "Bella?" I touched her face that seemed to bring her back, her eyes focusing again.

"What?" She asked.

"The power's out I'll fix the generator in the morning when the rain stops, meanwhile I'll start a fire, Ok? It'll keep you warm through the night."

She nodded, her eyes glistening a little and she bit her lip.

"Thank you." Her lips trembled, with my right hand I brushed a few wet strands of hair away from her face.

"Love, you are drenched." I said softly, touching her forehead "Go and change your clothes, before you get sick. I'll prepare you something hot to drink. It'll make you feel better." I kissed her forehead.

With a final nod and a soft 'thank you' she stood up and went to her and Lizzie's room.

I started the chimney in the living room first, then put a pot on the stove and filled it with water. While I waited for the water to boil, I went out to Emmett's jeep and retrieved the bag with extra clothes Alice had prepared for me.

I changed my clothes on the only bathroom here and when I came out I poured Bella a cup of hot water adding a bag of chamomile tea and honey in it. I remembered she liked it that way. She had still to come out of her room though, I waited a couple more minutes but when I heard nothing I got instantly worried so I knocked on her door.

"Bella?" I asked aloud "Bella, angel are you alright?"

When she didn't say anything, I opened the door.

She was sitting on her bed, wearing only a clean pair of white panties and bra. Staring at her reflection in the mirror before her. She was so beautiful, even in the darkness I could see every line and every curve of her body, she took my breath away every time I looked at her. Thankfully, she had gained weight since she came here, she still was a few pounds away from her normal weight but she was getting there. And still she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Bella?" I called when I noticed she was shaking and her breathing short.

…

…

Nothing.

Tentatively I took a step forward.

"Love, can you-"

I stopped short when she brought her hands up to cover her face, her whole body started convulsing, but it wasn't from the cold or because she was sick. Then, I heard a loud wail followed by long sobs as she started crying her heart out.

I was beside her in a heartbeat, covering her body with the thick robe that was lying on her rocking chair. I gathered her in my arms and took her back to the living room sitting us on the couch in front of the fire with her on my lap. She forcefully clutched her tiny hands on my shirt more huge sobs broke through her chest shaking her entire body. She curled into a ball on my lap and I held her tighter, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

"I do-on't wanna cry-y… I'm sick of crying!"

"Let it all out." I whispered hoarsely.

"I don't want to! I-I ha-ave to-o be str-ong… Lizzie!"

"Crying doesn't make you weaker love, it makes you human."

"I m-iss my-y da-d! I miss h-im… so-o much!"

"I know… I'm so sorry…" I rocked us back and forth "I'm here, I love you." I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead on top of her head.

"I didn't m-ake him breakfast tha-at mo-orning… I-I didn't even cooked for him for a whole month! I'm so sorry!" She sobbed to the heavens, her left hand a tiny fist over her heart and her voice painfully broken.

"It wasn't your fault." I kissed her temple.

God, give me strength!

"He was there for me, not him! Da-addy! I'm so so-orry!"

"It wasn't your fault Bella… and I'm sure Charlie would have preferred it this way. He loved you so much. Neither you or Elizabeth would be here, then."

"But I miss him! I want my dad back!"

She cried for a whole solid hour, mourning after her father while I hold her tight, whispering what I hoped where comforting words against her ear. It broke me to see her like this, it truly haunted me, knowing it was my fault. If I hadn't left, I would have protected both of them. Laurent wouldn't have gone looking for her and he would have found me instead.

"I'm so tired Edward…" She whispered after a while, her body exhausted from all the crying.

"Shh… sleep, I'll be here for you. Always."

"No, you don't… I'm tired of… I can't… do this anymore." She started crying again. "I can't…" She squeaked and her grip on my shirt tightened, I grabbed the throw from the side of the couch, wrapping us with the thick blanket like a cocoon.

I didn't know what she was talking about, but I didn't question her either. She was obviously upset and I didn't want to upset her more by being too noisy, she hated when I was overbearing. Instead, I did what I had longed to do for so long and by some miracle had my wish granted.

I held her close to my heart, promising to never let go.

The storm decided it wouldn't wash us away, around six it slowed down until it was just a light soothing rain. Bella had long fallen asleep, and I had refilled the fire with dry wood so it would last a few more hours. It was going to be a cold day, I could tell. I couldn't hear any animals mingling around.

Bella shifted in my arms, snuggling against my chest and I started stroking her arm with the tip of my fingers, easily ignoring the raging burn in my throat. I had laid us both on the couch so she wouldn't have a sore neck later today.

I looked down, and as I had done through all night, stared at her beautiful face. Engraving every line, every angle, every freckle of her face in my mind. She was so beautiful.

With the tip of my finger, I traced the bridge of her nose, then her eyebrows and finished at the apple of her cheek, repeating the circuit several times. Her skin had always fascinated me, so soft and smooth.

She had been quiet all night, no sleep talking which meant she must had been exhausted and I was Ok with that. I knew when our bubble burst, and she woke up I'd be kicked out of here and yelled at for taking advantage of her vulnerability. I had gotten more than what I deserved by holding her so close through the whole night. But I didn't care what happened later, I couldn't leave her alone… not anymore, I was going to be there for her in some way or another, always.

Half an hour later, Bella stirred in my arms and I held my breath, preparing for what was to come.

Her eyes fluttered open, at first they were unfocused, she looked around until they settled on me. I was expecting her wrath, like last time she has caught me in her room but instead she had a confused look.

"Ed…" she cleared her sore voice "Edward?" She asked hoarsely.

"Yes?" I breathed.

…

…

"What are you doing here?" She whispered, as if afraid to break the silence.

I shrugged.

"You were upset, I didn't want to leave you alone."

"Oh."

She looked around, a soft blush decorated her face when it finally downed on her the position we were in. Awkwardly, she pulled away and I reluctantly let her go. I reached for the back of the couch to pull myself up, a loud involuntarily hiss escaped me.

"God." I gritted my teeth, throwing myself back against the couch.

"What is it?" Bella asked alarmed, sitting up immediately.

"My back… it's healing so it hurts."

"Why?"

"The venom, it hurts when it's healing the damaged part."

…

…

"What do you feel?"

"Like a burn… much like when we change, although not as painful." I shivered closing my eyes, remembering that night that happened almost a century ago as if it had been yesterday.

"Uhm…" Bella hesitated and I opened my eyes curiously "Can I try something?"

"I don't think there's much you can do… it's not like you can sew it close or anything," I chuckled without humor, closing my eyes again "but thanks… once Emmett ripped off my arm by accident… it's not as bad as that, it'll pass in a few days."

I heard her move away and walk into her room, then the ruckus of drawers being open and closed. Two minutes later she was back, now wearing a pair of sweats and a Mariners' sweatshirt. She also had a dropper in her left hand.

"Take your shirt off."

"What?" I was sure I squeaked.

She huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Take your shirt off and lay facedown."

"Bella… I don't th-"

"Dear god, for _once_would you _please_give me the benefit of the doubt?" She snapped.

I gritted my teeth together.

"Ok, I'm sorry." I said feeling like a total piece of shit. No matter what, I kept pushing her away and simultaneously making her feel like crap.

I sat on the couch ignoring the pain and took off my shirt, then laid face down as she requested. She kneeled by my side, and I heard her twist the dropper open.

I felt three drops land on my back, just over the gash. It was cold, colder than I thought… then, it got colder numbing the area. It was… strange. I felt Bella's fingers as she spread the liquid. As the seconds ticked by, it got impossibly colder, to the point where it was bothering me slightly, and that was saying something considering I was a living ice statue.

"What is that?" I asked incredulous.

"Elizabeth's tears."

I was… shocked and… yeah, shocked and out of words.

"When Elizabeth was born, she bit me… I had so many wounds, and lost so much blood I should have died there. Sue let me hold her before I closed my eyes… she sunk her teeth… here." She pointed to her chest "just above my breast… her venom is not poisonous, at least not strong enough to change me but, it enough to heal a human… although now that I see it actually working on you, better than your own venom… it makes me wonder… maybe it's more than that."

"What do you think?" I asked totally awed.

"She's half human, half vampire… Seth's a wolf, but he's half human too… he can heal himself within seconds too, maybe it's something to do with hybrids… they are half mortals, but not completely, they need something to help them survive."

That was an interesting theory, I needed to talk to Carlisle about it… Eleazar too, he lived with the Volturi for a while he must have heard about something like this.

"Why do you keep it in a dropper?"

"You know me, I'm prone to accidents." She chuckled humorlessly, adding more drops to my back, but her eyes told another story. When she saw me staring at her skeptically, she sighed giving in.

"It helped with the pain, uhm… the chemo and the illness in itself is very painful, it worked better than marihuana." She looked away, concentrating on massaging my cracked skin no doubt thinking I was judging her.

I reached back and held her hand.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

She gave me a tightlipped smile that didn't reach her eyes and patted my back.

"You are done. Good as new."

I stood up and twist to look at my reflection in the window. I was truly amazed, the scar was barely visible even for my vampire eyes.

"Wow, Carlisle will have a field day when he hears about this."

"I know." She chuckled "I should have mentioned it sooner… I don't know, I thought it was regular venom but less poisonous than yours, I thought that was why I didn't change and I assumed you knew. But… if it worked better than your own then it must be something else."

"You are right," I said putting on my shirt again "I'll take some samples, maybe we can come up with something… by the way, how did you get her tears?"

She chuckled at some memory.

"Jacob and Seth would tickle her till she cried."

I chuckled with her.

"Of course."

…

…

"I'm sorry I underestimated you." I apologized. "Thank you."

She nodded and turned away to put the dropper away in the kitchen cabinet. Then she proceed to open cupboards and pulling things out.

"About last night, I'm sorry you had to see that. I don't know what came over me... You should had just left," she said as she prepared herself some scrambled eggs.

"Bella, you can't keep pushing people away. We genuinely worry about you. You shouldn't go through all this on your own... I stayed because I wanted to help you. You have no idea how much it hurt me to see you like that."

"I've been worse and I've survived."

"Yes, but you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your own. I want to be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on, if you don't want to ever be involved with me I understand but let me be your friend."

"I can't trust you Edward."

"Why?"

"Because you've hurt me so much!" She turned around "And you keep doing it! You insist and insist and you push and keep pushing and you have no idea how much that hurts!"

"I don't wanna hurt you," I shook my head "if you give me a chance, I swear I'll never hurt you again. I can't promise you there won't be pain because honestly, we are both so broken inside but I want to heal you Bella, as your friend, as your lover or boyfriend whatever you'll give me I'll take it. But I can't stand seeing you like this anymore."

"How can I trust you won't hurt me again?" She cried, a couple of tears escaping her eyes.

…

…

I held her eyes, her pain was evident and I wish I could take it all away.

"Would you _please_give me the benefit of the doubt?" I threw her own words back.

…

…

"And what if I do?" She breathed. "What happens next?"

I stood from the chair I was sitting and strode towards her until I was standing only a few inches away. Our bodies so close I could feel the warmth radiating from her body. Her heart beat was beating furiously and I took that as a good sign. With my thumb I whipped one of her tears away, then I kissed the corned of her left eye were another one was beginning to fall.

"I'll care for you, I'll cherish you everyday, I'll be devoted to you and our daughter, I'll make sure you never need anything… but above all, I'll love you… and I'll make you sure you know it every single day for the rest of my existence."

More tears fell down her cheeks and I used sleeve to dry them.

"I'll make sure you always smile, I can't promise you only rainbows and sunlight because I'm far from perfect, but I'll make sure to wipe every tear I put on your beautiful eyes, I'll do my best at making you happy."

She fisted my shirt, and rested her forehead on my chest slowly shaking her head.

"I can't Edward…"

"Please love, give me a chance… I want to make things right. I keep pushing and pushing and I keep making stupid mistakes because I'm desperate without you. Let me fix things between us, let me fix you."

She looked up, her eyes were conflicted, torn. A mix between hope, doubt and denial.

"Angel, let me show you…"I stared at her lips "can I try something?"

She gave me a small nod.

I knew if I still had a heart, it would be hammering now, threatening to come out of my chest. I rested my forehead on hers, closed my eyes and took a long breath taking her in. My throat caught in sweet flames, the monster in me begging to come out but I silenced him. I cupped her face with my right hand and tilted her face upwards.

Suddenly, out of nowhere… a loud thunder shook the cottage, rocks and pieces of wood went flying everywhere while simultaneously something rock hard hit my side, sending me flying through the window and landing in the middle of the front yard.

I was instantly on my feet, my eyes searching for Bella while at the same time searching the source of the attack. And that's when I met the enraged eyes of the vampire before me.

_-SLA-_

_We walked into our meadow with the bright moon and stars above us. The woods were quiet, fireflies appearing and disappearing around us. It was peaceful, a scene out of a fairytale._

_Edward held my hand, he hadn't let go of me for a second the whole ride here. It was as if he was making sure I wouldn't disappear. The worried look on his face was still present but I had every intention to change it soon._

_We stopped when we reached the middle, it brought back one of my favorite memories of us. When he had bared his soul to me right here so many months ago. When I has watched him under the sun for the very first time. He was so beautiful._

_I turned to face him and reached his face with both hands, standing on my toes to touch his forehead with mine._

"_I love you." I told him and he immediately wrapped his arms around me._

"_I'm scared Bella."_

"_Don't be, I trust you… please give us a chance."_

"_I promised you we'll do this… but, if I hurt you must tell me immediately."_

"_I promise."_

_With that, he cupped my face and tilted my face upwards… capturing my lips in a deep passionate kiss._

* * *

**Ok, ok! I know I'm horrible with ****cliffies! But hey! I at least gave you a sweet BxE moment! See? We are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! I know Team Bella must be disappointed and Team Edward must be either ecstatic she finally got her head out of her ass, or angry because he's giving her a chance, but hey, I can't please everyone, so we'll let the characters talk and take their own course ;)**

**See you next week!**

**Saludos!**

**Tammy**


	23. Chapter 23: Mixtape

**Hi! I know you guys hate for beeing so slow with updates lately but I'm on vacation and after the rough end of semester I had I needed it, anyway it wasn't entirely my fault... One of my betas Joy1 (who is amazing) who I mentioned before, she had an accident a few weeks ago, but as I told she is worse than Bella with her luck and something else happened to her so she was bit slow proof reading this. I hope you get well soon honey! Seriously, go to a cleansing or something lol!**

**Anyway, two days ago I was having a really bad day... I'm just so stressed with work right now but when I opened my email to se if Joy1 had responded with the betaed chap, I had the most amazing surprise waiting for me! "Sweet Little Angel" was nominated for an AWARD! YES! I'm soo happy! It's nominated for "Most Promising WIP" for the Energize award! You have no idea how happy that makes me so I wanna thank Viola1701e for nominating me and loving my story! THANK YOU THANK YOU!**

**Voting starts from July 13th to July 20th I think, anyway if you think I deserve the award here's the link! **

** http*:*/energizewipawards*.*blogspot*.*mx/2011/09/ nominees*.*html**

**Just remove the "*"**

**Thanks again to my prereaders Lisopera and Joy1, this chapter was also betaed by Joy1 and will be betaed by Cattinson as soon as she is done with the few other chapters she missed while on vacation.**

**ENJOY!**

**SM owns the world!**

* * *

Chapter 23: Mixtape

"**Mixtape" - Butch Walker**

You say, "Hello," inside I'm screamin' I love you

You say, "Goodnight," in my mind, I'm sleepin' next to you

You drive away from my car crash of a heart

And I don't know

But you gave me the best mix tape I have

And even all the bad songs ain't so bad

I just wish there was so much more than that

About me and you

…

Oh, don't turn around and say bye again

Yeah it crushes my head when you call me

Your friend and I'm not the same person

From back in the day in the back of the class

That you thought was gay

No, I can't find the words 'cause I lost them

The minute they fell out of my mouth

And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips

And just let me kiss 'em

And let's get messed up and listen to probably

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I yelled enraged before shoving her aside. "Bella?!" I screamed panicked.

"Tell me it is a lie!" Irina cried launching herself at me but I evaded her running towards the debris that surrounded the cottage looking for my angel.

"Bella are you alright?!" I yelled through Irina's screams.

"Where's Laurent?!" She insisted, but I ignored her again moving huge pieces of rock and wood that used to be part of the rooftop and walls of the cottage.

"Bella?!" I screamed desperately, I could hear her heartbeat but why wasn't she answering?! "Bella?!" I tried again.

"I'm alright!" I heard her cough, "I'm stuck though." She coughed again because of all the dust, just then I heard my siblings' frantic thoughts as they run towards us. Obviously having heard the ruckus.

"What happened?!" Carlisle asked, Emmett, Alice and Rose materializing at the edge of the clearing too.

"WHERE'S LAURENT?!" Irina screeched again, this time striking without thinking. She threw herself at me, both of us falling to the ground while I blocked all her punches. It took everything within me not to strike back. Not two seconds later Carlisle and Emmett were pulling her away from me and I instantly went after Bella again.

"Carlisle! Let me go!"

"Bella?! Are you hurt?" I asked moving stuff around and everybody quickly sprung into action helping me while Irina kept screaming at me and trying to free herself.

Finally I could see Bella's panicked face through the debris, with Emmett, Alice and Rose's help we started moving everything around until we reached her. I could smell blood, and now it was my turn to panic, thinking she had been hurt badly. She was laying on the ground pressed against the couch, huge broken lodges hovered over her but thanks to the back of the couch they hadn't fallen on her, only trapped her in a tight cage.

Seconds later, Emmett removed the final lodge and I knelt by Bella. Her sweats were tattered where her knees were scrapped and she had a small cut above her eyebrow.

"Did you hit your head?" I asked her worriedly.

"No, why?"

"You are bleeding…"

"Oh," she touched her forehead, wincing when she felt the red liquid. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"You are apologizing for bleeding?" I chuckled to myself, only Bella would do that. I took off my shirt and used it to stop the bleeding in her forehead, a blush covered her cheeks and I got curious.

"What's the matter?" I asked intrigued.

Bella seemed to be covering but said with a shrug, "Got into the habit after my eighteenth birthday...at least that's what Jacob tells me."

I kept pressure on her forehead and admired her face murmuring, "Well, we will add that to my list of sins... Somewhere between letting the birthday party happen to make Alice happy..."

"HEY!" Alice yelled.

I continued, "...and destroying us over my own arrogant belief I could control the world by will alone."

Bella gazed at me in silence with an open look. I hoped that something about this non-argument acknowledgement of my errors would sink in as reality and not what she believed to be one of my ridiculous lies for Lizzie's sake. As she continued to stare at me, for one moment I was transported back to a time when Bella trusted my words. And then the moment shattered.

"WHERE'S LAURENT!" Irina screeched.

She threw her head back, cracking Carlisle's nose and tried to launch herself at me, but Rose grabbed her before she could take one step and then Emmett pinned her against the ground.

"LET ME GO!" She cried as I helped Bella to her feet and positioned myself between her and the crazy Vampire before me. "WHERE'S MY HUSBAND?!"

"THAT PIECE OF TRASH IS DEAD!" I screamed back enraged.

"No! You are lying!"

"I'm sorry," was all I could say before she started crying her eyes out.

"I think we should go back to the house," Carlisle spoke. "Irina please calm down… We have to talk. There's something you need to know."

Between Rose and Emmett, they managed to drag her back to the house. I turn to Bella once more making sure she was alright.

"I'm fine."

"You sure?" Alice asked in a tiny voice. She looked into the future and saw Bella stumbling, but didn't say anything - not wanting to upset Bella again by being too overbearing and letting her find out on her own.

"Yeah, let's go… Irina's not stable right now and I don't want her alone with Lizzie like that."

Crap, Lizzie.

With a new urgency I put my hand on Bella's back guiding us back to the house but as Alice predicted, she stumbled letting out a hiss.

"God, I think I sprained my ankle when I fell."

"Here, let me help you," I offered.

Before Bella could protest, I swoop her up in my arms and Alice and I took off. Five seconds later we were walking into the kitchen through the back door and continued our way to the living room where everybody was.

As soon as Lizzie saw us she sprinted our way with a worried and scared face.

"Momma? Are you Ok?" she asked with her sweet voice.

Bella smiled warmly at her while I sat her on the couch. She still had my shirt pressed against her forehead. Even though the bleeding had stopped, I noticed Jasper had stopped breathing. His mind filled with the awful memories from Bella's 18th birthday. I sent him a thankful look for trying.

"I'm Ok baby," Bella wrapped her arms around Lizzie who sat on her lap. "Just a small cut."

I heard Irina start another rant in Carlisle's study, I gathered from their thoughts he had told her everything already so no matter how much I wanted to stare at my girls and make sure they were alright, I had to put a final stop to this.

"I'll be right back." I kissed their foreheads and stood up from where I was kneeling. "Esme," I called my mother "can you watch them, please?"

"Of course sweetie." Esme came and sat next to Bella an Lizzie on the couch."

Jasper and Alice followed me while Esme and Seth stayed back with Bella and Lizzie. We walked into the room, Emmett was there too, he and Alice had been witnesses when Laurent spilled the beans so they knew I would need them here. Jasper was here to act as a piece maker of sorts with his special gift and Carlisle to be the voice of reason. As for Rose I wasn't sure what her intentions were but she was here as well.

"He wanted to be one of us!" Irina was arguing.

"He killed Bella's father!" I interjected as I entered the room.

"I don't believe that!" She came to stand in front of me.

"Seth recognized his scent." I tried to refrain my fury.

"He's a damn wolf! You believed a stupid mongrel over Laurent?! He was family!"

"Irina, he confessed plotting against us with Victoria." Carlisle tried to reason patiently with her. "Laurent is the reason Victoria found Edward with Lizzie."

"You are lying! You are covering for him!" Irina pointed to the door where we could see Seth in the living room. He had his eyes closed trying to control his anger so he wouldn't phase inside the house.

"Irina, he wouldn't be able to lie to me!" I pointed to my forehead.

"You can still lie with your mind!"

Emmett decided to be witty, "Are you saying that Seth lied with his mind that Laurent was involved or Laurent lied with his mind that Laurent was involved?"

Irena glared at him, "The mutt...Idiot."

"Laurent confessed! Alice and Emmett were there too!" I said in exasperation.

"You are all lying!" Irina said irrationally repeating in her mind Laurent telling her he loved her. "I get you are overprotective Edward but Laurent wouldn't do that to me! He loved me! He wanted to be one of us!" she cried.

I glared at her, "He was a threat to Bella and Elizabeth. I had no other choice. I'm sorry."

"I'm going to fucking kill that stupid mutt!" Irina took a step in his direction but Jasper and I blocked her path.

"His name is _Seth_," I hissed, "and you are not touching him. He has been nothing but loyal since he arrived here. He almost died protecting Lizzie when Victoria attacked us...which, by the way, was because your oh so _precious _Laurent gave away our location!"

"I can't believe you'd put that stupid dog over one of us! He's lying Edward! Can't you see?! That's not true and you know it! That mutt is playing with all of you!"

"Laurent came here only to gather more information for Victoria! I read his mind! Seth had nothing to do with it!" I defended him.

Irina looked over my shoulder, sending a lethal glare in Seth's direction. Seth glared back but remained quiet but I could tell he was dying to have his say too.

"What? Nothing to say Irina?" I turned her attention back to me. "I just told you, I read Laurent's mind. He confessed in front of others to killing Bella's dad and to helping Victoria...He didn't even listen to you when you told him not to come." I tried to lead her back to the reality of her husband's crimes...but the grief was too strong.

"I can't believe you'd do this to me Edward, you of all people…" Irina cried angry tears. "You of all people know what it means to lose your mate!" She screeched, "We helped you look for her!" She pointed at Bella who stared at our encounter with wide eyes, "Laurent helped you! We all helped you and you betrayed us! We were there for you remember? When you lost her? We helped you through your darkest night and this is how you pay us?!"

Now she was pissing me off, bringing Bella into the argument, "He didn't love you Irina! Otherwise he wouldn't have betrayed us! If we were really his family he wouldn't have agreed to let Victoria come after us! He would have warned us! He was weak, that was the only reason he stayed with you! You were part of a strong coven...He knew he wasn't your mate."

She swung her arm but I blocked the punch, I would never hit a woman… well except for a certain redhead but god how I wished to punch some sense in her thick skull. Jasper grabbed her, locking her in a death grip, and tried to calm her with his gift.

"Enough!" Carlisle shouted over our screaming, "Irina we understand you are in pain, but Seth is as much member of our family as any other of my sons… we trust him. Edward had to do what he had to do and we stand by him, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I know this is a lot to take in and you are hurt so we won't take any of your attacks on our character, the questioning of our familial bonds with your coven or the destruction of our property at heart." With steely coldness he quietly said, "The last one is a little harder than the rest since my human daughter, who we thought had died once already was inside that cottage you destroyed at the time and was injured in the process... as well as the fact my granddaughter could have been in there too!"

Irina looked at him in disbelief then around herself, assessing the scene. We all surrounded her not letting her get any closer to Seth. She was confused and at disadvantage.

She turned to glare at me, "You are going to regret this." And with that, she jumped out of the window and lost herself in the woods.

"Watch her." I told Alice, to which she nodded solemnly.

Irina was unstable right now, and she could do something really stupid.

I turned around and flew back into the living room, Seth was at the farthest side of the room, not trusting himself to be around Lizzie right now. Lizzie was on Bella's lap hiding her face on Bella's neck. Obviously she had heard everything and must be scared.

I kneeled in front of them and touched my daughter's hair.

"Hey little angel, are you alright?" I kissed her head.

"Is Irina gone?" She asked in a small voice.

"Yes princess, she's not going to hurt you. You are too cute." I winked trying to make her laugh.

"Is she going to hurt Seth?"

I shook my head.

"Don't worry about him, he is a tough guy." I joked, looking up at Seth.

"The hell I am." He answered with a fake smile, but stayed where he was.

"What about you daddy? She was mean to you."

I took her from Bella's lap and hugged her to me kissing the side of her head.

"Don't worry about me beautiful girl."

"But she said-"

"Elizabeth," I pulled back, searching her eyes "No one is going to keep me away from you, Ok? Irina was just mad which made her say a lot of nonsense… I'll always be here to protect you." I kissed her nose.

"Promise?"

"I swear… you are stuck with me." I winked at her to which she giggled. "Now, I hear nana Esme at the kitchen, why don't you go help her with lunch while I check on your momma?" I looked up at Bella who had tears in her eyes at our little chat. This day must be taking a toll on her.

Lizzie nodded and danced with Alice –who threw me a new shirt to put on- in direction of the kitchen, Seth following after them. Jasper sat on the other couch turning the TV on and Emmett joined him.

"How are you?" I looked up at Bella, since I was still kneeling on the floor.

"I'm ok, I could use some Advil though." She rubbed her temples with her fingers.

"That's not what I'm asking." I said softly, staring intently into her worn out eyes. I had seen her breakdown last night. I didn't want her to go through that again… at least not in front of our daughter. I knew that would upset her to no end later.

"I'm fine… I, I don't feel like talking about it right now." She looked down.

"Ok," I agreed, assessing her forehead and then her scraped knees. "Let's take care of that… May I?" I motioned to carry her -since she couldn't walk because of her ankle. She nodded awkwardly.

I swoop her up in my arms and carried her to Carlisle study where he had his medical kit. I sat her on his desk and then opened the bottom drawer where he had it.

I stole a glance at her scrapped knees.

"Do you have Lizzie's tears with you by any chance?"

She shook her head.

"I left them at the cottage, but I don't think the dropper survived the collision anyway." She shrugged "they are just scrapes." She said as if they were nothing.

I kneeled before her and opened the bottle of alcohol.

"You don't have to do this… no need to make yourself uncomfortable." She said as I started cleaning her forehead with a clean cotton ball and alcohol.

I stared at the dark liquid that had dried on her forehead, and then at her big worried eyes.

"It doesn't bother me anymore," I said truthfully and resumed my task.

"What?" she said skeptically.

I shrugged as I poured alcohol on a new cotton ball.

"It's easier to ignore it… uhm, this might hurt just a little." I swabbed the cotton ball over the cut and she flinched.

"Since when?" she insisted and my gaze locked on hers.

"Since I spent a whole year thinking you were dead," I whispered.

A great silence fell upon us. I sat on the chair before her and ripped her sweats in half; transforming them into long shorts so I could clean her knees as well.

"What do you mean?" her voice trembled and I stalled, not wanting to reopen old wounds. "I thought we were being honest…" She insisted when I remained silent.

"It's not easy to talk about it Bella… besides, you don't believe any word I say any more."

…

…

…

"Try me," she breathed and I felt my chest fill with hope. I looked into her eyes again, wondering if she was being serious, but I could only see curiosity in them. No skepticism or doubt.

I swallowed before concentrating back on her knees and shins.

"I lived through an entire year thinking that you were dead, Bella. That changed the way I look at a lot of things."

"Did it change the way I smell to you?"

"Not at all. But… having experienced the way it feels to think I've lost you… my reactions have changed. My entire being shies away from any course that could inspire that kind of pain again... As a human, the smell of you bleeding means you are still here, Bella."

She was at a loss of words so I decided to change the mood.

"I guess you could call it a very educational experience." I tried to joke but I only got a tight lipped response. We stayed quiet after that. It was when I was done putting the gauzes over her knees when she spoke again.

"Edward… I'm scared," her voice broke at the end.

"Bella," I took her hand, "I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I'm sorry I was distracted today but-"

"No, that's not what I meant… I'm not scared for me. I'm scared for Elizabeth… what Laurent said… I can't lose her Edward," Her eyes filled with tears, "She's all I have."

I put on a Band-Aid in her forehead over her cut, then rested my elbows on my knees and stared at her eyes.

"I'm not going to let anybody hurt her."

"You are not invincible!" Bella said steadily. "Victoria had Laurent working for her. What if she has more vampires working for her?"

"Alice says she's alo-"

"I don't care what Alice says… she couldn't see Laurent either. Besides, even if she is in fact alone, it took nearly 10 seconds for your brothers to show up today when Irina destroyed the cottage… If you are not near enough, it'd only take Victoria a second or two to-to… you know." She couldn't end that sentence.

I looked down, frustrated with myself… I was so arrogant thinking I could do it all and she was right. Even if I never left their sides, even at night –which she still doesn't know about- we didn't know for sure if Victoria had anymore friends who would be willing to help her. She could distract me so easily and it would only took her a second to strike.

"You're right… what do you suggest then?"

She squared her shoulders, as if taking a very important decision.

"I want Lizzie to live here at the big house, with you and your family. She'd has her own room here anyway and she'd be safer."

I nodded, excited at having my daughter living with me again but it didn't escape me that she only mentioned Lizzie.

"What about you?"

"Well, the ideal thing would be the cottage but that's destroyed for now. Esme said she'll work on it and should be ready in two weeks if it doesn't rain. So meanwhile I can stay at a motel in Sundre?"

I immediately shook my head.

"Bella, Sundre is at least 15 minutes away if we run… Victoria is after you too; don't forget that."

"Exactly, if Victoria comes after me that should give you enough time to run away with Lizzie."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say."

"No it's not." She tried to argue as always but I interrupted her.

"Yes it is, first of all I can take care of you both, especially with my brothers' help. Second of all, I'm not running away from Victoria. She's paying for everything she has caused and I'll kill her even if is the last thing I do to make you safe again. All this is my fault, I should have dealt with her since the beginning."

"I don't want you to fight Victoria."

I was taken aback. "Why not?"

She looked out of the window, it was raining again after a minute she looked back at me. "Elizabeth needs you more than me."

I brushed my thumb over her knuckles; I was amazed she hadn't pulled her hand away yet.

"That's bullshit," I said honestly, remembering my daughter's pain when we thought Bella had died. "You are her mother. There are huge parts in her life I'd never be able to fill."

"But you'd be able to keep her safe better than me."

"This conversation is pointless." I didn't want to think of a world where she wouldn't exist again "I can keep you both safe."

"How?"

"Just move in here with us, at least until we catch Victoria. I'm sure she would be coming soon again looking for Laurent."

"I can't Edward."

"Why not?"

"I'm not comfortable here… I… I want my privacy."

"You'll have it; you can take my room. It's the last at the third floor, Lizzie is next door and you'll have the whole floor for yourselves."

"I can't take your room!" she said incredulous. "It's your room."

"Bella, I'm barely there… I don't need it. I don't even sleep. I can take the guest room next to Rose and Emmett's if I need some space." God, that will be pure torture at nights.

"I don't know Edward…"

"Ok, I have an idea… just hear me out." I added when she was about to protest again. "It will take about two weeks for Esme to rebuilt the cottage, right?" She nodded, "How about you move in, take my room, we try to work it out see how you feel about it… then by the end of the two weeks if you are still not comfortable enough you move back into the cottage."

"I don't know… I don't want to be a problem. Having the human around will change a lot of things around here. I don't want Alice and Jasper having to leave home again. This is his haven. He shouldn't be tempted in his safe haven."

"I understand you are worried about the others, but I assure you Alice would be ecstatic as well as Emmett. Jasper feels awful about your birthday so I know this would make him start to forgive himself. Carlisle and Esme would be so happy. Its what they wanted from the start... While you were sick, all any of us wanted was for you to live with us."

She still seemed unconvinced and I heard Esme and Carlisle approach us having heard our talk. Two seconds later they appeared and stood by the threshold on Carlisle's office.

"Bella," Carlisle started in a contrite voice. "I know we let you down… not only Edward but all of us," his voice was full of emotion. "Please give us a chance to win your trust back."

She still seemed reluctant and wouldn't meet his eyes so Esme took a step forward sitting next to her and putting an arm around her.

"Sweetie," Esme started, her eyes red with unshed tears, "We are willing to do anything for you to forgive us. We know we have to earn it. Having you here… it'll mean the world to us. You are as much part of this family as any other...even if we didn't show you properly before. Let us try to show you now... We miss you." She kissed her temple.

There was a loud bang upstairs from a door closing which made Bella jump, my eyes hardened when I heard it was Rosalie.

"What was that?"

"The wind," I lied, I don't think she believed me but thankfully she let it go.

"So… what do you say?"

She contemplated our words, and I held my breath along with every other vampire at the house with the exception of a stupid blonde as we waited for her answer. A loud squeal was heard a minute later when Bella took a breath to speak again.

"Two weeks," she said, "if it doesn't work I move out." Bella fixed Carlisle and Esme with equally hard stares, "No guilt trips!" They nodded. "No coercions, Pixy," Bella yelled at Alice which was met with a pathetic 'Fine'. And then her eyes landed on me, "Or pity parties." I nodded. "And no using Lizzie against me... not one of you or I will never trust any of you again." Bella stated with steely nerve to the house of vampires.

"Deal." I smiled at her. "You are not going to regret this."

Esme was beaming, her smile so bright it put the sun to shame. "Ok, Alice is already preparing your room, I'm going to make yours and Lizzie's lunch before I go help her. Thank you so much sweetie for giving us this opportunity." She kissed her head and then disappeared out of the room.

I tested Bella's swollen ankle and noticed the bruise starting to form. I put my cold hands over it for a few minutes to help with the swelling.

"I'll help you back into the living room. Carlisle will look at it while I get your things from the cottage." I set her foot down.

"Thank you. Uhm can I ask you for one more favor?"

"Anything."

"I need to take my pills… they must be somewhere in all the debris. I'd go and get them but…" She motioned to her foot.

"Alice has a supply here… I'll go and get them before I go, Ok?"

"Thank you."

I carried her back to the living room and sat her on the single couch. Esme was already waiting for her with a tray with food. Once I made sure she was comfortable I went to retrieve her medicines from Alice's room. When I reentered the living room I handed Bella the little orange bottles. Carlisle was already there sitting on a stool probing her foot.

"It's just a sprain… nothing serious, you won't need a cast although it would be best if you use crutches for a few days so it heals faster. Also the most you stay still the better for your foot... No weight bearing if possible."

Lizzie jumped from her place next to Emmett who was watching the news with Jasper and motioned me to carry here.

"Daddy am I going to school tomorrow?"

I sighed. There were so many things up in the air right now. I didn't know when was the last time Laurent talked to Victoria and Irina could attempt something stupid and pull a _Victoria_ on us now. That was something I had just contemplated, I killed her mate… I needed to talk to Tanya, maybe she could knock some sense in her.

"I don't know angel… I need to check on a few things first."

"But I'm sooooo bored." She pouted.

Of course she would be restless, she has been inside the house for two days… since we learned Laurent was coming. She must be in need of some distraction.

"Tell you what… I'll go for you and momma's things and then I'll take you for an ice cream into town. Does that sound good?" I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

"With sprinkles?" Her eyes brightened.

"And syrup."

"Yes!" she threw her arms in the air and kissed my cheek.

"Ok, I'll be right back."

Later that day Emmett, Seth and I took Elizabeth into town while Bella made herself at home without me being in her way. After getting Lizzie an ice cream, we walked to a park near the shop where other kids were spending the day with their parents.

At first I had thought odd of Emmett offering to come with us instead of Jasper or Alice but it didn't take long for me to crack his mind. He wanted to talk about Rosalie but didn't know how to approach the subject.

I gave him time to gather his thoughts, but honestly no matter what he said Rosalie won't come close to Lizzie especially now that Bella was moving in. I only had two weeks to change her mind and convince her to stay permanently, and if I dared to hope… to change her mind about me and I didn't want that stupid Barbie to ruin that with her obsession with my daughter and her dislike for Bella.

"I know you know what I'm thinking…" Emmett started suddenly "and before you say no, please let me have my say."

"I already know what you are going to say, and the answer is still the same."

"Why not?"

"I don't trust Rosalie with Elizabeth."

"She's more than capable of taking care of her. She loves her."

"She's obsessed with having a child...not loving mine." Emmett geared up to fight me, so I eased up. "I know Rosalie is sorry about what happened with Seth and all the other things but I'm so close at having a real chance Emmett, I don't want to ruin that."

"How will Rosalie do that?"

I gave him an incredulous look.

"Emmett, you saw how possessive Rosalie was of Lizzie when Tanya visited. You saw her fight Seth –_Lizzie's imprint_- over her even when she made it clear she preferred Seth."

"She won't do that anymore, I promise."

I shook my head.

"What assures me she won't do the same with Bella? Push her aside and make her feel less because she's human? Bella is Elizabeth's mother, she has every say on her."

"What Rosalie wants is not different from Esme and Alice, she just wants to be part of her life."

I shook my head again.

"First of all I am not stopping Elizabeth from approaching Rosalie. She doesn't want Rosalie. She doesn't like Rosalie. Second of all, Esme & Alice respect Bella as Lizzie's mother and as a person. Esme knows when to step back. When Bella's firm about something she respects that, Alice respects that too… they are not possessive. They are lovable and fun. They give in into Lizzie's whims when they are acceptable. I know Rosalie, she is tenacious… she knows what she wants and getting to baby Lizzie once in awhile won't be enough. I'm sorry Emmett but unless Lizzie seeks Rosalie out, I don't want her near my daughter. Please understand that."

"Edward, I get you are a worrier but this is too much…"

"Has Rosalie even attempted to talk to Bella since she arrived here?" I asked him shutting him up. He slowly shook his head. "If Rosalie really just wanted what's best for my daughter she would have approached Bella already, making her feel at home so Elizabeth could be more at ease seeing her mom happy... but no, she has been cold and harsh, banging doors and sending glares everywhere. I won't force Lizzie into spending time with her, and unless Rosalie wins Bella over, she won't ever win Lizzie over either."

Emmett looked down, a sad look on his face.

"Look Emmett, I get you hate to see Rosalie in pain… but as much as you want to make her happy I want to make my own family happy too. I want to protect them… I have no problem having Rosalie in Lizzie's life, but I won't force her either… if Rosalie really wants to be part of her life she needs to change her attitude and start with Bella. Elizabeth is amazingly protective of her mother; she won't let Rose in unless Bella approves."

We went quiet after that, Emmett kept thinking about how to best to tell Rosalie about this. I left him to his own thoughts and decided to call Tanya, see if she had heard anything about Irina. She answered within the first ring.

"_Irina?"_

"Sorry, it's me."

I heard her sigh.

"I take it you haven't talked to her? "

"_Not since this morning… she called after she left your house."_

"So you know what happened?"

…

…

"_Yeah, I know what happened."_ She said in a monotone voice. _"Carlisle just called too."_

"Tanya, I wish I was sorry but I can't."

"_God Edward, you really had to go that far? You had to kill him?"_

I glared at the ground.

"Yes Tanya I had to… he killed Bella's father."

"_You don't know that."_ She spat defending Laurent.

"Yes I do, Seth recognized his scent and he was wearing the same hoodie as that day… besides he confessed."

She was silent for a moment.

"_I don't know what to think Edward, I want to believe you... I do… but Irina is my sister and I have to stand by her."_

"And what does that imply?"

"_She wants to avenge Laurent…. She says she understands you, she is trying to… she says she would have done the same thing if someone she loved was at risk but…"_

"But what?" I spat.

"_She blames the dog… she wants Seth."_

"Forget about that, no one is touching him."

"_Edward he is just a wolf. Just let Irina have her little revenge and everything will be fine with time."_

I stared at Seth and Lizzie playing in the swings, oblivious to my phone call.

"He is not just a wolf! He is Elizabeth's imprint. It would kill her if something happened to him… and he is a great friend… I owe him a lot."

"_Can't you get her Chihuahua or something?"_

I immediately saw red.

"Seth is not a dog! He is my brother just as Emmett and Jasper so don't talk about him like that… and tell Irina if she wants to come after him that she'll have to kill me first... And by the way Tanya," I said snidely, "It wasn't just Seth….the truth is Bella realized Laurent was there to pump her for information. She realized he had no reason to be there at all if he didn't want something from her...and she recognized that he was wearing the same damn hoodie he wore the day he killed her father. She asked Seth to come out to prove her theory becau_s_e he knew the killer's scent, and Bella wanted that proof. Laurent was with Irina only for convenience, you have a large coven… he is weak that's why he had stayed with James too… please open you eyes!_"_

"Edward, calm down. Just put yourself in my shoes! Irina is my sister, I can't go against her."

"As their leader you should help her see the light too, if she comes after Seth… I'll do my best not to kill her but I won't just sit down either." I hissed into the phone before turning it off.

I closed my eyes, taking calming breaths.

"Want to go home?" Emmett asked tentatively.

I nodded. "Yes, please." I needed to see my angel.

The ride back home was quiet, Lizzie had fallen asleep in her car seat and we didn't want to wake her, but once we got home she was awake once again.

"Where's momma, daddy?" She asked as I helped her out of her seat.

"She's with Auntie Ally in the living room."

They were talking about getting new curtains for my room among other things - Well, Alice was… she thought that now that Bella would be staying there she needed to redecorate it according to Bella's tastes. Bella was arguing the room was fine and it was only a waste of money, but Alice kept saying my room was too broody it needed a bit of light.

"Alice, why don't you ask Edward? It's his room." I heard her say patiently from the couch she was sitting. Alice was on the floor with a bunch of magazines and fabrics.

"Edward would tell me to pick up whatever I want, and what I want is for the room to be what _you _want. Now, which shade of blue do you prefer?"

"You don't need to paint the walls, I like the way they are."

"But they are so white," Alice made a face, "That room needs a bit of light."

Bella chuckled, "White is the absolute reflection of light, Alice. Surely a fashion icon as yourself knows that?" I could practically feel Alice's glee.

I opened the front door and Lizzie immediately went for the living room in search of her mother with me on her heel. But before she could enter the living room I stopped her.

"Here, give this to momma." I gave Lizzie a small bouquet of pink lilies I got from a flower stand in the park. Lizzie nodded with a wide smile and turned to the room.

Bella looked up and smile as soon as she saw our daughter.

"You had a good time with daddy?" Bella kissed her cheeks.

"Yes! We brought you these!"

"Oh, thank you baby they are beautiful," Bella smiled tenderly at her. I loved how her eyes shined every time Lizzie smiled or did something as simple as giving her flowers.

"What are you doing?" I asked sitting down by Alice on the floor.

"I want Bella's opinion on her new room that used to be yours, but she won't help me," Alice pouted and I chuckled.

"I just don't get why you have to change Edward's room for just a few weeks."

I masked my face before she could see the disappointment in my face at her statement and focused on the news Jasper was watching.

"_Kamloops is in a state of terror… whoever this band or serial killers are have moved north leaving the states and now is causing disappearances in south British Columbia… it's official… these "bone crushers" as people call them are now in Canada, authorities are considering on issuing a curfew to all citizens until further notice. 15 disappearances have been reported to which only 3 bodies have been found in almost unrecognizable shape…"_

From the corner of my eye I caught Lizzie staring intently at the TV.

"Jasper, would you mind?" I gave him a look, telling him to change the channel. He is obsessed with these newborns, I don't know how many times I have told him to be careful around Lizzie.

It's obvious we are dealing with newborns here, but they are not our responsibility. Although now I'm getting worried. As Jasper said only a large number of newborns could be doing so much destruction and I worry they come too close to home for two different reasons.

One, they could hurt Bella if they run into her scent and two… the Volturi must be looking for them and if Aro decides to come too and pay Carlisle a visit as friends… he would find out about Lizzie and her uniqueness and about Bella being a human who knows entirely too much about us.

They could kill us all.

And I know I'm not the only one who has figured this out… Carlisle is seriously thinking about moving us again. The thing is we would have to go to an entirely new place. We haven't been away for enough time in any of the other residences we have for us to return without acquiring some attention. Because of Bella and Lizzie we can't go to any of the houses we have in remote places; there has to be a town nearby. Then there's another issue… while this may be our lives, Jacob would have a real strong case to have Seth, Bella and Lizzie just move back to the reservation. Victoria never found them there, Laurent never got the chance to tell her, and the newborns were moving further away.

Then there's Jasper, he knows if one of these newborns finds out our scents, -granted we are still pretty far away but you never know- it will attract them here, curious about us and that would lead into a fight. Newborns are unstable, they feel threatened by anything and with a human and a hybrid added to the equation it would only end in a bloodbath. He thinks there must be around 15 or 18 newborns lose… no more than twenty. We are outnumbered but Jasper think we could still put up a fight if it comes to that.

I know Alice has been trying to track them, but it's all blurry… as I said they are unstable, they act on instinct so it's hard to know where they will go next. And what confuses the most is… where's their creator? Did they kill him? Or as Jasper said, he created an army to claim his territory?

Anyway, no one has said anything out loud, no one has voiced their concerns, it's like the big elephant in the room. We have a silent agreement not to say anything so not to scare Bella and Lizzie, but I know we have to do something… and soon.

"I like that color mommy." Lizzie said happily, pointing to green square on Alice's pallet.

"Of course you'd like that." Bella laughed and I couldn't help myself but stare at her smile. It was so rare nowadays. She caught me staring, our eyes locked for a second before I looked away.

"Just pick a color Bella, or I'll go with Lizzie's choice." Alice said losing her patience at which Bella laughed again making Alice laugh in return "You are enjoying playing with the visions in my head aren't you?" Alice sneered playfully.

"It's payback baby," Bella chuckled. "I can be just as annoying as you. I'm a mommy. It's in the manual for teen years," she winked as we heard Emmett booming laugh from his room.

"Isabella Marie Swan, if you don't pick a color now you'll be sleeping in a snotty colored room for the next two weeks." Alice said firmly.

"Alright, alright… let me see that damn pallet again."

Alice handed her the color book and Bella stared at it and I stared at her intently, watching her bit her lip as she flipped the pages, she sensed my stare and looked up at me then back at the book before closing it.

"Gold." She said with a finality tone.

"Gold?" Alice asked.

"Yeah," Bella nodded, "gold, amber… butterscotch… warm earthy colors."

"Alright," Alice beamed at her "Gold it is!"

_-SLA-_

_He lowered us down and laid us over the blanket, his lips felt amazing on my skin. He was so soft and tender with me… it was almost ironic he had thought he could harm me in anyway. His breathe, his scent was like a drug… it messed with my brain and left me barely functioning but I wanted more. My hands traveled down his chest, my fingers were trembling but I willed them to calm enough to unbutton the first buttons of his shirt exposing his marveled chest._

_He was so beautiful, I couldn't understand how someone as amazing as him would want to be with someone like me. Most times, when he held my hand while we walked down the aisle on school I'd think I was dreaming, I'd have to fight the urge to pinch myself._

_I pressed his body against mine, and I gasped at the new sensations my body was experiencing… so new, so wonderful, he made me feel things in places I didn't even know they existed. His hands traveled under my blouse and I swear I heard a ripping noise but now I couldn't care less._

_He was staring at me, my breasts were exposed and the look of adoration in his face as he eyed my naked flesh was almost my undoing. I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled his lips against mine again. I needed more, I needed him and that's what I kept telling him… I needed him closer, I couldn't have him close enough._

* * *

**Wow, too many confessions on this chapter don't you think? Lol! Most of you guessed it was Irina, others thought it was Victoria.**

**Now, what's Irina up to? Is she up to anything? What about Victoria? Where is she? Damn, does newborns are getting pretty close don't you think? **

**Just a reminder, the ****cullers live in Alberta, Canada near a small town called Sundre.**

**Also, some of you seemed confused by the part in**_ italics _**at the end... I thought it was obvious. That's Bella's point of view from the night before Edward left her after her birthday party fiasco.**

**See you in... I don't know I won't put a date anymore since I can't keep up and I only end getting "hate mail" for my tardiness but I promise soon! Very soon!**

**Saludos!**

**Tammy**


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